In May of 2009 Screen Junkies received an unsolicited review of Hannah Montana: The Movie from famed director and noted statutory rapist Roman Polanski. Due to current events we have decided to run the review in its entirety. Hannah Montana: The Movie is like an erotic daydream dealing with lust, taboo, and human nature. On the surface the film is a simple morality tale, but its depths surpass understanding. Over the past month I have watched the film more than 30 times, and I have analyzed it shot by shot. But the more clearly I see its physical manifestation, the more I am stirred by its erotic mystery. The film opens with our middle-aged hero, Robby Ray Stewart (Billy Ray Cyrus), sitting in a changing room, staring longingly at a blonde female wig. Like Citizen Kane’s “Rosebud,” or the green light at the end of Gatsby’s pier, the object represents the protagonist’s deepest wants and desires. But what exactly is it that our hero desires?
The latest image from Sylvester Stallone's sausage party, The Expendables, shows that even at the age of 63, the Hollywood legend can still kill a militia without breaking a sweat below his nipples. Impressive. In an article over at Empire, Stallone talks a bit about the over-the-top actioner. "It's also a story that isn't super-gigantic; it's almost a believable story." It's almost believable. Which is to say, it is believable up to the point where we see a man of retirement age clinging to the side of an aircraft. Wait. What if The Expendables is actually a live-action version of Up? These morning links will give you damp nipples for sure…. If what they say is true, Rodriguez's Predators will be epic (Latino Review)Karen O.'s Where The Wild Things Are soundtrack is streaming online (Cinema Blend)Columbia picks up supernatural jailbreak film, Supermax (First Showing)Leo gives The Deep Blue Goodbye (/Film)Joe Dante dives into 3D horror (Reuters)
Book of Eli Trailer #2 – Watch more Funny Videos"This little town… it's just the beginning. All we need is that book!" says Gary Oldman, as the villainous Carnegie, in the trailer above. It's a line that tells you everything you need to know about The Book of Eli. It's also a quote overheard at every single publishing company meeting after S**t My Dad Says Twitter account surpassed 300,000 followers.This little town… it's just the beginning. All you need… are these links!The 7 Deadly Sins Of Sharing A Bathroom (HolyTaco) When Hunting And Fishing Collide (TotalProSports) Guns Put To Good Use (TheChive) 7 Funniest Moments In People's Court History (SuperTremendous) The Tim Burton Fashion Show (FilmDrunk) Ten Terrifying Movie Creatures From Your Childhood (Pajiba) Polankski Requests Miley Cyrus Posters For His Cell (CelebJihad) Five Pretty Funny West Side Story Spoofs (Unreality) Ben Schwartz Has Priority Management Issues (Asylum) Miss. Fans Caught Red Handed With Cow Bells (BustedCoverage) If Digg Categories Were Honest (RegretfulMorning) Perfectly-Timed Costumes For 2009 (MadeMan) Why Your Driver Will Lose: The Hendrick Boys (AllLeftTurns) Teenager Beaten To Death In Melee (NothingToxic) Examing Chick Drinks (Atom)
There's always been a special place in my heart for the A Nightmare On Elm Street series, even the crappy ones to some degree. I was extremely jealous when the teaser launched all those months ago at Comic Con and I did not get to attend. Since then I have been wishing for the day that it would arrive online. That day is finally here. Below, check out the trailer for Samuel Bayer's remake of Wes Craven's classic. It looks like a solid update and based upon descriptions from a friend closer to the production, we're all in for a treat. The only way this could be improved is with a Chris Hansen cameo.
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET TEASER TRAILER – Watch more Funny Videos
Freddy Krueger stalks the dreams of the Elm Street teens all over again.Release date: April 30th, 2010
Have a dog? Like Star Wars? You may want to consider humiliating them with either a Yoda, Leia, Ewok or Darth Vader costume. For example…
"I suppose I'd give birth too if I were a pregnant doe confronted by a T-Rex."- Jurassic Park cinematographer Dean CundeyHere now, are your weekend links:Flowchart To Determine If Your Girlfriend Is Cheating (HolyTaco)G20 Will Not Stop Penguins Fans From Celebrating (TotalProSports)Yer Wearing Your Clothes Wrong (TheChive)25 Amazing Plant Sculptures (SuperTremendous)Neve Campbell Is Alive, In Scream 4 (FilmDrunk)The Best Films Made For Under 60k (Pajiba)Eliza Dushku Gets Complex In Her Undies (CelebJihad)Megan Fox Is Not Arousing The Box Office (Unreality)10 Sexy Movie Robots That Fry Circuits (Asylum)Maxim Hometown Hotties Recommends (BustedCoverage) Pedobear Goes To Jail (RegretfulMorning)Trick Or Treating For Adults (MadeMan)Why Your Driver Will Lose: Tony Stewart (AllLeftTurns)Swerving Car Hits School Bus (NothingToxic) Select Your Own Adventure (Atom)
Classic cinema stills get bombed.
Bond Girl Rosamund Pike stars with Bruce Willis in Surrogates, opening everywhere today. Besides sexing up the screen in Die Another Day, Rosamund also starred in Pride & Prejudice as Jane Bennet, where she met future fiance, now ex-fiance, director Joe Wright. Apparently Joe called off the engagement shortly before the wedding. The invitations had already been sent out. Ooooo, that's gotta sting. You would have looked stunning in your wedding gown. Someday, Rosamund. Someday… A word from Rosamund: "If I have a quality of Englishness that people like, I won't hide that. I'm probably not going to play a junkie and that's OK."You say that now, but what if Spielberg wanted you to play a junkie for his new motion capture 3D musical "Junkies," huh? That project doesn't exist, but are you going to tell one of the greatest directors of all time that you won't smoke crack rock on screen? Besides, with your good looks, you could totally make rotted teeth work. Here are some pics after the jump with exemplary oral hygene!
Entertainment Tonight has posted video of their exclusive Iron Man 2 set visit. Too bad it wasn't Access Hollywood. Pat O'Brien could bring the "party favors" and Robert Downey Jr. could bring his Wonder Woman costume and things could just get nuts. Anywheyz, the footage shows awesome glimpses of the action such as behind the scenes footage of Mickey Rourke bisecting a Rolls Royce with his laser whips. But then it turns vapid in typical ET style. To paraphrase: REPORTER: Did you work out for this? RD Jr: Yeah. I worked out for this. REPORTER: OMG! Still, it's a cool look at a huge film that focuses mainly on the Monaco Grand Prix scene so as to not give away any spoilers. Check it out. ET Ironman 2 Set Visit – Watch more Funny Videos Work out your brain by reading these morning links… Neve Campbell returns for Scream 4 (Cinematical) Green Hornet scribes pen Simpsons 'sode (The Playlist) Mickey Rourke Cometh (/Film) Brian Dennehy cast alongside the RZA (Empire) Modern Family pulls in big numbers (Pajiba) Fantastic Fest kicks off (First Showing)
So, David Fincher's Facebook flick, The Social Network, got a cast this week. Why not a Digg movie in the future? Here's our "What If?" version, straight from the fake headlines of Variety. Cause, you know, we wanted it to look all official and stuff. Today's Marquee Links:Lisa Maria PhotosFemale Sprinter Fails at Finish Line
"Can you hear me now? How about now? Hello? Dammit. My cell phone doesn't work up he-" HACK! Scream. SLASH! Dead.I think this montage may have covered every single horror movie ever made in which someone's cell phone drops dead before they do. Except for Bachelor Party Massacre. That one wasn't on there, and it's a prime example of a genre film's successful use of the cell phone conundrum. The rest of it is a prime example of bad directing.Check out today's top links, now with nationwide service: A History Of Joe Biden Photobombs (HolyTaco) Win The Jackpot With Ric Flair (TotalProSports) Matthew McConaughey Is Unable To Stand Up (TheChive) Sam Raimi Is Producing A Yeti Movie (FilmDrunk) 8 Iconic TV Show Buildings That Exist (SuperTremendous) Pajiba Predicts The Academy Award Noms (Pajiba) The Full Megan Fox Lesbian Kissing Scene (CelebJihad) 12 Of The Most Well-Acted TV Characters (Unreality) Stupid Ways People Try To Get Wasted (Asylum) Why We Love College Football: A Gallery (BustedCoverage) 5 Foods You Lived Off Of In College (RegretfulMorning) Is Your Girlfriend Sugar Mama-terial? (MadeMan) NASCAR Nickname Flowchart (AllLeftTurns)
With two hit television shows, a best selling book series, and the world's most downloaded podcast under his belt, about the only thing left for Ricky Gervais to conquer is the silver screen. And with the upcoming release of The Invention of Lying (Oct. 2), Gervais is poised to do just that…unless of course it's anything like Ghost Town.In honor of this comedic Renaissance man and his new film, we've compiled our seven favorite classic Ricky Gervais clips. Gervais, the Stand-Up Comedian/MC:Not many comedians can reference both AIDS and the Holocaust and still get a laugh (unless Mel Gibson or my dad are in the audience). But Ricky Gervais pulls it off flawlessly.
Director: Ricky Gervais, Matthew RobinsonCast: Ricky Gervais, Jennifer Garner, Louis C.K., Jeffrey Tambor, Jonah HillSynopsis: A comedy set in a world where no one has ever lied, until a writer seizes the opportunity for personal gain.
David Cronenberg is revisiting his 1986 film, The Fly. Which of course was a remake of a previous version re-imagined through the Goldblum Filter. A remake of a remake? That kind of gene-thinning would normally create a film who's plot is more deformed than Sloth's nutsack. However, Cronenberg has proven himself to be an inventive and solid director so we're not worried about this project at all. We'll provide more details as they come in. (THR) Wash the image of Sloth's nutsack out of your mind with these morning links… Some Days Are Better Than Others is a ten on quirk-o-meter (The Playlist)Bryan Singer: Giant Slayer (Cinematical)Watchmen: The Ultimate Cut (/Film)Daredevil and Ghost Rider to return to the screen (Empire)Dexter and Doakes playset (Dread Central)
Megan Fox Music Video – Watch more Funny Videos As you may know by now, Jennifer's Body opened this weekend to disappointing box office figures, even though the movie had the three ingredients that can almost guarantee a hit: an Oscar-winning writer behind the script, lesbian kissing and… lesbian kissing. So what went wrong? Well, recording artist Without a Face might have the answer to that in this new music video response to the film, entitled 'Hire a Hacktress.' If only Hollywood players communicated their ideas like Without a Face… actually development meetings would be really long with the whole singing instead of talking thing, but the results would speak for themselves. You can buy Without a Face's album 'Worst Debut Album Ever' on iTunes and CD Baby. And you can check out these links for free: The Anatomy Of A Fast Food Restaurant (HolyTaco) The World's Strongest Ears (TotalProSports) Bar Rafaeli Likes To Wear Hurley (TheChive) Archie & Jughead Score Crack In Hollywood (FilmDrunk) 10 Awesome Fight Scenes In Movie History (Manofest) The Next Catch Phrase You'll Hate (Pajiba) Zac Efron Shoots Cat 13 Times In The Head (CelebJihad) Rather Depressing Gallery Of Fat Superheroes (Unreality) 4 Reasons Why Women Can't Be Pickup Artists (Asylum) Sean Salisbury Is The New Jose Canseco (BustedCoverage) 25 Spank Worthy Hand Bras (RegretfulMorning) Save The Boobs Girl Revealed (MadeMan) Dale Earnhardt Jr. Song Video (AllLeftTurns) Drunk Girl Fights In Football Bleachers (NothingToxic) Claymation Patrick Swayze (Atom)
This morning, Variety confirmed that Columbia Pictures and David Fincher have set the three principal castmembers for The Social Network, the Aaron Sorkin-penned drama retelling the creation of Facebook. Hollywood's current "awkward smart guy" du jour Jesse Eisenberg will portray Facebook's founder, Mark Zuckerberg.
A Japanese Tim Burton fansite leaked the above picture of Nicolas Cage dressed as Tommy Wiseau dressed as Superman and its now all over the 'Netz. Some speculate that this is a test shot for Burton's never-lensed Superman Lives project. Others say it is Nicolas Cage badly shooped onto an action figure. At any rate, it's not half as ridiculous as this Nicolas Cage Ghost Rider makeup test.Apparently, Cage had Harlow FX do this trial run on him for his Halloween party a few years back while Ghost Rider was in the early stages of pre-production. It is also apparently where his son Weston Coppola Cage gets his fashion sense. Try these links on for size…Summit Entertainment to murder Highlander (Latino Review)The Social Network throws a sheep at Justin Timberlake (First Showing)The Mad Men animated gif you've been waiting for (GIF Party)George Clooney to direct Matt Damon in War On Terror (MTV)Colm Feore and some chick join Thor (/Film)Some other chick joins Dinner for Schmucks (Empire)
In these hard economic times, many of us have had to turn to our own ingenuity to make ends meet. And a lot of times, that means going out of one's comfort zone. In the case of international terrorist organization COBRA, they had to resort to recruiting would-be ne'er-do-wells with their own hair metal band… and its own theme song, "Cold Slither." Thankfully, Al Qaeda hasn't been able to assemble a band of such caliber, though I hear Osama has a hard-on for Tesla. This video is one of several awkwardly insane moments from 80s cartoons that Spike.com has up on their site. Check out the rest here. Otherwise, grab the spandex and the Aqua Net™ dudes. Today's links wail: 10 Awesome Football Announcer Screw Ups (HolyTaco) CFL Fan Uses Field Goal As Balance Beam (TotalProSports) Cakes For Awkward Situations (TheChive) The Kanye Thing Is Over, Jack White (FilmDrunk) 15 Awesome Office Chairs (SuperTremendous) Top 12 American Movie High Schools (Pajiba) 10 Items Recovered From The Lohan Robbery (CelebJihad) 'District 9' Pisses Off Nigeria (Unreality) Cardstacker Bryan Berg Gets A Room (Asylum) Why We Love College Football: A Gallery (BustedCoverage) Hot TV Host Falls Hard (RegretfulMorning) Signs You're Severely Overworked (MadeMan) Why Your Driver Will Lose: Greg Biffle (AllLeftTurns)
Resident Evil 4 plot details have leaked like the drool that oozes from the corners of its target audience's mouth. It's been revealed that Ali Larter and Prison Break's Wentworth Miller have joined the cast. Larter will reprise her role as Claire Redfield and Miller's role is unknown at this point. Though his prison experience will come in handy due to the factor that the film's undead will besiege a prison in this installment. If they wanted an actor with prison experience, the producers should look no further than Tom Sizemore. (Dread Central) These morning links don't bite… Darren Aronofsky makes Ocean's Eleven look like Leonard Part Six (Cinematical) Marvel President to take over Disney? (Latino Review) Coen Brothers plan Old Fink (MTV) Sherlock Holmes demands a sequel (First Showing) Toy Story 3 trailer set to premiere (/Film)
THIS CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED. @AnthonyRicci is the winner. Please Direct Message us with your address so you can claim your prizes!The new Dennis Quaid and Ben Foster-starring sci-fi thriller Pandorum opens up this Friday, and Overture Films is giving away a Pandorum prize pack that includes a wall mountable mp3 player, a Resident Evil Trilogy DVD pack, and a mini Pandorum one-sheet (all pictured below). If you want to win all of the above, we're gonna make things real easy on you. All you have to do is sign into your Twitter account, and tweet the following message: "RT @screenjunkies Don't fear the end of the world. Fear what happens next http://tinyurl.com/lc7ohe " That's it. Simple. And it won't cost you any space bucks. Winner will be chosen at random from the collection of received tweets. We'll contact you via Twitter. Contest ends at 11:59pm on Thursday, September 25th, Pandorum's opening day. Contest is NOW CLOSED.
According to a new L.A. Times article, Paranormal Activity isn't just a film about a haunting; the film itself may actually be haunted – at least, if Steven Spielberg is to be believed. John Horn's article cites a source within Dreamworks as having said that, upon viewing a DVD screener at his Malibu home, Mr. Spielberg was inexplicably locked inside his bedroom and had to call a locksmith in order to get out. And upon his eventual release, the man who gave us Poltergeist tossed the screener in a trash bag and brought it straight back to the Dreamworks offices.Viral marketing hooey, or a legendary filmmaker genuinely freaked out by a film? Or even better… is there a standard def ghost in the Blu-Ray machine? Read the whole article over at the L.A. Times, where you can find out just how this scrappy $5000 do-it-yourself movie is being distributed by the folks behind Star Trek and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. And cower at the convincing scares in the trailer after the jump.
"Yo Patrick Swayze, I'm really happy for you and I'ma let you finish making this nice ashtray or whatever… but Bill Cosby's Ghost Dad was one of the best movies of all time. ONE. OF. THE. BEST. MOVIES. OF. ALL. TIME!" - Kanye West Here now… are the weekend's Top Kanye-Free Links: Flowchart To Determine If You Should Call 911 (HolyTaco)The Art Of Dude Landing (FilmDrunk)30 Amazing Sand Sculptures From Around The World (SuperTremendous)Pajiba's Fall Movie Preview (Pajiba)Keeley Hazell's Breasts In Various Swimsuits (CelebJihad)Bizarre Gallery Of Super Mario Bros. Fan Art (Unreality)Handwriting Can Give You Away As A Liar (Asylum)2009 Make 'Em Piss Blood Challenge (BustedCoverage)Tribute To The Camel Toe (RegretfulMorning)TPS NFL Weekly Locks: Week 2 (TotalProSports)When A Girl Wants You To Love Her (MadeMan)Why Your Driver Will Lose: Ryan Newman (AllLeftTurns)Robber Shoots Woman Point Blank In The Face (NothingToxic)Obama Undercover With A Hat On (Atom)
A few months back we told you about the upcoming Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters project that Gary Sanchez Productions had picked up from Dead Snow director Tommy Wirkola. Now Sanchez honcho Adam McKay spills a little bit about where the production is at. No casting has been announced (though he mentions Will Ferrell will sit this one out) but it does seem the film will be an effects-driven, monster slaying good time. Think of it like MiB meets Shrek. Random sidenote, Susan Boyle would be PERFECT for a live-action Shrek. (MTV) Morning links… Spike Lee and Robert Deniro venture into Alphabet City. (Latino Review) X-Men: First Class ready to shoot in 2010. (Superhero Hype) Bill Hader aggrandizes Greg Mottola's Paul. (Cinema Blend) It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Live! (Vulture) Seacrest almost got the happy knife. (WENN) The Five Best Slow Claps Of All Time (Pajiba)
It's a known fact that President Obama is a bit of a sci-fi nerd, and any doubt was obliterated this week when he jousted with a lightsaber on the White House lawn during an announcement for Chicago's 2016 Olympics bid. The story blew up so big, even the guy picking his nose in the background of the photo became a bit of a celebrity on Digg (ironic, considering he was only digging himself).
I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell Red Band – Watch more Movie Trailers Yep… uhhhh… The title of the post pretty much sums up what you get with the trailer. If you're interested in just how this film came to fruition (i.e. you're more of an ass man), you check out our in depth interview with Tucker Max and co-writer Nils Parker). Otherwise, subtly turn your monitor toward a corner, check there are no mirrors, and laugh/fap away. Less talky, more linky: 5 Things It's Always Sunny Should Sell In Their Store (HolyTaco) David Lynch's Art Show Sounds Awesome (FilmDrunk) Ligers Really Do Exist (SuperTremendous) 5 Best Slow Claps Of All Time (Pajiba) Olivia Wilde Gettin' Wild In GQ Magazine (CelebJihad) Possibly The Greatest Megan Fox Interview Ever (Unreality) Heeb Best Of 5769: Television (Heeb) Panamanian Kids Beat Gollum With Rocks (Asylum) Tim Tebow Gets Carved Into A Tree (BustedCoverage) 7 Reasons Glenn Beck Would Have Rape/Murdered (RegretfulMorning) Charles Rogers Charged With PUI? (TotalProSports) What NOT To Say To A Cop (MadeMan) Menard Takes Flopper Lead (AllLeftTurns)
If there's one thing Hollywood loves to do, it's run an idea into the ground. And when it comes to squeezing every last dime out of a concept, sequels are the studios' weapon of choice. But what happens when your film's main characters are dead, or your actors refuse to return for part two? A prequel. That’s what happens. From X-Men Origins to Van Wilder: Freshman Year, Hollywood has proven that all you need for a prequel is a loose back story, an established title, and a willingness to crap all over the memory of the original movie. On that note, here are seven awful prequels that are currently in production (in our minds). Shawshank Origins: Brooks Haven’t you always wondered about the mysterious origins of Brooks Hatlen, the librarian and resident "bird man" of Shawshank? No? Well screw you. That's what you're getting.
Some clever fellow by the name of 'whoiseyevan' created this homage to the very 1950s pulp adventure flicks to which the Indiana Jones films paid homage as well. It's like Indiana Jones and the Search for Some Crazy Ass Meta Sh*t. The mash-up pulls from so many sources we can't list them, and features a pre-militant, rifle-carrying Charlton Heston as Dr. Jones, and a bevy of '50s film stars… all coming together for some uncannily similar action to Spielberg & Lucas's action hero. Impressive stuff. [via BoingBoing] No time for love, Dr. Jones? Make time for these links at least: Does Kanye Have Asperger's Syndrome? (HolyTaco) Forgotten Classics: Swayze Edition (FilmDrunk) 10 Funniest Fat Guys Of All Time (SuperTremendous) New Trailer For 'Paranormal Activity' Looks Freaky (Pajiba) Obama Calls Kanye West The N-Word (CelebJihad) Giant Gallery Of Gorgeous Girl Gamer Tattoos (Unreality) Dungeons and Dragons Soda Slays Nerd Thirst (Asylum) Missouri Hooters Bikini Car Wash: The Final Hosing (BustedCoverage) Pick Up Lines From The 80s (RegretfulMorning) Andrew Quarless Has College Football's Worst Tattoo (TotalProSports) The 10 Commandments Of Online Gaming (MadeMan) Why Your Driver Will Lose: Carl Edwards (AllLeftTurns) The New Kid Has A Bad First Day On The Bus (NothingToxic) Kanye West Apology Generator (Atom)
If you're into Movie and TV arcana as much as we are, you know there's only one place to find the weirdest, geekiest, most fantastically obscure memorabilia collecting dust in someone's closet. eBay: the auction house for the modern fanboy. We at Screen Junkies decided to investigate some of the cooler/weirder/geekier finds currently available for purchase on the site (at least at the time of this post), and are showing them off to you, the fans. Consider us your new secret shoppers.
Celebricide '09 continues. News has broke that the giraffe that starred in many Toys R Us commercials and Ace Ventura: Pet Detective died unexpectedly on the set of the new Kevin James film, The Zookeeper. Tweet the Giraffe's death came as a shock as the animal was believed to have no known health problems. A federal probe is being conducted to find out if any mistreatment took place. The Zookeeper tells the story of a rotund zookeeper who gets some advice in the romance department from the sassy animals he cares for. Think of it as a more furry Hitch. It's a shame to see another noteworthy actor join the Raul Julia Club of Actors Who Died With Crappy Final Films. (WHDH)40 Bear wants you to read these morning links… Jessica Biel joins A-Team. Rampage puts on his dry humping pants. (Cinema Blend)Galifianakis institutionalized. (Empire)Night of the Living Dead prequel IN 3D. (/Film)Solomon Kane featurette. (Dread Central)Silent Hill 2 coming together. (Latino Review)