News - Page 235

‘MYSTERY TEAM’ TRAILER #2 IS HERE!
Monday, July 20 by

MYSTERY TEAM Trailer #2 – Watch more Movie Trailers The new trailer for international internet comedy sensation Derrick Comedy's Mystery Team is on the case, and color us intrigued.  What is the color of intrigue, you ask?  Good question, we answer.  Then we avoid the subject entirely by not-so-tactfully changing it back to the film, which is  "a dark comedy that follows the lives of three high school age friends who are still holding on to their Encyclopedia Brown-esque childhood detective club. Of course, their world is turned upside down when they are presented with a real, adult mystery." On the adult mystery scale, this looks funnier than "Murder She Wrote," but not quite on the level of a "Father Dowling Mysteries," which was hilarious because priests don't solve mysteries in their spare time!  They're too busy covering up mysteries for their pedophile buddies. [via Film Drunk, via Film School Rejects]Here are Today's Top Links: Nicole Gagne In A Variety Of Skimpy Outfits (Gorillamask) What Her Pet Really Says About Her (Holytaco) Sony Buys Michael Jackson Footage For A LOT Of Money (Filmdrunk) This Guy Rules At Everything (Manofest) A Pacman Guitar Is Cool, Right? (Walyou) John Goodman Going Back To Television (Pajiba) 7 Fatal Injuries That People Somehow Survived (Cracked) Flavio Briatore Is A Man To Look Up To (Sickpigs) Spencer Pratt Wants To Rap; World Becomes More Bleak (Coedmagazine) Apparently The UK Still Cares About Lindsay Lohan (Celebjihad) 5 Flawless Road Trip Soundtracks (Mademan) Michael Bisping Ready To Bounce Back (Cagepotato) More Trailers Set To The Arcade Fire (Unreality) Giant Jellyfish Descend Upon Japan (Asylum) Michael Jordan And Inflatable Penis Share Face TIme On NBC (Bustedcoverage) 9 Year Old Kid Has The Blues (Uncoached) The Best Gift You Could Get Your Girlfriend (Regretfulmorning) Polefitness Is The New Hot Competitive Sport (Bachelorguy) Man Charged $23 Quadrillion For A Pack Of Cigarettes (Moondogsports) Cop Pulls Disabled Woman From Flaming Car (Nothingtoxic) Little Mac Vs. Soda Popinski (Atomfilms) The First Prince Of Persia Posters (Filmofilia)

MYSTERY TEAM
Monday, July 20 by

Director: Dan EckmanCast: Donald Glover, D.C. Pierson, Dominic Dierkes, Aubrey Plaza, Matt WalshSynopsis: At age seven, Oakdale's Mystery Team was a band of kid detectives dedicated to solving child-sized mysteries (like who put their finger in the pie, and who stole the tricycle), and the town loved them for it. Now they're eighteen years old, about to graduate from high school, yet they're still storming the playground to bust little kids, and the town of Oakdale is sick to death of it.When a little girl sees their sign advertising "Mysteries Solved, Ten Cents," she asks the gang to find out who killed her parents. The Team embarks on a mystery that takes them deep into a violent conspiracy that sees their lives threatened, their friendship strained and tests their claim that they're "real detectives."

temp monday link dump
Monday, July 20 by

Nicole Gagne In A Variety Of Skimpy Outifts (Gorillamask)What Her Pet Really Says About Her (Holytaco)Sony Buys Michael Jackson Footage For A LOT Of Money (Filmdrunk)This Guy Rules At Everything (Manofest)A Pacman Guitar Is Cool, Right? (Walyou)John Goodman Going Back To Television (Pajiba)7 Fatal Injuries That People Somehow Survived (Cracked)

‘FUNNY PEOPLE’ ACTRESS AUBREY PLAZA
Monday, July 20 by

Judd Apatow has a knack for finding women that manage to be very funny and incredibly hot at the same time for his movies.  For Funny People, he has found Aubrey Plaza, and up and coming actress and comedian who plays Seth Rogen's love interest in the film.  She also stars on the small screen in NBC's Parks and Recreation.  As a small side note, her Sarah Silverman impression is dead on.A word from Aubrey: "Wilmington is pretty small. There wasn't a ton to do there, but it definitely made me more creative because I had to kind of find my own thing to do, which is why I started making weird, funny videos."So growing up in a small and boring town is the secret to creating a hot and funny personality… Very interesting.  Check out more photos of Aubrey after the jump!

CREEPY KIDS FROM MODERN MOVIES
Monday, July 20 by

Something's Wrong with Esther. That's the tagline for the film Orphan opening wide this Friday. Either it's just me, or there's been something wrong with a lot of kids at the cinema as of lately.   It used to be we'd occasionally get an outstanding f*cked up youngster:But now it seems there's a flock of mediocre mini sociopaths running amoke on the silver screen. Have the parents in these films never heard of a child psychologist? Or a good punch to the temple? Both are effective for different reasons, but I can guarantee you that either method will get your demented offspring, or unfortunate adoption, to quit lighting your pets, houses, and better behaved children on fire. That is unless head shrinking and corporal punishment really pisses them off. Then you might just have to put them down for good.

’500 DAYS OF SUMMER’ ACTRESS ZOOEY DESCHANEL
Friday, July 17 by

Being hailed as this year's breakout Sundance hit, 500 Days of Summer opens in limited release this weekend.  While I cannot attest to whether or not it's a breakout Sundance hit, I can confirm that it is a breakout reason to see Zooey Deschanel act adorable on a giant movie screen.  Although, to be fair, every movie she is in counts as one of those.  From small parts in films like Almost Famous to a romantic lead in the holiday classic Elf, she's been every indie nerd's dream for quite a while (she even has a respectable indie band, for goodness sakes!).  She even made The Happening bearable!… well, ok, she actually didn't, but it's not like she hurt the already awful movie or anything.A word from Zooey: "I don't really like to go out very much. I'm not scandalous. I'm not, like, in this to be famous. I also find it so embarrassing when you read about people and it's like they were so trashed at Skybar and stumbling around. I don't want to be that person. That's just so embarrassing to have that written about you."…And that's exactly why you're awesome, Zooey.  Check out more non-scandalous, albeit very pretty, photos of her after the jump!

KICKASS ‘KICK-ASS’ COMIC-CON POSTER BY JOHN ROMITA JR.
Friday, July 17 by

I love a good unofficial poster.  They're almost always a lot cooler than the the authorized versions.  And the collector in me likes the whole limited edition-ness of them, too.  I know that my signed "Dwight Yoakam live at the Wiltern Theater 2007" poster will one day be worth at least $7 to someone.  And I only paid $15 for it.  That's called smart investing.Speaking of smart investing and nerdery, Screen Junkies is headed to Comic-Con for the first time ever this year, and it brings me great pleasure to show you the above special edition Kick-Ass poster designed exclusively for Comic-Con 2009 by artist John Romita Jr.  He's the artist behind the original Kick-Ass comic book series, on which Matthew Vaughn's film is based.  I once met Mr. Romita Jr. and he signed my copy of Ghost Rider, Punisher, Wolverine: Hearts of Darkness AND Cable #1.  I still have both issues.  I still have a lot of issues from the early '90s.  Like painful self-loathing.Here are your kickass weekend links:Amber Marie Mekush On The Beach (Gorillamask)Open Letters To Annoying People (Holytaco)Judd Apatow Interviews Adam Sandler (Filmdrunk)The 69 Sexiest Women Dressed As Wonder Woman (Manofest)Star Wars Themed Battleship! Yes! (Walyou)The 5 Best Whimsiquirkilicious Films Of The Decade (Pajiba)5 Unintentionally Hilarious Work Saftey Videos (Cracked)Michael Jackson In The Year 2000 (Sickpigs)The 10 Most Awesome Old School Nickelodeon Theme Songs (Coedmagazine)Pam Anderson And Mischa Barton Are Zombies (Celebjihad)Accessories For True Men (Mademan)10 Awesome Pixar Mashups (Unreality)15 Beautiful AND Intelligent Women (Asylum)Margo McAuley Is The Hottest NCAA Junior Athlete (Bustedcoverage)Things Hugh Hefner Probably Says Before Having Sex (Uncoached)6 People Who Will Ruin Your Summer Pool Experience (Regretfulmorning)Manliness Of Yesteryear: The Liquid Lunch (Bachelorguy)2009 SEC Coaches All-SEC Preseason Team (Moondogsports)Hammer Vs. Hand Or Face Vs. Fire Extinguisher (Nothingtoxic)Inappropriate Workplace: Big And Baby (Atomfilms)Inglourious Basterds TV Spots (Filmofilia)

(500) BABES OF SUMMER – PAGE 2
Friday, July 17 by

         

WIN FREE TICKETS TO ‘TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN’
Thursday, July 16 by

Are you one of the five people who haven't seen Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen yet?  Already seen it nineteen times but looking to make it an even twenty?  Hate spending money on movie tickets, but your Catholic guilt is prohibiting you from illegal torrents?  Well, fret not!For a limited time, Burger King & Break Media are giving away 1,000 free Fandango ticket codes to see Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen in theaters. Click on the ad banner on the right side of this page and you'll head to the entry page.  Hurry, before this promotion goes to Autobot heaven, where it will be taught a valuable life lesson by the Primes and then hurled back down to Earth where it will be too busy finishing off Megatron and The Fallen to deal with your ticket needs.

NEW ‘SHERLOCK HOLMES’ INTERNATIONAL TRAILER
Thursday, July 16 by

SHERLOCK HOLMES International Trailer – Watch more Movie Trailers The new international trailer for Guy Ritchie's SHERLOCK HOLMES has hit the nets today.  It's got a couple new glimpses of the film that the domestic trailer didn't have, including the end "button" in which Jude Law, as Watson, shows he's much more a man of action than words.  Watson subscribes to the same tough guy philosophy as Mike Tyson, minus the rape part, which they really seemed to gloss over in THE HANGOVER.  Don't know why.  Oh, that's right.  Because it was a comedy. Christy West Continues To Be Smoking Hot (Gorillamask) How To Pretend You're Listening To Your Girlfriend (Holytaco) Mickey Rourke Drinks With Cockatoo (Filmdrunk) 30 Babies Caught Drinking Beer (Manofest) An R2D2 Toilet Dispenser Sounds Pretty Sweet (Walyou) The 10 Most Bangably Cool Celebs In Hollywood (Pajiba) 5 Spies With Bigger Balls Than James Bond (Cracked) PSAs From The Future (Sickpigs) 5 Ways You're Treated Like A Criminal Everyday (Coedmagazine) Soulja Boy's Twitter Pics (Celebjihad) The Fashion Of Violence (Mademan) Jesse Ventura Defends MMA To Larry King, Does Well (Cagepotato) Iron Man 2 Trio On Entertainment Weekly Cover (Unreality) Personals From Video Game Characters (Asylum) Christian Teachers Shouldn't Use Facebook To Troll For Underage Kids  (Bustedcoverage) 10 Real Pictures That Look Like Photoshops (Uncoached) 5 Movies That Ironically Failed To Make Their Point (Regretfulmorning) A Beer Called "Arrogant Bastard" Has To Be Worth Trying (Bachelorguy) Playboy's 10 Sexiest Sets Of Legs Ever (Moondogsports%3

‘HARRY POTTER’ ACTRESS BONNIE WRIGHT
Thursday, July 16 by

The Harry Potter franchise offered a unique experience to movie-goers in the sense that they got to see half of the cast grow up on the silver screen.  This made it slightly confusing when the women became more attractive as they got older, making the viewer ask "is she legal?" followed by the usual guilt and shame for even asking the question.  Well, lucky for you, the Screen Junkies have your back.  Bonnie Wright, who plays Ginny Weasley, is now absolutely legal!  Now we can all feel slightly less morally reprehensible while ogling her during The Half-Blood Prince.A Word From Bonnie: "I'm interested in doing more things because I think it'd be interesting to get a new challenge. But I've got my exams coming up and it's quite hard to fit everything in."While Bonnie prepares for exams, you can check out more hot (and legal!) photos of her after the jump!

3 NEW CLIPS CUT FROM ‘FUNNY PEOPLE’
Thursday, July 16 by

It's no secret that Funny People has taken the meta "movie-within-a-movie" concept and run with it for miles.  They've made clips like "Yo Teach!" (Jason Schwartzman) and the comic stylings of "Raaaaaaandy!" (Aziz Ansari) part of their potent viral marketing attack.  And today, Judd Apatow, writer-director of Funny People, wrote a guest post on MTV Movies Blog, in which he describes some of the fake movies within the movie… that didn't make it into the movie (not for lack of funny). 

‘WHIP IT’ TRAILER HAS HOT ROLLER GIRL BRAWLING ACTION!
Wednesday, July 15 by

WHIP IT Trailer #1 – Watch more Movie Trailers The new trailer for the Drew Barrymore-directed Whip It movie has hit the 'nets.  It stars lil' Ellen Page as a girl who's looking for meaning in her life and finds it when she joins a team of badass rollergirl chicks, including Kristen Wiig, Eve, Juliette Lewis and Barrymore herself.  Sort of a Footloose meets Dodgeball meets Xanadu, if that makes any sense at all (and it barely does to us).  But if you've ever seen the Austin, Texas-based Rollergirls, who have their own show on A&E, you know this roller derby stuff is pretty serious.  It's like a pack of Shawne Merrimans on wheels and on their periods.  Okay I think I just threw up. Here Are Today's Top Links: Carin Ashley's Swimsuit Is Not Useful At All (Gorillamask) A Flowchart For What Career Path You Should Choose (Holytaco) A Wings Movie, But Not Like You Would Think Or Hope (Filmdrunk) Don't Talk To Robots (Manofest) Scare Your Friends With A Resident Evil Promo Shirt (Walyou) 5 "I Hope You Feel Bad About Yourself" Hollywood Crushes (Pajiba) 5 Ways People Are Taking Harry Potter Way Too Seriously (Cracked) Sexism And Math, Together At Last (Sickpigs) The 13 Most Disastrous Runway Model Fails (Coedmagazine) Jon Gosselin's New Girlfriend's Facebook Pictures (Celebjihad) 7 Second Dates To Get You Laid (Mademan) Carano Vs. Cyborg Fight Press Conference Highlights (Cagepotato) 15 Examples Of Replacing Actors In Movies With… Themselves (Unreality) The Top 10 Candies To Get You Drunk (Asylum) This Guy Freaks Out A Little Too Much Over Obama's All Star Appearance (Bustedcoverage) A Collection Of Harmless Computer Pranks To Piss Off Your Friends (Uncoached) Demolition City Seems Like One Of The Better Time Wasters (Regretfulmorning) The Man Wall Is Entertainment Center Perfection (Bachelorguy) Mountain West And Wac Sign BCS Contracts (Moondogsports) I Wonder How Many Brain Cells This Guy Has Left After Smashing So Many Windshields (Nothingtoxic) Star Wars Fanfilms Out The Wazoo (Atomfilms) Brand New The Last Airbender Pictures (Filmofilia)

‘G FORCE’ ACTRESS KELLI GARNER
Wednesday, July 15 by

Disney's G-Force has pulled off an interesting trick that made me want to see it: they cast Zach Galifianakis in it.  While that prospect is interesting, the trick they pulled that will make me definitely see it is casting Kelli Garner.  The gorgeous blonde is taking a step away from her usual film-type of indie dramas such as Lars and the Real Girl to entertain children with the help of guinea pigs.  That, or she's helping to entertain the adults who are forced to take their children to a movie about guinea pigs.A word from Kelli: "OK, sure, I have a body. I've had one since I was 16. But the attention it brings me, in life as well as in the industry, makes me really uncomfortable."…That makes this next part kind of awkward.  Check out more pictures of Kelli's hot body after the jump!

5 REJECTED TOYS FROM DISNEY’S ‘G-FORCE’
Tuesday, July 14 by

This week, Disney's latest action film G-Force opens.  It's the story of an elite team of Guinea Pigs – voiced by the likes of Nic Cage, Penelope Cruz, Sam Rockwell & Tracy Morgan – dispatched to stop a billionaire (Bill Nighy) from taking over the world with diabolical household appliances.  And it's no government secret that cute Guinea Pigs plus tiny weaponry is a formula for Disney to sell the crap out of toys to boys and girls alike.  Toys like these "Darwin" and "Hurley" action figures are only the beginning.

temp tues link dump
Tuesday, July 14 by

Gillian Leigh Is Uber Good Looking (Gorillamask)5 Terribly Awesome Examples Of Porn Acting (Holytaco)Bruno  Terrorist Threatens To Sue (Filmdrunk)The 10 Funniest Workplace Training Videos Of All Time (Manofest)Finally: A Portable Microwave (Walyou)Pajiba's Final Thoughts On Michael Jackson (Pajiba)9 Toys That Prepare Children For A Life Of Menial Labor (Cracked)

‘TREEVENGE’ IS AL GORE’S FANTASY HORROR MOVIE
Monday, July 13 by

According to Twitch, who premiered the clip above, Treevenge is follow-up short film from the creative team that produced & directed Hobo with a Shotgun.  While this sadly has no hobos or shotguns, it's nonetheless full of gore – the kind of gore that Al Gore probably had in mind every time he eked out a smile during his Inconvenient Truth presentation.  More specifically, Treevenge is about trees getting their revenge on humans for chopping them down (hence the clever portmanteau in the film's title). Next time you wipe your ass with toilet paper, take a second to think about the tree that had to die so you don't get sh*t all over your pants, you savage!  That's all they ask.Here are Today's Top Links! Sabrina Jane Is Hot (Gorillamask) 7 Possibilities For The Next Awesome "Wolf T-Shirt" (Holytaco) Natalie Portman Is In Thor (Filmdrunk) Star Wars: Attack Of The Electone (Manofest) How Come No One Thought Of A Pocket Urinal Before? (Walyou) First Look At Wes Anderson's Fantastic Mr. Fox (Pajiba) 6 'Facts' About Historical Figures (That Their Enemies Made Up) (Cracked) Black Metal Idol–Awkward In Any Language (Sickpigs) The Home Run Derby Drinking Game (Coedmagazine) Jon Gosselin's New Girlfriend (Celebjihad) Manly Ways To Be A Feminist (Mademan) Rampage Jackson And Rashad Evans Get Into It At UFC 100 (Cagepotato) 10 Funny Deleted Scenes From Classic Comedies  (Unreality) Swedish People Invent Floating Sauna, But Does Anyone Care? (Asylum) Tony Romo Dumps Jessica Simpson; Cowboys Fans Breathe Sigh Of Relief (Bustedcoverage) Emmanuel Lewis Pictures That Need To Be Commented On (Uncoached) Marijuana In Your Life: A Time Line (Regretfulmorning) The 10 Most Sexually Active Cities In America (Bachelorguy) Mary Louise Parker Poses In Little To No Clothing (Moondogsports) Cops Make MLB Player Matt Bush Cry (Nothingtoxic) Inventions For The Insane (Atomfilms) Paramount Adapting Max Steel (Filmofilia)

TOP 15 MAGIC BABES FROM MOVIES & TV
Monday, July 13 by

Throughout the ages, enchanting babes with supernatural powers have come and gone, but a few exceptional ones have stuck out in our memory.  This list is a tribute to fifteen of Screen Junkies' favorite magical, sexy ladies and the spells they put on us. 15. Cheras Alexandra Medford in The Witches of Eastwick (1987)Cher may be a hell of a singer, if not always the best actress, but in this 80’s magical movie she got to show off her hots, received a significantly larger role than she normally did in her films, and showed what a sexy magical babe she could be.  That's her on the left of the Eastwick poster if you didn't already know. 

CHECK OUT A DELETED SCENE FROM ‘WATCHMEN’ THE DIRECTOR’S CUT
Sunday, July 12 by

Like many Watchmen fans, I have mixed feelings about its big screen adaptation. I appreciate it for what it is. The attention to aesthetic detail is certainly amazing and the sheer spectacle of it all is on a larger scale than any of its comic book film predecessors. But it just seems to lack the heart and fear that were so present in the book partly because the supporting characters are essentially non-characters. I held out the hope that the Director's Cut would capture more of the magic from the illustrated page. And it looks like I was right! Here is a deleted scene where the original Nite Owl attempts to fend off paranoid attackers in his home. Things don't pan out very well for the old timer but it is a beautifully put-together scene nonetheless and one that definitely should have been included in the theatrical run. You can pick up the Director's Cut on DVD and Blu Ray on July 21st. Or you can wait a few months for the 5-disc Ultimate Edition. (via Latino Review) Please avail yourselves to our morning links… Ryan Reynolds will eventually be in every comic book movie. (The Playlist) With Moneyball out, Soderbergh wants to make The Limey Too. (Cinema Blend) Matt Damon is charitable. (TV Guide) Is Stephen Chow off Green Hornet? (/Film) Wolf Man reshoots to include a far better fight scene. (First Showing)

temp watchmen
Sunday, July 12 by
HITLER FINDS OUT MICHAEL JACKSON HAS DIED
Friday, July 10 by

Boy oh boy!  We've seen Hitler get mad before, but Michael Jackson passing on the eve of the massive concert he was to play for the Hitler's birthday reeeally pisses the Führer off to no end.Here are some links that Hitler wouldn't feel anything about because he's dead.  Erica Underwood Is Very Attractive (Gorillamask) Friday's Random Graph Extravaganza (Holytaco) Aaron Sorkin Rewrites Brad Pitt's Moneyball (Filmdrunk) Naughty News Bloopers Montage (Manofest) A Remote-Controlled Water Cannon Sounds Pretty Awesome (Walyou) The 10 Most Spectacularly Mediocre Films Of The Past Decade (Pajiba) The 6 Most Baffling Superheroes From Around The World (Cracked) Funniest Movie Death Scenes (Sickpigs) 105 Counts Of Statue-tory Rape (Coedmagazine) 15 Little-Known Facts About Gary Busey (Celebjihad) The Art Of The Quickie (Mademan) Brock Lesnar Hates Cheap Chairs (Cagepotato) 5 Awesome Deleted Scenes From Dramatic Movies (Unreality) New Words Added To Miriam-Webster, Also Some Suggestions (Asylum) Heather Nichols, AKA "Girl Humped By Rampage Jackson" (Bustedcoverage) Some Of The Nastiest Canned Foods From Around The World (Uncoached) Awesome Swimming Pool Dunks? … Alright, They're Pretty Cool (Regretfulmorning) Delicious Barbeque Recipies, Minus The Coronaries (Bachelorguy) Poor Economy Making High Schoolers Pay To Play Sports (Moondogsports) Kid Gets Knocked Out After A Backyard Boxing Match (Nothingtoxic) Inappropriate Workplace: Bored And Room (Atomfilms) New Clip From Harry Potter 6 (Filmofilia)

‘JENNIFER’S BODY’ SFW TRAILER HAS ARRIVED
Thursday, July 9 by

JENNIFERS BODY SFW Trailer – Watch more Movie TrailersOn Monday, we posted ShockTilYouDrop's Red Band trailer for Jennifer's Body, and today, the theatrical trailer was released online.  This one's noticeably tamer and free of Diablo Cody's trademark "Diablogue" like the soon-to-be-meme, "Smells like Thai food in here. Were you guys f**king?" We're guessing if Fox had allowed a permutation of that line in thisSFW version, it would go something like, "Smells like Thai food in here. Were you guys cooking Thai food?Here are today's top links that make you feel like you do while you're smelling Thai Food:Amanda Pogrell In Scant Clothing (Gorillamask) A Brief History Of Ruined Photos And Photo Bombs (Holytaco) Ricky Gervais Makes Fun Of Ralph Fiennes (Filmdrunk) 20 Freakishly Large Animals (Manofest) A Totally Awesome R2D2 Trashcan (Walyou) Classic Trailer Appreciation: Dodgeball (Pajiba) 7 Classic Star Wars Characters That Totally Dropped The Ball (Cracked) I Guess Creepy Dudes Like Ruining Photos In Japan (Sickpigs) What To Do If You Win The Lottery (Coedmagazine) Miley Cyrus Is Trying To Get You Arrested (Celebjihad) Worst Cars For Picking Up Chicks (Mademan) A Guide To Helping You Win Money From UFC 100 (Cagepotato) What Celebrities Would Look Like If They Moved To Oklaholma (Unreality) 3 Videogame Movies Hollywood Is Going To Eff Up (Asylum) Erin Andrews Takes Ball Off Chin (Bustedcoverage) 15 Awesome Pictures Of A Very Young Beatles Group (Uncoached) Elevator Episode: "Scars" (Elevator) 5 Landmarks In The Evolution Of Animated Porn (Regretfulmorning) Grilly Goat Proves To Be Useful Grilling Accessory (Bachelorguy) Photos Of Denise Milani Never Get Old (Moondogsports)

‘BRUNO’ VS. ‘BETH COOPER’: THE DIVA CHART
Thursday, July 9 by

Friday marks the release of two "major" films, and both of them star celebrities who have lusted after Milo Ventimiglia.  I Love You, Beth Cooper tells the story of an unrequited high school crush. Brüno tells the story of… well, you’ve seen Borat right?  It's like that, but with different accents and a lot more butt sex jokes.  But here we are in the middle of July with not a single cat fight. Even Mariah Carey is playing nice with Janet Jackson! So, we went ahead and charted out the Diva War, blow by blow, to determine who'll be box office champion of the weekend! Actually, it's pretty obvious Brüno's gonna sweep the floor with Hayden's alabaster locks, but let's give each side a fair shake.Here you are, the scientific breakdown of each person’s worth (sums it up well):

‘I LOVE YOU, BETH COOPER’ ACTRESS LAUREN STORM
Thursday, July 9 by

In the trailer for I Love You, Beth Cooper, someone whispers about the arrival of "The Trinity."  We've already covered one third of these lovely ladies, Lauren London, and we have faith that you can find photos of Hayden Panettiere on your own.  That leaves us with Lauren Storm, the final piece of the puzzle.  She's mostly done TV up to this point, with roles on "Malcom In The Middle," "24," and "Flight 29 Down," but this could prove to be her breakthrough into mainstream movies.  At least we hope so.  She also is owner of the funniest IMDB trivia section ever, which simply reads: "Jewish."A word from Lauren: "I don't watch a whole lot of TV, but when I have time I watch a lot of HBO. I think they have really good quality television. And I think they have really well made products."While Lauren is angling to get a job on an HBO show, you can check out hot photos of her.  After the jump, of course!

MICHAEL BAY’S EARTH EVAC LIST
Thursday, July 9 by
HAYDEN PANETTIERE’S BODY…OF WORK
Thursday, July 9 by

You remember the little girl from Remember The Titans? Yes you do. Don't you sit there and lie to me. You know damn well you watched that movie and said to yourself, "That girl is gonna be hot someday." Then you said, "Is that weird of me to say that? Does that make me a pedophile?" And the answer is," Don't look now, but Chris Hansen is standing behind you."Regardless of your deviance, we can all agree that Hayden grew up from this…All the way into this very attractive and very legal woman.    In honor of Miss Panettiere starring in I Love You, Beth Cooper this Friday, let's follow her career path starting with her breakout role and see how Hayden's… ahem… developed. "HEROES"

FIRST 8 MINUTES OF ‘THE HURT LOCKER’ – WARNING: SPOILERS!!!
Wednesday, July 8 by

Seems we have a hankerin' for purée de ballsack today, because this 8-minute clip from The Hurt Locker popped up on Hulu not too long ago and we couldn't resist posting it.  If you haven't read our review of the film – currently in limited release – AND you enjoy verbal fellation, bone up here. The above opening scene sets the anything-goes tone but doesn't quite do the theatrical experience justice.  Word to the wise, should you decide to see The Hurt Locker at the cinema, you'll need to make sure your underpants have their own pocket organizer so they can pencil in a reminder about their inevitable meeting with a Mr. Poop Fromyourbutt.  He took several meetings with various pairs of undergarments in my screening.

NEW ‘DISTRICT 9′ TRAILER WILL PURÉE YOUR BALLS
Wednesday, July 8 by

DISTRICT 9 Official Trailer – Watch more Movie TrailersThe latest full-length trailer for District 9 has just debuted and to put it simply, "Gagagagooooooo!" *slaps face with both hands repeatedly, does double take with eyes wide like saucers* Arresting visuals? Check. Compelling plot? Double check! Mech suits that might rival Avatar? I'm not sacrilegious. It's like they put Signs, Iron Man, and Slumdog Millionaire into a blender but instead of setting to "Blend" they went straight to "Purée Your Balls Awesome." And now my balls are but a frothy soup. So much for having children, I guess. Is it wrong that I'm totally okay with this?HERE ARE TODAY'S LINKS THAT WILL AT LEAST JULIENNE YOUR BALLS!Rachel Mestonen Is Hot (Gorillamask) Corey Feldman's Doodles At Michael Jackson's Memorial Service (Holytaco) Apparently, There Is Going To Be A MacGruber Movie (Filmdrunk) The 50 Most Bizarre Google Earth Images (Manofest) Finally – A Battleship Drinking Game! (Walyou) Words Of Wisdom From 80s Comedies (Pajiba) 6 Badass Tricks You Can Do With Fire… That Could Kill You (Cracked) 70s-Style 2012 Trailer?  Hell Yes. (Sickpigs) "We Are The World," Except Done By Japanese People (Coedmagazine) Madonna Looks Strong… Scarily Strong… (Celebjihad) 8 Signs I Might Give It Up Tonight (Mademan) Does Having A Day Job Make You A Tough Fighter? (Cagepotato) 20 Badass Video Game Cosplay Costumes (Unreality) 8 Women-Approved Tips From Pickup Bootcamp (Asylum) We Can Only Hope Charles Furbush Makes It To The Majors (Bustedcoverage) The Best Slim Jim Commercials Of All Time (Uncoached) Cuddle Parties Sound Really Cool (Regretfulmorning) Manliness Of Yesteryear: The Duel (Bachelorguy) Teenage Boy Tries To Sell Nude Photos Of His Mom… Very Weird (Moondogsports) Gangsters Knock A Dude Out, Get Their Asses Kicked (Nothingtoxic) Pick Your Favorite Star Wars Fan Film (Atomfilms) Harry Potter 6 Ticket Sales Outpace Transformers 2, Will Most Likely Be Better Film (Filmofilia)

‘BRUNO’ VICTIM BRITTNY GASTINEAU
Wednesday, July 8 by

Bruno comes out this Friday, which inevitably means that a bunch of real people are going to look very dumb to the general movie-going public that day as well.  Socialite/model Brittny Gastineau is one of the many in this group.  She assists Bruno in his attempt to infiltrate American television, to the expected hilarious result.  While she manages to look stupid in amazingly offensive ways (you'll understand when you see the movie), she also maintains an incredibly high hotness quotient, thereby putting her lack of intelligence or social tact in the "who gives a sh*t?" category for most of the males watching her in the flick.A Word From Brittny (Via Twitter): "Doing laser hair removal at dr frank ryans office and boyy does it HURT!!! I'm such a baby"Eloquent words from Ms. Gastineau.  Hopefully her insightful Tweeting will help rebuild her image after the movie… Oh, who are we kidding?  She's still hot, and that's all that matters.  Speaking of which, check out more smokin' photos of Brittny after the jump!

TRAILER FOR ‘BIG FAN’ STARRING PATTON OSWALT
Tuesday, July 7 by

BIG FAN Trailer – Watch more Movie Trailers Robert Siegel made a big splash with critics when he scripted The Wrestler and it looks like he's going to be lauded copiously once again. The trailer for his directorial debut Big Fan has hit the 'Net and it looks like an novel concept. Patton Oswalt stars as a repressed toll-booth worker who gets beat down by his NFL hero. The trailer does a good job of pulling me in. Although I don't need another place to watch an Italian family scream at one another.  I get my fix of that with reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond.Get Your Evening Fix Of Hot Girls, Hilarity, and Weird-Ass News With These Links: Carrie Lachance Has A Lot Of Interesting Skimpy Outfits (Gorillamask) The Oldest Bible Seems Very Familiar (Holytaco) Slumdog Millionaire Actor Moves Into A Nice Apartment (Filmdrunk) Like Beer Pong Or Not, This Video Is Amazing (Manofest) Tetris Wall Shelves: For Those Whose Walls Aren't Nerdy Enough (Walyou) The Big Fan Trailer Has Patton Oswalt Playing Serious (Pajiba) The 6 Best Movies Where People Are Hunted For Sport (Cracked) How To Not Be a Douchebag New Yorker In NYC (Coedmagazine) Michael Jackson Buried Beside His Dead Career (Celebjihad) How To Build A Kegerator (Mademan) How not to Pick Up Your Co-Worker (Man in the Box) Rampage Jackson Almost Succeeds In Impregnating Reporter (Cagepotato) Where Are They Now?  The Cast Of Predator (Unreality) How To Avoid A Terrible Road Trip Experience (Asylum) Video Proof That Mets Fans Are Tools (Bustedcoverage) Chong Li From Bloodsport: Now 71, Can Still Beat You Up (Uncoached) 12 Items That Shouldn't Be Available Used On Amazon (Regretfulmorning) 5 Tips For Keeping Your Shoes Like New (Bachelorguy) Which MLB Division Leader Will Not Make The Playoffs? (Moondogsports)