Release The Kraken! – Watch more Funny VideosLiam Neeson's a persistent son of a bitch. (BuzzFeed)
Gary Marshall's Valentine's Day featured some bizarre on-screen unions, and now is causing one off-screen as well. I don't know how to better describe this news item than with a shrill "Say WHAAAAAAATTTTTTT???!!!!!" Jamie Foxx is scripting a modernized adaptation of "Laverne & Shirley" as a vehicle for sisters-from-another-mister Jennifer Garner and Jessica Biel. I wouldn't mind seeing that sexy pair schlemiel one another's schlimazels if you know what I'm sayin' (note: I don't know what I'm sayin').Marshall tells TV Guide:“Jamie and I are trying to do it. He’s writing it. It’s a whole different modern day take on how they came up on the streets during difficult times. Laverne would be this very tough girl with a big ‘L’ tattooed on her arm. Jennifer Garner would play Laverne and Jessica Biel would play Shirley.”This is just great. I've been working on the gangsta version of "227" for quite some time and now everyone will think I'm ripping off Jamie Foxx's stupid urban "Laverne & Shirley." Now the world will never see Macy Gray cut a bitch while dressed as Jackée.
On our last go-round on this subject, I dealt with those unfortunate few male actors whose default setting was the most often seen in their films. If you happen to be a female in Hollywood, things don't look much better, and in many cases they probably look worse, because in the movie business, you're a hooker, a bitch, or a woman who needs a man to solve all her problems, and there's not much room for in between. So much so that even good actresses, ones who have proven themselves to have range and abilities beyond their usual fare, find themselves going back to the same old thing, time and again, whether it be romantic comedy (more than half the actresses on this list) or drama/action (the other half). So in a tribute to these brave women who have talent but choose not to use it for the sake of routine and easy satisfaction, Screen Junkies presents…. 13 Terminally Typecast Actresses
Iron Man 2 director Jon Favreau was forced to leave Olivia Munn's cameo on the cutting room floor when the tone of the sequel shifted to become darker. Perhaps fearing the wrath of a million deflated nerdboners, he lovingly reinserted Munn into the film in a new mystery role. She tells Complex:You're in two gigantic movies this year. Let's talk about Iron Man 2 first because it's f*cking Iron Man 2. Olivia Munn: Actually, they just gave me another role in the film. I had to reshoot all of my scenes. Wait, didn't they start filming like last year or something? Olivia Munn: Yeah, but as they started to edit they realized it was becoming darker than what they'd expected and what my scenes had allowed for. My parts were lighthearted and comedic. Yikes. Olivia Munn: Jon Favreau called and was like, "I've got good news and bad news: This is what's happening in editing but we all really like you." Marvel and Jon had to add another character from the Marvel universe to keep me included. I need details! Tell us anything about the old or new role. Olivia Munn: I can't talk specifics because it's Iron Man 2! But when they call, you say, "OK, I'm there. What do you need?" You don't say, "Who is this Marvel? Did you call my agent? Is FIJI Water on set?" Everyone knows who the stars are in this movie. I'm not one of them and I understand the editing process. Some things don't work out. What if you'd stayed on the cutting room floor? Olivia Munn: I would've started crying.Sexy crying, of course. Which character from the Marvel universe will Munn portray? There have been rumors swirling that she would play Scarlet Witch or Iron Maiden for awhile now. More importantly, will it involve spandex or a leather bodysuit while sauntering in slow-motion to cock-rock? Knowing Favreau, yes.
Who would have thought The Fuhrer is such a big fan of Sandy's? (Vulture)Here are today's links. Movie Stars Most Likely to Get Naked (Moviefone) U.S. Pole Dance Champ Crowned (Asylum)Security to Keep Women from Tiger (PopEater)Relationship Translator (HolyTaco)Birdemic Director on Public Access TV (FilmDrunk)Superhero Fails Never Get Old (Unreality)Erin Andrews Shows Off Her Naughty Moves (TotalProSports)A Guide to Things Named "Ice" (Maxim)World's Best Butter Sculptures (Smosh)Miley Cyrus Pleasure a Leprechaun (CelebJihad)Duance Ludwig is Going to Be Out For a While (CagePotato)Top 5 Black Female Leading Roles (Pajiba)Evan and Gareth: Threeway (Atom)Best Drunk Food Recipes (MadeMan)Johnson and Busch: A Rivalry in the Making (AllLeftTurns)Epic Boobs Girl Found! (RegretfulMorning)
The new one-sheet for Twilight: Eclipse just hit and the cast couldn't look more apathetic about it. I believe the point here is to convey that the actors Twihards cream over will also be in this film. The marketing gurus probably figured they could have given the characters assholes for eyes and it wouldn't make a difference at the box office.
I Googled "scream" and this came up.Dimension Films has confirmed that Scream 4 will go into production in Spring 2010 for an April 12th, 2011 release. Wes Craven will again direct, as initially suspected, and original Scream creator Kevin Williamson will write the script. Neve Campbell, Courtney Cox, and (unfortunately) David Arquette Cox will all be reprising their roles. I really hope David takes his character Dewey to full retard in this one. It doesn't make sense for him to scale back his own personality just for the sake of acting. (Variety)
In 2004, Anchorman swept through theaters and supplied comedy nerds, Snorg Tees, and douchebags on MTV dating shows with catchphrases galore. Sadly, the unjust box office failure of Brüno has caused a catchphrase drought, one that won't be remedied by the Channel 4 news team apparently. After failing to reunite all the players for Anchorman 2, Will Ferrell is waving the white flag of surrender. He tells IMDB, "I thought we were doing it. Now I've heard it's going to be too hard to get everyone together."That's sad for the many fans of Anchorman, but totally understandable. Will Ferrell, Steve Carrell, Paul Rudd, and David Koechner are far too busy providing cameos in one another's movies to actually get together to film a movie.
Popeye wrestles with his demon.Move over, Stallone. Another aged strongman prone to using performance-enhancers is making his way back to theaters. Variety reports that Sony Pictures Animation will be releasing a computer animated Popeye in 3D. The storyline is being kept under wraps but producer Avi Arad has said it "will cover the themes of friendship, love, greed and life, and focus on human strengths and human frailties.” Hey, did he just steal the logline from The Room?This obviously follows the trend of other cartoon to film adaptations such as Garfield, The Smurfs, Underdog, Marmaduke, and Alvin and the Chipmunks. I only hope the sailorman sticks to eating spinach and not his own sh*t.
With a shortage of movies about people running around and biting other people hitting screens this summer, it's very good news that Rec 2 may find its way to American theaters. Bloody Disgusting has reported that Magnolia Pictures is close to securing a July theatrical run for the gory sequel with Sony aiming to put it on DVD in October.This is of course the sequel to Rec, the shaky cam Spanish horror film that spawned the love-it-or-hate-it nearly shot for shot American remake Quarantine. Sony has announced that Quarantine 2's action will be set in a cordoned off airport as opposed to Rec 2's infested tenement. I'll definitely check it out this July. I only hope the subtitles count towards my summer reading. **adjusts ascot, straightens helmet**
The disturbing part is he's TOTALLY into it.Share these links with your siblings.Aziz Ansari Might Host MTV Movie Awards (Moviefone)New Book Promises Orgasms for Everyone (Asylum)Ben Folds Takes on Doppelganger (PopEater)2010 Douchebag Tournament: Sweet 16! (HolyTaco)Serbian Machete Sex? Serbian Machete Sex. (FilmDrunk)10 Most Memorable Elevator Scenes in Movies (Unreality)Knicks Cheerleaders as Bad as Their Team (TotalProSports)Our Healthcare System Explained (Maxim)Aliens in Classic Paintings (Smosh)Joe Jonas Definitely Not Gay (CelebJihad)UFC Live Aftermath (CagePotato)An Interview with Christopher Gauthier (Pajiba)Tell Tech Support How You Really Feel (Atom)How to Avoid Being a Lovable Slub (MadeMan)25 Nasty NASCAR Crashes (AllLeftTurns)
Cheer up, Chris. You're set for life now.The great search is finally over! Marvel and Joe Johnston have found their Captain America. Chris Evans, the guy who wore the whipped cream bikini in Not Another Teen Movie, accepted the coveted role today. They still have to work out all the minor details in what I'm sure is a massive contract, but I can officially say that I don't have to report on this story any longer. Hallelujah!Marvel scoured all of Hollywood to find the right actor to play The First Avenger. Ryan Phillippe was in the running along with Channing Tatum and the guy with the hair from Gossip Girl, but Chris Evans emerged victorious. In your face, pretty boys! They got a pretty boy who can grow a beard for the job. (THR)
When not busy murdering children, Voldemort spends his time busking for change in the town square.Pyrotechnics went awry on the set of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows over the weekend but the fire department was able to prevent Leavesden Studios from going the way of a Great White concert. A second unit team was filming a big effect for the "climactic battle of Hogwarts" sequence when a blaze raged out of control. An exterior courtyard set was destroyed but it reportedly needed to be rebuilt anyway. How convenient. "We were gonna burn that down anyway" sounds better than "we f*cked up."No castmembers were on set at the time. Just crewmembers. Plebians really. So don't you worry, teenage girls and creepy older chicks in my office. Daniel Radcliffe's ripped abdominals were unscathed. (/Film)
Though his Spiderman 4 role never became a reality, it looks like John Malkovich won't be missing out on a blockbuster payday. Deadline reports that Oscar nominee and Oscar winner Frances McDormand will slum it for Michael Bay in Transformers 3. I guess Malkovich wants something worse than Con-Air on his resume. Malkovich will play LaBeouf's first boss while McDormand will play the National Intelligence Director.Ken Jeong of The Hangover and Community is also joining the cast. This news worries me given Bay's penchant for representing ethnic characters as racial stereotypes. Here's hoping he doesn't go the angry, yelling Korean guy route. If so, he could have saved some money by hiring Dat Phan.
Diora Baird's friends call her Dee Dee, as in 32DD, and yes, they are real. She's the girl in Wedding Crashers that makes Owen Wilson realize he needs to quit sticking his d*ck in everything. Question: How in holy hell could Diora make you realize that?! A word from Diora: "I learned very quickly that if a producer wants to have dinner with me, he wants to f*ck me." It's a shame you're such a narrow-minded woman. What if he just wants to enjoy the company of an extremely busty, gorgeous female companion who–I can't finish that with a straight face. Find out why producers want to f*ck Diora after the jump.
In this episode of Sparkle Vamps 90210: Eclipse, Edward and Bella mumble about the pros and cons of becoming a vampire.PRO: Super-strength.CON: No Christmas. PRO: Immortality.CON: No visiting of loved ones. PRO: Doin' it.CON: Losing your soul. I wonder if super-hearing is a result of being turned because SPEAK THE HELL UP! Bella would be a fool not to become a vampire if only for the invincibility. She's so low-energy that otherwise she'll drown in a bowl of soup. Check out the clip after the jump before it gets yanked like a Twihard with a R.Patz pillow…
I had the opportunity to travel to Lake Tahoe for the Hot Tub Time Machine junket, and for some reason they put me in a cabin with the film's stars and a few cameras. I decided to take advantage of the serendipitous moment and ask Rob Corddry, Craig Robinson, Clark Duke, and Crispin Glover some questions about the film. Now mind you, we all attended an 80s party the night prior where free beer and wine was served so you should appreciate how coherent everyone is, and funny on top of that. The cast discusses working naked together in a hot tub, Cusack's Better Off Dead flashbacks, and the phenomenon that is Teen Wolf Pug.Enjoy the candid interviews below. Hot Tub Time Machine opens this Friday. Rob Corddry, Craig Robinson, and Clark Duke
With Alice in Wonderland holding strong at the box office, Tim Burton is back on top and lining up his next projects. Last week, it was speculated that he would helm an adaptation of The Addams Family in stop-motion 3D but that rumor proved to be false. Instead, Burton will direct the stop-motion 3D Frankenweenie. And no, it's not a movie about Chastity Bono's transformation into Chaz. It's actually a full-length adaptation of one of his early short films about a man who resurrects his dog after it is hit by a car.Executive producer Don Hahn told SXSW, "that the puppets are ready, the script is done and now that Tim Burton is clear of 'Alice in Wonderland'… he's set to helm 'Frankenweenie' in 3D."This project feels a lot more likely to happen and won't get bonered like Addams. After all, this is Burton's original creation. He's erecting it from his vision and he's been playing with it for years. It's his Weenie and you can be ensured that he won't pull out. Why's everyone looking at me like that? (AICN)
Quick everyone! Neil Patrick Harris is saying things!! And these things he's saying may mean that Dr. Horrible 2 will be a feature length film.“Apparently they're making a 'Dr. Horrible' sequel — a feature film, I hope.” Or it won't be! But assuming it is, they have a fine line to walk in order to successfully pull off the camp and low budget look of the original web series.“You don't want to necessarily make the feature film be an $80 million giant movie, because it defeats the purpose of what the first film was made to be… Then again, you don't want it to be so low-brow that it's not worth paying money to see as a movie.” [**cough, cough Ironclad**]To recapitulate, Joss Whedon is making a sequel to a web series which its star HOPES will be a feature film. And if it is a feature film, they'll have to spend more money. The end. This information brought to you by a slow news weekend. (MTV)
Looks like someone sh*t the bed, Phillippe.The never-ending search for Captain America could finally be ending. THR is reporting that the role has been offered to Johnny Storm from The Fantastic Four, a.k.a. Chris Evans:Evans' offer would include starring in up to three "America" movies plus "The Avengers" movies and appearances in several other Marvel movies. While an offer to star in "America" may seem like something you don't have to mull over too long, one possible complication is that Evans is committed to co-starring in the Anna Faris romantic comedy "What's Your Number?" Both are scheduled to shoot this summer.It's understandable why Evans would have a difficult time making this decision. If you read the quote above it says he's scheduled to star in an Anna Faris rom-com. Nope, Captain America seems like too much of a gamble. Fart in the face of the Gods, Evans, so you can have a chance to bang the House Bunny on set. OR ask your agent to get you out of it and BANG ANYONE EVER ALL THE TIME WITH FISTFULS OF COKE-DUSTED CASH. Your choice, really.
She's about to get beta carotene on their ass.Here are your weekend links.Memorable and Shocking PSAs (Moviefone)Why Your Band Hasn't Made It Yet (Asylum)Hugh Grant Got Into a Cake Fight (PopEater)2010 Douchebag Tournament: Round 2, Day 2 (HolyTaco)Journey Singer Loves N-Bombs (FilmDrunk)15 Videos of The Office Cast Outside of Dunder Mifflin (Unreality)Trampoline Dunk Shatters the Backboard (TotalProSports)21 Awesomely Weird Guitars (Maxim)10 Blaxploitative Movie Posters (Smosh)Sandra Bullock is a Disloyal Wife (CelebJihad)UFC Banned From German TV (CagePotato)MacGruber Review (Pajiba)Douche-Off (Atom)12 Places to Pick Up Chicks (MadeMan)Harvick, Edwards Feuding (AllLeftTurns)
Much like with inbreeding, The Final Destination series has degraded in quality with each film. The first was a unique twist on the horror genre, the second compensated for its weak story with impressive gore sequences, the third happened, and the NASCAR-based fourth installment was the film equivalent of a mongoloid. BUT it was a 3D mongoloid and 3D equals big box office.With that being said, Warner Bros. head bro Alan Horn announced at ShoWest that a fifth installment of the franchise will be breathing through its mouth in the near future. Why? "Because we couldn't resist," according to Horn.No details yet on who will direct or which sexy teens will be cast, but that's fine because you probably won't know who the hell they are anyway. (/Film)
Carice van Houten is a Dutch stage and film actress. She looks great both with and without clothes in Paul Verhoeven's Black Book. It's clear that Verhoeven appreciates a stellar rack, and Carice is no exception. Don't worry, I think she's a fine actress, too. I'm not a COMPLETE pig. A word from Carice: "I have seen Hollywood, and although I have nothing against it, it's not my kind of life."You're clearly not doing enough illegal subtances when you're in town. The glitz and glamour become a lot more appealing with some booger sugar up in ya. Appreciate the Dutch more after the jump.
I've got some good news and some bad news. Good news is that Jennifer Lopez is finally going to suffer the head trauma we've all been wishing upon her. Bad news is that it's going to be fake movie head trauma. From THR:Jennifer Lopez is in talks to star in the remake of the romantic comedy "Overboard," which Overbrook is producing for Columbia. The 1987 movie, which starred Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn and was directed by Garry Marshall, centered on a snooty, spoiled woman who falls off her yacht and is taken to the hospital by a local, morally challenged carpenter. When she wakes up with amnesia, he convinces her she is his wife, thereby getting a free housekeeper for his four boys.Putting laugh-a-minute Lopez in a comedy is a great idea because that always turns out so well. But I don't see her becoming this character. Sure, the snooty, spoiled part should be old hat for her but the housekeeping? This will be the first time that Hollywood employs a stunt double to vacuum. (THR)
Update: Tim Burton's people (ghouls in suits) told MTV, and I'm paraphrasing, "This rumor is bullsh*t! Oogie boogie!" They then quickly dug a hole in the earth and jumped in. But seriously, he isn't doing this movie.To further prove his dominance over the Curlz MT font, Tim Burton has signed on to adapt The Addams Family into a 3D, stop-motion film as is his way. One has to wonder if he was more attracted to the source material or the big box office raked in by a 3D version of an established franchise. Given his track record these last few years, I'd say he's more attracted to long green than pale flesh.The characters will be based upon the drawings of Charles Addams that frequently appeared in The New Yorker and despite what you may or may not have heard this is in no way an attempt to punk out The Addams Family and Addams Family Values director Barry Sonnenfeld. He took care of that himself by directing Big Trouble. (Deadline)
Michael Bay and Platinum Dunes have incensed a number of horror fans with their Abercrombie & Fitch approach to remaking The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Amityville Horror, The Hitcher, Friday the 13th, and potentially A Nightmare on Elm Street. And now they've got their sites set on incensing horror comedy fans with the announcement they've teamed with Rob Cohen for his long-gestating remake of The Monster Squad, the Fred Dekker cult classic that is fondly remembered by all children of the 1980's. The director of Stealth may seem like an odd choice to helm the picture but he actually produced the original. A movie fact that I did not know and probably the reason I'll never make it to the Scene-It nationals. The movie tells the story of a group of kids banding together to stop Dracula from assembling all the legendary monsters in his quest to take over the world. Surprisingly I'm not too bitter about this news, only because I think the idea of a Michael Bay/Rob Cohen exxxtreme take on The Monster Squad is hysterical. This time around it will be discovered that not only does Wolfman got nards, but also a pretty gnarly Prince Albert piercing. (Deadline)
It appears the new Captain America has been cast. We're not sure who he is, but it appears when he's not murdering Nazis he enjoys kicking back at Pierhead Restaurant & Bar with Ghostrider, The Flash, Mr. Incredible, The Hulk, and no less than TWO Robins. Superheros should learn to be more secretive about where they go to get sh*tfaced. Google is ALWAYS watching. (BleedingCool)Don't let Google see you with these links.Betty White Calls Sarah Palin a Crazy Bitch (Moviefone)Former Manhattan Madame Runs for Governor (Asylum)Meet Jesse James' Tattooed Mistress (PopEater)2010 Douchebag Tournament: Round 2, Day 1 (HolyTaco)George Lucas Doing Star Wars for Babies (FilmDrunk)Ten 90s Crushes All Grown Up (Unreality)Top 10 Sexts Tiger Sent to Joslyn James (TotalProSports)Best Beach Bodies (Maxim)Anteaters are F*cking Awesome (Smosh)Jessica Alba Shows Serious Cleavage (CelebJihad)UFC Live: Vera vs. Jones (CagePotato)Let's Discuss Space Boners (Pajiba)March Madness Girl (Atom)Winning March Madness Picks (MadeMan)How Do Cars Become Airborne (AllLeftTurns)5 Reasons Your Gaming System is Better than your Girlfriend (RegretfulMorning)
The resemblance is uncanny.
Two posters for Stallone's The Expendables were presented at ShoWest and they've refortified my testicles after the damage they sustained from watching the Eat, Pray, Love trailer. The first shows a chrome skull adorned with gun/knife wings (and bullet poops?). It can only be accurately described as "visual Pantera." The second isn't as cool. It's an Ed Hardyized picture of what Stallone would look like as a back tatt. Sandra Bullock would be wise to lock it away before her husband tries to have sex with it. (Collider)
This is how demons mate. In the trailer for Eat, Pray, Love, Julia Roberts goes on a quest under the Tuscan Indian sun to get her groove back. Except she puts pizza inside of her instead of Taye Diggs. The movie is based on the best-selling memoir by Elizabeth Gilbert, the writer who decided to pig out and travel for a year. Much like Vince Vaughn did when he decided to make Couple's Retreat. Watch the trailer at your own risk. I just did and it caused me to have my first period. Great, there is seriously period all over the place now. I've never seen so much period. I'm gonna need like a million Tampax. Devour the trailer after the jump…