Reviews - Page 11

Review: Burn After Reading Doesn’t Ignite
Monday, September 15 by

I really believe that the Coen brothers have to make movies to stay alive. They hatched a deal with the devil sometime around 1979. They have created some of the best film characters of all time whose quirky qualities gain traction with viewers and endear audiences. They can also do exactly the opposite.

Review: Righteous Kill Is No Mutt
Sunday, September 14 by

When you're looking for two guys to star in a crooked cop movie, you couldn't really ask for a better pair than Pacino and De Niro. I mean, maybe if you were to land Jesus and Rowdy Roddy Piper it would be close. Does all that star power add up to the best movie ever? No. But, Righteous Kill definitely doesn’t suck. Rating: B-

Review: Hamlet 2
Monday, August 25 by

You can lament the time wasted in your youth, your shitty attention span in elementary school, the rattail that you had when you were in middle school, the girls that you could have screwed in high school but you didn’t, the girls that you could have screwed in college but you still didn’t.

Review: The Rocker
Monday, August 25 by

Here we are at the warm, gross dregs of the summer movie season where somewhat decent movies come to mingle with the crap, begging audiences for their money like cinematic homeless people. The Rocker is every bit as funny as Step Brothers.

Review: Death Race
Friday, August 22 by

Rather than reviewing Jason Statham's latest explosion fest in my own voice, I'm going to use the voice of the frat dude that was sitting behind me at the midnight showing I attended last night. Please note that caps lock is used to emphasize both the frat guy's excitement and the movie's resemblance to a fun, 89-minute Mountain Dew commercial.

Review: Vicky Christina Barcelona
Thursday, August 21 by

Last night I saw Vicky Christina Barcelona with my girlfriend. It is a movie about how confused women go to Europe and are lured into unhygienic relationships with sensitive artist-types, and then end up either 1) cheating on their fiance, or 2) having a three-way.

Would You Rather: See Clone Wars or Get Hit By A Truck?
Tuesday, August 19 by

Screenjunkies needs to set the record straight. We are just not Star Wars fans. We just don’t care. We understand that George Lucas is a visionary filmmaker and has had a huge impact on modern cinema (both good and bad).

Review: Tropic Thunder
Tuesday, August 12 by

First off you need to know this: I lost my shit laughing at Tropic Thunder AND my mind was blown by the action. It is not easy to blend the two genres. But Ben Stiller and crew pulled it off in a big way.

Review: Hell Ride
Monday, August 11 by

Did you see Wild Hogs? Yeah, me neither. To be fair, it was a movie for men and women aged 40 plus.  Hell Ride is basically the same movie. Except that there is LOTS of nudity and violence. And everybody dies. Ok, maybe that’s a bad comparison.

Review: Pineapple Express
Sunday, August 10 by

Full disclosure: I have never smoked weed in my 26 years of life. That said, I was a little worried there would be some weed-oriented nuance in Pineapple Express I wouldn't get. Then I remembered that potheads think Scooby Doo is hilarious and my fears went away.

Review: American Teen
Monday, August 4 by

The unfortunate thing about American Teen, the new doc by Nanette Burnstein following the lives of five cracker-ass middle-American high schoolers, is that no one starts shooting.

Review: The Mummy: Tomb of Whatever
Monday, August 4 by

I hate Brendan Fraser and you should to. Think about it. The guy is rich, famous and gets hot chicks like any other A-list celebrity. How did he get there? By acting like a total jackass. Now, he has 10 more of my dollars in his pocket and I'm not very happy about it.

Review: The X-Files: I Want to Believe
Wednesday, July 30 by

 Seeing the new X-Files flick was like going to see your favorite band and all they play is new stuff. New stuff written by Mliey Cyrus.  And the only instruments that they use are a kazoo, a jug, and Kathy Griffith's voice. And then instead of playing an encore, they all take turns punching you in the junk with a cricket bat. This movie was the worst thing I have seen in the theatre in years.

Review: Step Brothers Is Exactly What You Expect
Monday, July 28 by

If you saw the trailer Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly's antics made you laugh so hard you fell off of the couch you sleep on in your mom's basement, then this might be your pick for best movie of the year. You might also need a job, a girl friend and a shower. The plot in 13 words: Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly yell at the top of their lungs. Disclaimer: I feel like before I give you a bunch of reasons I didn't like this movie, I should tell you that I went in thinking it was going to be a perfect fit. I love immature humor. The majority of my DVD collection is comprised of stuff my serious critic friends wouldn't watch unless someone strapped them down to the brainwashing chair from A Clockwork Orange. But there's a fine line between "so stupid it's funny" and "too stupid to be funny." Excuse my technical film terms. It's getting old: There was a time when I thought Will Ferrell was one of the funniest people in the world, but after seeing him do the same "kid trapped in the body of chubby, adult man" act for years, it's getting pretty tiresome. That's not to say that it can't be funny sometimes, but Step Brothers feels like it was written over the course of a dinner. A lot of the jokes are really predictable and most of the dialog sounds as if they just sat down at a table and said, "OK, we need to think of lines we can yell, that teenage boys will want to yell later. That way, they'll keep thinking about the movie." What about John C. Reilly? His recent appearances on the Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! give me a litle more hope for Johnny's ability to take his silliness to a different level, but he still comes off pretty flat in this flick. It was definitely better than Walk Hard, but he's not quite Rodney Dangerfield in Caddyshack, either. But the trailer looks so funny… It's true, the trailers were pretty funny, but the problem is that they gave away too many of the jokes. The bunkbed gag, the burial scene and most of the other stuff that could make you laugh, you've already seen. Of course they couldn't show Will Ferrell's prosthetic balls in the commercial, so you still have that to look forward to. The best part: So far this review has been pretty negative, but there are a few funny moments. The one that comes to mind first is a sleepwalking bit where the two stars just yell incoherently and throw stuff everywhere. It's proof that the method can work if done properly. Is it worth the $10? It's sad for me to have to say this, but you're really not missing much by not catching this one in the theater. Just wait for it to come to pay-per-view, then order it at your friend's house before he notices. Or, go play with a couple of 9-year olds and you'll get pretty much the same effect.

Review: Gonzo- The Life and Work of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson
Friday, July 25 by

There is one question that remained after the death of Hunter S. Thompson. Was his suicide the ultimate act to cap a life of utter defiance, the final middle finger to a rotten world that is irrecoverably lost among madmen and perverts? Or was blowing his brains out the only recourse for a burn out who partied too hard, eventually dulling his razor sharp wit on years of alcoholism and drug abuse. Alex Gibney’s Biopic asks this question.

Review: Wall-E
Wednesday, July 23 by

"Pixar" comes from the Latin word Pixarum meaning "cartoons that don't make you feel guilty for watching cartoons because you are basically an adult and should be doing adult things.  If you are somewhere in the age bracket of 18-34 years old (and if you aren’t you shouldn’t even be on the internet) then there is always a good chance that these movies will make the nostalgia gland in your brain squirt a warm, calming bath of endorphins on your limbic system.

Review: The Dark Knight Delivers
Monday, July 21 by

A lot of times, when a movie is an epic piece of crap, the studio opts not to have any press screenings in hopes that enough suckers will go see it Friday night and they’ll make their money back before everyone realizes it sucks. The Dark Knight was the opposite, though, having enough advanced screenings that even Internet writers and people with blogs like Ilikemoviesandwritelikeasecondgrader.com had no trouble getting in. Why? Because it’s an awesome movie and everyone knew it.

Review: Hancock Is Super…Sorta
Thursday, July 17 by

The latest addition to Will Smith’s eclectic collection of big-budget action flicks positions itself as the anti-super hero movie in a summer full of comic book transplants. You didn’t see any little kids calling Ironman an asshole and The Hulk sure didn’t shove anyone’s head up anyone else’s ass. Well, at least not in the theatrical version, but maybe on the DVD…probably not, though.

Review: Hellboy II: The Golden Army
Wednesday, July 16 by

Released on a weekend that many people are looking at as merely a warm-up for inevitable orgy of Batman nerdiness to come next weekend, the second installment of Guillermo Del Toro’s comic adaptation turns the monster factor up to 11.