Review: Hell Ride

Monday, August 11 by

Did you see Wild Hogs? Yeah, me neither. To be fair, it was a movie for men and women aged 40 plus.  Hell Ride is basically the same movie. Except that there is LOTS of nudity and violence. And everybody dies. Ok, maybe that’s a bad comparison.


Hell Ride was made in the spirit of Tarantino’s Grind House. It’s an homage to 70’s biker movies like Easy Rider and Spaghetti Westerns like Fist Full of Dollars. The main difference is that it doesn’t have all of those messy things like plot and character development.  You get the sense that they weren’t even remotely concerned with any thing in the Playbook of Movie Making. Instead, it seems like an exercise in making a crappy movie, which makes it enjoyable in the end.

My main complaint is with Larry Bishop. He just looks like an over-tanned burn out that should not be acting like a tough guy. He just had the aura of being too old. In fact, half the cast seemed sort of geriatric.  

Plot synopsis

Like I said, using the term “Plot” would be a bit of a misnomer. So here are a few things that happened over the span of 83 minutes:

-    Naked PARTY with biker prostitutes!
-    Lots of Arrows in the chest. OUCH!
-    More TITS AND ASS!
-    Dennis Hopper AWKARDLY riding a bike with a sidecar.
-    The Dude from Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels is MEAN.
-    Wait…there’s a treasure, and he’s his DAD. TWIST!
-    Michael Madsen files for retirement benefits and buys VELCRO shoes.
-    The END!

Bottom Line

There are times when you just don’t want to think. You want to watch dudes roar around the desert on sweet motorcycles, bang hot chicks, and kill each other. For me, that day is usually called Saturday. So if you’re the same, and Saturday is coming up, add it to your Netflix Queue under the category “Not Expecting Much.” 4/10

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