Tom Cruise Has Telekinetic And Telepathic Powers. Allegedly.

Wednesday, July 11 by
MIND BULLETS! 

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes released a statement asking that their family receive privacy while going through divorce proceedings. Sounds like they have something to hide if you ask me. Could this dirty secret be super powers?

What powers you ask? I dunno how ’bout the power of flight? That do anything for ya? That’s levitation, holmes. How ’bout the power to kill a yak from 200 yards away… with mind bullets!

According to the Daily Mail, yes. Tom Cruise is a Jedi or something.

They’ve run a story that states the Church of Scientology allegedly believes Tom Cruise to have both telekinetic and telepathic powers.

‘OTs can allegedly move inanimate objects with their minds, leave their bodies at will and telepathically communicate with, and control the behaviour of, both animals and human beings.’

Tom, who is understood to be at the advanced stage of OT VII, has practised the religion for 30 years and therefore has allegedly reached a rarefied state of enlightenment after travelling what is known as the Bridge to Total Freedom.

So, Tom Cruise is like those kids in Chronicle? Or John Travolta in Phenomenon? That’s awesome! Still pretty messed up though that he’s not out there fighting crime and stopping tsunamis and shit.

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