TOP 10 NAZI KILLING MOVIES

Monday, August 17 by

Just about everybody enjoys watching a goose-stepping kraut get his head blown off… Whites & blacks, Christians and Jews, liberals and conservatives; hell, even hardcore racists can find things to hate about the tenets of National Socialism (although say what you will, at least it’s an ethos).

So, in honor of Quentin Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds, we here at Screen Junkies have complied the Top Ten Nazi Killing Movies of all time. Sit back, relax, and enjoy this list of films that are guaranteed to put those filthy Huns where they belong: in the ground.

 

SAVING PRIVATE RYAN


 

If it’s dead Nazis you want, you’ve come to the right place. With sniper head shots, prisoner massacres, and our personal favorite, flamethrowers, Saving Private Ryan is like a meat grinder designed specifically for Uncle Fritz.

Of course, from time to time you do have to sit through some of Spielberg’s overwrought sentimentality, but it’s mainly confined to the beginning and the end. And besides, they throw in Private Ryan’s super-hot granddaughters to make up for it. Tom Hanks told Ryan to go and make something out of his life, and I’d have to say that those girls more than justify the deaths of most of the main characters.

Best Quote: “Don’t shoot; let ‘em burn”

 

STALINGRAD

Close to a million Nazi soldiers marched into the Battle of Stalingrad. Only about 5,000 made it home. Cue laugh track.

Many people view the film as a gritty masterpiece that perfectly encapsulates the senselessness and brutality of modern warfare. My suggestion to those people is to turn off the English subtitles. Without them, you’re not bogged down with things like “plot” and “character development,” and you’re free to experience the film for what it truly is; a nonstop laugh riot.

After all, unlike the other films on this list, Stalingrad shows the Nazi fighting the Bolsheviks, so no matter who dies, you win. Like grandpa always said, the only thing better than a dead German is a dead Russian.     

Best Quote: “Welcome to our grave.”

Memorable Clip: Storming the Factory

 

DOWNFALL

*Spoiler Alert*
Hitler Dies!
*End Spoiler Alert*

Downfall, the story of the last 12 days of Nazi Germany, is a confusing film. On the one hand, the film is chock-full of dead Nazis, including the big man himself, Adolf Hitler. That fact alone should make it a fun flick.

But on the other hand, the film is so brilliantly executed that you almost find yourself feeling sorry for the Nazis. Sure, we like to pretend we’re better than a society that could systematically exterminate somewhere between 11 million and 17 million people. But on the other hand, our society allows atrocities of its own, like Jeremih’s Birthday Sex, so who do we think we are?  

Best Quote:
Adolf Hitler: “I always make mistakes when I’m dictating.”

Memorable Scene: Hitler getting angry at anything

 

SHOCK WAVES

Shock Waves tells the story of a shipwrecked yachting party that discovers a secret island filled with Nazi zombies.

Now, we’re not going to pretend like we’ve seen this movie, but we put it on the list anyway. Why? Because the only thing better than watching a Nazi die is watching a Nazi die twice, and to pull that off you need Nazi zombies.

Also, it stars Peter Cushing, and he was Grand Moff Tarkin in Star Wars, so show some damn respect.

Best Quote: “That Nazi Zombie stole my bra!”  (Yeah, we made that up.)

Memorable Clip: The whole damn movie is up on Youtube.

 

RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK/LAST CRUSADE

If you grew up in the ’80s and you enjoy seeing Nazis die, it’s probably because on Indiana Jones. In two of the four films, Indy found numerous ways kill the Jerries. And if Indy couldn’t handle it, supernatural forces would finish the job. Both the Jewish and Christian Gods decided to get in on the Nazi killing action, and they weren’t afraid to melt a few faces. Hell, Indy even had a Muslim friend, so I guess Allah hates Nazis too, which is saying something, because that dude tends to run with a dangerous crowd.

Yeah, I know it’s the same God for all three, so shut up.

Best Quote: “Nazis. I hate these guys.”

Check out the Original Theatrical Trailer for RAIDERS. 

 

THE BOYS FROM BRAZIL

Compared to the other films on this list, The Boys From Brazil has a relatively small amount of Nazi killing. But what it lacks in quantity, it makes up for in quality.

Starring Laurence Olivier, Gregory Peck, and James Mason, it has without a doubt the greatest cast ever assembled for a bizzaro sci-fi Hitler-cloning movie. It also has plenty of Nazi on Nazi violence, the evil Dr. Josef Mengele being eaten alive by dogs, and, to top it off, a young Steve Guttenberg.

After reading this article about Guttenberg a while ago, I was left with the impression that he definitely has a Google alert set up for his name. So, I’d just like to take this opportunity to say, “Hey Steve, how’s it going? I‘ve got my fingers crossed for Police Academy 8!”

Best Quote: 
“Do you know what I saw on the television in my motel room at one o’clock this morning? Films of Hitler! They are showing films about the war! The movement! People are fascinated! The time is ripe! Adolf Hitler is alive!”

Check out the Original Trailer HERE.

 

WHERE EAGLES DARE

If you’ve ever wondered how many krauts Clint Eastwood could kill, Where Eagles Dare has the answer: a lot. Throw in Richard Burton and a couple of hot chicks, and you’ve got a non-stop orgy of Nazi-killing goodness.

Best Quote: “Next time you have one of these things, keep it an all-British operation.”

Check out the Original Trailer.  
 

 

TO HELL AND BACK

To Hell and Back is the true story of America’s most decorated WWII veteran, Audie Murphy. Murphy was a bona fide bad ass who personally killed over 240 Krauts (and a few Italians for good measure). That doesn’t include the countless others he captured or wounded, or the six tanks he destroyed. This crazy bastard killed so many Jerries that they ran out of medals to give him, and had to start doubling up.

The best part of To Hell and Back is that Murphy actually stars in the film. He went on to star in numerous other movies, until 1971 when he decided to die in a plane crash.

Best Quote: “I’m Audie Murphy, bitch!” (Yeah, we made that one up too.) 



Memorable Clip: Audie Murphy’s introduction

 

 

KELLY’S HEROES

Another Clint Eastwood classic with a fairly awful soundtrack, Kelly’s Heroes is the story of a group of G.I.s who stop fighting for Uncle Sam and start fighting for 1.6 million dollars worth of hidden Nazi gold.

Co-starring Telly Savalas, Don Rickles, and Donald Sutherland as a strangely out of place beatnik, Kelly’s Heroes teaches us that if you can’t kill a Nazi you can always buy him off.

Oh, I forgot to mention that Uncle Leo from "Seinfeld" is also in this movie, not to mention Archie Bunker and Captain Steubing!

Best Quote: “We see our role as essentially defensive in nature. While our armies are advancing so fast and everyone’s knocking themselves out to be heroes, we are holding ourselves in reserve in case the Krauts mount a counteroffensive which threatens Paris… or maybe even New York. Then we can move in and stop them. But for 1.6 million dollars, we could become heroes for three days.”

Check out Part 1 of the Movie HERE.

 

THE DIRTY DOZEN

Actor Lee Marvin, who was actually shot in the ass by the Japanese while serving in the marines, leads an all-star cast in this subversive WWII masterpiece.

The grandfather of all Nazi-killing movies, The Dirty Dozen tells the tale of a group of 12 convicted murderers who are sent on a suicide mission to Nazi-occupied France. Their objective is to kill as many Nazi officers as possible. As you might expect, 12 psychopaths with machine guns do a pretty good job of killing people, including women, civilians, and other members of the unit.

From the looks of it, Tarantino borrowed heavily from this film. So if you’ve going to see one movie on this list before you watch Inglourious Basterds, make it The Dirty Dozen.  

Best Quote: “It’s judgment day, sinners!”

Check out this Memorable Scene.

Honorable Mention

Patton – The fact that George C. Scott’s brilliant portrayal of famed Nazi-killing General George S. Patton was left off this list is travesty, especially when considering a movie like Shock Waves made the cut. But eh, wadda ya gonna do?

The Blues Brothers – Only two Nazis die in this Chicagoland classic, but theirs is a spectacular death.

Wolfenstein 3D – If Wolfenstein 3D had been a movie, it surely would have made the list. But unfortunately, it’s a video game, so this revolutionary first-person shooter only gets honorable mention.

 

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COMMENTS

  1. August 17, 2009 10:03 am

    Anonymous

    Fuck all you allied forces. Hitler rules your sorry ass anyday. It’s just that he made a few stupid decisions, he lost the war but the major reason why he lost the war was because he attacked Russia. Had he signed a friendship treaty with them, he would have certainly won the war.


  2. August 17, 2009 10:03 am

    Anonymous

    Fuck all you allied forces. Hitler rules your sorry ass anyday. It’s just that he made a few stupid decisions, he lost the war but the major reason why he lost the war was because he attacked Russia. Had he signed a friendship treaty with them, he would have certainly won the war.


  3. August 17, 2009 10:03 am

    Anonymous

    long live the holy idiology


  4. August 17, 2009 10:03 am

    Anonymous

    long live the holy idiology


  5. August 17, 2009 10:03 am

    Stevensilv

    wheres the pianist?


  6. August 17, 2009 10:03 am

    daff

    shindler’s list’s not on the top of the list?!


  7. August 17, 2009 10:03 am

    dsaf

    yeah, that was a good one! and schindler’s list not there too


  8. August 17, 2009 10:03 am

    Anonymous

    It’s Nazi killing movies, not Nazi’s Killing movies.