News - Page 233

10 HOTTEST FEMALE GRIFTERS IN MOVIES
Tuesday, August 11 by

In SPREAD, opening this Friday, Ashton Kutcher plays Nikki, a high-end lothario who has slept his way into a life of privilege.  We haven't seen the film, but we're pretty sure that we'd rather it focused on Kutcher's co-star Margarita Levieva, if only to give us more screen time with her.  In the film, Levieva plays Heather, who turns out to be a grifter just like Nikki… and the plot thickens. But it got us thinking that Heather, no matter how good she is at swindling through sex, has got some pretty stiff competition cinematically speaking.  The following ten sexpots are Screen Junkies' picks for the 10 Hottest Female Grifters in Movies.   Angelina Jolie as Julie Russell ORIGINAL SIN (2001)

PEE-WEE HERMAN STAGES HIS COMEBACK
Tuesday, August 11 by

1980's nostalgia continues to boom as Paul Reubens has announced that he'll be dusting off the red bow-tie. The LA Times reports that Pee-wee Herman will perform onstage in Hollywood this November for a limited engagement at the Music Box @ Fonda. Perhaps if this run is successful it will lead to the big screen productions Reubens has been trying to get off the ground for the last nine years. The actor stated, "I've put part of him away for a long time but part of him has always been here with me. I think it will be like riding a bike — which is not a bad analogy for Pee-wee, by the way." Although his humor is off the beaten track, I'm glad that Reubens decided to pound the pavement and put this show together. His laziness was beginning to rub me the wrong way. On an unrelated note, I wonder if he listens to The Strokes?Check out these big adventurous morning links…Exclusive interview with District 9 director Neill Blomkamp. (Latino Review) Wolverine Goes To Japan. (First Showing)Design a poster for Triangle. (Empire)Courtney Cox will say anything. (Dread Central)Kathryn Bigelow gets some action in Brazil. (Cinematical)Tara Reid back on the sauce. (Cinema Blend)

MYSTERY TEAM SHORT: THE CASE OF THE HAUNTED HOTEL
Monday, August 10 by

MYSTERY TEAM Haunted Hotel Short – Watch more Funny Videos DERRICK COMEDY's new film MYSTERY TEAM opens nationwide in October, here's a new mini adventure to hold you over right now.  If you like to laugh at naive youngsters being put in awkward, potentially life-shattering situations (like we do), then you'll love "The Case of the Haunted Hotel," which debuted online today.  It's got alcoholic dads, political scandals, sex with minors, hush money and a floor made entirely of lava.  What more could you want?  Laughs? Fine.  Take them. Coinciding with the release of the short is the announcement of early screenings of the film in select cities, the schedule for which you can get after the jump.  Before you do, be sure to check out these mystery links: Shonda Lee Is Quite Hot (Gorillamask) If State Flags Were Honest (Holytaco) Joaquin Phoenix Is Still Acting Crazy (Filmdrunk) The Funniest Newspaper Headlines Of All Time (Manofest) Star Wars Golf Club Covers For Geeky Golfers (Walyou) Harmony Korine Makes Yet Another Really Weird Movie (Pajiba) The 5 Circles Of Baffling Web Comic Hell (Cracked) Kid Solves Rubik's Cube And Plays Guitar Hero On Expert (Coedmagazine) Billy Mays' Legacy Tainted By Cocaine Use (Celebjihad) How To Be A Real American Hero (Mademan) Fedor Disses Brock Lesnar And More! (Cagepotato) Classic Clips From Every Movie John Hughes Directed (Unreality) Which Dystopian Film Is Most Likely To Come True? (Asylum) Michigan QB Moonlights As A Coke Dealer (Bustedcoverage) A Collection Of Car Demotivational Posters (Uncoached) The 10x Bacon Turkey Melt from Subway Deserves Its Own Film (Regretfulmorning) The Booze Death Calculator (Bachelorguy) Katherine Heigel Gets Called Out On Her Comments About Hard Work (Moondogsports) Freak Eats Thousands Of Snakes (Nothingtoxic) The Legend Of Neil Episode 8: Neil Goes For Broke (Atomfilms) Frank Langella Joins Wall Street (Filmofilia)

SPREAD
Monday, August 10 by

Director: David MackenzieCast: Ashton Kutcher, Anne Heche, Margarita Levieva, Sonia Rockwell, Maria Conchita Alonso, Shane Brolly

‘THE GOODS’ ACTRESS JORDANA SPIRO
Monday, August 10 by

I'll get the obvious corny statement out of the way:  The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard actress Jordana Spiro does, in fact, have "The Goods."  Har.  She plays Ivy Selleck, love interest to Jeremy Piven's Don Ready and fiancée to Ed Helms's Paxton Harding in the film.  The movie looks racy, but expect Spiro to add a layer of class and beauty to the film (as far as we can tell, they gave all the dildo jokes to Will Ferrell)  Outside of the new flick, she's been keeping busy playing every man's dream girl: the tom boy sports writer PJ on the TBS series "My Boys."  Between movies about failing used car lots and TV shows about sports, it's safe to say Jordana Spiro should be the object of every American man's affection.A word from Jordana: "Basically my homework for the show was to learn how to play poker, watch sports and drink beer. It was really difficult."We're not exactly sure how she got a job that involved performing things that men do for fun, but we're guessing it had something to do with her looks.  We're also a little jealous of her.  Check out more hot photos of Jordana after the jump!

THIS THURSDAY!! ‘DISTRICT 9′ MIDNIGHT SCREENINGS!!!
Monday, August 10 by

 Anticipation is in the air as nerd boners stiffen and engorge across the country. The eagerly-awaited District 9 opens THIS THURSDAY AT MIDNIGHT and that means that YOU can be one of the first to see it. According to early buzz and our review, the movie is stellar. You should definitely stay up late to catch what looks to be one of this summer's best. I'd stay up to watch it but I've got to deliver my papers in the morning. It's my sworn duty and I intend to honor it. (District 9) Focus your eyeballs on these morning links… Some info about The Thing prequel. (/Film) Paul Giamatti replaces Sean Penn in The Three Stooges. (Empire)  Sum Dood cast as Green Hornet's Kato. (Cinematical) Salma Hayek totally unshaven. (Dread Central) Doug Liman is the new Hero of the Hudson. (Cinema Blend) Awesome scenes from G.I. Joe cartoon box set. (io9) So happy that Tuco made this list. (Pajiba)

‘I LOVE YOU, MAN’ RED-BAND CLIP: PAUL RUDD PUKES ON JON FAVREAU
Saturday, August 8 by
‘I LOVE YOU, MAN’ EXCLUSIVE DVD CLIP: BEHIND THE VOMIT
Saturday, August 8 by

I LOVE YOU, MAN – Behind the Vomit – Watch more Funny VideosEarlier this year, we put together a list of classic vomit scenes from film, prompted by the now infamous scene of Paul Rudd spackling his innards all over Jon Favreau.  The clip's taken its place in the pantheon of puke of film, and we've now probably watched the scene over a dozen times, because it's just so damn convincing.   And we were never quite sure just how the director John Hamburg pulled it off so convincingly… until now.The exclusive DVD clip – which appears on the upcoming I LOVE YOU, MAN DVD & Blu-Ray – above gives us an all-access glimpse behind the vomit.  The amount of work that went into making this happen sort of blew our minds.  It's like watching Peter Jackson constructing an FX shot from LORD OF THE RINGS, only instead of Elijah Wood waxing poetic about boysenberries with Sir Ian McKellan or whatever they talked about, you have ANCHORMAN's Brian Fantana projectile vomiting Campbell's Chunky Minestrone all over the director of the IRON MAN movies.  I LOVE YOU, MAN starring Paul Rudd, Jason Segel and Rashida Jones arrives on DVD & Blu-Ray Tuesday, August 11th, 2009.

IMAGINARIUM OF DR. PARNASSUS INTERNATIONAL TRAILER
Friday, August 7 by

Above is the first official trailer for cursed-but-dogged director Terry Gilliam's THE IMAGINARIUM OF DOCTOR PARNASSUS.  That poor ex-Python man just can't seem to make a movie without something going horribly wrong.  Before it was natural disasters shutting down THE MAN WHO KILLED DON QUIXOTE (check out the documentary LOST IN LA MANCHA to see what I mean) and this time is was the tragic death of the lead actor (Heath Ledger).  But like Dr. Parnassus, Gilliam wouldn't let mortality stop him, and not only kept Ledger in the film, but also added three others to round out the part of "Tony."  You can see Ledger plus Johnny Depp, Jude Law, and Colin Farrell all in the clip above, which was said to have made Frank Caliendo's mimicry boner explode. Okay, Junkies, here are your weekend links… If GI Joe Worked In Your Office (Holytaco) Mafia Hitman Says No To Channing Tatum (Filmdrunk) Fat People Breaking Things With Their Fatness (Manofest) Pillow With A Light In It Doesn't Seem Conducive To Sleeping (Walyou) Nathan Fillion Endorses Ryan Reynolds As Green Lantern (Pajiba) The Truth Behind "Real Monsters" That Fooled The Internet (Cracked) 10 Batsh*t Crazy Paula Abdul Replacements (Coedmagazine) How To Start Your Own Religion (Mademan) Edith Labelle Leaves UFC In Suspicious Fashion (Cagepotato) 10 Realistic Wonder Woman Candidates (Unreality) Phobias For The 21st Century (Asylum) Lamont Jordan On Las Vegas Hitlist (Bustedcoverage) 10 Amazing Time Lapse Videos (Uncoached) Extreme Water Sliding Should Be A Sport (Regretfulmorning) Chipotle-Flavored Beer? (Bachelorguy) Jessica Simpson Is In Full Meltdown Mode (Moondogsports) Old Man Gets Tazered At The Ball Game (Nothingtoxic) A Tribute To The 80s In Memory Of John Hughes (Atomfilms) Meryl Streep, Alec Baldwin, And Steve Martin In Romcom Together (Filmofilia)

WILL FERRELL DIES WHILE SKYDIVING WITH DILDOS
Friday, August 7 by

Death from Above…With Dildos – Watch more Funny VideosIn this new clip from THE GOODS: LIVE HARD, SELL HARD, car salesman extraordinaire Don Ready (Jeremy Piven) recounts the accidental death of his best friend McDermott to his lady friend, Ivy Selleck (Jordana Spiro).  Throw in the fact that McDermott is played by Will Ferrell, and that his death involves skydiving and a backpack full of dildos, anal beads and lube, and you've got comedy.  My idea of comedy usually only gets as far as lube (and a mirror), so this is pretty advanced stuff in my book.THE GOODS: LIVE HARD, SELL HARD opens Friday, August 14th.

‘JULIE AND JULIA’ ACTRESS VANESSA FERLITO
Friday, August 7 by

It's pretty much a certainty that Julie & Julia will lack any semblance of edge or bad-assery.  In spite of the fact that Julia Child was a spy before she was a cook, we think feel-good writer/director Nora Ephron chose to ignore that (here's hoping, however, that Paul Greengrass will direct a prequel to this movie focusing on her days as an impulsive secret agent).  The principal actresses Meryl Streep and Amy Adams don't really scream "gritty" either.  So, all hope would be lost for any sultriness in the film opening today, save for Vanessa Ferlito.  The Brooklyn-born beauty is most recently known for delivering a sexy lap dance to Kurt Russel in the extended version of Death Proof.  You may also remember her from the Tommy Lee Jones' film Man of the House (okay, we only remember the "This is my happy faaace!" line from that movie too).A word from Vanessa: "Directors look at me and think, Brooklyn, rough and tough. But I can also hang out with Helen Mirren." To be fair, Helen Mirren can hang in Brooklyn too.  Let's not forget that she's credited for the clapping at the beginning of the KRS-One song "MC's Act Like They Don't Know" But that's besides the point; check out more hot photos of Vanessa after the jump!

A HISTORY OF G.I. JOE WAR CRIMES
Friday, August 7 by

By Seymour Hersh, Investigative Journalist

JOHN HUGHES HAS DIED
Friday, August 7 by

The director responsible for a string of classics passed away yesterday. John Hughes reportedly suffered a fatal heart attack while visiting family in Manhattan. He was 59. Ferris Bueller's Day Off, The Breakfast Club, and Sixteen Candles (amongst others) will always be held in high regard around here. Screen Junkies would like to pass on our condolescences to the family and friends of Mr. Hughes. (AP)Don't you forget about these morning links…Where the Where The Wild Things Are second trailer is. (First Showing)Bryan Singer reteams with Syfy. (Latino Review)Fingers crossed! Louis C.K. may have a new show. (Variety)Galifianakis not too eager about Hangover 2. (IGN)Dethklok coming to a city near you. (TV Squad)

‘ZOMBIELAND’ RED-BAND TRAILER
Thursday, August 6 by

ZOMBIELAND Red Band Trailer – Watch more Movie Trailers After Shaun of the Dead, the idea of making a good zombie comedy must seem daunting to any sane person.  And while the green band trailer for Zombieland didn't make anyone immediately name it the successor to Shaun, the newly released red band trailer embraces the odd-couple pairing of Jesse Eisenberg and Woody Harrelson and the gratuitous zombie violence… all of which makes this trailer a fun watch.  Hopefully, the movie will be as awesome without getting tired of killing the undead.While you're thinking about just how many ways there really are to kill a zombie, check out these links for inspiration: Jeri Lee Actin' All Sexy (Gorillamask) A Flowchart To Determine If You're Going To Have Sex On A Date (Holytaco) Leo Dicaprio and Ridley Scott Have Eyes On Brave New World (Filmdrunk) 40 Sexy Girls Dressed As GI Joe Babes (Manofest) Microsoft Makes New Zune… But Why? (Walyou) The At The Movies Replacements Got Fired, Thank God (Pajiba) 6 Places You Should Never Twitter From (Cracked) The 11 Most Awesomely-Sorry Sly Stallone Soundtrack Songs (Coedmagazine) Megan Fox Talks About Angelina Jolie Again (Celebjihad) Most Wanted Chicks Of August (Mademan) Andrei Arlovsky Played Russian Roulette A Couple Times (Cagepotato) 17 Actors Who Played Themselves In Movies (Unreality) When Did The Kool-aid Man Start Wearing Pants? (Asylum) Cowboys' Stadium Bathroom And Toilets Boring (Bustedcoverage) Awesome "Before They Were Rockstars" High School Photos (Uncoached) The Most Awkward Article To Write A Blurb About (Regretfulmorning) You Can Make A Cocktail With Jager??? (Bachelorguy) Non-BCS Programs Need To Stop Whining (Moondogsports) Human Testing (Elevator)

‘COLD SOULS’ ACTRESS KATHERYN WINNICK
Thursday, August 6 by

Paul Giammatti is not known as a classical beauty, but rather possibly the most awesome actor of recent times (if this post were a soap box, I would spend the next twenty minutes bitching about how he didn't get an Academy Award for Sideways, but soap box this is not).  Luckily, his new film Cold Souls has plenty of pretty ladies surrounding him to make up for his lack of gorgeousness.  Yesterday, we noted Lauren Ambrose's presence in the film; today, we direct your attention to the blonde bombshell Katheryn Winnick.  The Canadian beauty has been in a bunch of projects ranging from small to big, but what sets her apart from her peers is that she's a third-degree black belt in tae kwon do, and a second-degree black belt in karate.  She's also a licensed body guard, which probably makes any guy reading this want to get rich and famous enough to necessitate a body guard, in hopes that they could find one this hot.  Our guess, however, is that they'd wind up with a 300 pound man named "Tito."A word from Katheryn: "I would love to work with Shirley McClaine, Phillip Seymour Hoffman. People that are grounded and human and passionate."We would love to see you work with them as well… Or take them on in a brutal tae kwon do sparring match.  Either way, it'd be cool.  Check out more photos of Katheryn after the jump!

TUCKER MAX VIDEO INTERVIEW
Thursday, August 6 by

Tucker Max.  Love him or hate him – and most people seem to fall into one of those two camps – you can’t deny the guy has exploited the internet…

SNUGGIE FOR DOGS
Thursday, August 6 by

Snuggie, everyone's favorite backward bathrobe is at it again. Not only did they invade our summer movies but now they've literally gone to the dogs. They've got some geniuses working over in the Snuggie camp. The pet accessories industry already rakes in 97 kajillion dollars per year. And now a sweet slice of that pie is going to Snuggie. I'm definitely going to invest. Ticker symbol: SNUG. Snuggie for Dogs – As Seen on TV Network – Watch more Funny Videos Warm your pups with these morning links… MTV 2009 VMA Best Breakthrough Videos. (The Playlist) Zombieland red band trailer. (Latino Review) Bill and Sookie are engaged. (NY Mag) James McTeigue might know something about a Superman reboot. (/Film) Ben and Ben no longer At The Movies. (Cinematical)

GIRL ON GAME SHOW INSULTS THE CHINESE WITH ANSWER
Wednesday, August 5 by

 Girl Gets Answer Very Wrong – Watch more Funny Videos Apparently the clip is from a Kiwi game show called "W3" – presumably from the early '80s based on hair dating technology – and features a young female contestant nonchalantly giving an answer that you might only expect from your well-meaning but racially insensitive relative who fought in WW2.  You have to commend young Jerry.  Like a young, Asian Martin Luther King of Oceanic televised game shows, he gives nary a flinch while following up with the correct answer.  Still, casual racism is hysterical, especially for white folks who feel inferior Asians, who, as whole, are omniscient. Increase your knowledge to sub-Asian levels (unless you are already Asian in which case, you have already read all of these in five languages) with these links: Actors Who Should Play Nascar Drivers (Allleftturns) Susan Weyland Wears A Lot Of Latex (Gorillamask) Bad News Crossword Puzzles (Holytaco) Have You Seen The Cast For Machete? (Filmdrunk) Keep MacGyver Away From Your Children (Manofest) Beer Glasses Made From Beer Bottles… Very Green (Walyou) The Time Traveler's Wife Now Changed To Be Happy (Pajiba) The Evolution Of The Internet Troll (Cracked) 10 Qualities Of A Great Drinking Buddy (Coedmagazine) Michael Douglas' Kid Is A Nerdy Drug Dealer (Celebjihad) Buy Yourself A Man-Cave (Mademan) World's Strongest Man To Fight MMA (Cagepotato) Hello Kitty Ruins Everything You Love In One Gallery (Unreality) What Songs Should Play At A Cougar Ball? (Asylum) Tennessee Vols Pose Shirtless With Lamborghini? (Bustedcoverage) 15 Animals That Got The Crap-End Of The Evolution Stick (Uncoached) Porn-Watching Habits Summarized In A Timeline (Regretfulmorning) The Steroid List Does Not Matter (Bachelorguy) Jennifer Anniston Is Lonely (Moondogsports) Redneck Boxing Match Ends Real Quick-Like (Nothingtoxic) New Sherlock Holmes Poster Showing Off Bad Guy (Filmofilia)

temp weds links
Wednesday, August 5 by

Actors Who Should Play Nascar Drivers (Allleftturns)Susan Weyland Wears A Lot Of Latex (Gorillamask)Bad News Crossword Puzzles (Holytaco)Have You Seen The Cast For Machete? (Filmdrunk)Keep MacGyver Away From Your Children (Manofest)Beer Glasses Made From Beer Bottles… Very Green (Walyou)The Time Traveler's Wife Now Changed To Be Happy (Pajiba)

‘COLD SOULS’ ACTRESS LAUREN AMBROSE
Wednesday, August 5 by

A movie about Paul Giammatti removing his soul from his body and then trying to find it in the underground world of soul trafficking?  That sounds indie-tastic!  The only way to make Cold Souls have more indie credibility would be to cast a pretty but decidedly non-mainstream actress in a part.  Enter Lauren Ambrose.  She started in the mainstream on TV and the film Can't Hardly Wait (arguably one of the best teen movies in the 90s, but is that saying much?), but decided to stick with weirder and more intriguing projects than the cookie cutter stuff in Hollywood.  She's well known for being the youngest of the Fisher family in the HBO series "6 Feet Under" and, of course, for her fiery red hair.  Listen for her voice in the upcoming Spike Jonze film Where The Wild Things Are. A word from Lauren: " I came to L.A. to work and become a better actress, not to be a star." I guess that explains why she didn't go the path of fellow redhead Lindsay Lohan.  Thank God for that.  Check out more hot photos of Lauren after the jump!

IF MOVIE POSTERS USED BAD REVIEWS
Wednesday, August 5 by

Don't you hate when you're really revved up to see a movie based off its awesome trailer only to find that the best part of the movie IS the trailer? That's because the studio didn't allow the press to review the movie in advance. They know they have a crappy product and any bad reviews could hurt their opening weekend box office.Nowadays, early buzz is as important to a film as the star whose name appears above the title. A bad review could snowball into bad word of mouth and then Twitter gets a hold of it and the opening weekend is shot. Have a look at the recent releases of Funny People and Bruno. Both were anticipating to stack dollars into the stratosphere but due to early complaints about issues with length and penises (I feel ya) the films underperformed (that's how I roll).

“SAVED BY THE BELL” REUNION DISSES BELDING AND SCREECH
Wednesday, August 5 by

Dennis Haskins, better known as Mr. Belding, is upset about being left out of the Saved By The Bell reunion that People magazine recently put together. Apparently Zack and the show's other main actors would only reunite if "creepy" Belding and Screech were excluded. "I earned the right to be there. If anybody deserved to be on that cover, it was Dennis Haskins," the actor explained to the Detroit News. "I want people to know it was not my choice not to be there, because I would have been there. It hurts my feelings, but I'll live." Not cool, you guys. Belding is just as much a part of the show as the rest of you. Just because he always leers at Jessie's chest while saying with a lecherous smile, "Loved you in Showgirls," is not reason enough to freeze him out. This is just like televised high school all over again. (NY Mag)Have a gander at these morning links…Trailer for Peter Jackson's latest The Lovely Bones. (Apple) Double-threat Heath Ledger directs a Modest Mouse video. (The Playlist)Larry Fessenden visits The Orphanage. (Dread Central)Jason Segel joins The Adventurer's Handbook. (First Showing)Netflix streaming on its way to iPhone. (Cinema Blend)Check out the hotties in new Sorority Row pics. (Latino Review) Drop $40K on the Predator pool table. (Uncrate)

‘ONG BAK 2′ TEASER TRAILER
Tuesday, August 4 by

Ong Bak 2: The Beginning Trailer – Watch more Movie TrailersOh man… Tony Jaa is back, and you know this one is gonna be better than the first Ong Bak flick 'cos there are waaay more elephants this time around and they're Jaa's energy source.  (It was said he exploded three silhouetted heads in a childhood screening of Dumbo.)  The teaser does its job not giving too much in the way of story (you can check out the synopsis after the jump) but that's moot.  I'm of the mindset that the thinner the plot, the more likely Tony Jaa can use it to slice someone's scrotum off (after setting it on fire, of course).Even if you have crippling ADD, try to stay focused til the end of the trailer, where some nefarious villain type laughs heartily as if he were hearing Zack Galifianakis say "ritard" in The Hangover for the first time.Here are today's top links to make you feel all ri-tarded inside: Sophie Turner In A Smorgasbord Of Skimpy Outfits (Gorillamask)Suggestions For The New Alien Movie (Holytaco)Twilight Author Accused Of Stealing From 15 Year Old Girl… Makes Sense (Filmdrunk)55 Photos, 110 Babes, Lots Of Double Vision (Manofest)Holy Crap… 4 In 1 Game Table Is Awesome (Walyou)There's Already A Movie Trailer For The True Story Of A First Round 2009 NFL Draft Pick (Pajiba)7 Old Songs That Would Make Eminem Blush (Cracked)Apparently It's "Point Out How Awesome Betty White Is" Day On The Internet (Sickpigs)18 Things You Didn't Know About Megan Fox (Coedmagazine)Jessica Alba Is Hot Again In Swimsuits (Celebjihad)How To Get With A Hot Bartender (Mademan)Fedor Probably Won't Get Immediate Title Shot (Cagepotato)Where Are They Now?  The Cast Of Menace II Society (Unreality)Boozing On A Budget (Asylum)Bad Boy Golfer John Daly Weighs In On Health Care Issues (Bustedcoverage)Memorable Movie Dance-Offs (Uncoached)True Confessions From Online Dating Hell (Regretfulmorning)Mad Your Car Got Towed? Pay The Bill In Pennies! (Bachelorguy)ESPN's "Mort Goes To Camp" Lacks Any Football News (Moondogsports)Man In The Box: High School Reunion (Maninthebox)Billy Mays' Resurrectifier (Linkdork)10 Endangered Species That Are Way Too Ugly To Live (Atomfilms)

WHAT CELEBS COULD LEARN FROM HE-MAN
Tuesday, August 4 by

He-Man and the Masters of the Universe wasn't just an awesome platform to sell toys. It was also a program that delivered good moral values to its young viewers, especially at the end of each episode (not unlike G.I. Joe).
Our scientists scoured the 'nets and assembled a collection of some of these lessons taught to us by He-Man and fellow Eternians… and then we thought about all the celebrities that could stand to learn from them.
Check out these lessons below. You might just learn something, too.

“G.I. JOE” MARKETS TO THE RED STATES
Tuesday, August 4 by

Paramount must realize the colossal turkey they have on their hands with G.I. Joe because now they're trying a new marketing approach… targeting dummies. A few weeks ago they directed their efforts on the Jersey Shore , now the LA Times is reporting that the advertising is focusing heavily on mid-America. The film is apparently embedded in the Kid Rock concert tour and advertising on giant screens in the Mall Of America. The message of this campaign being, it is your patriotic duty to see this movie. All right, fine. I love my country so I'll see this movie. Even though the post-traumatic stress will probably leave me a shell of my former self. Do your part and click on these morning links… Sacha Baron Cohen will create a new character. (The Sun)Sam Worthington replaces Tom Cruise in The Tourist. (The Playlist)Patricia Arquette spends a night with The Living Dead. (Dread Central)The Stallone Sequel Spree continues with Cliffhanger. (/Film) In defense of Funny People. (Cinema Blend)

FIRST LOOK: FOUR CLIPS FROM ‘KICK-ASS’
Monday, August 3 by

CLIPS REMOVED BY REQUEST OF LIONSGATE Well, seems like someone managed to sneak a camera into Hall H at Comic-con and snag all the clips from Matthew Vaughn and Mark Millar's KICK-ASS presentation.  But something tells me the filmmakers of this as-yet-unsold flick aren't gonna mind too much.  Not only do they need more hype, but the above clip – and the rest, which you can see after the jump – are about as high quality as the bootleg DVDs my mom used to get me from Shanghai.  So you're not gonna learn too much.  To give you some perspective, the knock-offs looked like the DP replaced the camera lens with an empty Vaseline jar, and the subtitles read as if written by a schizophrenic (case in point: the Green Goblin in SPIDER-MAN was referred to as the "Gublin" and the "Green Lady.") But hey, I still got the gist, and you will too with these promising – I think – first looks. [ via Twitch] Cup your ears to your speakers and squint through the other three clips after the jump (the kind that doesn't end in death through a car roof).  But before you do, enjoy these kick-ass links: Destiny Daniels Has An Interesting Array Of Almost No Clothing (Gorillamask) What Your Employee Badge Really Says About You (Holytaco) Michel Gondry Draws A Tranny For Filmdrunk (Filmdrunk) 10 Embarassing Moments Of White People Dancing (Manofest) Turn Your Shower Into A Rave With LED Shower Lights (Walyou) A Quiz On The Most Obscure Actors Of Recent Times (Pajiba) 7 Terrifying Giant Versions Of Disgusting Creatures (Cracked) A Scandalous Sex Tape From The Video Game World (Sickpigs) Trampolines+Basketball Hoops=Awesome (Coedmagazine) Jon Minus Kate Plus Skank (Celebjihad) 7 Novel Ideas For Theme Parties (Mademan) Fedor Signs With Strikeforce (Cagepotato) 15 Examples Of What People Really Think About TV Shows (Unreality) Should NFL Teams Have Jersey Ads? (Asylum) Matt Stafford's Girlfriend Got Implants? (Bustedcoverage) 15 Really Weird Hotel Rooms (Uncoached) Plus-Sized Fashion Failures (Regretfulmorning) Mad Men Yourself (Bachelorguy) Daily Kos Writer Thinks Forbes Disliked Athlete List Is Racist (Moondogsports) Two-Headed Calf Looks Like Something Out Of Guillermo Del Toro's Nighmare Journal (Nothingtoxic)

‘G.I. JOE: RISE OF COBRA’ ACTRESS KAROLINA KURKOVA
Monday, August 3 by

Unlike Michael Bay, who hires models for every non-matronly female part in his films, Stephen Somers only hires models to play models in his upcoming G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra.  The drop-dead gorgeous Karolina Kurkova will be playing the aptly nicknamed "Cover Girl," a former professional model who decided that runways and eating disorders were boring, and that blowing sh*t up in the army would be much more au courant.  A word from Karolina: "Mother Nature made me the way I am, and I should be happy."Most men would high five Mother Nature's palms red for creating Karolina. Check out the photos of Karolina after the jump and turn your palms red! From all the clapping, of course. 

SPIELBERG TO REMAKE “HARVEY”
Monday, August 3 by

Although his name has been attached to a slew of projects recently, Steven Spielberg has set his sights on Harvey as his next to direct. James Stewart starred in the original as a man who's best friend is a six-foot tall invisible rabbit. No word yet on casting or the unnecessary special effects that will bastardize this remake but let's see, who in Hollywood could pull off a protagonist who sees things that may or may not be there? Joaquin Pheonix, put down your microphone and dookie gold ropes. Steven Spielberg needs you. (The Playlist) Check out these other morning links… Dispute settled. Futurama cast returns. (/Film) Tom Arnold is full of sh*t. (MTV) What Michael Moore really wants to do is direct. (First Showing) Mary-Ann from True Blood. What up with her? (TV Squad) Rob Marshall is going to make Pirates 4 faaabbbbuuullllooouuussss! (Empire)

THE COEN BROTHERS ARE BACK WITH THE MOST JEWISH MOVIE OF THE YEAR
Friday, July 31 by

  A Serious Man (2009) – Official Trailer #1 [HD] – Watch more Funny VideosJoel and Ethan Coen are back with A Serious Man. The film centers on a Jewish professor who seeks stability in his unraveling life. Known for their creative casting choices, the Coen Brothers have populated this cast with mostly unknowns. Apart from Adam Arkin and Richard Kind, I'm not really familiar with the cast (though the secretary did sound like Tony Todd.) If history serves I'm sure that this will be a great launching pad for the lead actor Michael Stuhlbarg. Why, that's practically a household name already. Just rolls off the tongue. Stretch it out, Stuuuhhhhhllllllbbbbbbbbaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggg….Find your place in life via these links…Alyssa Frangedakis Is Very Attractive (Gorillamask) 8 Things That Will Definitely Happen At Summercamp (Holytaco) Ridley Scott To Direct Alien Prequel (Filmdrunk) Drunks And Live Newscasts Mixed Together=Hilarious (Manofest) Pop Tart iPhone Sleeve Makes Your Phone Delicious (Walyou) A Review Of Televised Golf (Pajiba) The 6 Most Badass Murder Weapons In The Animal Kingdom (Cracked) Stephen Colbert Circa 1995 (Coedmagazine) Booty-Off: J-Lo Vs. Kim Kardashian (Celebjihad) 8 Things You Didn't Know You Could Fry (Mademan) Jerry Millen Spouts Off Terrible Analogies (Cagepotato) 7 Notable Celebrity Comebacks (Unreality) Who Should Replace Megan Fox On A Day Without Megan Fox? (Asylum) Ex-HS Teacher Did Not Have Sex With Football Star (Bustedcoverage) The 10 Best Seinfeld Characters Who You Never Saw (Uncoached) Obama Hosts A Beer Summit (Regretfulmorning) Furniture Made From Old Barrels Of Whisky: Manliest Thing Ever? (Bachelorguy) Kanye Declares Himself New King Of Pop, Acts Like Douche (Moondogsports) Jerk Roommate Launches Tomato Into Man's Testicles (Nothingtoxic) A Reminder To Never Mix Pop Rocks And Soda (Atomfilms) Banderas And Neeson Square Off In The Other Man (Filmofilia)

‘THIRST’ ACTRESS OK-VIN KIM
Friday, July 31 by

 I'm as sick of the vampire craze as you (meaning to say I'm sick of Twilight and True Blood), but the new film from the badass Chan-wook Park, Thirst, intrigues the crap out of me.  The film centers around a failed experiment that turns a devoted priest into a vampire, who has to battle to retain his humanity.  Further confusing his situation is the beautiful Ok-vin Kim, who plays a woman in dire need of the priest's help.  So now the priest has vampire problems and a beautiful woman challenging his whole celibacy deal.  Outside of the flick, Kim is a young actress and model with a small list of credits so far.  She also happens to know kung fu, which is always pretty awesome.A word from Ok-vin Kim: "I am not attracted to easy and simple roles… I only feel alive when I am challenged with difficult roles that push me to improve my acting skills"Well, we're attracted to the fact that you aren't attracted to easy and simple roles.  Check out more hot photos of Ok-vin Kim after the jump!