Director: Christopher NolanCast: Leonardo DiCaprio, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Ellen Page, Marion Cotillard, Cillian Murphy, Michael Caine, Tom Hardy, Ken WatanabeSynopsis: A contemporary sci-fi actioner set within the architecture of the mind.
Scout Taylor-Compton is back as Laurie Strode in Halloween II this Friday, and we have a feeling that Michael Myers is going to be pretty pissed about that. Scout did a great job portraying an ungrateful little sister in the first, what's that bullsh*t industry term again? Oh yes, "reimagining." And we're sure she'll have even more opportunities in the "reimagined sequel" to show her homicidal older brother just how much she hates his company. A word from Scout: "Howie Mandel is hilarious. He’s funny even when he’s not trying. I mean he could be talking about a Hershey bar and it would crack you up." You don't have to tell us that, Scout. We've watched Little Monsters so many times the VHS tape is worn out. So now we have plenty of time to ogle more pics of you after the jump!
This year marks the 40th anniversary of Woodstock, and the self-absorbed Baby Boomer nostalgia surrounding this “milestone” is enough to make the ghost of John Bonham vomit. To hear it described now, Woodstock was an event of biblical proportions where, somehow, almost a half-million people came together and peacefully co-existed…for three whole days! I’d like to point out that this happens everyday in Kansas City, MO, except with running water and an adequate amount of toilets. In an attempt to cash in on the anniversary, Universal Pictures is releasing Taking Woodstock, a film that chronicles the origins of this overrated historical footnote. Instead of watching this pandering nostalgia porn, I’ll be dropping acid (starting now) and watching these 5 Hippie Movies That Don’t Suck. Now, I should warn you that my landlord’s dog thinks I missed the point of most of these movies, but I think he’s just jealous because my baseball cap turned out to be rainbows. Oh God. STOP SHOUTING!
Steven Seagal- Lawman- Coming Soon – Watch more Funny VideosThe gods have been kind to us today. Here we have a first look at the new A&E reality series Steven Seagal: Lawman. Now that he's run out of C-Level rappers to co-star with, Seagal has been moonlighting with a New Orleans Sheriff's Department between film roles. And this fall we get to go on a ride along. Although the show is probably heavily staged, it's still more exciting than the alternative idea they were tossing around, Steven Seagal: Catsitter. You can take these links to the bank. THE BLOOD BANK. Zach Galifianakis goes to Dinner with Schmucks. (Empire) Supernatural Season 5 preview. (Dread Central) Shuttah Island gets pushed bahck. (Reuters) 30 Rock pornocized. (TV Squad) The many hairstyles of Nic Cage: A Celebration. (Latino Review)
Hey look! A guy in a Bumblebee costume speaking Spanish. No, not the one you're thinking of. This is mucho, mucho mejor. [via automotto.org]
YOUTH IN REVOLT Trailer – Watch more Funny VideosI knew he had it in him. I knew it! FINALLY, Michael Cera stars in a movie and… plays a different character than the one he's been playing in every movie prior. The above trailer from YOUTH IN REVOLT proves it. And not only does Cera play another character, but he plays TWO characters who interact with each other. Look out, Hollywood! I can see it now! Billboards touting Cera as "the white Eddie Murphy!" Interviews in which Cera switches dramatic personae on a dime! Pictures of Cera on PerezHilton.com with mac paint semen dripping out of his mouth! Michael Cera, welcome to the A- List.And welcome to Screen Junkies, A-List Links below:Tiffany Selby Splashin' In The Water (Gorillamask) The Best NFL Rap Videos Of All Time (Holytaco) Five Minutes Of Heaven With Liam Neeson (Filmdrunk) Tarantino Movie Babes Collection Is Full Of Babes (Manofest) Turn Your Mac Into A Fish Tank (Walyou) Lessons From College-Themed Movies (Pajiba) Don't Travel To Places With Culture-Bound Syndromes (Cracked) Miss Universe '09 Girls In Bikinis (Coedmagazine) Police Academy's 'Motormouth' Jones Is Still Making Noise (Heeb) Jan Terri Produces Worst Music Video Ever (Sickpigs) Lindsay Lohan Looks Like Brett Michaels (Celebjihad) Pressure Point Kill Guide T-Shirt (Mademan) Caption Contest: Win Tickets To UFC 102 (Cagepotato) There's A Point When Anime Boobs Get Too Big (Unreality) She Can Hide A Hammer In Her Bra (Regretfulmorning) Stripper On A The NYC Subway (Asylum) Hooters Bikini Car Wash In The Show Me State (Bustedcoverage) Google Search Results Are Craaaaazy (Uncoached) Andrea Garcia Is Muy Caliente! (Moondogsports) The Word Of The Day Is Sh*tfaced (Atomfilms) "9" Talismans And First TV Spots (Filmofilia)
We couldn't be happier about the fact that adorable Alexis Bledel is coming to us as a Post Grad today. She's graduated from Gilmore Girls and is finally taking on roles opposite Michael Keaton. Her innocense intrigues us. In the dark recesses of our imagination we're hoping that Keaton had a conversation with Alexis on set and convinced her that as her next endeavor she should play a woman who's an exotic dancer by day and a stripper by night. It'll be a complex character study, but it's good for an actress to go against type. A word from Alexis: "For some unknown reason, bad-boys draw you in despite the fact that they are jerks."If watching NSFW videos and stealing Post-Its from the supply room is what Alexis considers bad, then she can hop on the back of our Vespa and hold on while we haul ass to Dairy Queen. Enjoy your Blizzard and check out more pics of Alexis after the jump!
It was announced recently that Mila Kunis would be joining Natalie Portman in Darren Arofonsky's upcoming ballet thriller Black Swan. Now it's being reported that she'll really be 'joining' her if you catch my drift. I'm talking about sex you guys.A script review from Script Shadow states:[I]n this movie, Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis have sex…And not just nice sweet innocent sex either. We’re talking ecstasy-induced hungry aggressive angry sex.Well, that sounds nice and I don't want to rain on anyone's parade here. But this is starting to sound more and more like a direct-to-DVD Heather Graham movie. (Latino Review)Links that won't make your bathing suit area tingle… The Final Destination "Rumble" in 3-D. (Break)Bryan Singer is keeping busy. (First Showing)'Larry David vs. Plastic' in Curb Your Enthusiasm Season 7 Preview. (TV Squad)Karl Urban cast as vampire badass. (Empire)Iron Man 2 pic, Sam Rockwell standing around. (/Film)
Intruder in the Senior Sorority Showers – Watch more Sorority RowHere's a NSFW clip from the film Sorority Row that offers all the things you'd expect in a horror movie shower scene. If you enjoy bitchiness, boobies, and blood, you're going to be pleasantly satisfied. I do have one thing to say though to the owner of the boobies in this clip: Get off your high horse, honey. I've seen better. Sorority Row opens wide Friday, September 11th
The Wolfman Trailer – Watch more Movie TrailersThe new trailer for Universal's big budget remake of The Wolf Man had to go head-to-head with James Cameron's cinematic second coming, Avatar (marvel at that film's trailer here), but some in the Twitterverse have already crowned the hirsute Benicio Del Toro vehicle today's coming attractions champ. Judge for yourself in the clip above. It's kinda cool seeing Del Toro donning the fur and fangs, and the man's come a long way from the speech-impeded "Fenster" in The Usual Suspects. Rumor is fellow Suspects castmate Stephen Baldwin is in talks to play the Creature from the Black Lagoon. He'll be at Universal Studios Hollywood on Tuesdays & Wednesdays from 12pm to close, and will make party appearances, but not in costume. Here are today's working links: Leslie In The Shower (Gorillamask) 8 Things That Will Happen During First Week of College (Holytaco) Zemeckis Wants To Trip In A Yellow Submarine (Filmdrunk) Large Man Vs. Folding Chair (Manofest) Decorate Your Walls With Donkey Kong (Walyou) Vampires Who Poop? That's the Del Toro Way! (Pajiba) 5 Species Trying To Take Over The Earth (Cracked) 50 Funniest Internet Infographics (Coedmagazine) Captain Kirk And Obama Are Finally Working Together (Sickpigs) 10 Best Facebook Beatdowns (Maxim) Miley Cyrus's Best Friend Is A Slut (Celebjihad) Young Comedians You Need To Know (Mademan) Strikeforce's Fedor Strategy Asking For Trouble (Cagepotato) 15 Awesome Star Wars Demotivational Pics (Unreality) 6 Unintentionally Racist Commercials (Regretfulmorning) 5 Films That Inspired Inglourious Basterds (Asylum) Don't Give A Waitress Your Assault Rifle (Bustedcoverage) The Best People's Court Line Of All Time (Uncoached) Shaq Needs Some Magic To Save His Show (Moondogsports) Fat Bus Rider Faces Off With Newton's Law (Nothingtoxic) The Word Of The Day Is 'Douchebag' (Atomfilms) 11 New The Wolfman Photos (Filmofilia)
World's Greatest Dad is coming to theatres this Friday, August 21st, and Screen Junkies is giving away two signed posters (not pictured above)! That's right, you could pin a glossy one-sheet autographed by Robin Williams and Bobcat Goldthwait up on your wall right next that "Hang In There" poster of a kitten dangling dangerously from a tree. It'll bring some much needed prestige to your living quarters.All you have to do is tweet the funniest caption you can muster to accompany the still frame above.You must have a Twitter account to enter and be following @screenjunkies. Tweet your caption and include "@screenjunkies #WGD" in the tweet, and you'll be entered to win.Contest ends at 11:59pm on Monday, August 24th, and the winner will be announced on Tuesday, August 25th, via Twitter and on the site.You can enter as many times as you like. Do it for yourself or the respect of your disapproving father. Just bring the funny, not the emotional baggage. Good luck!
Melanie Laurent is the second Inglourious Basterds dame of the week, and it's nice to have some Parisian je-ne-sais-quoi accompanying our German ich-weiß-nicht-was. In the film, Melanie's character Shoshanna Dreyfus is out for revenge via spilled Nazi Blood, and she's not afraid to weild an ax to get it. Looks and she can chop firewood. Talk about a double threat! A word from Melanie: "Cause I never took theater lessons, for example. I just made movies. So I have very—and I’m French. We are lazy!"Hey, Melanie, we're lazy, too! Let's lay around in bed all day, drink espresso, and eat crepes off of each other. Post a message if you're down. And why don't you check out some sexy pics of yourself while you're here! Everyone else can look, too!
Nerd pants everywhere have tightened past the point of no return as James Cameron has unleashed a teaser trailer for his fantasy / sci-fi opus AVATAR upon the population. In the spot we catch glimpses of Sam Worthington's injured Marine gettin' Avatarded and interacting with the indigenous residents of Pandora. The digital-imaging effects really do look amazing. We haven't seen character design this revolutionary since Small Soldiers or Jak and Daxter.
Megan wants a murderer. And so do authorities. Ryan Jenkins, a contestant on VH1's hit reality show Megan Wants A Millionaire, is a person of interest in the murder investigation of his ex-wife, Jasmine Fiore. Fiore, a Playboy model, was found stuffed in a suitcase inside a L.A. dumpster on Saturday. Jenkins is believed to be on the run. Either that or he's now competing on The Amazing Race. These reality show people get around.VH1 has postponed all future airings of the series for the time-being. (NY Mag)These morning links are worth a look…New Avatar stills. (Empire)Zemeckis to live in a Yellow Submarine, a Yellow Submarine, a Yellow Submarine. (The Playlist)U.S. Bronson trailer is online. (Latino Review)Go Black Lightning! (Pajiba)Economic downturn forces Kids in the Hall to reunite. (TV Squad)Liev Schreiber open to a Wolverine sequel. (MTV)
Nearly a month ago on a balmy July day at San Diego Comic-Con, it was announced that August 21st, 2009 would forever be known as AVATAR Day™. What exactly is AVATAR Day™? Much like Haley's Comet, AVATAR Day™ only comes around once in a lifetime and is the day that the proud filmmaker will hold an advance-screening of 16 minutes from his epic in more than 100 IMAX 3-D theaters around the world. Fans got so excited that they crashed the film's official website in an effort to reserve tickets. With expectations so high and so many movie-goers eager to catch a glimpse of the alien world Pandora, 20th Century Fox would be wise to take safety precautions.Here's what we think a safety manual for surviving AVATAR should look like:
CHUD was the first to point out that sexy model-actress Diora Baird has announced via Twitter that she has auditioned for a role in the upcoming Thor film. No one is certain which role she read for or if she'll even get the part but it's a slow news morning so conjecture like this makes headlines. Honestly. It was between this or pictures of dogs sniffing celebrities.Tee-hee! Look at 'im sniff her!!Get a whiff of these fresh-scented morning links… A Gallery of Dogs Sniffing Celebrities. (Unreality)Jon Hamm throws a Sucker Punch. (Hit Fix)The sanctity of Dirty Dancing in jeopardy. (Cinema Blend)Saw VI Poster. (Shock Til You Drop)Daniel Radcliffe swears off wizards. (Latino Review)Reporter FAIL. (TV Squad)
Since 1984, the fine people at the Criterion Collection have been dedicated to gathering the greatest films from around the world and publishing them in highest possible quality. But despite their valiant efforts, some important films are still missing from the collection. Luckily, some ingenious folks over at the Jinx World Forums have taken it upon themselves to create distinctive, Criterion-style box covers for those films that have been overlooked. Here are 12 of our favorites in no particular order. Our list is by no means definitive or comprehensive, so head over to Jinx World and take a look for yourselves. Transformers Posted by Cth
By now we've all seen the official pictures of Mickey Rourke dressed as Whiplash at the racetrack in Iron Man 2. You know, the one's where he looks like a Steampunk Harvey Keitel? Well, it's believed that those are images of Whiplash in his prototype Mark I suit. Fans have been abuzz about what the Russian baddie will look like in his final armor ever since. Now the upcoming Marvel comic series IRON MAN VS. WHIPLASH may have revealed what Rourke's look will be when he squares off against Tony Stark and War Machine in the final act of the film. Here's the image from the book:Not bad. If this truly is the film's final armor, he's gone from looking like a He-Man villain to a Thundercats villain. Upgrade. (/Film)More morning news that will whip yo' ass…Kick-Ass teams up with Lionsgate. (Latino Review)James McAvoy is also With Cancer. (Empire)Nobody wants to make out with Megan Fox. (The Playlist)Clip from The Final Destination promises a grotesque death. (Dread Central)Bobcat Goldthwait works the Kinks out. (First Showing)Jon Hamm submerged on video. (NY Mag)
Just about everybody enjoys watching a goose-stepping kraut get his head blown off… Whites & blacks, Christians and Jews, liberals and conservatives; hell, even hardcore racists can find things to hate about the tenets of National Socialism (although say what you will, at least it’s an ethos).So, in honor of Quentin Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds, we here at Screen Junkies have complied the Top Ten Nazi Killing Movies of all time. Sit back, relax, and enjoy this list of films that are guaranteed to put those filthy Huns where they belong: in the ground.
You may remember that back in July we alerted you to RoboGeisha, the only film brave enough to broach the subject of stabbing people in the eyes with shrimp tempura. Noboru Iguchi's crazy Geishsploitation splatterfest is back with a second trailer and the awesome poster above. This movie just looks better and better all the time. Not only do the Geishas rock out to bad Paul McCartney covers but they can also continue to battle despite being sliced in two. Let's see Tony Jaa pull that off. (Dread Central) Peep the trailer and stick around for our morning links… ?????? / Robo-geisha (Trailer Two) – Watch more Funny Videos TV Host accused of killing for ratings. (Variety) Robert Downey Jr to play Lestat? (Empire) Sony rolls out plans for Spidey 5 and 6. (Cinema Blend) Hellboy talks Bubba Nosferatu. (First Showing)
LAW ABIDING CITIZEN Trailer – Watch more Movie Trailers Why is it that criminals always manage to kidnap or kill the family members of trained killers? Have they not seen TAKEN? Crap, even Kevin Bacon, the "mild-mannered" executive in DEATH SENTENCE managed to get pissed enough to come back and kill off the ne'er do wells who murdered his kid. (Okay, criminals, you get a pass on that one. No one saw DEATH SENTENCE.) But now we have LAW ABIDING CITIZEN, which stars Gerard Butler as a family man whose – gasp – wife and daughter are killed by criminals, and Jamie Foxx as the prosecutor who is forced into giving the bad guys a light sentence. But here's the twist: Butler's character goes out for revenge SAW-style, and becomes the film's villain… while Foxx has to clean up the mess. I don't know about you, but I have trouble buying Butler as someone to root against, at least based on this trailer. Then again, I'm still waiting for Pixar to come out with their dog revenge fantasy where Dug from UP violently picks off Michael Vick and his cronies one by one after finding out Vick just got reinstated in the NFL. Here are your weekend links: Mandy Ashford Looks Good In Green (Gorillamask) Rick Pitino's Press Conference Doodles (Holytaco) Inglourious Plummers Would Be The Best Video Game Movie Ever (Filmdrunk) How To Beat A Speeding Ticket (Manofest) Boba Fett Plush Toy Most Adorable Bounty Hunter Ever (Walyou) The 5 Most Bangable Aliens Of All Time (Pajiba) How Indie Music Fans Pick Their Favorite Band (Cracked) 5 Reasons You're Not Dating Someone Smarter (Coedmagazine) Full House Alternate Intro (Sickpigs) Star Wars As Classic TV (Maxim) Larry King Is Hot (Celebjihad) Why Girls Cheat (Mademan) BJ Penn Won't Take On Diego Sanchez (Cagepotato) Funny People Cast Members Do Standup (Unreality) TV's Best Fictional Ad Agencies (Asylum) John Daly Drops Out Of PGA Championship, Releases Ballad (Bustedcoverage) Awesome Double KO's (Uncoached) The Most Awesome Rope Swing Ever (Regretfulmorning) Drink Like A Mad Man (Bachelorguy) Police Arrest Man With Gator Strapped To Back (Moondogsports) Why Did This Man Get Tased? (Nothingtoxic) Pitch A Star Wars Fan Film To Olivia Munn (Atomfilms) More Wall Street 2 Casting News (Filmofilia)
The girls from The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard are back today, which means I am officially screwed on the title-related joke front. But that's alright, because today's girl, Kathryn Hahn, is funny all on her own. The talented comedienne has been a bit player in tons of comedies like Anchorman, Step Brothers, and… um, Reservation Road. That was supposed to be funny, right? On the small screen, she is well-known for her time on "Crossing Jordan," where her role Lily was created specifically for her by the show's creator, Tim Kring. I guess Kring saw that Kathryn had "The Goods." COUNT IT!A word from Kathryn: "To be worked into a show that was in production and on the schedule, is an amazing stroke of luck."It's not luck if you have the looks and humor on par with Ms. Hahn. (I struggled to not repeat "The Goods" joke just then; it's too easy) Check out more hot photos of Kathryn after the jump!
In honor of the very violent District 9 [Check out our review here] we'd like to salute the films where extra-terrestrials make first contact… upside yo' head (and then you die). Below are 10 grotesque clips of the goriest instances of alien-on-Earthling violence throughout cinema.CLICK ON THE IMAGES TO VIEW THE VIDEOS "WATER MY ASS! BRING THIS MAN SOME PEPTO BISMOL!!!" — ALIEN (1979) JASON LEE VS. THE SH*T WEASEL — DREAMCATCHER (2003) BILL DUKE CAUGHT IN THE CROSS HAIRS — PREDATOR (1987)
CLICK ON PHOTO TO SEE COMICPlayboy and Quentin Tarantino have teamed up to create a comic strip adaptation of a scene from Inglourious Basterds with reports that the director hand-picked and edited the piece. Here's the scene in the director's own words, "Okay, so. The Basterds come upon this Nazi and he's like this real bad Von Trapp-hating motherf&*%er, y'know? So. And then Brad Pitt's all like, 'Listen David Hasslehoff. I's Aldo Raines and I didn't come all the way to Germany for the strudel. We's in the Natzi-killin' business and we's here for your scalp. Today the hills ain't alive with the sound of music, Colonel Clink-looking motherf%$^ker. They's alive with the sound of killin'.' So. Y'know? (*pause; grows quiet*) May I have another Orangina please, Scott?"SIDENOTE: It wasn't until just now that I realized comic book Brad Pitt closely resembles loveable drunkard Andy Capp. And enjoy these glourious morning links…Get your tickets for Avatar's sneak peek. (THR)Brett Ratner directing Youngblood, wants Robert Pattinson. (MTV)Zombieland poster, err.. posted. (Empire)Saw scribes return to television. (/Film)Hottie Abbie Cornish talks Sucker Punch. (First Showing)Build your own Batman tumbler. (Cinematical)
GENTLEMEN BRONCOS Trailer – Watch more Movie TrailersGENTLEMAN BRONCOS looks to be a bizarre but good time. The third film from Jared and Jerusha Hess of NAPOLEON DYNAMITE and NACHO LIBRE fame sets its sights on home-schooled children and fantasy sci-fi authors this time around with a couple of very funny people in the cast. Which features flying Conchord Jemaine Clement as a dickish author who plagiarizes his young ward. Clement's Ronald Chevalier is the ultimate hack. His advice to his students is that one "can add '-ainous' to anything and it becomes magical." Remind me not to sample his beef stew. Check out these afternoon links. They won't make your mother cry… Karli Madeline Operates Heavy Machinery…Kinda (Gorillamask) Email Exchange Between Somali Pirates (Holytaco) The Neverending Story Van Fight Story Never Ends (Filmdrunk) The 10 Hottest Boob-Flexing Videos Of All Time (Manofest) Transformers Cakes More Delicious Than Revenge Of The Fallen (Walyou) The 5 Best Salesman Characters In Film (Pajiba) 6 Cheap Acting Tricks That Fool The Critics Every Time (Cracked) How Men And Women Argue In Flowchart Form (Maxim) The Longest Crash In Star Wars History (Sickpigs) 5 Kick Ass Baseball Fights (Coedmagazine) Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Twitpics (Mademan) Kourtney Kardashian Pregnant, But Who's The Father? SATAN?! (Celebjihad) Cris Cyborg Is Sick Of The "Beauty And The Beast" Fight Talk (Cagepotato) If Fictional Characters Became Real (Unreality) Swine Flu Was Anticlimatic For One Man (Asylum) Alabama-Virginia Tech Preview, As Told By Drunk Cowboy (Bustedcoverage) A Gallery Of Freaks Of Nature (Uncoached) Deer Tries To Jump Over Fence, Doesn't Really Work Out (Regretfulmorning) Cuba Failing-There Is No Toilet Paper (Moondogsports)
While we gave her the nod in our hot female grifters feature, we felt Spread actress Margarita Levieva deserved her own gallery because, well, she's ridiculously good looking. The Russian-born beauty spent her early life as a competitive gymnast on the Communist Russia payroll before moving to New York at 11. There, she went to NYU and worked as a fashion buyer for Assets London (we don't know what that is either, but for now let's just assume it's something important). She's got few film credits to her name at this point, with her only notable role being that of Lisa P in the awesome Adventureland. However, she's hot and her name is the same as a delicious drink, so we feel she's going places.A word from Margarita: "I’m not an insecure person, per se, but I just never saw myself as the girl who walks into a place and everybody goes, ‘Wow.’"Rest assured, if she ever walked into the Screen Junkies offices, we would let out a collective wow. Then, we'd awkwardly stammer through directions to the office she should be in. It's obviously not ours. Check out more photos of Margarita after the jump!
If you’v taken a second to stop touching yourself to thoughts of seein DISTRICT 9 this weekend, you may have noticed that there’s another movie opening Friday called THE GOODS:…
Bryan Singer is in talks to bring a big screen version of Battlestar Galactica to theaters. Originally he was set to develop the television series reboot in 2001 but was c-blocked by the Taliban. The gig later went to Ron Moore and the rest is history. No word yet on the creative direction of the feature but let's hope it wraps up a little tighter than the new series did. I find it kind of odd that Universal is already rebooting a franchise that practically just completed its successful run. If this is the new norm, can we get a do-over on Transformers 2? (Hit Fix)Check out these morning links before they get remade…The Goods character posters are good. (Cinematical)Poltergeist remake actually coming to theaters. (/Film)New Dexter promo artwork. (Dread Central)Check out a clip of Timothy Olyphant in Lawman. (Cinema Blend)Facebook gets Ed Helms in over his head. (Latino Review)
LEGION Red-Band Trailer – Watch more MOVIE TRAILERSThe new red-band trailer for LEGION hit the nets today and it looks like a winner so far. Paul Bettany stars as a loose-cannon version of Michael the Archangel, who comes down to Earth against God's wishes in order to ensure the savior of humanity currently incubating in his mother's womb survives an onslaught of evil demons. Phew. It's like the Catholic church rewrote the script for TERMINATOR 2 and managed to keep the badassitude. If only the Bible had calculating-ass, glock-wielding angels and demon grandmas dropping F-bombs before tearing off people's faces, maybe I would have stayed Catholic. Maybe after Monopoly, Candyland and Battleship, a studio can give the Bible a much needed cinematic update (with a cameo from Brendan Fraser and music by Kid Rock, of course.)Here are your decidedly most unholy links of the day: Ashley Smith Appears To Not Own A Bathing Suit (Gorillamask)How To Get A Bartender's Attention (Holytaco)Neverending Story Van Lady Vs. Filmdrunkards (Filmdrunk)25 Funny Misspelled Tattoos (Manofest)Duck Hunter Minus The Classic Game Console (Walyou)The Worst Book To Film Adaptations Ever (Pajiba)23 Movie Plots That Could've Been Solved In Minutes (Cracked)Town Hall Internal Memos (Maxim)Jude Law's Baby Mama Photo Album (Celebjihad)The Cost In US Dollars To Fall In Love (Mademan)Brock Lesnar Ruins Bud Light (Cagepotato)When Video Game Characters Turn To Acting (Unreality)How To Properly Torture An Alien (Asylum)Amanda Is America's Hottest Community College Student (Bustedcoverage)The 15 Ugliest Soccer Players In The World (Uncoached)Rally Car Drivers Vs. Lake (Regretfulmorning)Zipline Tree Collision Prevents Man From Reproducing (Nothingtoxic)New Ninja Assassin Photos (Filmofilia)