Review: Hamlet 2

Monday, August 25 by

You can lament the time wasted in your youth, your shitty attention span in elementary school, the rattail that you had when you were in middle school, the girls that you could have screwed in high school but you didn’t, the girls that you could have screwed in college but you still didn’t. And if you are the type of person easily given to regret then avoid Hamlet 2 like the bottomless pit of time-ill-spent that it is.

“I Have So Much Anger I Feel Like I’ve Been Raped In The Face.”

I review movies based on my enjoyment. I don’t give a fuck about artistic achievement or production design or superb acting. If I have a good time watching it then I say it’s a success. If I’m bored to shit and fidget in my seat, then I call it a failure. Very few people go to movies because they want to be inspired by critical brilliance. They want a way to forget about their bad decisions and boring lives.  With that in mind, Hamlet 2 did not distract me from either of these truths, so I’m saying skip it. Maybe even skip a rock into the director’s face for a Sunday I wont get back.

The Plot In Thirteen Words

Talentless ass clown tries to save high school theatre with crappy controversial play.

The Reality

Here is what the movie is based on. I’m not kidding:

It’s funny when it’s a short video with puppets. It’s painful when it’s a 1.5 hours of Stand And Deliver or  Dangerous Minds  or whatever White-Teacher-Ethnic-Kids story it was poorly referencing. And sure, this was supposed to be a spoof on these sorts of films, but the characters were terrible and it just wasn’t funny. What it lacked in writing it did not make up for in acting. Or directing. Or any of that other shit that movies require. It was slower than going to actual high school theatre. Elizabeth Shoe is old. The End. Exit stage right, Hollywood dies a little on the inside. 1/10

 

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