Review: The Dark Knight Delivers

Monday, July 21 by

A lot of times, when a movie is an epic piece of crap, the studio opts not to have any press screenings in hopes that enough suckers will go see it Friday night and they’ll make their money back before everyone realizes it sucks. The Dark Knight was the opposite, though, having enough advanced screenings that even Internet writers and people with blogs like Ilikemoviesandwritelikeasecondgrader.com had no trouble getting in. Why? Because it’s an awesome movie and everyone knew it.

 

The plot in 13 words:
A guy dresses up like a bat and fights with an evil clown.

Does it live up to all the hype?
A normal movie can’t survive the kind of marketing push ol’ Batty got. For more than a year we saw trailers, teasers, TV specials and even a cryptic viral marketing game that you had to be a crazy hermit to figure out. Snakes on a Plane got a similar push, and because it was a terrible movie, it crashed and burned at the box office. But with two and a half hours of solid, and at time incredible, action, even the nerdiest fans should have no problem giving director, Christopher Nolan a Teflon-coated thumbs up.

Shedding tears for Heath Ledger
As I walked out of the theater (I missed all of the press screenings so I had to see it with the rest of thehuddled masses) there was a girl literally crying because she was sad Heath Ledger was dead. I wonder if she cries every time she watches Everybody Loves Raymond because Peter Boyle is dead. Sure, Heath gave a great performance, but if it brings a tear to your eye, you’re not a film buff, you’re an asshole. Was he awesome? Yes. Will he win an Oscar? I don’t care. That show is for boring people and housewives.

The part of the review that will get me ostracized by my peers
I’m just not sold on Maggie Gyllenhaal. She’s kind of cute, I guess, but not nearly as cute as Katie Holmes was in Batman Begins. In fact, in the long lineage of Batman movie women, which includes Kim Basinger, Michell Pfeiffer and Alicia Silverstone, she’s firmly on the  bottom of the list. Now if Batman had given her a good spanking, like James Spader did in Secretary, that would be kind of hot.

Bonus
!
Even though they’ll make you sit through the trailer for the new Mummy movie that you’ve probably seen a thousand times, you’ll also get to see the Watchmen trailer as well as the new Terminator trailer, which are worth the price of a matinee admission on their own.

So, is it worth the 10 bucks?

It’s easy to recommend the Dark Knight, since it seems like everyone loves it. And even the people who didn’t like it are pretending to so that they don’t feel like a jerk. I suggest you do the same. Then start getting excited about Watchmen because it’s only nine months away.

 

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