It's Friday the 13th. We had to show you something scary.If you were under the impression that director and Bagel Bites Eating Champ Brett Ratner is a talentless hack, you've got it all wrong. Not only has he directed some of the biggest movies of all time, but he'd also make for a great leading man. Don't believe me? Check out the hilariously creepy Ratner Films. I think you'll come 'round to my side of the fence.Oh yes, the me being pantless thing? Sorry about that. I don't get a lot of visitors on this side of the fence.
MTV caught up with Kevin Williamson to discuss one of his many projects. The busy writer talked about his update of Curtis Hanson's The Bedroom Window (which he is slated to make between Scream 4 and 5). The original The Bedroom Window was based on the book The Witnesses by Anne Holden. In Williamson's version, a man is sleeping with his boss's wife. One night after a little bump and grind, she witnesses a murder outside his bedroom window. Because their relationship has to be kept on low, the man steps in and acts as a witness to the murder. Soon the killer is on his tail. Sounds sexy and suspenseful but there's only one man who can handle this kind of drama. Paging R. Kelly. (MTV)
Forget about all the other stuff Marley Shelton has done, most importantly she was the hot lifeguard Wendy Peffercorn in the awesome movie The Sandlot. That film taught me to NEVER hit a ball over into James Earl Jones' yard. He'll rape you, kill you, and bury you in the crawl space in his basement. Wait, that's the The Sandlot, right? A word from Marley: "See how fast my friends work…….you'll never see me again……"Marley must hang out with a rogue band of sorcerers and magicians. That's a rough group, let me tell you. I never messed with those guys in high school. Their lunch table always smelt like burnt hair.I bet Marley smells like roses in the pics after the jump.
We're making money right now. Hahahaha! Adam Sandler and the rest of his friends are starring in the movie Grown Ups, adapted from a Dockers commercial. I'm sure a lot will get lost in translation though, like the humor, so we'll have to watch a bunch of formerly hilarious comedians fishing instead of personable model-types. In all honesty though, why the hell wouldn't this group make this movie? They're guaranteed sh*tloads of benjamins, and they get to hang out, laugh, and swing from ropes all day. Sure, Chris Farley is throwing a tantrum in heaven over the sight of Kevin James playing a role clearly intended for him, but I think we all know digitally placing him in the film wouldn't have worked out any better. The ground breaking concept of Grown Ups is about five good friends reuniting for a Fourth of July holiday weekend thirty years after their high school graduation. No, it's not The Big Chill. I know, but no. Check out the teaser trailer after the jump.
Director: Dennis DuganCast: Adam Sandler, Selma Hayek, David Spade, Chris Rock, Kevin James, Rob SchneiderSynopsis: Thirty years after their high school graduation, five good friends reunite for a Fourth of July holiday weekend.
Hollywood has made a habit of remaking foreign horror films these last few years. Studios have searched the corners of the globe to make movies such as The Ring, Quarantine, and Let Me In. But there is one nation that has been left unexplored — Canada. I've stumbled upon the trailer for a Canadian horror film so ghastly and terrifying that it will make you LOSE. YOUR. MIND. There's no release date yet for this northern gem but I'm sure it's going to be packed full of either sh*t or danger. My gut is tellin' me danger. In honor of today being Friday the 13th, I present Sexman VS. Jason Part 2. Make sure you watch all the way to the end.
Back in September, Sylvester Stallone announced that he'd be going toe-to-toe with a were-beast super soldier hybrid in the fifth Rambo film. Fan reaction was not so good. In fact, Stallone wrote this impassioned letter in defense of this departure in creative direction. Well all that doesn't matter now because Stallone is taking the cheaper way out and hiring Mexican day laborers to play the heavies in the film.Addressing fans at StalloneZone, the actor said:"To all the loyal SZoners out there,I'm letting you know that Rambo has changed course and the story about hunting the man/beast will be done using another character in the lead. RAMBO himself will be heading over the border to a violent city where many young women have vanished.There will be blood.""There will be blood." Haha. I think it's cute when old people use the Internet. (StalloneZone)
Million Dollar Baby in 5 Seconds – Watch more Funny VideosThe guys at Holy Taco shared this with me, and it's so damn funny I had to post it as well. If you know how the movie ends, watch it. If you don't know how the movie ends, watch it. You'll giggle and probably tinkle in your pants a little.Train your index finger by clicking on these links. Flowchart to Determine If You Should Fap To It (HolyTaco) Macho Man Randy Savage Interviews (TotalProSports) Barcode Art That Actually Works (TheChive) 10 Funniest Movie Marquee Mistakes of All Time (SuperTremendous) Iguanas & Breakdancing: The Bad Lieutenant Review (FilmDrunk) 10 Boneheaded Hollywood Projects in Development (Pajiba) Britney Spears Admits to Worshiping the Devil (CelebJihad) 50 Worst Acted One-Liners in Video Game History (Unreality) What Actor Do You Hate the Most? (Asylum) Brooke Hundley Cries Like a Little C-Word (BustedCoverage) Hot Girl Vs. Hardwood Floor (RegretfulMorning) Adventure Sports That Take You Places (MadeMan) Earnhardt Jr. at Country Music Awards (AllLeftTurns)
Honka. Honka.Crazy landmark-destruction fetishist Roland Emmerich wants to return to his earlier hit Independence Day for not one, but TWO sequels. So that's at least $24 I'll be saving by staying the f*ck home.Emmerich tells MTV that they don't have a script but they do have an idea. But it's really two ideas because they want the story to be told over the course of two really bad movies. And of course he wants to title them both ID4-Ever. Though he wasn't forthcoming with plot details (who needs one really?), let's put on our retard caps and try to figure it out for ourselves. Here's the entire films in a nutshell.WILL SMITH: "Hey! You Independence Day aliens quit blowing up the White House. We just rebuilt it. That's a direct order from President Will Smith!! Cuz I'm President now!!! Aw hell naw!!! You're not half as friendly as the Scientology aliens!"(MTV)
Dane Cook has raised a big question mark in the world of Batman. In case you were wondering, he wouldn't mind being The Riddler in the next caped crusader movie. Talking to MTV, Cook said, “I love the new Dark Knight series and Batman Begins. If they brought back The Riddler—a new Riddler the way they did with The Joker—that would be bad-ass. I would do that." Really, you'd accept that roll, Dane Cook? They wouldn't have to twist your arm until you scream out, "Why does twisting someone's arm hurt so much?! They're all like Eeeeeeeeeee, that hurts! And you're like (maniacal cackle) HAHAHAAHAHAHA! I'm gonna twist your arm!" When asked about what kind of Riddler he would be, he stated that he thought he could do something like The Crow but “still comedic.” With a comparison like that, he's leaving himself open to a lot of jokes from bloggers. For example, someone could say, "Why don't you make like The Crow and accidently get shot in the face." I'M not saying that, but someone could. (CinemaBlend)
In Fantastic Mr. Fox, cinema auteur Wes Anderson has decided to take his uniquely composed wide shots and apply them to the world of stop motion animal puppets. He still couldn't part with at least one brother Wilson and Jason Schwartzman, but this time they merely provide the voices for their underground dwelling characters. It's sure to be one heck of a good twitchy, off-putting, imaginative caper with enough George Clooney charm to spare.
The iconic MGM Lion may end up with a new home. Variety reports that the troubled film company is trying to relieve it's burdensome $3.7 billion dollar debt. It's likely that the company will go to auction. Meaning that majors could buy up the various assets part and parcel. One deal could be made for the famous logo another the massive 4,000 film library and another for United Artists. I'm certainly no business expert but I think a wise move would be to release a bothersome honeybee into the auction room. Once those execs start swatting at it, the bids will just climb and climb. $$$$ (Variety)
Cameron Richardson played one of Vince's many flings on Entourage, the lucky bastard. Dr. House also got to touch her, but that was under circumstances that weren't quite as sexy. Who am I kidding, she still looked hot in a hospital gown. A word from Cameron: "I was in Vancouver. It was cold. I felt a vibration…"Let your imagination take it from there. My version is for me, and only me.Use the pics after the jump if you don't have an imagination.
Shaun Levy decided to take a break from Stillers, museums, and all around family fun to direct a case of mistaken identity in Date Night, or the unofficial sequel to Adventures in Babysitting. Steve Carell and Tiny Fey star as a bored married couple whose attempt at a glamorous and romantic evening turns into something involving thrills, spills, and dinosaurs. Crap, wait, no dinosaurs in this one. But Nickelback does provide the music for the trailer. Damn you Levy, just when we think you've changed your ways, you go and use a Nickelback song. Regardless, the film looks like it could be rather funny, and Carell and Fey could give Grant and Hepburn a run for their money. If they weren't dead. Check out all the zany mayhem after the jump.
Who needs coffee in the morning when you can inject the Clash of the Titans teaser trailer into your eyeballs?! Holy crap, I am pumped! I was hoping for giant scorpians or mutant sand-people, but I never expected both. Not to mention all the leaping. I don't think I've ever seen so much leaping and bounding in one single minute. Sam Worthington jumps into canyons, over canyons, around canyons, and there's usually fire trailing him. The official synopsis for the film is that it follows Perseus on his quest to battle Medusa and the Kraken in order to save the Princess Andromeda. Hey, whatever, there's rock music accompanied by a symthony orchestra. It's really the only way to score a brutal battle between the Gods. And if I'm not mistaken, is that Slash playing in the desert?
If you're having trouble deciding what to dress up as this Thanksgiving, the Kick-Ass teaser has debuted just in time with ample options. The movie follows Aaron Johnson's Kick-Ass, a DIY hero who lacks superpowers but carries two big sticks. Also glimpsed in this trailer are Chloe Moretz as Hit Girl, Nicolas Cage as Big Daddy, and McLovin as Red Mist. I'm hoping this movie is as good as everyone purports it to be. As of right now, I am worried that we've got another Zombieland on our hands.Check out the trailer after the jump.
Up in the Air Co-Pilot Trailer – Watch more Movie Trailers An extended trailer for Jason Reitman's Up In The Air is now online and, sadly, it has nothing to do with Kevin Bacon scouting the Masai for kick-ass basketball players. But fear not, fans of slight racism, it does include George Clooney's tips for traveling. For instance, you should never get in a security line behind old people due to their love for hidden metals. The Asians on the other hand are your best option because of their efficient packing methods and penchant for slip-on shoes. God love them indeed. Click on these links. If you're old, you'll want to use the "mouse" device to do so. 10 Best TV Neighbors (HolyTaco) Jenn Sterger is Getting Rid of Her Money-Makers (TotalProSports) Sooo, You Got Wasted (TheChive) No One Can tell Twilight Douches Apart (FilmDrunk) When a Parrot Loves a Bunny (SuperTremendous) 5 Breakfast Cereals Meant for Adaptation (Pajiba) Lohan Was Dating Ledger When He Died (CelebJihad) When Patrick Stewart Invades Everything (Unreality) Does Maybe Really Mean No? (Asylum) 7 Greatest Lingerie Football Photo Crops of 2009 (BustedCoverage) If Children Created Swine Flu Cures (RegretfulMorning) How to De-Stress at Work (MadeMan) Flowchart: Is NASCAR For You? (AllLeftTurns)
What Len Wiseman most likely did this past weekend: watched Mad Max while saying "Awesome" several times, banged his wife Kate Beckinsale, drove really fast, and had a brilliant idea to direct a new take on a post- apocalyptic thriller. Hmmmmmmmm did one of these things influence this "original" idea, Len? Wiseman, director of Underworld, Live Free Or Die Hard, and several other movies that are currently floating in the studio system ether, has become attached to the FOX project Nocturne. It's about a group of people who survive the end of the world and the mystery surrounding how they got through it. Goodness gracious, how do they come up with this stuff? Rod Serling was squeezing these concepts out into a toilet bowl half a century ago.Writers Jeremy Passmore and Andre Fabrizio have already completed a draft of the script, and FOX has already told them to blow. Maybe they'll get Roland Emmerich on board to rewrite the script. He'll alter the concept slightly and turn it into an alien invasion movie. FOX will poor millions into production, market it, release it, and on opening night it'll suddenly hit them. "Sh*t, we just remade Independence Day!"It'll make millions. Len Wiseman will laugh. And bang his wife Kate Beckinsale.
Beatrice Rosen is French. Sexy right? I bet you couldn't tell that from her photo. You might also recognize her as Bruce Wayne's preeminent ballerina date in The Dark Knight. Don't get confused, she played a Russian. A word from Beatrice: "In this first series, Commando Nanny, I had one of the lead roles. But ultimately fate didn’t allow this show to make it.No, Commando Nanny?! Oh come on, that premise sounds awesome! Its downfall was most likely do to a competing project that year: Green Beret Butler.Salute more pics after the jump. Yes, like that.
Yeesh. So many Spiderman 4 rumors going around lately that I feel like I'm enrolled at Spiderman Regional High. We recently told you that Dylan Baker would be returning to the role of Dr. Curt Connors. That lead to speculation that the Lizard would finally metamorph onto the big screen. And now the latest rumors have Rachel McAdams (or maybe Romola Garai) being considered to play the Black Cat in the webslinger's fourth flick. Please bear in mind that NONE of this news is official. Though I'm sure everyone would be excited to see McAdams don the pleather.Honestly though, I wish the rumor mill would cease. If so many people continue to go in and out of Spiderman, soon it's going to be more than his spidey sense that's tingling. And the school nurse doesn't have a lotion for that. Trust me… (First Showing)
Oh hell yes, Will Smith. Oh hell yes. Pull the scissors away from your tongue, they'll be no self-mutilation for you. The Steven Spielberg directed, Will Smith starring remake of Old Boy has hit a snag. The kind of snag that tears you open and you bleed out. Apparently producers Dreamworks and Mandate couldn't reach an agreement as they strived to get the rights to the original manga, and both parties decided to say f*ck it. Except Spielberg said it with a bit of a lisp, and Smith just shook his head with a pained expression.Regardless of how it went down, fans of the original film can rejoice. Plans for an inevitabley watered-down Hollywood remake are dead. Sometimes dark, violent, complex, and intriguing foreign projects are too good for this Western world. You may have won this time, Japan. But don't you worry, we'll turn another one of your movies into popcorn bullsh*t reeeeeal soon, ya heard?! (CinemaBlend)
Looks like Roland Emmerich is at it again. Of course, if you watch cable news like I do, the end of the world certainly looks inevitable. Perhaps Mr. Emmerich will be taken more seriously when he's called a Documentarian. At least that seems like a better title than "Prophet of Doom." Either way, he loves coming up with ways to destroy crap. But, in the interest of science, let's take a closer look at the potential ends of the world, as described by Nostradamus Roland Emmerich: Today's Marquee Links"I'm On A Boat" Celebration (Video)
***Sigh*** When will Hollywood stop playing host to such vicious, celebratory depictions of retired-boxer-on-fish violence? The trailer for Broken Lizard's Slammin' Salmon easily sets the movement back at least 11 days. Maybe 12.Check it out after the jump and start picketing. Fish hooks aren't for fish! Fish hooks aren't for fish!
A restaurant staff must cater to the whims of an insane pugilist.
No man can resist a good catfight. It usually occurs when two, or God willing, multiple women desire the same thing, and a viscerale settlement of the dispute erupts through clawing and vicious tickling. In the case of the Garza Twins, the sisters both wanted a role in the comedy Transylmania, and when the director left the room at the audition they vied for it. And oh is the vieing sweet. Check out the blonde-on-blonde action after the jump. You can watch the trailer for Transylmania here, and even enter a contest where the winner gets to go out on a date with the Garza Twins. If you're lucky, at the end of night they'll be throwin' down over you. You can thank me with a video of the brawl. Transylmania opens December 4th.
Directors: David & Scott HillenbrandCast: Patrick Cavanaugh, James DeBello, Jennifer Lyons Synopsis: Spoof horror in which a group of college kids do a semester abroad in Romania and realise that if the partying doesn't kill them, the vampires just might!
Thandie Newton got sexually assaulted by Matt Dillon. In the movie Crash! Whoa, that came awfully close to libel. I should pay greater attention to my punctuation. Anyway, look for Thandie as Laura Wilson in 2012 this weekend, a film guaranteed to sexually assault your senses. A word from Thandie: "I want more babies."(The sound of 10,000 men retreating). No babies, but more pics after the jump.
"That's a huuuge bitch!!!!"There are conflicting reports about Avatar's final pricetag. Cameron and crew insist that the film cost $230 million but the New York Times guesses that it will top out around $500 million after marketing costs. At any rate, that's a lot of scratch. Is it even possible for the film to make back its money? Even if you factor in die-hard Cameron fans, the Christmas crowd, and Michelle Rodriguez's relatives, it still seems like kind of a stretch.But don't worry. FOX has a plan. The studio is going to release Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeekquel (because chipmunks squeek?) one week after Avatar's release. Sound plan FOX. If at first you don't succeed, show them your sh*t-eating chipmunks. (io9)
This past Sunday, a “Parade of 1000 Rockys” kicked off at Love Park in Philadelphia with a march of 1000 Rockys – all wearing striking gold and black Rocky Balboa – “The Italian Stallion” Robes – en route to the Philadelphia Museum of Art, and capped off with Celebration of Rocky Block-Style party at the popular “Rocky Statue” situated at the base of the “Rocky Steps”. The Celebration was to promote “ROCKY – THE UNDISPUTED COLLECTION”, featuring all six ROCKY films FINALLY together on Blu-ray. The festivities included a Rocky look-a-like contest, Snapple giveaways, hot, melty cheesesteaks, and Danny Bonaduce's gravely voice. With so many Italian Stallions working up a sweat in the heart of the Philly, a thick cloud of Drakkar Noir loomed over the city until early this morning.
H-h-heeyyyyy!! Move over 1980's nostalgia because here comes an unexpected dose of 1990's "oh yeah, hey, I remember that vaguely." In further Jamie-Foxx-doesn't-want-another-Oscar news, it has been announced that he will star alongside Martin Lawrence in Sheneneh and Wanda. The title characters are the ghetto-fabulous pigeon-heads, Sheneneh Jenkins and Wanda Reid, made popular on the TV programs Martin and In Living Color. Based upon a parody trailer made for the BET Awards, the movie has the winndixie chicks robbing banks to get by. Check out the trailer after the jump. It's what Set It Off would have been like if Queen Latifah had played all the roles. (Variety)