You know it's a slow news day when I've got to break out Whiplash the Monkey Cowboy. The news today is all last night's Golden Globes, Christina Hendricks's globes, and vague tabloid rumors. Here's a round-up of everything that probably isn't going to happen in the world of entertainment.

Tobey Maguire is Bilbo Baggins - He's denied the rumor before but now that Spidey 4 is dead, some say that Tobey Maguire will be cast in The Hobbit. But those people are British, therefore liars. (The Sun)

Robert Pattinson is Spider-man - Robert Pattinson (or R-Patz as I refuse to call him) is tabloid fodder created merely to give young girls and Adam Shankman something to talk about. The studio-controlled Spider-man reboot will be undoubtedly mishandled but I doubt it's going the Tiger Beat route. (Star Pulse)

Wes Craven Might Not Direct'Scream 4' - Come on, Wes. David Arquette NEEDS you. (MTV)

Sigourney Weaver Hints at'Avatar' Sequel Involvement - After all the crap she's put out there about Ghostbusters 3, you need a PKE-style Bullsh*t Meter to corroborate her stories. (MTV)