Review: The Rocker

Monday, August 25 by

Here we are at the warm, gross dregs of the summer movie season where somewhat decent movies come to mingle with the crap, begging audiences for their money like cinematic homeless people. The Rocker is every bit as funny as Step Brothers. It’s too bad no one will ever know it.

The plot in 13 words:
An aging ex-musician joins a band with some semi-attractiv high school kids.

How bad was the advertising for this movie?
As I sat in a theater full of about six people, I heard one woman whisper excitedly to her boyfriend, "Hey, that’s Dwight from The Office!" Something tells me that sentence might haunt Rainn Wilson for quite a while. Luckily, he’ll have big piles of money with which to dry his sad eyes.

The music:
For a movie that has so much to do with music, the songs that are supposed to make the band famous are just atrociously terrible. I bet the studio had this grand hope that the movie would be a hit, thus making the songs a hit, too. We all saw how well that worked out for Josie and the Pussycats and it worked even less here.

But is it funny?
There were definitely a few laughs to be had, which is honestly more than I expected. I honestly think Rainn Wilson’s outrageous, kid-in-an-adult’s-body schtick is a little better than Will Ferrell’s. It feels a little less forced. I feel like you put him in an R-rated role and let him be wacky and it’ll be a hit. Also, the scene where the fat kid sneezes on the chick’s face from the trailer still made me laugh out loud in the theater, even though I had already seen it a couple times.

Christina Applegate:
Breasts or no breasts, she’ s definitely still one of the hottest old chicks I can think of. I even kind of like her playing the whole up-tight MILF thing. She’ll always be Kelly Bundy in my heart.

Bonus points:
You have to give this flick credit because all of the actors do at least a passable job at pretending to play their instruments. There’s nothing more annoying than watching an actor clumsily grope a guitar like its Lindsay Lohan’s genitals or randomly and violently pound a set of drums like they’re…well…Lindsay Lohan’s genitals.

So, is it worth the 10 bucks?
Sadly, it’s not. But it will be great on DVD. That way you can fast forward past all of the musical parts and just watch Dwight be a jackass. It’s surprisingly satisfying. Until then, you can just go watch the episode of Saved by the Bell where the gang joins a band and get really famous.

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