Combining two of the biggest draws to box office success, period pieces and non-Catholic priests, Steven Spielberg has raised the "ugh" factor to a new level with this newly announced film, The Kidnapping of Edgardo Mortara, written by the screenwriter who gave us Lincoln. 

You know how I know movie fans are turned off by this? Because literally no one is reading what I wrote here. You saw "Spielberg," "Priest," "Jewish," and "1800s" then you hit the back button or the site logo to take you back to the home page so you could check on Jurassic Park 4.

And no one blames you. In the event future generations stumble upon this article, and they think I'm a haphazard entertainment journalist who doesn't report the story, and just cracks jokes, I DID just copy and paste the premise from Vulture.

Born Jewish in 1851, Mortara was given an emergency baptism by a servant, who was worried about a childhood illness. At age 7, the Catholic Church took him from his family, as it was against the law for non-Catholics to raise a Catholic. Adopted by the Pope, he went on to become a priest.

See? Boring.