‘Twilight’ Lead Mofos Gettin’ Paid As Such

Tuesday, July 6 by

Good news everybody!! In forty years when we’re all greeting the chubby masses at Wal-Mart because there’s no money left for Social Security payouts, we can at least sleep peacefull knowing that the Twilight leads/murderers are living more than comfortably. Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, and Taylor Lautner will be paid $41 million to mumble their way through The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn. That breaks down to $25 million upfront plus 7.5 percent of the gross revenue. Multiply that by the fact that the gross is a f*ckload and you’ve got MO’ MONEY! MO’ MONEY!! MO’ MONEY!!! That’s solid arithmetic so don’t even reach for your calculator.

But, you know what? They’ve earned it. They put their privacy and safety in harms way on a daily basis. Bless those marble-mouthed youngsters and their chiseled stomachs. Now if you’ll excuse me. The car I live in is being towed. Time to turn on the waterworks. (/Film)