Semi-Retired Amanda Bynes Is Not At All Retired From Driving Drunk, Enlists Obama’s Help

Thursday, June 7 by
I'm losing "hope" after this news.  

You know what the best thing about Twitter is? You can get your message to anyone, even the President of the United States, no matter how misguided and/or trivial your message may be. I am still learning this. Amanda Bynes already knows this.

That’s the only explanation for her tweet to @barackobama asking him to fire the officer who arrested her for drunk driving. In these words: “Hey @BarackObama… I don’t drink. Please fire the cop who arrested me. I also don’t hit and run. The end.”

I’m offput by her proper use of grammar, but once we all get past her adequate grasp of the English language, we can resume being shocked by the nature of her request. As of press time, Barack Obama hasn’t responded, which leads the entire nation to believe that the president has lost his phone, because why wouldn’t he have responded to this if he still had his phone?

Do you like this story?