He-Man and the Masters of the Universe wasn’t just an awesome platform to sell toys. It was also a program that delivered good moral values to its young viewers, especially at the end of each episode (not unlike G.I. Joe).
Our scientists scoured the ‘nets and assembled a collection of some of these lessons taught to us by He-Man and fellow Eternians… and then we thought about all the celebrities that could stand to learn from them.
Check out these lessons below. You might just learn something, too.
The Lesson: Orko wagers that the love between a parent and a child is the strongest kind of love there is and that nothing can change it. NO MATTER WHAT.
CELEBRITY THAT COULD BENEFIT: MACAULAY CULKIN
Oh, Orko. You are one naive, floppy-hatted simpleton. I don’t know how parents and kids relate to one another in your home dimension of Trolla but here in Hollywood we sue the ever-loving crap out of each other. At the age of fifteen, after his dad/manager spent most of his earnings, Mac Culkin decided that living home alone would be good, son. So he sought emancipation from his parents… and won. After that point, the money he earned from acting would be all his. Yep. Whenever those adult acting opportunities come along. Any minute now….
The Lesson: If you can put your differences aside, you’ll be able to work with others and maybe learn something along the way.
CELEBRITY THAT COULD BENEFIT: KATHERINE HEIGL
There are numerous stories around town about renowned bee-yatch Heigl being difficult to work with. Heigl famously bad-mouthed Knocked Up, the movie that launched her film career. In addition, she withdrew her name from Emmy consideration because she felt her Grey’s Anatomy character didn’t have any "material that was worthy to submit." She sounds like a bigger bitch than Skeletor.
The Lesson: Man-At-Arms teaches us to try our best. As long as we do that we never really fail.
CELEBRITY THAT COULD BENEFIT: BEN STILLER
He’s been sleepwalking through his roles since striking gold with There’s Something About Mary. If you disagree, watch The Ben Stiller Show and compare its awesomeness to Duplex or Along Came Polly or Dodgeball. Most of his movies are flat, flimsy plots wrapped around a dance-off or fat suit dance scene of some sort. His movies are growing interchangeable and he’s quickly becoming the Nicolas Cage of comedy.
The Lesson: He-Man and Man-At-Arms teach children not to wander too far away when they play. Otherwise they could get in trouble and there would be no one around to help them.
CELEBRITY THAT COULD BENEFIT: MARGOT KIDDER
In April of 1996, Superman actress Margot Kidder’s bipolar disorder led to her becoming delusional. In a bizarro turn of events, Kidder wandered away from her home and was missing for three days before being found by police in a state which was described as "dirty, frightened and paranoid." Could have saved herself a lot of frustration and worry had she only tuned into a child’s cartoon in the 1980’s.
The Lesson: Teela learns that her adopted parent Man-At-Arms is just as much her father though despite having no biological connection.
CELEBRITY THAT COULD BENEFIT: MICHAEL BAY
The well-known rumor around Hollywood is that Michael Bay is the offspring of legendary director John Frankenheimer. Though there has allegedly been a paternity test that belies this belief, there is still an air of mystery surrounding their possible relation. Bay shares the healthy outlook along with Teela having stated, "I am definitely one who believes that your parents are the ones who raise you."
The Lesson: Don’t play with matches. You could damage your home and your loved ones.
CELEBRITY THAT COULD BENEFIT: LISA "LEFT EYE" LOPES
Before tragically passing at a young age, “Left Eye” was famous for burning down the home she shared with Atlanta Falcon’s star Andre Risen. Eager for some tender, love, and care from her then-boyfriend, Lopes grew upset with his all-night partying ways. As revenge she set fire to his sneakers. The fire spread and the entire mansion burned down. This embarrassing event would have never happened if only she had listened to Man-At-Arm’s plea. Then she would only be famous for wearing a condom on her face.
The Lesson: Zodac the Cosmic Enforcer teaches us to take care of the environment before it wastes away to nothing.
CELEBRITY THAT COULD BENEFIT: MILEY CYRUS
Though she would like to view herself as an environmental crusader, Miley Cyrus seems more than a little under-educated on what exactly going green means. Sure she traded in her Porsche for a Prius but what of her private jet? And what about all the merchandise out there stamped with her smiling image? Surely all those mass-produced CDs, DVDs, posters, backpacks, lunchboxes, purses, wallets, make-up kits, wigs, hair brushes, jewelry, shoes, sneakers, swimwear, dolls, doll accessories, playsets, board games, video games, pencils, pens, notebooks, rulers, staplers, cards, diaries, microphones, karaoke sets, bedding, dinner sets, bath products, guitars, amps, stickers, wall decorations, temporary tattoos, party supplies, shampoos, shower gels, toothbrushes, lip balms, and perfumes have to take some kind of toll on the environment.
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