Thank the good Lord for the Ukraine National Expert Commission for Protecting Public Morality. Without them, we would never know that the common sponge's asexuality is just a cover for homosexuality that is rotting Ukranian children's brains and turning them all soft and flow-y, which, lets face it, are really more Latvian characteristics than anything.

Further, Spongebob Squarepants is constantly holding hands with his friend Patrick, which is so gay that it literally makes me want to explode.

May I suggest that the Ukraine adopt a much more burly archetype for its children, so I'd like to suggest the suave machismo swagger of Go, Diego, Go! which will teach the Ukranian children how to get swarthy women on their boat for the best mojito that they've ever had, followed by slow, passionate sex.

Because Ukranian children are way behind children in Latin countries in lovemaking skills.