Review: Wall-E

Wednesday, July 23 by

"Pixar" comes from the Latin word Pixarum meaning "cartoons that don’t make you feel guilty for watching cartoons because you are basically an adult and should be doing adult things.  If you are somewhere in the age bracket of 18-34 years old (and if you aren’t you shouldn’t even be on the internet) then there is always a good chance that these movies will make the nostalgia gland in your brain squirt a warm, calming bath of endorphins on your limbic system.


IS IT WORTH 10 BUX?

Yes, totally. Especially if you have kids. But really it’s a movie for everyone, both robot lovers AND pedophiles.

IN THIRTEEEN WORDS.

Robots in Lov-E save tubby human race from intergalactic Carnival Cruise inspired tubbiness.

RECAP

Wall-E is a lonely robot who spends his days trying to clean up the giant landfill that is now Earth. His solitude is interrupted by the arrival of a strange WomanPod Nano with whom he immediately falls in love. But alas, she’s the type-A model. At the mercy of her directive, she is called back to the mother ship in order to complete the mission Wall-e, being an enterprising little trash compacter, hitches a ride on her evacuation craft and reaches what appears to be the remaining flotilla of humanity, a giant ship filled with fatty fat fat fat people.

Through a series of blunders and mishaps, Wall-e helps the hoards of fleshy, technology occupied humans remember there human-ness, including the ships captain who decides its time to return to earth (voiced by Jeff Garlin). The climax comes in the form of meddling robots who want to maintain the status quo, really the preschool version of Stanley Kubrick’s 2001. But wait! The humans manage to lift their fleshy forms from their hovering Lay-Z Boys and switch the robots to manual, returning to earth to begin anew. Wall-E probably gets some prime WomanBot Nano ass, but we don’t get to see it.     

THE BOTTOM LINE

The ending was enough to make me want to run directly out of the theatre and into a field of blueberries, to reacquaint myself with chlorophyll and feel the crush of grass underfoot. But when I left it was really hot outside. And I was kind on hung over, and I had to drive all the way across LA to get home. And traffic was really brutal, and there’s this new law that you have to use a hands free thing for your phone now so I couldn’t even call people to occupy myself. By the time I got home I was really tired, so I just sat on the couch and drank some beer and watched the BBC version of Planet Earth.  It’s a wonderful world out there. Maybe someday I’ll actually experience it.
 

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