Dreamworks has hired the voices of Nicolas Cage and Ryan Reynolds for an upcoming caveman comedy. The film was being developed at Aardman Animations with the name Crood Awakenings but is now simply called The Croods. Why change it? Both names conjure the image of diarrhea equally. Hey! Here's the plot: “An old school caveman must lead his family across a volatile prehistoric landscape in search of a new home. The outsized flora and fauna are challenge enough, but the real complication arises when the family is joined by an alarmingly modern caveman whose search for “tomorrow” is at odds with our hero’s reliance on the traditions of yesterday.” Cage will play the cave-dad while Reynolds voices the modern caveman who charms Cage's daughter. Sounds like a snake's oil salesman, if you ask me. Then again, snake's oil had a lot of practical uses back in those days, the main one being a lubricant. He had it all figured out, that snake's oil salesman. (Variety)
As April 30th grows closer, New Line is beginning their full-on marketing push for Platinum Dunes re-imagining of A Nightmare on Elm Street. This week has given us an onslaught of promotion. By this point we've seen a teaser, behind-the-scenes footage, stills, and now this second trailer. The first trailer offered bits of Freddy's backstory and a glimpse of Jackie Earle Haley in the makeup. This time around we get a good look at the nightmare sequences themselves, though not that great of a look at Krueger. But from what we do see, I'd say he's a lot more terrifying than his days with the Fat Boys.
Showgirls 2: The Return – Redband Trailer – Watch more Movie TrailersMurder by dumbbell, tainted coke, nipples, and strobe filters. Showgirls 2 resembles the locker room at my local Bally's Fitness. Don't ask me why the janitor rapidly flicks the lights on and off in there. One second you're checking your weight, the next second you're the subject of a massive circle jerk.Someone willingly gave director Marc Vorlander $25 million dollars to film a sequel to the atrocious Showgirls and it appears he spent most of it on the retro 45-second title sequence at the end of the trailer. Wow, Vorlander directed this piece of sh*t?! I knew that guy in high school. He'd always flick the lights on and off in gym…wait a minute. Bally's janitor! These links want a lap dance.The Most Racist Movies Ever (Moviefone)Creepy Batman Burlesque Show (Asylum)25 Sexy Snow Bunnies (HolyTaco)6 Ways to Get Lectured By Internet Commenters (Uproxx)Soccer Goalie Delivers Lethal Drop Kick (TotalProSports)10 Movies Where People's Heads Explode (Unreality)Pudzianowski's Next Opponent is a Fat Guy (CagePotato)Best Video Game Sports Reenactments (Maxim)Hot Alessandra Ambrosia Pics (CelebJihad)7 Best Buddy Cop Movies (Pajiba)Brangelina are Still Collecting Children (Atom) Sexy Spring Break Safety Tips (MadeMan)Danica and Dale Jr. at War (AllLeftTurns)
World's Greatest Dad.It was rumored some time ago that Mickey Rourke would portray Conan's dad in Marcus Nispel's upcoming Conan remake. The dealmaking fell through at the time but the producers likely sweetened the pot by offering a bag of sweetened pot (it's like kettle corn for your lungs). Now Rourke is close to signing on. As reported before Conan stars Fake Lenny Kravitz (with Leo Howard playing Lil' Conan) as he goes on a quest to avenge the slaughter of his people.This casting makes perfect sense. If Rourke were to have a child, there's no way that kid wouldn't grow up to have dreadlocks and a sword collection. (THR)
Heat Vision has posted a list of seven actors believed to be screen testing this week and next for The First Avenger: Captain America. They are Michael Cassidy (Smallville), Patrick Flueger (The 4400), Mike Vogel (She's Out of My League), Scott Porter (Friday Night Lights), Chace Crawford (Gossip Girl), Garret Hedlund (Tron Legacy), and Jim "John Krasinski" from The Office.Okay, but who are the real choices? What? These are them? THESE are them?? These guys. Okay. Well, silly me. I thought you'd cast someone who could carry the film and it's eventual Avengers spin-off. That's my bad. Far be it from me to tell the director of The Wolfman and Jurassic Park III what he should do differently. (THR)
Michelle Trachtenberg was and always will be Harriet the Spy. She was hot then and she's hot now. No wait, it's okay I think she was hot then because the memories are from when I was younger. I don't think she was hot then anymore. …Only kinda. A word from Michelle: "Anything you throw at me, I'll try to tackle…wait, does that make sense?" No. The pics after the jump make ALL KINDS of sense.
Jonah Hill has signed on for The Sitter, a comedy that's being compared to Adventures in Babysitting or Charles in Charge with less coke on set. Like Jackie Chan before him, Hill will play a babysitter in charge of the well-being of three children. Though unlike Chan he will not have the secret side-profession of international spy. Let us hope that the family doesn't have a pet pig or duck or whatever Hollywood decides to give them to make the marketing more quirky. The evening goes awry when Hill brings the kids to a drug dealer's house while trying to score some blow so that he can get laid. So, that's how he does it!!David Gordon Green is in talks to take over the directing duties from The Wackness's Jonathan Levine, who is currently working on I'm With Cancer. Buzz is that the script is hilarious, but what attracted Hill to the project was the mention that his babysitter character would have full fridge privileges. (THR)
"I just go where they tell me to."The biggest problem I have with The Karate Kid remake isn't the casting or the performances but the premise. In the second trailer, we see Jaden Smith uprooted 11,000 miles away from home and forced to adjust to life on the rough and tumble streets of Beijing. I'm sorry but I refuse to believe that China is worse than Detroit. If you've ever been to Michigan, you know it looks like the aftermath of a zombie war. In China, the only real menace is subway overcrowding. All that withstanding, I can see this movie doing well. Jaden Smith's smugness is played down and Jackie Chan works as the grizzled mentor. Also, a monk threatens to bitchslap a cobra. The only thing that doesn't work for me are the "humorous" moments. I mean, c'mon. Is this a remake of The Karate Kid or Rush Hour 2? WATCH JACKIE CHAN BEAT CHILDREN AFTER THE JUMP…
Denmark Introduces Harrowing New Tourism Ads Directed By Lars Von TrierThe Onion got their hands on a few new Denmark tourism ads that director/cinematic sadist Lars Von Trier has been putting together. I'm sure more folks are inclined to visit now that they're aware of the banging club scene, but a pictorial on Willem Defoe's naked, flexed ass would have brought them in in droves.Take a magical trip through today's links.The Future of 3D in Cinema (Moviefone)Worst Real-Life Bosses (Asylum)25 Terrible Athletes (HolyTaco)Epic 80s Stripper Documentary (FilmDrunk)Naked Sled Racing Should be in the Olympics (TotalProSports)8 Best Hilarious Cameos in Comedies (Unreality)UFC Will Overcharge Fans in Movie Theaters (CagePotato)22 Awesome Things That Look Like Yoda (Maxim)Hilary Duff Thanks Her Fiancé with Her Mouth (CelebJihad)'Nightmare on Elm Street' Movie Poster (Pajiba)ICP Juggalo News (Atom)How To Make a Viral Video (MadeMan)Jimmie Johnson On Late Late Show (AllLeftTurns)6 Reasons Why You Didn't Get Laid Last Night (RegretfulMorning)
After casting a nationwide net, Joel and Ethan Coen have found an actress to portray the young protagonist in their True Grit remake. Thirteen-year old Hailee Steinfeld will be joining forces with Jeff Bridges and Matt Damon to hunt down Josh Brolin. Though Steinfeld isn't as popular as her co-stars, all of that is going to change. Her character, the fourteen-year old Mattie Ross, is described as a “simple, tough as nails, young woman in post-Civil War Arkansas. Her unusually steely nerves and straightforward manner are often surprising to those she meets. She possessed plenty of true grit and determination."Let's hope that Hailee Steinfeld is every bit as precocious as the character calls for. Remember, fourteen-year olds in Arkansas are considered mature for their age. They're at least mature enough to legally wed. (Deadline)
Pattinson always lets secrets slip when he's trippin' balls. Sharpen your razerblades all you emotionally fragile Twihards out there 'cause Kristen Stewart has officially stolen your man. Robert Pattinson confirmed that him and Twilight co-star Kristen Stewart have been dating for months but been keeping it a secret because they're frightened of girls cutting them open and parading around in their very own Edward and Bella suits. It was their wish to make their first public appearance as a couple at the BAFTA awards until they realized it's easier to be assassinated there.In kind of similar news, the vampire couple is being praised for their pasty white skin. Due to their popularity, experts predict that they could help lower cancer rates among impressionable teens and Jersey Shore fanatics. Kids in the school yard will learn that it's cool to be transparent, like my old friend Billy Costigan. We'd strip him down and hold him directly in front of the sun so we could watch as his heart pumped blood throughout his entire body. Our recesses were unsupervised. (DailyMail, CinemaBlend)
He's battled terrorists of the German, mercenary, cyber, and hot Asian persuasion. Now it looks like he's ready to go another round. With a string of recent duds behind him, Bruce Willis announced he'll be reprising the role of John McClane while promoting his upcoming dud Cop Out. According to Willis, this time around will see McClane stamp his passport and terrorism in one fell swoop."I think we're going to do a 'Die Hard 5' next year. It's got to go worldwide."He then lamented the plight of the action star."But I like so much more making fun of it, taking the piss out of it and not making it a big deal. Not making the fact that I've acted in a lot of movies a big deal. It's all illusion and it's all bullsh*t and it's a great job for me to have, but everything else you can set on fire. Making people laugh is the real deal."The ghost of Chris Farley commented "F*********ck you," while pouring over pictures of Willis's hot wife. (MTV)
Rashida Jones is the stunning daughter of media mogul Quincy Jones and model Peggy Lipton. If you need a reason to condone interracial relationships look no further than Rashida. Looks, brains, and she even sings backup for Maroon 5. What more could you want?!A word from Rashida: "Be friendly to everybody; protect yourself; people sometimes want a piece of you for no good reason."I have a damn good reason. I'm selfish and oblivious to the fact you wouldn't find me your intellectual or physical equivalent. So there (gives raspberry). More examples of interracial awesomeness after the jump.
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A lot of food gets wasted on film and commercial sets but that shouldn't be a problem on Ron Howard's upcoming comedy. Kevin James is expected to sign-on to play opposite Vince Vaughn in the untitled comedy about infidelity. In the film, Vaughn will play a man who finds out his best friend's wife is cheating and struggles with what to do with that knowledge. James, who appears next in Grown Ups, will play the betrayed friend who struggles with a pair of Docker's.It's good to see Ron Howard returning to comedy. I'm optimistic that these three will turn out genuinely touching, funny moments with a lot of heart. An enlarged heart, if you will. (THR)
DIRECTOR: Rob MarshallCAST: Johnny Depp; Penelope Cruz; Ian McShaneSYNOPSIS: Captain Jack Sparrow races to find the Fountain of Youth.
Let's thank the Internet for this nightmare image.Disney has given Ian McShane the executive order to stop shaving. Deadwood's pimp and murderer has been selected to portray the notorious pirate Blackbeard in Rob Marshall's Pirates of the Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides. It's time to celebrate. Open the f*ckin' canned peaches!If McShane signs on, he'll be squaring off against Johnny Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow as he slurs and mumbles and gets slapped by women while trying to find the Fountain of Youth. Penelope Cruz has also joined the cast recently as Depp's atractivo sexualmente foil (translation: corset boobs). With these two casting additions, this could be a film to look forward to. Richardson has given it his seal of approval. (THR)
I'll have what she's having.A handful of new stills from the upcoming A Nightmare On Elm Street remake have appeared online and it turns out that Freddy won't just only be running his claws along walls and pipes for dramatic effect. Yeah, we get it. He's proud of that glove. Smelting and soldering are hard. Showboating, burnt weirdo.Judging from the pics and trailer, this film doesn't stray too far from the original but the surprises they do throw in look like really cool additions. By that I mean, A Nightmare on Elm Street now with hotter chicks. (MovieGod)SLIGHT SPOILERS AFTER THE JUMP BUT ONLY IF YOU DIDN'T ASSUME TEENS WOULD SUFFER FROM QUADRUPLED WOUNDS…
Ana De La Reguera is best known for her role as the nun in Jack Black's mexican wrestling film Nacho Libre. She' been slowly making a recovery since that crapfest. Ana also kind of resembles Penelope Cruz, but less horse-faced.A word from Ana: "Brad Pitt has bad breath."Let me consult my dictionary here. Yep, that's a burn. Ana looks like she smells delightful in the pics after the jump.
Last month we reported that Mark Strong was considering playing Sinestro in Green Lantern, and now he's apparently made up his GD mind. DC Entertainment's Chief Creative Officer Goeffrey Johns revealed the news via his Twitter account the other day:Back from an amazing trip to Green Lantern town a.k.a. New Orleans!! Ryan IS Hal. And Mark Strong is going to be a brilliant Sinestro.Kilowog, the Guardians, Oa…all breathtaking. The age of Green Lantern is upon us!!He then went on to tweet:Found plastic beads in my stool this morning. Bourbon Street is CRAZY, folks! In case you were unaware, Blake Lively is also starring in the Martin Campbell directed Green Lantern. Ryan Reynolds is doing something in it too. Something less attractive than Blake Lively. (Collider)
A few years ago Natalie Portman started a production company named Handsomecharlie Films in order to develop projects that "better suited her tastes." Apparantly one of those tastes is the sweeeeet sticky icky.In addition to Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, Portman is now developing a stoner comedy called Best Buds about two female friends who take a road trip to their friend's wedding in order to save her by bringing her weed. It's said to be like Half Baked or Harold and Kumar except in this one the protagonists know what it's like to touch boobs. Between this project and Your Highness with Danny McBride, Portman could emerge as High Times Magazine's "Actress of the Year." Though it's an honor just to be nominated. (Pajiba)
Films only have a limited time to get their whole story across. If a crazy dragon thing is introduced on Pandora early in a film, you can bet your bottom dollar that the main Na’vi hero will be riding that dragon thing by forcing his sexual ponytail into it by the end. But sometimes, threads are introduced in films that really don’t add up to anything. Whether it’s laziness or stupidity no one can say for sure. Except me. And I say it is laziness and stupidity. Here are 9 movie plot threads that don’t really go anywhere.Batman Returns – Max Shreck’s Reverse Power Plant
Kevin Smith wants Seann William Scott to take it to the boards for his new hockey comedy Hit Somebody. The script is based on a Warren Zevon song with lyrics by Mitch Alborn that tells the story of a hockey enforcer who strives to score a single goal in a game. No deal is in place yet but this is who Smith really wants for the project. Having worked together most recently on Cop Out, Smith says of Scott:"I had all the elements in place, and the one thing I was missing was the personality. Generally I like to write to a voice, but I didn't know who that voice was or what that voice could be. And then after spending all the time with Seann on this movie, he's pitch perfect. He is that guy."He goes on to say:"I look at this as Seann's opportunity to go to the (Tom) Hanks level."What does that entail? Goofy wigs and AIDS dramas? If I were to cast a movie called Hit Somebody, my immediate choice would be to hire Sean Penn. (NHL.com)
Seems the audtion process needs a few more checks and balances. Here are your weekend links.Black Hollywood's 10 Game-Changing Films (Moviefone)Zebra Escapes in Downtown Atlanta (Asylum)25 Dog Fails (HolyTaco)Make a Damned Pong Movie Already (FilmDrunk)This Cricket Fan Had One Too Many (TotalProSports)10 Celebrities Turned Muscle Heads (Unreality)The UFC Has No Loyalty to Anyone (CagePotato)Best Supporting Mustaches (Maxim)Megan Fox Looks Cold in W Magazine (CelebJihad)Leonardo DiCaprio Career Assessment (Pajiba)57 Seconds of Abuse (Atom)15 Great Jack Drinks (MadeMan)Dale Earnhardt Jr. Gear Contest (AllLeftTurns)
What a punum on this one. The vein in the forehead really sells it for me. In this red-band clip from She's Out of My League, Jay Baruchel tries to hold it in for Alice Eve, but, understandably, fails. I WISH I had the opportunity to destroy a pair of Dockers due to Alice-Eve-friction on my sensitive areas. She wouldn't even have to touch. A simple glance would send me twitching and flopping to the ground. Oh pretty ladies, how they make standing in line at Subway such a chore. Tell us your birthday to check out the red-band clip here, and try to control yourself.
Kate Nauta stars in The Good Guy this Friday, but you may better recognize her as the machine gun-wielding killer in the very impractical outfit from Transporter 2. Pink, lingerie, stilettos, and gobs of black eyeliner to blow someone's head off? Then again she might be using the sight of dewy side-boob to stun her victims. A word from Kate: "I never met a beer I couldn't handle."Beer's a little easy. Having never met a bottle of whisky you couldn't handle would be more impressive. Let's go out and you can impress me until your better judgement has dissolved. You can't handle the pics after the jump.
Those tissues aren't for the tears. The new red band trailer for Kick-Ass tackles a subject very near and dear to all teenagers. The protagonist's dedication to making regular spank bank donations leads him to a higher calling: kicking ass without the help of super powers. I thought I'd be sick of more Kick-Ass footage, but the new trailer succeeds in its attempt to get me even more amped up. I'm thinking of stretching a pair of my neighbor's pantyhose over my head and putting an end to crime. I'll then be arrested for breaking into my neighbor's house and stealing her pantyhose, a charge I'll vehemently defend as a necessary evil. Check out the trailer below.
There's been a few new developments with the Spider-Man reboot that may have a positive effect on the unnecessary reboot. We already know that director Marc Webb recently met with James "Piss in the Soup" Cameron, but now there's word that he's met with another heavy hitter. Comics demi-god Brian Michael Bendis tweeted yesterday that he and the filmmakers had a meeting at Sony. He went on to comment, "very, very cool stuff!!"Bendis should know what is and isn't cool in the world of superheroics. He's written many of the best comics out there, including Ultimate Spider-Man, and has won five Eisner Awards. There's no word if Bendis will re-write the script or consult with story changes but the fact that they even met is a step in the right direction. My nerd boner is 19% chubby as of right now. But it could be easily deflated depending on what little f*cktard nabs the role of Peter Parker. (Bendis Twitter)
Today we get a second look at Oliver Stone's Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps via the international trailer. Even though we didn't ask for it. Thanks, I guess. This time around we learn a bit more about the plot. Michael Douglas is out of jail and lecturing a new generation about how to rob people blind. Shia LaBeouf stars as his idealistic ward who incidentally plans to marry his estranged son daughter. A bunch of cliché stuff happens and there are motorcylces and the Rolling Stones. Then Shia must choose between millions of dollars and dating a girl who looks like Justin Bieber. The End. Hey, remember 9/11? Seriously, what's up with Carey's hair? Try to figure it out after the jump…