‘This Means War’ Pushes Back Valentines Opening, Nation’s Girlfriends Weep

Tuesday, February 7 by
Why yes, I ordered the "handsome."  

Bad news for the handful of really bizarre couples gearing up to see This Means War on Valentines Day. You now have to wait three days longer to see it, as Fox has pushed it back to Friday, reportedly due to a lack of interest.

The film, which stars Tom Hardy, Chris Pine, and Reese Witherspoon as spies or assassins or something, was originally pushed UP a month so that amorous couples could go see a mildly violent romantic action comedy after delighting in unlimited soup, salad, and breadsticks at Olive Garden (’cause when you’re there, you’re family). However, the studio has flinched in the face of The Vow, which stars Channing Tatum and Rachel McAdams in a Nicholas Sparks adaptation.

Either way is fine by me, as my girlfriend gets very turned on by women with really sharp facial features, so regardless of whether it’s McAdams or Witherspoon, I’m getting some ass come February 14th.

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