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I was sitting in a bar last night with my girlfriend drinking Talisker and watching the  TV.  A Jewish guy named Wolf and a gay guy named Anderson were talking about how a black guy named Barack had just been elected to be leader of the free world.  Hollywod can't even write something that good.   

This is my favorite scene from Dave Chappelle's Block Party. I'm just going to let Wyclef sing you into the returns.

Don't get me wrong. The one with Kobe and Phelps was great and all. But this one…um…I'll be back in exactly 3.5 minutes. (3.5 minutes later) Ok, where were we? Ah yes, this Guitar Hero commercial. Hmm. I'm just not as interested anymore. Maybe again in 30 minutes? 

Every time a new technology comes along I am immediately confused as to how I ever functioned before it existed. Google Maps on my Blackberry is a great example.  I can’t leave the house without that anymore. And what did we do before Map Quest?

Natalie Portman and Rashida Jones make another important point about the rights for which our Forefathers shed their blood.  Today, when you head to the polls,  I want EVERYONE to consider one thing: KITTENS! YAY! 

The top headline on Yahoo news this morning was “World gears up to celebrate a fresh start for America.” What this country needs is a solid seven minute montage where we all dig thorough our stuff and take anything republican and throw it in the trash. We all roll up our sleeves and just CLEAN. Now get our there and VOTE.

Leave it to the Empire to lower themselves to such dirty tactics.  How can we forget about their Wookie love child ads against Wedge Antilles' senatorial campaign? Don't forget to get out there tomorrow and vote tomorrow for what's important.

I was the 6,666 viewer of this video on Youtube. Is that good luck or is my internet haunted? Whatever, check this masuhp. I felt it appropriate with the upcoming release of Quantum of Solace. I might even watch Casino Royale again just to get in the mood. That’s what she said. HA! GET IT?!?! Oh man. 6,666.

I listened to this whole bit over the weekend and found it a touch uncomfortable in parts. You realize that Sarah Palin really is exactly what you think. She’s a mom from Alaska that talks to who she assumes to be the leader of a G-8 country like she’s addressing the head of the Wasilla PTA.

It was basically a non-Halloween this year. I slept most of Sunday but managed to watch Shoot Em Up. I think that if Daniel Craig’s beautiful face somehow gets mangled and they need a new Bond character, it should be Clive Owen. That just the kind of brilliant insight you're going to get around here.

Thanks to Holy Taco for this clip. It’s a gem, a real gem.

If I do end up going out to any Halloween parties this weekend I’m totally going as a “Community Organizer.” That’s going to be the hottest costume on the block. Oversized T-Shirt, clipboard with some extra pens, a pair of Crocks with smart wool socks.  I can totally scrape that together at 6pm tonight.

For Halloween two years ago I was a life sized home pregnancy test. I was so proud of myself for that costume. I ran around Sixth Street in Austin like the world was ending with people yelling EPT and trying to convince girls to pee on me.

Samuel L. Jackson and Maggie Cheung join the cast of Inglourious Bastards (/films) New Valkyrie trailer now online (Empire) Changeling writer to pen Forbidden Planet (HollywoodReporter) BBC exec resigns over Brand scandal (Variety)…

I try really, really hard not to post one trailer right after another. But I just came across this one. It might get the prize for worst ever.

Oh man, we mentioned yesterday that Joaquin was going to give up acting to pursue his music. But this clip makes me think he’s totally punking the reporter about the whole thing. Either way its really weird and awkward and fun to watch. He makes Busey look sober. Thanks to special Joaquin correspondent Nat for the tip.

Black20 has had some viral internet GOLD. They have brought us such wonders as The PG Version Of 300 and Journey At the Center of The Earth. This is a quasi mashup recut of Saw and High School Musical.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno: Star Whores – Watch more free videos

Here’s an exclusive clip from Role Models. I saw an early screening of it and did a review. It blew my mind. You an read my review here.

Is it just me or has The Daily Show increased their funniness factor by like elevendy billion lately? There are so many good jokes in this one. Just watch the whole thing.

Call me a little bitch, but I never caught on to this whole Guitar Hero thing. I think my problem with it is that people who are really good at it are the opposite of Heroes. They should make a new game called “King Of Fake Guitar Playing Mountain Dew Gives Me Acne What Does A Boobie Feel Like.”  

  Sho'nuff! It’s Samuel L.

One of the main reasons that the world has been in economic turmoil is because Jack Bauer has been hiding somewhere, not taking things to the limit to protect all of us from dangerous things like terrorists and angry dogs.  I look forward to January when he is BACK in action and and all the jobs come back to AMERICA where they are safe.

I really can’t tell how much of the controversy surrounding Zack And Miri was real versus made up by the studio to promote the film. Either way, Seth makes some great points about the whole issue.

Guys, I can NOT express how important it is for you to get out there and NOT vote this election. Voting is the reason that the economy is in shambles. Voting is what killed Heath Ledger. Voting was the associate producer of Beverly Hills Chihuahua.  Only you as an indivdual have the power to prevent these things from ever happening again.

This is probably the best thing that The Simpsons has done in a long time.  This is from the forthcoming 19th installment of the 'Treehouse of Horror.' Does that make you feel old?

I’m sorry to startle everyone this early. But it looks like…wait, are you sitting down? You should be, because you are using a computer. Nobody stands at a computer. Maybe scientists?  Anyway, looks like Joaquin Phoenix is going to quit acting. To work on his music.  Great move buddy.

Lycans, aka werewolves with "enhanced strength, speed and regeneration abilities", are revolting against their discriminatory vampire masters in this the third installment of the Underworld series.  It explores the origins of the age old monster rivalry between vamps and Lycans, with a vampire babe and all out rumbles to the death.