Put a shirt on! You’re making me uncomfortable!
The first official picture for the upcoming Conan movie has me confused on multiple levels.
When I heard there was a shirtless Conan picture on the Internet, I assumed it was Conan O’Brien, so I got ready to laugh. But when I clicked the link and was confronted with the raw animal magnetism that is a shirtless Jason Momoa, something deep inside me was stirred. It was something I hadn’t felt sinc high school gym class, specifically the time I was partnered up with all-state wrestler Tim Nelson for weightlifting. The muscles, the grunting, the squatting: it was all too much for me to bear and I passed out.
After staring at the Conan picture for five-minutes straight, I felt the same confusing feelings welling up inside me, and once again I passed out. But this time, instead of waking up to find myself duct taped to a flagpole, I awoke in a hospital bed. Turns out I’m an epileptic, and glistening male biceps trigger my seizures.
After the doctor explained, I couldn’t help but laugh, at least until the pain set in. Unfortunately, I chewed off my tongue during the seizure.
True Story. Thanks, Jason Momoa. You ruined my life. (Film School Rejects)