‘Point Break’ To Be Remade Because The Universe Hates Us

Monday, September 12 by
"This skydiving handshakes serves as a legally binding agreement that we will kill whoever tries to remake this film." "Agreed." 

20 years is the amount of time we were able to spend enjoying Point Break and it’s dumb-but-not-really action movie legacy. Alcon Entertainment will be updating the 1991 film, setting in the more general world of “extreme sports” rather than surfing.

Instead of making a joke here, I’m just going to go on record as saying this is a very bad idea.

The scribe behind Salt, Kurt Wimmer, will be putting together a film that incorporates a bunch of contemporary bullshit into a movie that was just fine to begin with. Whoever is behind this clearly holds nothing sacred and will put together a film that falls way short of the original, but I would like to chip in my two cents to make sure the remake is as ephemeral and awful as possible.

Cast:

Johnny UtahTobey Maguire

Bodhi – Dax Shepard

Tyler – Katy Perry

Pappas – Jon Cryer

featuring an original soundtrack by Bruno Mars.

In closing, I leave you with this quote from producer Michael DeLuca. Feel free to read it then go take a shower: “Point Break wasn’t just a film, it was a Zen meditation on testosterone fueled action and manhood in the late 20th century and we hope to create the same for the young 21st!”

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