Who Wins In A Battle Between Taylor Lautner And The Rock? That’s Right. The Audience Does.

Wednesday, August 31 by
Brains vs. Braun. No. Wait. Braun vs Braun.  

In a film project that really represents a classic “David and Goliath”-type battle, Taylor Lautner and The Rock are being courted to star in…a movie about David and Goliath. While the exact casting isn’t clear, one would assume that The Rock will play Goliath, while Taylor Lautner will play Goliath’s pansexual houseboy, Gabe. Or he might play David. As I said, it’s not specified yet.

While I was always under the impression that The Simpsons got the proportions of David and Goliath right with their Bart vs. Nelson showdown in the “Simpsons Bible Stories” episode, without CGI or some very impressive lifts, the showdown would be a 6’5″ The Rock against a 5’10″ Lautner. I don’t think the discrepancy is there. I think the smart move here is to surgically remove Lautner’s legs to really play up the difference in size.

No word if they picked The Rock in the hopes that he could bring his old Scorpion King outfits, but I wouldn’t rule it out.

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