Wonder Woman’s New Outfit: Super Heroic Or Super Heinous?

Friday, March 18 by

We don’t always agree on the happenings in the entertainment community, and we like to make our beefs public. Today, NBC released an official still of Adrianne Palicki sporting the new Wonder Woman outfit, causing a nerdruption across the Internet. Does Palicki pull off the tightly-fitted ensemble, or should she add a bag of candy to mask its lameness? Writer B Hunt takes on the counterpoint in this week’s installment. Fight!

Super Heroic

Despite the staggering amount of grown men taking to the Internet to claim otherwise, there is absolutely nothing wrong with the new Wonder Woman costume. Is it stupid? Yes. Is it impractical? Yes. Is it tacky? Yes. Is it sexist? Well, if you want to be a bitch about it, yes. It’s all of those things. In other words, it’s everything a Wonder Woman costume should be!

Don’t kid yourself. Wonder Woman is a stupid character. As such, it’s fitting that she have a stupid costume. She was created in 1941, which wasn’t exactly the age of enlightenment when it comes to women’s lib. You know how women are treated on Mad Men? Well, Wonder Woman was created about 20-years before that. You can almost hear the comic writers thinking her up as an afterthought.

“Hey fellas! Isn’t it cute that women these days think they’re people? Let’s give ‘em a comic character of their own so we can sell more ads for nylons and vacuum cleaners.”

The character is also extremely generic. When it came time to give her super powers, they literally gave her all of them. She can fly like Superman, she can run like the Flash, she can talk to animals like Aquaman, and she can fight like Batman. The only thing she can’t do is piss in a campfire. It’s as if they knew they were only making one female superhero, so they had to go for broke.

Now, given that she’s a generic afterthought of a character created in a highly sexist age, doesn’t the costume make sense? It’s reminiscent of the original, but not a carbon copy. At least in this version, she’s wearing pants. It’s a lot better than what poor Lynda Carter had to work with. Have you ever tried to fight crime with your thighs exposed? Trust me, it’s hard.

And yes, the colors are gaudy, but they’re supposed to be. I’ve seen the new Captain America outfit, which is drab. It works fine for that character, but Wonder Woman is supposed to look like a glorified stripper. If they had come out with a toned down outfit, the same people would be bitching about how the designers turned their back on the character’s history.

In closing, I ask you to look at the picture. What do you see? I see giant breasts being lifted and separated. I see form-fitting pants giving a nice look at Adrianne Palicki’s dumper. I see a bunch of stupid accessories that are supposedly for crim fighting but are pretty much just hooker jewelry. In other words, I see a Wonder Woman outfit. It is what it is.

Super Heinous

Are you kidding me? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Look at that costume. There are amateur cosplay outfits that are better. And not the awesome crazy Japanese ones. I’m talking fat-white-guy-at-Comic-Con-dressed-up-like-Wolverine’s-fat-diabetic-brother-who-has-aluminum-foil-wrapped-around-cardboard-for-claws-type cosplay. This suit is like what you get when you don’t make plans for Halloween and then at the last minute your friends convince you to go to a house party because it’ll be chill and there will be all these single girls there and multiple kegs and Rob’s cousin is DJing and he’s not so bad so you go to Rite Aid at 8 PM and this piece of crap is the only thing left but at least it’s ironic and funny that you would dress up in such a cheap, horrible costume.

I don’t even know where to start. We’ll ignore her whore makeup and rat hair, since technically that’s someone else’s mistake. First, her hot pants are made out of someone’s old exercise ball and will probably only appeal to the latex pervs out there. The color is WAY off. Don’t they know everyone’s going darker these days? X-Men, Spider-man, Singer’s Superman. The light blue reads so, so poorly. Hell, even the new costume in the comic went with dark blue pants. I daresay Lynda Carter’s patriotic spanx look better.

The corset is probably the least offensive (fashion-wise) of the whole get up. At least it looks like someone took the time to tailor it (although if Adrianne so much as looks at a slice of pizza she’ll be busting seams on that thing), though it’s still made of shoddy vinyl or plastic or whatever it is. It’s also designed to give off as much glare as possible so that Wonder Woman won’t have to worry about going unnoticed. Batman is face-palming right now.

Her boots are like leftovers from some Power Rangers spin-off that wasn’t quite quality enough to bother translating to English. Her wrist bands look like trash—literally. Maybe she can take them off and string some twine between the two of them and make a soup can phones. How is she supposed to deflect bullets with a couple empty cans of Steel Reserve? And don’t get me started on the gold crest. Excuse me, did I say “gold?” I meant “cheap plastic.” And then they tacked that junk on liberally.

I understand it’s a TV show, and hence under tighter budget-restraints than the big dogs in the movie world, but you can’t have your super hero rolling around in an outfit that was made for less than a buck in some Shenzhen sweat shop. For anyone wondering how you could make someone as hot as Adrianne Palicki look terrible, well A) why would you wonder something like that and B) I think you have your answer.

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