Proving that a movie with no dialogue is preferable to a movie with dialogue written by Woody Allen, the 2012 Academy Award for Best Picture has been given to The Artist. The award capped off a stunning night for the film, which took home a total of five Oscars, including Best Director (Michel Hazanavicius) and Best Actor (Jean Dujardin).

As I publish, Uggie the Dog is no doubt snorting coke off of Salma Hayek's rack. Good for him. He earned it.