DIRECTOR: Rob MarshallCAST: Johnny Depp; Penelope Cruz; Ian McShaneSYNOPSIS: Captain Jack Sparrow races to find the Fountain of Youth.
Let's thank the Internet for this nightmare image.Disney has given Ian McShane the executive order to stop shaving. Deadwood's pimp and murderer has been selected to portray the notorious pirate Blackbeard in Rob Marshall's Pirates of the Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides. It's time to celebrate. Open the f*ckin' canned peaches!If McShane signs on, he'll be squaring off against Johnny Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow as he slurs and mumbles and gets slapped by women while trying to find the Fountain of Youth. Penelope Cruz has also joined the cast recently as Depp's atractivo sexualmente foil (translation: corset boobs). With these two casting additions, this could be a film to look forward to. Richardson has given it his seal of approval. (THR)
I'll have what she's having.A handful of new stills from the upcoming A Nightmare On Elm Street remake have appeared online and it turns out that Freddy won't just only be running his claws along walls and pipes for dramatic effect. Yeah, we get it. He's proud of that glove. Smelting and soldering are hard. Showboating, burnt weirdo.Judging from the pics and trailer, this film doesn't stray too far from the original but the surprises they do throw in look like really cool additions. By that I mean, A Nightmare on Elm Street now with hotter chicks. (MovieGod)SLIGHT SPOILERS AFTER THE JUMP BUT ONLY IF YOU DIDN'T ASSUME TEENS WOULD SUFFER FROM QUADRUPLED WOUNDS…
Ana De La Reguera is best known for her role as the nun in Jack Black's mexican wrestling film Nacho Libre. She' been slowly making a recovery since that crapfest. Ana also kind of resembles Penelope Cruz, but less horse-faced.A word from Ana: "Brad Pitt has bad breath."Let me consult my dictionary here. Yep, that's a burn. Ana looks like she smells delightful in the pics after the jump.
Last month we reported that Mark Strong was considering playing Sinestro in Green Lantern, and now he's apparently made up his GD mind. DC Entertainment's Chief Creative Officer Goeffrey Johns revealed the news via his Twitter account the other day:Back from an amazing trip to Green Lantern town a.k.a. New Orleans!! Ryan IS Hal. And Mark Strong is going to be a brilliant Sinestro.Kilowog, the Guardians, Oa…all breathtaking. The age of Green Lantern is upon us!!He then went on to tweet:Found plastic beads in my stool this morning. Bourbon Street is CRAZY, folks! In case you were unaware, Blake Lively is also starring in the Martin Campbell directed Green Lantern. Ryan Reynolds is doing something in it too. Something less attractive than Blake Lively. (Collider)
A few years ago Natalie Portman started a production company named Handsomecharlie Films in order to develop projects that "better suited her tastes." Apparantly one of those tastes is the sweeeeet sticky icky.In addition to Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, Portman is now developing a stoner comedy called Best Buds about two female friends who take a road trip to their friend's wedding in order to save her by bringing her weed. It's said to be like Half Baked or Harold and Kumar except in this one the protagonists know what it's like to touch boobs. Between this project and Your Highness with Danny McBride, Portman could emerge as High Times Magazine's "Actress of the Year." Though it's an honor just to be nominated. (Pajiba)
Films only have a limited time to get their whole story across. If a crazy dragon thing is introduced on Pandora early in a film, you can bet your bottom dollar that the main Na’vi hero will be riding that dragon thing by forcing his sexual ponytail into it by the end. But sometimes, threads are introduced in films that really don’t add up to anything. Whether it’s laziness or stupidity no one can say for sure. Except me. And I say it is laziness and stupidity. Here are 9 movie plot threads that don’t really go anywhere.Batman Returns – Max Shreck’s Reverse Power Plant
Kevin Smith wants Seann William Scott to take it to the boards for his new hockey comedy Hit Somebody. The script is based on a Warren Zevon song with lyrics by Mitch Alborn that tells the story of a hockey enforcer who strives to score a single goal in a game. No deal is in place yet but this is who Smith really wants for the project. Having worked together most recently on Cop Out, Smith says of Scott:"I had all the elements in place, and the one thing I was missing was the personality. Generally I like to write to a voice, but I didn't know who that voice was or what that voice could be. And then after spending all the time with Seann on this movie, he's pitch perfect. He is that guy."He goes on to say:"I look at this as Seann's opportunity to go to the (Tom) Hanks level."What does that entail? Goofy wigs and AIDS dramas? If I were to cast a movie called Hit Somebody, my immediate choice would be to hire Sean Penn. (NHL.com)
Seems the audtion process needs a few more checks and balances. Here are your weekend links.Black Hollywood's 10 Game-Changing Films (Moviefone)Zebra Escapes in Downtown Atlanta (Asylum)25 Dog Fails (HolyTaco)Make a Damned Pong Movie Already (FilmDrunk)This Cricket Fan Had One Too Many (TotalProSports)10 Celebrities Turned Muscle Heads (Unreality)The UFC Has No Loyalty to Anyone (CagePotato)Best Supporting Mustaches (Maxim)Megan Fox Looks Cold in W Magazine (CelebJihad)Leonardo DiCaprio Career Assessment (Pajiba)57 Seconds of Abuse (Atom)15 Great Jack Drinks (MadeMan)Dale Earnhardt Jr. Gear Contest (AllLeftTurns)
What a punum on this one. The vein in the forehead really sells it for me. In this red-band clip from She's Out of My League, Jay Baruchel tries to hold it in for Alice Eve, but, understandably, fails. I WISH I had the opportunity to destroy a pair of Dockers due to Alice-Eve-friction on my sensitive areas. She wouldn't even have to touch. A simple glance would send me twitching and flopping to the ground. Oh pretty ladies, how they make standing in line at Subway such a chore. Tell us your birthday to check out the red-band clip here, and try to control yourself.
Kate Nauta stars in The Good Guy this Friday, but you may better recognize her as the machine gun-wielding killer in the very impractical outfit from Transporter 2. Pink, lingerie, stilettos, and gobs of black eyeliner to blow someone's head off? Then again she might be using the sight of dewy side-boob to stun her victims. A word from Kate: "I never met a beer I couldn't handle."Beer's a little easy. Having never met a bottle of whisky you couldn't handle would be more impressive. Let's go out and you can impress me until your better judgement has dissolved. You can't handle the pics after the jump.
Those tissues aren't for the tears. The new red band trailer for Kick-Ass tackles a subject very near and dear to all teenagers. The protagonist's dedication to making regular spank bank donations leads him to a higher calling: kicking ass without the help of super powers. I thought I'd be sick of more Kick-Ass footage, but the new trailer succeeds in its attempt to get me even more amped up. I'm thinking of stretching a pair of my neighbor's pantyhose over my head and putting an end to crime. I'll then be arrested for breaking into my neighbor's house and stealing her pantyhose, a charge I'll vehemently defend as a necessary evil. Check out the trailer below.
There's been a few new developments with the Spider-Man reboot that may have a positive effect on the unnecessary reboot. We already know that director Marc Webb recently met with James "Piss in the Soup" Cameron, but now there's word that he's met with another heavy hitter. Comics demi-god Brian Michael Bendis tweeted yesterday that he and the filmmakers had a meeting at Sony. He went on to comment, "very, very cool stuff!!"Bendis should know what is and isn't cool in the world of superheroics. He's written many of the best comics out there, including Ultimate Spider-Man, and has won five Eisner Awards. There's no word if Bendis will re-write the script or consult with story changes but the fact that they even met is a step in the right direction. My nerd boner is 19% chubby as of right now. But it could be easily deflated depending on what little f*cktard nabs the role of Peter Parker. (Bendis Twitter)
Today we get a second look at Oliver Stone's Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps via the international trailer. Even though we didn't ask for it. Thanks, I guess. This time around we learn a bit more about the plot. Michael Douglas is out of jail and lecturing a new generation about how to rob people blind. Shia LaBeouf stars as his idealistic ward who incidentally plans to marry his estranged son daughter. A bunch of cliché stuff happens and there are motorcylces and the Rolling Stones. Then Shia must choose between millions of dollars and dating a girl who looks like Justin Bieber. The End. Hey, remember 9/11? Seriously, what's up with Carey's hair? Try to figure it out after the jump…
The rights to The Terminator franchise have been something of a hot potato lately. Not the kind with rich, buttery goodness inside rather the kind with boring, underwhelming stories inside. MTV caught up with James Cameron yesterday to discuss the state of the series he created and whether or not he would return for a sequel. Now Cameron is a well-spring of awesome quotes and yesterday was no exception. From the HMFIC: "From my perspective, it's run its course… the soup's kind of been pissed in a little bit by other filmmakers, so I don't have any personal desire to go back to it." Well said, you loveable curmudgeon. Now please publish a phrasebook. Stay tuned for more Terminator news and whether or not more McG whizz bisque will ever grace the silverscreen. (MTV)
I'm only writing this up because I wanted to search for pictures of Salma Hayek and Carla Gugino. Let's just take a moment to look at the above side-by-side.Don't rush me!Alright. Gugino is replacing Hayek in the role she bailed on back in January in the revenge thriller Faster. Dwayne "I'm Still Calling Him The Rock" Johnson plays an ex-con on a mission to avenge his brother's murder. A DEADLY mission. Conflict abound! Gugino will play the detective hot on his trail, looking to pin a decade-old case on the people's eyebrow. Hopefully The Rock will pin Carla to a decade-old headboard. Right before they do it sexually on a slightly vintage bedframe. Musty smells turn me on. (Variety)
Joss Whedon is looking for a few big nerds. The Buffy/Dollhouse/Dr. Horrible creator is currently searching for three fanboys or fangirls for an upcoming documentary about San Diego Comic-Con and nerd culture. He and Super-Size Me director/star Morgan Spurlock want to follow their subjects around for the three months leading up to this year's convention. Why they want three months worth of masturbating to anime footage is well beyond me.Filming is sure to be hectic on convention day when the crew loses Whedon due to his instantaneous blending in with the crowd. He's like a nerd chameleon. In all earnestness, this seems like a unique look at a growing counter-culture. I am a little bummed though that Spurlock will not be upping the ante of his previous works by remaining a virgin and living in his parent's basement for 30 years. (E!)
Jeremy Renner is undoubtedly on many a casting wishlist thanks to his Oscar-nominated performance in The Hurt Locker. But that doesn't mean you have to take every role Jeremy.The actor has confirmed he will take a role in James McTiegue's The Raven, a movie that centers on the final days of Edgar Allan Poe as he hunts for a serial killer inspired by his stories. I don't remember that from high school English. Appears that Ms. Fitzgerald was asleep at the wheel.But the really distressing news is that he's considering the lead role in Peter Berg's Milton Bradley-adaptation Battleship. He's interested in the role but needs to decide if he would rather take a super-secret role for which he's had five meetings. Trust me, Jeremy. Whatever the other role is, you want to take it over board game sailors fighting aliens. Don't throw away your Oscar goodwill before you even win it. And make sure to use hand sanitizer after contact with Mickey Rourke. It's the only way to prevent the spread of career suicide. (NY Times)
"Lucy, you can no play in da show tonight."Hugh Jackman has proven himself once again the manliest man who ever manned by signing on for the comedy Avon Man. The movie tells the tale of an out-of-work car salesman who begrudgingly accepts work as an Avon rep. He finds it emasculating at first but takes a shine to it when he discovers that shimmers really highlight his cheekbones. That and he charms women to buy his assorted creams and paints.The film will begin shooting in April with Enchanted's Kevin Lima behind the camera. No word yet who will be behind Jackman. (**rimshot! gets glared at by effeminent barista**) (Coming Soon)
We've reported previously about the Farrelly Brothers upcoming Hall Pass. It's the comedy that stars Owen Wilson as a man given a pass by his wife, Jenna Fischer, to pursue extra-marital ass-tappings for one week. Now there's word that child actor turned tappable-ass Amanda Bynes has joined the cast. Possibly as a young ass that will be granted tapping amnesty.That could be good but I've got an axe to grind with Bynes. She's one of those girls (Kaley Cuoco is another offender) who made goofy faces during their recent Maxim shoots. It's confusing for the penis. I hope she doesn't do that in bed. Like, all of a sudden she's winking at you while you're in the throws. She's definitely on my list and had better clean her act up if she wants to be on my other list. (Variety)
Emily Mortimer pops up in a film every once in awhile and I'm quite sure you say to yourself, "Oh it's that lovely lady," but maybe a naughtier version. She's fantastic in Match Point, and if it wasn't for Scarlett Johansson, she'd be the hottest actress in that movie.A word from Emily: "…acting was something I pretended I didn't want to do as I was growing up."We all try to convince ourselves we shouldn't invest in shameful, egotistical professions like acting. Or blogging. You can't deny the camera loves Emily in the pics after the jump.
Freaks and Geeks producers Judd Apatow and Paul Feig are finally joining forces again to grant Kristen Wiig her first starring role in a feature film. Feig will direct, Apatow will produce, and Wiig will almost certainly act awkward. Universal Pictures is keeping the logline under wraps, those sneaky devils, but it is described as revolving around women competing to plan a friend's wedding party.Really? Are we going to do THAT movie again? Weddings, competitions, and cake icing in various cracks has been up on the silver screen more than Sharon Stone's whispering eye. I, like everyone else in the all the land, was a big fan of Freeks and Geeks, so I have faith that Apatow and Feig will bring a much needed not-eye-gaugingly-painful spin to the trite concept. Then again, we could just be looking at another Bride Wars with Wiig making digs under her breath and pulling something sexual/dead out of her pocket at the most inappropriate moment. (Variety)
Last week we threw our Best Actress contenders into the Thunderdome where they battled with claw hammers and whaling harpoons for the honor of taking home a Shiny Gold Dude. …
The days of making toys based off popular films are in the distant past due to the success of Transformers and GI Joe. Currently we have movies in production based upon Legos, Stretch Armstrong, View-Master, Battleship, Candyland, Barbie, Risk, Max Steele, Monopoly, and Bazooka Joe inexplicably. Feel free to lump another hastily decided upon toy-to-film adaptation onto that pile as it was announced that old timey plaything Erector Set will now be given the big screen treatment. Is it in 3D, you ask? Of course it is and I chide you for asking. As punishment, you have to buy stock in this movie. An independent film company has teamed up with Meccano Toy Company to build a franchise out of the antiquated toy. No plot details have been released because 'how?' Apparently Meccano has a CEO and his name is Michael Ingberg. He says, "It's perfect for a film franchise as it is certain to entertain but also stimulate creativity and imagination as the Erector toy system has done around the world for nearly a hundred years." There's no word which supermarket Inberg's office/vista cruiser is normally parked behind. (Coming Soon)
No… No. NO. NO! NO!!!!!!! They've created half-man, half-pillow hybrid beasts called manllows! Even if you do want to rub your privates against Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner, these THINGS are just freakish versions of them. But I guess a freakish, stroke-victim-faced version is all some disillusioned girls need. (FilmDrunk)Hilarious The Bachelor Recap For Fans/Non-Fans (NotZombies)Oscar Producers Tell Nominees to Shut Up (Moviefone)Improper Condom Fit is a Major Problem (Asylum)25 Awesome Guitars (HolyTaco)Team China Sexual Stretches at the Olympics (TotalProSports)Conquest MMA Model Cali-Luv (CagePotato)Live Avatar Role-Playing (Unreality)Video Game Vixens (Maxim)Selena Gomez Causes Lesbian Mob at the Mall (CelebJihad)The Best Female Action Heroes (Pajiba)One Nerd's Obsession with Megan Fox (Atom)The Daytona 500 In Pictures (AllLeftTurns)How to Party for Free in NYC (MadeMan)
Last month we reported that Fake Lenny Kravitz had won the role of the titular barbarian in Marcus Nispel's remake of Conan. Today comes word that the role of young Conan will be played by Fake Joey Lawrence. Child actor Leo Howard, who was seen on screens as a little ninja in G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra, will portray the miniature barbarian for the first reel of the movie. Congratulations to Leo. And I'm not just saying that because he harnesses the ability to kick me in the face. In fact, I'll give him my unlimited approval if he takes out Jaden Smith at the All Valley Karate Tournament. (Latino Review)
Empire has some behind-the-scenes footage from their Kick-Ass set visit. It's equal parts corny intro, needless information, British humor, tea with Kit-Kats in it, Christopher Mintz-Plasse talking about his genitals, and an awesome on-set blow-up between director and star. MATTHEW VAUGHN (in regards to Mintz-Plasse): Do you think this boy will ever not be known as McLovin? CHRISTOPHER MINTZ-PLASSE: Do I? Yeah. MATTHEW VAUGHN (laughing him off): Good answer. CHRISTOPHER MINTZ-PLASSE: You're a dick! Oh, McLovin. Looks like we've got another Gary Coleman on our hands. (via Empire) CHECK OUT THE PISS-TAKING AFTER THE JUMP…
Terrorists! The whole lot of 'em! I like how the one woman takes shelter behind the kid with the corn dog. Their young, soft flesh absorbs bullets well.Created by fearcondom from ytmnd.com.
Michelle Williams may always be the "other girl" from Dawson's Creek, but she earned herself an Oscar nomination for Brokeback Mountain and all Katie Holmes has is Tom Cruise and a washed brain. Maybe her performance in Shutter Island will give people something other to associate her with than a dead Heath Ledger. A word from Michelle: "Outside of the business during a dry spell, I scooped ice cream at a country fair, and I ate more than I sold."Becoming a fatty is no way to win auditions, Michelle. But bringing the casting director ice cream is… What a conundrum!The pics after the jump are very straight-forward.
And the winning caption is…This is a lot different without the wall with the hole in it.I guess we set ourselves up for that one. I thought our audience might take the high road, but I'm so glad they didn't.The winner will receive Law Abiding Citizen on Blu Ray and DVD, as well as a Duxiana travel pillow valued at over $100. You keep that pillow clean, ya hear?Thanks to everyone who posted on the Screen Junkies Facebook wall. You guys came up with some great/sick stuff. We're concerned about most of your mental conditions.Law Abiding Citizen is in stores today. The Blu Ray includes the theatrical cut and the unrated director's cut with 11 minutes of unseen footage.