WHO SHOULD PLAY THE NEXT ELM STREET’S NANCY?

Monday, April 13 by

Michael Bay’s production company, Platinum Dunes is set to begin filming of their A Nightmare on Elm Street reboot at the end of this month. Fans everywhere rejoiced recently when it was announced that Jackie Earle Haley would don the sweater and glove of Freddy Krueger. Still no news about which young starlet will be playing Nancy, the film’s protagonist. We’ve compiled a list of sweet dream girls that we think should go toe-to-toe with the iconic dream slayer.

 

LEIGHTON MEESTER

         

Gossip Girl’s Leighton Meester has yet to break into a movie career but I see no reason why she should not. She’s more than able to spring wood so why not move her to Springwood? 1482 Elm Street, more specifically. Sure, she would be a newbie to the horror genre but she was born in a Florida prison. And I don’t mean Disney Jail. I mean real prison – sucky prison. As anyone who’s ever been on a road trip can tell you, there is nothing scarier than the non-Disney World portions of Florida. She’s got the chops.

 

KAT DENNINGS

         

With a slew of high-profile roles as of late, Kat Dennings is quickly becoming a household name. Her dark hair and ivory skin definitely fit the Goth mold that the filmmakers have in mind for the character. Sadly though, I just don’t think she’s tough enough to take on Freddy. Check out the video below. She’s a bed wetter. He would have a field day with that.

 

ARIELLE KEBBEL

         

Filmgoers may recognize Arielle Kebbel as the bikini-clad sister in her most recent work The Uninvited. The movie was terrible save for her bikini. You might also know her from The Grudge 2 or as a jilted lover intent on the murdering of John Tucker. A former model, she ranked #54 in Croatian FHM’s awkwardly-titled "100 Sexiest Woman in the World of 2008" list. Platinum Dunes take note, if you want Elm Street to play medium-well in Croatia cast Arielle.

 

LINDSAY LOHAN

         

Early rumors of Lindsay as the reboot’s leading lady have since been debunked by her reps, which is a relief to fans. Lindsay is not conscious of herself or her surroundings. So how can she have a subconscious? She’d mistake Freddy for a valet or a bellman or something and ignore him. Thus taking away his power immediately. Even he is no match for her vapidity.

 

SHENAE GRIMES

         

Shenae Grimes can be seen weekly playing the wholesome Annie Wilson on the CW’s 90210. There’s something about her that reminds me of the original Elm Street’s Heather Langenkamp. It could be her natural beauty or her girl-next-door qualities. I can’t quite put my finger on it. Alls I know is I sure wouldn’t mind seeing her crumpled up on my bedroom floor. Wait, what? That came out wrong. I’m no good at pick-up lines, you guys.

 

TANIA RAYMONDE

         

Tania Raymonde is best known for her work on Lost as Alex; the adopted daughter of Ben Linus. She was at the center of the most heart-breaking scene of the series where she displayed a flair for playing the victim. No doubt, she and Jackie Earle Haley can play off one another in very terrifying ways. She’s an actress to keep an eye on. Not just due to her presence and beauty but also because she stole my wallet. Did you hear me? Somebody stop that woman!! She has my wallet!!! 

 

AMANDA SEYFRIED

       

I haven’t seen Seyfried in Mamma Mia! but am surprised to learn that it is a musical about a young bride searching for her real father. Given the title, I just assumed that it was a story about a family-owned pizza parlor that holds a break-dance contest in order to save themselves from an evil property developer. And at the end, pizza dough falls from the ceiling and lands on the property developer’s head. Logical assumption IMHO. But anyway, Amanda would make for a fantastic update of Nancy. She has an Alice in Wonderland look that counterbalances nicely with the hellish dreamscapes of an Elm Street movie and an on-screen charm that audiences are beginning to fall for.

 

MARY ELIZABETH WINSTEAD

         

Mary Elizabeth Winstead is a busy, young actress. She would be right at home as an Elm Street teen given her status as a ‘scream queen’; due to her appearances in Final Destination 3, Grindhouse and Black Christmas. On top of all that she’s adorable. She’s made me drool eight times since I started typing this. Well, it was either her or that oar that struck me in the head. I’m not ready to point any fingers. Actually I can’t feel my fingers.

 

EVAN RACHEL WOOD

         

Evan Rachel Wood has been on a roll since her star-making turn in 2003’s Thirteen. Her smart choices and eye for provocative roles have solidified her standing as a heavyweight in young Hollywood. So why not make a risky choice? C’mon Evan, be in this movie. The producers are looking to make the character a Goth and you dated Marilyn Manson. That over-qualifies you. The only way you could be more Goth is to boff a dead guy.

 

AMBER HEARD

         

No stranger to the horror genre, Amber Heard starred as the titular object of desire in All The Boys Love Mandy Lane. The movie has still not received a wide release however should you get the chance to see it, you should do so. I have not seen a horror film as real, gritty, and original for a very long, long time. Couple that with the fact that she’s hot as hell and she’s a shoe-in for the part. So what’s the hold-up? Let’s get her sweaty and running around a boiler room immediately.

 

KRISTEN STEWART

         

Kristen Stewart is definitely Hollywood’s new It Girl. The quietly sexy 19-year-old has already racked up an impressive resume of roles. Most recently her work in Adventureland as Em, the complicated love interest that breaks many a heart and swells many a pants, has everybody talking. Unfortunately her popularity will probably prevent her from taking the role of Nancy. Currently she is busy dry humping Sparkle Vampires on the set of the Twilight sequel, New Moon.

So who would you fancy to play Nancy? Let us know in the ‘Comments’ section.
 

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