Character actor extraordinaire Danny Trejo is back (for about the 30th time this year) in the Mexploitation movie Machete. A lot of his movie roles have reflected his life with drugs, boxing, and prison. He might have the largest character résumé in Hollywood today.
Rising stars Teresa Palmer and Joel Edgerton are returning to Australia for some reason. The actors have signed on for the Australian film Say Nothing. They star as a young couple who keep their traps shut after their friend goes missing during a group vacation to South East Asia. It took some time, but I'm glad they finally got around to making a less-talky version of Say Anything. If the silent boombox scene doesn't melt your heart, you're black inside. (Moviehole)
Earlier this year, when the producers of Final Destination 5 supposedly changed the film's title to 5nal Destination, the Internet was quick to rebuke the decision. After all, how could anyone pick such a stupid title (unless, of course, they were looking for a week's worth of free publicity provided by easily outraged Internet dorks like myself).
But time heals all wounds, and the producers have gone a long way toward reconciling with the Internet crowd thanks to the addition of David Koechner to the cast.
Best known for his comedic roles, Koechner was featured in Anchorman, "The Office," and is currently involved with Adult Swim's hilarious live-action comedy, "Children's Hospital." He has also provided comic relief in a previous horror film, Snakes on a Plane. That being said, he better be channeling the ghost of Richard Pryor if he's going to save this film from the Grim Reaper. (Bloody Disgusting via Empire Online)
Jonathan Liebesman will direct Clash of the Titans II, Coming Soon is reporting. Liebesman, who also directed the upcoming Battle: Los Angeles, will most likely be joined by Sam Worthington and Gemma Arterton, who both starred in the first installment. Unlike the first film, which was retrofitted, the sequel will be shot entirely in 3D. Also, unlike the first film, Clash of the Titans II will supposedly have a plot mapped out before shooting begins.
(Spoiler Alert) Hopefully this sequel will avoid some of the pitfalls of its predecessor. For example, one of the worst scenes from Clash of the Titans was the ending, when Zeus randomly resurrected a character who had died earlier in the film. Resurrection? Talk about an unbelievable cop out? No wonder no one worships Zeus anymore.
Sure, the grammar is incorrect, but the fail is spot on.
Here are your form-fitting links.
Critic Vs. Critic: Is The Internet Good Or Bad For Movie Criticism? (Moviefone)
Porn Judge's Case Not Looking So Hot (Asylum)
30 Greatest On-Stage Falls Of All Time (Ranker)
25 Cosplay Girls From Fan Expo 2010 (HolyTaco)
'The Pacific' Sells 3D Battle Of Midway Pitch (FilmDrunk)
Clooney-Off: Jack VS. Jack Foley (Maxim)
Girl Busts Her Ass Sliding Down A Rail (BarStoolSports)
7 Ways To Make The Red Carpet More Interesting (EgoTV)
So Damn Sure Of Ourselves, Aren't We? (Pajiba)
What Do These Two Ladies Have In Common (Unreality)
Now This Is A Goal Line Stand! (TotalProSports)
23 Clever Ways To Wear Duct Tape (Smosh)
Best Boobs On TV: Christina Hendricks Vs. Sofia Vergara (BroBible)
Vanessa Hudgens Claims TO Pwn Noobs (CelebJihad)
'Never Back Down 2' In The Works? (CagePotato)
'True Blood' Cast Dumps HBO For 'Mad Men' Bash (PopEater)
Deep Fried Beer And Frozen Beer (MadeMan)
The guys who produced the whimsical, yet tragic, Total Recall: The Musical are back with two new productions that'll have you cheering in your box seats. Robocop: The Musical and Terminator 2: The Opera are probably my favorite renditions thus far by Jon and Al. They've managed to keep both of the videos under four minutes, so they don't overstay their welcome. If they could stage a live production these guys would take Broadway by storm. (ToplessRobot)
Check out the musicals after the jump…
David Slade would be wise not to decorate his home office with Wolverine action figures just yet. Though it was believed that the helmer of Hard Candy and assorted vampire movies was a shoe-in for the Wolverine Goes To Japan directing gig, a new contendor has emerged. Granted, he's a highly-unlikely candidate, but Darren Aronofsky's hat has somehow been thrown into the ring. Whether he threw that hat himself, or some neighbor kid bully threw it in the ring just to be a jerk remains to be seen.
Given Aronofsky's body of work, I'm going to go ahead and rule him out. The X-Men films have been twisted into goofy, popcorn wannabe-action films, and Wolverine is no exception. Though if anyone could lend some gravity to the material, it's Aronofsky. Look what he did for Marlon Wayans. (Deadline)
Now that Jeremy Renner has been cast to distract from the fact that box office poison Tom Cruise is appearing in Mission: Impossible 4, it's time to figure out which skinny actress will be running around and firing Uzi's that somehow don't shatter her wrist. And the contenders are Hostel 2's Lauren German, Streetfighter's Kristin Kreuk, and Alan Thicke's daughter-in-law Paula Patton.
The three actresses are all testing for the role of a female operative in the Brad Bird-helmed sequel. Nothing more is known about the character beyond that description, but let's assume she will wear a leather bodysuit. All the best spies do. (Deadline)
These photos that a Collider reader snagged from Steven Spielberg's War Horse set will calm your Monday morning nerves. I've been casually flipping through them with Enya on in the background and the outside world has melted away.
We haven't told you much about the film since its lead protagonist is an equine and SJ caters to people, but basically a horse named Joey is sold to the army during WWI and it wants to get back to the farm boy owner it left behind. It's a love story between a man and a beast, but not a Tijuana strip club sort of way.
Grab some Earl Grey and check out the pics after the jump…
Who would ever think that being discovered at a Bar Mitzvah would lead to a solid career as an indie actress? Well look no further than Kelli Garner, the pixie blonde girl of Larry Clark's Bully, Lars and the Real Girl, and the low-budget southwest gem Dreamland. This week she goes a little more mainstream, reuniting with her Dreamland co-star Justin Long with the cross-country romance, Going The Distance.
A word from Kelli: "I'm mostly cast as the Lolita type, either a blonde bombshell Lolita, or the girl-with-black-hair-who-smokes-weed Lolita. Either way, I'm inevitably the sexpot."
Best typecasting ever.
More pics of Kelli after the jump…
Now imagine this in color. And 3D.
Much like Godzilla, "The Pacific" producer Bruce C. McKenna is drawing upon his love of killing Japanese people again for his next project. McKenna has sold a pitch to Warner Bros. to develop The Battle Of Midway into a big-budget 3D war epic. Reported to have a budget somewhere in the $200 million range, expect this recount of the historic air and sea battle to be a big one.
There's no word on casting or director as of yet, but we'll let you know when Clint Eastwood casts Channing Tatum as a maverick fighter pilot who is constantly at odds with by-the-book squad leader Jon Hamm. (Deadline)
They'll get on that ass-kicking right after bath time.
Bradley Cooper and Ryan Reynolds are teaming up to make the mean streets of San Francisco just a little safer for San Franciscans. The two actors who share a fondness for going shirtless are attached to star in an untitled original action-comedy written by Sheldon Turner (Up in the Air). THR has the rundown:
The story follows two friends, who are also San Francisco cops, whose fathers were once partners on the police force. The older generation is forced out of retirement to help their sons crack a case, with typically antagonistic results.
The actioner is meant to have an updated “Lethal Weapon” flavor that plays into edgier R-rated territory.
The pairing of Cooper and Reynolds I'm sure will be a lot of fun, but now I wanna know who's gonna play the daddies. The studio has the opportunity to put together a sweet actioner with two charismatic leads and two gruff middle-aged men as their fathers. It's too bad neither Cooper nor Reynolds is black or I would suggest Danny Glover. As both dads. He'd be getting seriously too old for this fighting crime with my twin sh*t.
ScreenJunkies caught up with Stanley Tucci at the press junket for Easy A. When not answering questions about the works of Nathaniel Hawthorne or how good Emma Stone smells, the Tooch talked a bit about his role as Dr. Erskine in Marvel's Captain America.
Yeah, I don't look like that character as drawn originally. The character as drawn originally is a very big, sort of square-headed, square-shouldered guy with a big white moustache and a huge thing of hair. I don't look like that. We chose to, I have a scruffy beard that we grayed even more than mine is gray, and like white hair here [above the ears], sort of longish and then glasses and a German accent.
In other words, something like this:
If you listen closely, you can hear Christopher Lloyd firing his agent off in the distance.
Twentieth Century Fox is putting together a cast for their latest version of the Fantastic Four, and Bruce Willis is reportedly at the top of their list to play the Thing. But Screen Rant is reporting that Kiefer Sutherland is also in contention for the role.
Since the character will be completely CGI, whoever is cast will be utilized primarily for voice over work. However, the actor will also make an appearance early on in the film as Ben Grimm, the Thing's identity before he was transformed into a rock monster.
Personally, I'm torn between the two actors. Both are more than qualified to play a pile of rocks. However, I give the slight edge to Kiefer since he's spent a good portion of his life "stoned."
Sorry. It's been a rough weekend.
Hey, everybody! James Cameron has something important to say about the dangers of using 3D technology in an inappropriate manner, so listen up!
I tend almost never to throw other films under the bus, but (Piranha 3D) is exactly an example of what we should not be doing in 3-D. Because it just cheapens the medium and reminds you of the bad 3-D horror films from the 70s and 80s, like Friday the 13th 3-D. When movies got to the bottom of the barrel of their creativity and at the last gasp of their financial lifespan, they did a 3-D version to get the last few drops of blood out of the turnip.
First of all, comparing Piranha 3D to Friday the 13th Part III is like comparing Kim Kardashian to the cast of "The View." Both are incredibly stupid, but one is still fun to watch if you're in the mood (for porn). Piranha 3D knew what it was supposed to be, and it hit the mark. Critics agree, and its Rotten Tomatoes ranking rivals that of Avatar (not that the two movies should be compared). Why should a film that is meant to be nothing more than a fun, summer gore-fest be excluded from using 3D technology? Not every 3D film needs to be a smug, ham-fisted retread of Dances with Wolves.
Second, if you want to talk about squeezing blood from a turnip, how about Avatar Special Edition, which is charging fans roughly $15 dollars to see a movie that was still in theaters less than a year ago. Oh, let's not forget the eight minutes of extra footage, which comes out to about $2 per new minute. At the end of the day, if people want to pay $15 to see Avatar again, good for Cameron. But if those same people want to pay to see fish dismembering topless girls, who is he to judge? (Vanity Fair via Movie Line)
Back in February we reported that Justin Theroux was spending some time at Fashion Week in Paris doing research for his gig writing and directing the Zoolander sequel. It appears he's had his fill of brie-stuffed croissants and scantily clad models, and is back in The States collaborating with Ben Stiller. At least, that's what Stiller said via his Twitter account.
The question is, can you really trust the lead actor and executive producer on the film? And the answer to that question is yes. So for now, Zoolander 2 is moving along swimmingly with Jonah Hill still being eyed for the villain. No word yet if Owen Wilson will reprise his roll as Hansel, but Stiller has gone on record saying that the sequel couldn't be made without him. I assume that is due to Wilson being such an integral part of the Zoolander world, not because he has a penchant for spitefully burning down film sets. (/Film)
They turned to the healing power of laughter.
Here are your weekend links.
13 Reasons Dolph Lundgren Is A Modern Renaissance Man (Moviefone)
Judge Resigns After At-Work Porn Stash Discovered (Asylum)
10 Most Violent Juggalo Attacks Ever (Ranker)
7 PC Alternatives To 'Beat Whitey Night' (HolyTaco)
Godard Is Missing (FilmDrunk)
We're On A Boat! (Maxim)
A Girl Pukes In Zero Gravity (BarStoolSports)
20 Things You Should Think You Know About: Tom Cruise (EgoTV)
20 Terrifically Terrible A-List Celebrity Movie Deaths (Pajiba)
The Laid Back Fellowship Of The Ring (Unreality)
Incredible Pass Leads To Great Soccer Goal (TotalProSports)
20 Epic Cardboard Robot Costumes (Smosh)
Top 10 Butts Shots On The Lovely Panties Tumblr Blog (BroBible)
Olivia Wilde Wears Ill-Fitting Bikini (CelebJihad)
James Toney Isn't A Fan Of A Lot Fighters (CagePotato)
Frankie Muniz Is Jealous Of Bryan Cranston (PopEater)
Spreadable Cocktail Hour (MadeMan)
The Best Of The Batch In A Very Lackluster Summer (Moviehopping)
Neil Marshall has signed on to direct Underground, a horror thriller writen by David Cohen. The film will take place in "the world of gourmet underground supper clubs."
That doesn't sound very scary. I've been to more than a few supper clubs in Wisconsin, and the only thing I found frightening was the brownswager (a.k.a. liverwurst) and a few of the more obese patrons. There has to be more to this story…and there is!
According to producers, "the protagonist is an ambitious young chef who ventures into the terrifying underbelly of extreme cuisine."
Holy crap, what are they cooking that's so extreme! Now I'm scared! Sort of. Actually, to be honest, I kind of have a taste for brownswager. But I'll settle for this soylent green imitation brownswager, instead. I wonder what it's made of. (Deadline)
Quoth the Raven, "Herpity derp!"
John Cusack has announced via his Twitter that he will be playing all around bad boy Edgar Allan Poe in James McTeigue's thriller The Raven. The movie won't be about a guy in a room who keeps hearing strange knocking (Cusack already did that in 1408), but instead "a serial killer thriller in which the famed horror author would have to solve clues of a string of murders based on his stories."
Considering Poe wasn't a stranger to smoking a boat-load of opium for inspiration, I wonder if they'll incorporate that character trait into the film. Nothing would give me more pleasure than watching John Cusack stumbling around 1850s Baltimore stoned out of his gourd on barbiturates. It would be like a really old school episode of "The Wire." (ComingSoon)
In my life, I've been lucky enough to see some pretty amazing things. In grade school, I watched a kid break a calculator apart and eat it, piece by piece, in exchange for about three dollars worth of change. In high school, I saw Weird Al Yankovic perform twice. And in college, I finally saw a boob. But all of that pales in comparison to what you're about to witness.
This new extended clip (courtesy of IGN) proves that Machete is the greatest achievement in cinema history, if not human history. Not only does it contain the now famous "intestine scene" from previous trailers, but it also features hot nurses, someone getting shot in the head, and, to top it all off, an anal sex joke. Keep in mind, the clip is less than four minutes long. Just imagine what goes on in the rest of the film. All hail Machete! (Dread Central)
Watch the greatest achievement in cinema history after the jump…
Don't just stand there, you guys! Do something!
Stephen Dorff is all set to carjack Maria Bello. No silly, the actor isn't turning to desperate measures, he's got an honest-to-goodness job. Carjacked revolves around “a single mother and her child who are carjacked by a thief who has no intention of letting them go.” Ron Perlman and Saffron Burrows were once set to play the jacker and jackee, but execs had a hard time believing anyone would stay in a car with Ron Perlman all night, even against their will. The man's a great actor, but me oh my, what a face.
Take the car, take the kid, whatever you want! Just stop breathing on me! (Collider)
Noted screenwriter and producer Alex Kurtzman is set to make his directorial debut with Welcome to People. The film is being produced by a man who, despite his influence in the industry, is not well known outside of Hollywood: director Steven Spielberg. Kurtzman first worked for Spielberg on his production of Transformers. While he has gone on to produce various TV shows, including "Fringe" and CBS's upcoming remake of "Hawaii Five-0," the director's chair has alluded him until now.
Welcome to People tells the story of a man whose estranged father dies, leaving instructions for his son to deliver $150,000 to a sister he never knew existed. The man wants to keep the money for himself, but can't help but investigate his long-lost sibling.
When my dad passed away, he left me $150 and stipulated that I should deliver it personally to my estranged second cousin while she was working at The Box Office, a gentlemen's club in the next town over. Well, he didn't really stimpulate it so much as he implied it by not specifically saying that I shouldn't. I miss you, dad. (Collider)
The image of the ultimate bad-ass chick pops up every time the name Michelle Rodriguez is mentioned. Either when she's stealing cars in Fast & Furious, shooting zombies in Resident Evil, playing an Apache air pilot in Avatar, or getting arrested for punching someone's lights out, she is part legend, part actress and all tough babe. With Machete opening next Friday, M. Rod gets to send another kapow! to the kisser as the mysterious revolutionary fighter known as SHE.
A word from Michelle: "My favorite part of my body is my brain. I think no matter what my body looks like I won't be satisfied unless I know how to use it."
Sounds like an answer for a job interview. Congratulations! You're hired!
More pics of Michelle after the jump…
Screenwriters Stephen J. Rivele and Chris Wilkinson have been hired to write the Tupac Shakur biopic, and they promise that their approach "is not in any way biopic-y." The original draft written by Steven Bagatourian was gonna get all up in 2Pac's bidness by laying out facts documentary style. But Wilkinson says that approach was skeet and their script will center on the last day of Tupac's life, using flashbacks to show the final four years of thugness leading up to it. Don't quote him on that exact wording. I added some flava. Rivele spit this flow for Vulture:
"This is the story of an artist whose character is at odds with his medium," explains Rivele, "He was a really sensitive, very romantic, talented young poet who also could sing, dance, and act. But the realities [of the hip-hop record business] were that he had to create this persona of the gangster."
Sounds like me in high school. Turns out starring as the lead in South Pacific doesn't command the respect you'd think it would. But wrap a bandana around your head and shoot the janitor, suddenly everyone's afraid of you. Antoine Fuqua is set to direct the Tupac biopic, and is currently searching for an unknown actor to play the late-rapper. I suggest he consider casting Tupac himself since we all know he's alive and well living out the rest of his days in suburbia tending to his tomato garden.
Patrick Fabian is a face you’ve seen on TV many times before but never took the time to find out who he is on imdb. This week, the long time…
This comes from a gossip site, so take it for what it's worth, but Brad Pitt is supposedly in talks to star in a film adaptation of the groundbreaking videogame, Red Dead Redemption.
Published by Rockstar Games, the same company behind the Grand Theft Auto franchise, RDR tells the story of John Marston, a former outlaw who can't escape his past during the final days of the Old West. Supposedly, Pitt has been given the right of first refusal for the Marston role.
Hopefully this rumor turns out to be true. Hollywood is already putting money behind crap like Battleship, so why not develop a film around Red Dead. The game has a solid plot and more interesting characters than half the films I've seen this year, so the heavy lifting is done. And if it works out, maybe someone will finally make a movie based on my favorite videogame of all time, Avoid the Noid. (Cinemablend)
Did you like the Karate Kid remake? Did you like Kung Fu Panda? Then you're going to love the Karate Kid sequel. Why? Because you're obviously ten-years old and you'll like anything they put in front of you. I'll tell you who "they" are when you're older.
But you'll also like the Karate Kid sequel because the screenwriters for Kung Fu Panda, Cyrus Voris and Ethan Reiff, have been hired to write the script. Of course, by the time the film comes out in 2013, you'll have already hit puberty, which means maybe you'll have grown out of children's movies. But if you're anything like me, you'll retreat back to your childhood once Cindy Johnson rejects you in front of the entire biology class and makes you the laughing stock of the whole school. (Empire)
Albert Brooks isn't exactly considered a bad-ass. Finding Nemo and Defending Your Life don't usually strike fear into the hearts of men. Aside from his cameo as a supervillain on "The Simpsons," he usually plays a mild-mannered guy…until now.
Behold, Albert Brooks 2.0. Now the famed comedian is 90% more menacing thanks to his upcoming role in Drive, directed by Nicolas Winding Refn. In the film, Brooks will play a New York mobster named Bernie Rose who moves to L.A. to kick ass and take names. The film also stars Ryan Gosling, Carey Mulligan and Bryan Cranston, who has turned into a bit of a bad-ass himself thanks to "Breaking Bad."
Now that Brooks has gone tough guy, can fellow comedian and neurotic Jew Richard Lewis be far behind? Only time will tell. (Deadline)
In case the hot drinks tutorial didn't quench your thirst…
Pour these links over ice.
How Much Do You Know About The Culkin Clan? (Moviefone)
NYC Artist Killing Ants With McDonald's Food (Asylum)
Kim Jong-il Owns Some Cool S*#t (Ranker)
25 Awesome Courtroom Brawl Videos (HolyTaco)
'Human Centipede' Sequel To Be 400% More Medically Accurate (FilmDrunk)
Hottest Bosses From Movies (Maxim)
Meet Hippo Face Man (BarStoolSports)
Man Attempting To Put 3 Million Miles On His '66 Volvo (EgoTV)
A Serbian Film: A Review That Will Break You (Pajiba)
Rock Band Of The Future (Unreality)
9 Most Annoying Sports Broadcasters (TotalProSports)
Zombie Attack Plan (Smosh)
5 Things The College Admissions Office Doesn't Tell You (BroBible)
Selena Gomez Is About To Be Deported Again (CelebJihad)
Arianny Celeste To Pose For Playboy's November Issue (CagePotato)
Crocodile Dundee Can't Leave Australia (PopEater)
Custom Color Magic Trackpad (MadeMen)
The opening of The Last Exorcism this weekend (read my review here) marks the first theatrically released movie for German-born and American Film Institute-trained filmmaker Daniel Stamm. Screen Junkies sat…