When asked if he would host the Oscars again next year, or any other time, Seth MacFarlane took to Twitter to say, “No way. Lotta fun to have done it, though.”
I’m sure what he meant was “FUCK EVERYONE. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?” but was a little too polite to post that on Twitter. This leaves the masses wondering who the next lamb to the slaughter is. I would be tempted to say Billy Crystal, but only if we took the metaphor a step further and actually slaughtered Billy Crystal onstage, with co-host Kristen Stewart, bruises and all, plunging a serpentine dagger into his stomach then ripping it across his abdomen in one deft move, allowing him to live long enough to stagger around the stage, mouth agape, as his entrails fell to the floor. And should he prove too resilient to die within 45 seconds, the orchestra would “play him off,” letting Javier Bardem know it was time to step up from his first-row seat and break his neck while whispering three unknown words into Crystal’s ear.
But yearh, Seth MacFarlane won’t be hosting next year.