‘Two And A Half Men’ Renewed, Loses A Cast Member, And Will Never Die

Monday, April 29 by
Look into their eyes. Nobody wants to be there. 

Two and a Half Men seems like the result of a cursed monkey’s paw. Flat jokes, boring plot-lines, bland stars. Despite those small details, after ten years on the air, the show continues to be one of CBS’s top performers and rakes in hundreds of millions of dollars in syndication. So, of course, the eleventh season is happening however they may need to rename it the kinda-gay sounding: Two Men.

Deadline reports that Angus T. Jones, who previously talked mad sh*t about the sitcom, won’t be returning as a regular. Jones may appear as a recurring character around his college schedule but that deal has not been locked in yet.

Jones’ departure is not surprising. He had indicated his desire to go to college and originally planned to leave after last season until he had a change of heart at the last minute and signed on to return. But with his character Jake in the Army, Jones has appeared only sporadically on the show this season. And then there was the young actor’s ill-advised comments in a religious video testimonial, in which he called Two And A Half Men “filth,” which went viral in November. Jones later apologized and subsequently returned to work.

Now, back to the monkey paw theory. Both Ashton Kutcher and Jon Cryer will return to spew drivel for salaries of $700K per episode. There’s no way that they enjoy the work. Even if it had the best writing on television, eleven years is a prison sentence. Somebody needs to find the monkey paw Jon Cryer wished upon and destroy. For his sake and ours.

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