We have a problem. A problem that, sadly, kicking will not solve. MGM is moving ahead with plans to remake Road House, the seminal 1989 Patrick Swayze action film that made way for Steven Seagal and Jean Claude Van Damme‘s careers. Rob Cohen (The Fast & The Furious; other terrible stuff) has come on board to direct the tale of a bouncer who cleans up corruption in a podunk by kicking hicks and tearing out throats as his signature move.
Some things just should not be touched and a Road House remake is one of them. I implore Whoopi Goldberg to conjure the spirit of Patrick Swayze and put a stop to this wrongdoing immediately. With his investigative skills and her sass, they just might be able to pull it off.