The Box opens in theaters this weekend, much to the delight of horny teenage guys who are eager to put irony into action by snickering loudly from the comfort of their local cinemas. But rather than take the low, sweet, moist road of the double entendre, I decided to keep my mind out of the gutter (for the most part). As a result, I've come up with a list of 10 literal boxes from film and television that have made a lasting impact in my pathetic little life. Enjoy, and let me know if your favorite storage compartment isn't on the list.
Dick in a Box Video
The Dick Box
If you had to pick one event that transformed Justin Timberlake from a douche-bag boy bander into a semi-tolerable celebrity, the “Dick in a Box" video would have to be it. He owes a lot to that box, and to Andy Samberg.
Twilight hottie Ashley Greene has signed on to star in The Apparition. In the supernatural thriller, Greene portrays one half of a young couple who are terrorized by an evil spirit that is unleashed after a college experiment goes awry. Typically college experimentation means turning ordinary household items into bongs and a little girl-on-girl so it should be interesting to see how either of those activities conjures a ghost. The film will be produced under Joel Silver's Dark Castle banner and is said to be based on real events. Now, is this based on true events in the bullpoop way that Milla Jovovich's The Fourth Kind is allegedly a true story? Or is it true like the time I once ate 74 King Crab legs in one sitting? Nobody believed I could do it but I proved the skeptics wrong. The truth is out there. (Empire)
Paranormal Goat – Watch more Funny Videos Here's a new ad for The Men Who Stare At Goats that gets the goat of Paranormal Activity. See what I did there? I feel sorry for the clean up crew in that theater. We see the goats covering their eyes to shield themselves from The Clooney, but chances are they're simultaneously crapping their goat britches. Stare at this links and see if they stare back… 25 Girls Playing Football in Their Underwear (HolyTaco) Greatest Pee Wee Football Trick Play Ever (TotalProSports) Ferrari Theme Park in Dubai (TheChive) 2012 + Raising Arizona = Awesome (FilmDrunk) 15 Tastiest Foods on a Stick (SuperTremendous) Redford Gets His John Wilkes Booth (Pajiba) Kristen Stewart is a Lesbian (CelebJihad) I Miss Gene Hackman (Unreality) 10 Things Not to Say to a Female Poker Player (Asylum) Pedro Martinez Can Go Back to Being Fat (BustedCoverage) I Heart Japan Doing the Splits (RegretfulMorning) Marry a Smart Girl, Love Longer (MadeMan) Texas Crash Videos (AllLeftTurns)
If you're anything like me you're A.) pants-sh*ttingly attractive and B.) a big fan of Teen Wolf and Teen Wolf-related humor. Despite his questionable basketball skills, there's something about the film and character that perserveres nearly twenty-five years later. But were you ever curious what became of Scott Howard? Was his experience as the Wolf enough to boost his confidence and set him on the path to an exciting life? Or did he end up just another corporate drone stamped down by the drudgery of work? Filmmaker Marc Milstein asked himself the same question and his answer, the second one.Great work from all the guys in Substitute Scientist: Michael Capes, Marc Milstein, and Rene Gube. We look forward to the next installment of Middle Aged Wolf.
The game of global domination has a new uphill battle: development hell. Sony and Overbrook Entertainment, Big Willy Smith's company, added Risk to the slew of board game big screen adaptations that are in the works. Lately Hollywood has had board game fever, buying up Candyland, Monopoly, and Battleship just to name a few. How many of these will actually become living, breathing movies? All depends on how much play money the execs are willing to deal out… According to Hasbro, Risk was the first board game to offer nonlinear movement as players compete on a map of the world by amassing armies and conquering territory. For the film, I think the nonlinear movement rule should be revoked and characters can only move in rigid, straight lines. It makes obsolutely no sense, and the battle sequences will be severly hampered by it, but damn if it won't be bloody. Personally, my bets are on Ukraine. Ukraine is not weak! [THR]
The producers of Puss In Boots have reportedly called Zach Galifianakis fat in the nicest way possible. The comic has been approached to supply the voice of the rotund, apple-cheeked Humpty Dumpty in the upcoming Shrek spin-off. Of course we all remember the story of Humpty Dumpty — after finding success amongst the Chicago improvisational comedy scene, the nursery rhyme egg went on to find greater fame with a thriving television and film career. Alas, he was tragically cut down in his prime by a deadly combination of alcohol, pills, and wall-sitting. If anyone can handle this mix of comedy and drama, it's Galifianakis. (/Film)
The Despicable Me trailer looks despicable meh. It introduces us to #1 Super Villain Gru (Steve Carell) and–OH WAIT he's been bested by a Syndrome-from-The-Incredibles-esque Super Villain named Vector (Jason Segel). The two then battle wits, which seems more like an exercise in futility for Gru considering Vector has saws, sharks, lasers, missiles, and a boxing glove mechanism that targets your crotch.
Steve Guttenberg (or "The Gute" as he is known in classier circles) broke the news recently that Disney is interested in reuniting he and his Three Men and a Baby co-stars for Fathers Of The Bride My Three Dads Of The Bride Three Men and a Bride."Disney's developing 'Three Men and a Bride.' That's going to be a smash. A smash hit. They're bringing everybody back for that. Nobody knows about it. I'm the first to talk about it.” Yeah sure, Steve. He adds,"It's definitely time for another 'Police Academy.' And I think they could make another 'Cocoon.' They're surefire hits and I think they're good for the world. They make the world a better place and that's what it's all about." But why stop there? Think of all your films that could become successful franchises. For instance, Law & Order: Criminal Intent – The Video Game for which you did voice work deserves a sequel. And what about 2002's P.S. Your Cat Is Dead!? There's plenty of room for another go-around where a different cat is dead. Give the fans what they need, Gute. Give them what they demand. (Hollywood)
You may better know Talulah Riley if you live across the pond in the UK. She's been in her fair share of British television, including appearances in Doctor Who. Next year she has a role in Christopher Nolan's Inception as the credited 'Blonde.' I'm guessing she doesn't have a soliliquy. A word from Talulah: "I’m not some sort of tormented soul looking for identity in the roles I take. I became an actress because I love dressing up and playing."I've got a scene for you. Int. My Bedroom – Night. Talulah walks in wearing a pleather nurse's outfit. I wince. End scene.Show some control with these pics after the jump.
Yesterday, we brought you the Salt teaser trailer in Russian, and now we bring it to you in glorious English. I think you'll find it's easier to understand, unless of course you call the Motherland home. Salt, or as it could be titled, Mission Impossible 4: The Search for Ethan Hunt's Identity (Again), stars Angelina Jolie as Evelyn Salt, a CIA officer who swore an oath to duty, honor, and country. When she is accused by a defector of being a Russian sleeper spy, Salt goes on the run to clear her name and ultimately prove she is a patriot. Seems like a great deal of work to prove you're a patriot, when all you need is one of these: Angelina Jolie and a conservative, right-wing wiener dog save the country. Talk about a box office smash hit. Check out the Salt teaser trailer after the jump!
Written by Tom Sullivan & Bear Aderhold and Adam Rifkin, “Knucklehead” follows the on-the-road adventures of a trio of misfits – a naïve giant and church orphan-turned-amateur fighter Walter Krunk (BIG SHOW); former mixed martial arts champion-turned-manager Eddie Sullivan (MARK FEUERSTEIN); and church aide-turned-chaperone, Mary O’Connor (MELORA HARDIN) – fighting their way across the south to the annual Pro-Am mixed martial arts tournament in New Orleans.
WWE Champion Big Show is close to wrapping production on the WWE film, Knucklehead. In the movie, Big Show stars as Walter Krunk – a slow-witted lifelong orphan who needs to drum up $50K to save the orphanage he accidentally set ablaze. Enter MMA manager Eddie Sullivan, who takes Walter on the road to the annual Pro-Am mixed martial arts tournament in New Orleans with the intent of winning the $100K grand prize.So it's essentially a roided up version of 1989's The Wizard only this time retard-strength takes center stage as opposed to sick Super Mario Bros 3 skills. This also marks the first time that an actor will go full-retard while applying the full nelson. Move over, Sean Penn and Rosie O'Donnell. [FilmDrunk]
We here at Screen Junkies don't pretend to know a great deal about the Twilight Saga, but that doesn't mean we're not willing to learn. As outsiders, and men, sparkling vampires just don't seem like our cup of blood (see what I did there?), but we're willing to have a civil discussion in the comments section regarding the fervent passion some feel toward Bella and Edward. Below is a featurette modeled after the reality show Meet the Kardashians except with nefarious vampires. You might have trouble discerning the difference at first, but you'll soon realize that Bruce Jenner deals with a breed of bloodsuckers far more depraved than the Volturi.
Salt International Trailer – Watch more Funny VideosA Russian-dubbed trailer for Salt barged onto the Internet today and I can't understand a f&@%ing word of it. But I have seen Mission: Impossible, The Fugitive, and a couple episodes of Alias so I feel better equipped to explain the plot than many Russians would be able to. Angelina Jolie stars as Evelyn Salt, a sexy spy chick who is accused of being a double-spy by this other spy so she dyes her hair and goes on the run. While trying to clear her good name, she causes some sh*tty traffic on the Queensboro Bridge. Then she changes her name to "Coat" or something. Salt opens in theaters July 23rd, 2010.When you're done pleasuring yourself to the thought of a sexy Russian Angelina Jolie, check out these links… 10 More Helpful Warning Signs (HolyTaco) Phillies Victory Means We Get More Fights (TotalProSports) Totally Awesome Scarecrows (TheChive) Muhammed Biopic Will Prob Get Someone Killed (FilmDrunk) 20 Funniest eBay Auctions of All Time (SuperTremendous) Getting the Most Out of Your Theatergoing Experience (Pajiba) What If Celebrities Became Their Names? (CelebJihad) Most Embarrassing Movies to Watch with Your Parents (Asylum) Jim Nantz Can Now Bang Away (BustedCoverage) The Feminization of Vampire Movies (RegretfulMorning) Choose a Perfect Running Shoe (MadeMan) You Can Sponsor a Sprint Cup Car (AllLeftTurns)
According to Nikki Finke, Oscar asked Ben Stiller and crazy Robert Downey Jr. if they wanted to host his awards show this year as a duo, and the guys gave The Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences' a duo of middle fingers. Alright, maybe it wasn't quite that harsh, but apparently they did say no. Maybe Adam Shankman, director of this year's ceremony, can still get the guys to hop up on stage and explain to the actors why you never go full retard. My guess is Sean Penn will have a scowl on his puss that could crumble The Kodak Center right then and there.
The nostalgia these movie and TV themed toys conjure up brings a tear to my eye. The burgers and fries were always tasty, but the plastic crap was the reason I screamed and hollered for another trip to the drive thru. Here are 25 favorites from Kathy's Fast Food Toys. I still have the Pizza Hut The Land Before Time hand puppets in a shoe box in my Mom's basement. Which ones are you guys still holding onto for dear life?
Gemma Arterton has already earned prestige by playing Bond Girl Strawberry Fields in Quantum of Solace. Some actresses only wish for this one casting dream and then are willing to call it quits. But Gemma, determined to be more than a Bond object, pressed on and is now starring in Pirate Radio, and next year the big action/adventure Prince of Persia with a silky-haired Jake Gyllenhaal. A word from Gemma: "If you do this big film, it will open the doors for all these brilliant things. But you have to do the big film first."You make it sound so easy, Gemma. I'd advice against teaching an acting class at the local annex. Those desperate actresses will tear your pretty eyes out.More examples of how you become famous after the jump.
The grizzly-run media's ploy to lull children into a false sense of security in the presence of bears has advanced a giant leap this morning with the announcement that The Berenstain Bears will be updated for the big screen. USA Today reports that Night At The Museum director Shawn Levy plans to produce a part live action, part CGI feature film based off the characters made popular in the books by Jan and Stan Berenstain. "I'd like the film to be un-ironic about its family connections but have a wry comedic sensibility that isn't oblivious to the fact that they're bears," says Levy in a statement that made me need to open up my dictionary. "The comedy comes from this bear family coexisting in a more recognizably real world." This is how it starts, people. One day your children are giggling at the anthropomorphic bears on-screen as they participate in the father-son sack race, the next they're climbing into a windowless van with Pedobear.
Richard Kelly enjoys the macbre and the mindf**k equally. He brings real emotion to his stories, but he also wants you to think…about what the hell is happening in his twisted narratives. And before you begrudgingly scream out "Southland Tales!" at your computer screen, let's just all take a deep breath and give him a pass on that one. And now all the people that liked Southland Tales are probably screaming at their computer screens, so you should also take a deep breath. We're all friends here.
Throughout his film career, director Roland Emmerich has laid waste to several landmarks and institutions — the White House (twice), the Pentagon, New York City, the Golden Gate Bridge, and John Cusack's credibility. In his new film 2012, he smashes and shakes historic sites across the globe to rubble. But we've finally found a building impervious to his computer-generated destruction. In an early draft of the script, Emmerich was planning to level the Kaaba, one of Islam's holiest sites. He pussied out when his cowriter mentioned that inclusion of the scene would more than likely lead to a fatwa on their heads (first of all, grow some balls and secondly, this movie had a writer?). Naturally the disaster-meister opted to eradicate the Vatican and a group of Buddhist monks instead. When asked whether he feared any kind of retaliation for the script change, Emmerich asked, "What are you gonna do about it, Buddhists? Huh? You gonna cry? Buddhists gonna cry? Huh? Huh? Huh?" (Cinema Blend)
Back To The Future Rap – Watch more Funny Videos If you having space/time problems I feel bad for you, son. I got 99 problems but a Biff ain't one. RELATED JUNK: Dope-ass Predator Rap Last night, Darth Vader came down from planet Vulcan and told me that if you don't click these links that he'd melt my brain. What Your Halloween Costume Really Said About You (HolyTaco) Massive Bulgarian Soccer Brawl (TotalProSports) Amercian Fatasses on Scooters (TheChive) Kurt Russell's Star Wars Audition (FilmDrunk) Darth Vader Conducts Icelandic Orchestra (SuperTremendous) 5 Worst Funniest Films Lists on YouTube (Pajiba) Megan Fox in a Tank Top and Daisy Dukes (CelebJihad) "Windows Sucks" YouTube Videos (Unreality) Craziest Movies Characters We'd Still Have Sex With (Asylum) Sarah De Herdt's Porn-ish Behavior (BustedCoverage) 5 Things You Learn After You Turn 21 (RegretfulMorning) How to Start Smoking Cigars (MadeMan) 50 Things More Exciting Than Sunday's Race (AllLeftTurns) Angry Families Rumble at Wedding (NothingToxic) Awkward Guy at the Orgy (Atom)
Things keep getting worse for producers of Terminator: Salvation. Between Christian Bale's blow up, McG's pissing contest with Michael Bay, and the controversy over Moon Bloodgood's handbra, they've received a ton of free press that they couldn't spin into box office gold. Now the Halcyon Holding Group has filed for bankruptcy and is ready to sell the franchise rights to the highest bidder. Apparently all the big studios are lining up to secure the rights. But why? The last two movies were pretty abysmal and The Sarah Connor Chronicles never found the audience it deserved. With Arnie indisposed and special effects breakthroughs having plateaued it's time to face the sad, cold truth. We as a people have to face the fact that killer robots are sooo over. Let us all begrudgingly tear down our Chopping Mall posters and set fire to our I, Robot theater-lobby standees. Today will usher in the age of the friendly (probably farting) robot. But honestly, is there any way to breathe life into Terminator? Preferably one that doesn't involve putting Peter Berg behind the camera? Let us know your thoughts. (The Financial Times)
Why? Why, why, why, why?! JJ Abrams, you had a chance to put the amazingly buxom Diora Baird in a tastefully revealing bra and panties and you decided to NOT put Diora Baird in said lingerie. Do you need to replace the lenses in those stylish black frames of yours? The woman is a ten and you decided to go with a woman who is not Diora Baird:For shaaaaaaaame. Chris Pine and Diora might have had amazing chemistry, but now we'll never know because a robot could have played the role below. Hmmmm a robot Diora Baird… Now there's something that shouldn't have creeped into my imagination. [Topless Robot]
Thanks to the folks at Bloody Disgusting, we get a sneak peak at George Romero's latest attempt to breathe more life into the zombie horror genre (pun blatantly intended). There's everything you'd expect in the trailer below: zombies, humans, guns, brains, stilted dialogue. We don't watch these films for the breakthrough performances though, we watch them because we feel compelled to on the off chance that something blows our brains out of our skull (oh man the puns are so goooood)! Check out the trailer below and let us know what you think. Is Survival of the Dead going to be better than Land of the Dead?
You probably best recogonize Rebecca Mader from her role as Charlotte in LOST, but this Friday she'll be starring opposite The Clooney in Men Who Stare At Goats. There's not doubt that she stands out in a crowd with those long flowing locks of red hair. It must have been so much fun growing up with red hair like that.A word from Rebecca: "Growing up with red hair is not fun."Eeeeeeeee… Don't I have egg on MY face. Well growing up as brunette sometimes isn't fun either. All the kids at my school, Red Headed Kids Only Elementary, always picked on me.See more stellar examples of red headed adulthood after the jump.
"I've given you sunlight… I've given you rain…"Michael Jackson's concert film This Is It predictably topped the box office this weekend given that it had zero competition. However the $20mil domestic take was lower than expected. The low number has prompted nervous filmmakers to expand the film's two week limited run until past Thanksgiving. You see? This is what happens when your star refuses to promote the film in any way, shape, or form. (Reuters)
While talking to Robert Zemeckis about his upcoming film A Christmas Carol, MTV slipped in a question about a Who Framed Roger Rabbit? sequel, and it appears one is in the works. Sure, one's been in the works for two decades now, but now one is really in the works, and with the original writers. Check out what Zemeckis had to say below.
The Overlook Hotel plays host to many spirits, including Steve, the drunk Tennessee Titans season ticket holder. Have a happy Halloweekend with these spooktacular links (and don't forget to turn your clocks back tomorrow):5 Dates That Shouldn't End in Foreplay (RegretfulMorning)Halloween Bingo Card (HolyTaco)Sexy Biljana Biba Table Tennis Player (TotalProSports)Disturbing Sports Injuries (TheChive)Gary Busey Plays the Sax (FilmDrunk)15 Greatest Pro Athlete Candy Bars (SuperTremendous)6 Horror Movies for the Weak (Pajiba)Chris Brown's Shocking Halloween Costume (CelebJihad)10 Hilarious Clips from It's Always Sunny (Unreality)TV's Hottest Ghost-busters (Asylum)Erin Andrews Hot Assistant (BustedCoverage)Build a Celebrity Man Cave (MadeMan)McGrew Earnhardt's Crew Chief in 2010 (AllLeftTurns)Daytime Italian Mafia Assassination (NothingToxic)Zombie Hunting this Halloween? USE THIS! (Not Zombies!)Editor's Halloween Pics (Atom)
The Internet cried foul this past summer when Moon Bloodgood's topless scene was cut from the theatrical version of Terminator: Salvation (UK Title: Terminator: Sorry Chaps, No Titties). Now with the upcoming December 1st release of the unrated Director's Cut DVD, a clip of the scene has found it's way online. And as you can see from the video the result is underwhelming. Hard to believe that Warner's would have to cut this in order to get the PG-13 rating. I could understand if there were a lurid trampoline sequence but this is hardly anything. Then again, I'm pretty desensitized. That's right. I've heard DOZENS of stories about what boobs look like and someday I hope to see some for myself. Some day. (**single sad tear rolls down cheek**)