The "Reverse Na'vi-girl" has already been perfected. Someone over at Hustler had the brilliant idea to turn the second (soon maybe first) most profitable movie of all time into a porno. Give that man a promotion! In addition to Hustler, he must have an endless subscription to DUH!!!!!! Magazine.The nakey, sweaty, blue-smeary version of Avatar will be called This Ain't Avatar XXX, and it's just one of a few forthcoming porn parodies from Hustler. They also plan to "produce" This Ain't Curb Your Enthusiasm XXX, This Ain't Glee XXX, and This Ain't CSI XXX: Chatsworth. Another genius must by scribbling these names down feverishly in the titling department.In fact, the titles are confusing and misleading altogether. Is this NOT Avatar XXX? Does that mean it's just the Avatar without all the moaning and thrusting? If I'm browsing the shelves of my favorite adult bookstore for the latest Avatar porn why would I want to buy the one called This AIN'T Avatar XXX? I want This IS Avatar XXX. I want the IS! All of the blue, long-tailed, pointy-earred filthy IS they can crame into one poorly executed film! Just don't give it to me in 3D. My senses aren't prepared for that onslaught… (Empire)
Today we have a first look at MacGruber, courtesy of this red-band trailer. Will Forte displays a swagger that is as equal parts Richard Dean Anderson as it is David Hasselhoff. Looks like a fun movie. It's filled with danger, intrigue, explosions, and Upper-Deckers. Just like one of Michael Bay's house parties.On a sidenote, did Val Kilmer hire Steven Seagal's stylist and Kirstie Alley's trainer? Rumor is that they needed the jaws of life to get him out of his trailer every morning.Check out the age-restricted red band trailer at here.MacGruber stunt-rolls in to theaters April 23rd, 2010.
Last year's low-budget horror hit Paranormal Activity has been greenlit for a sequel. But how do you make a sequel to such a stripped-down film who's genius was found in it's simplicity? You hire a director known for their heavy-handed and overwrought filmmaking style.Saw VI's Kevin Greutert has been brought on board by Paramount to water down the scares and crank up the third-tier rap rock. Greutert was editor on all of the Saw movies and apprentice editor on Ernest Scared Stupid so we should be in really capable hands. The movie is scheduled to hit theaters on October 22nd, 2010, which leaves little time. Somebody get a Godsmack cover-band on the phone!! (THR)
Avatar won Best Picture last night on The Golden Globes, and James Cameron celebrated by staring at Zoe Saldana's boobies, or possibly the invisible basketball she's holding. Cameron sees things that aren't there, a side effect from his attempt to give Arnold Schwarzeneggar acting skills.Here are today's tangible links.25 Funny Billboards (HolyTaco)Peyton Manning Snaps at Jeff Saturday (TotalProSports)Jade Raymond is One Hot Geek (TheChive)The 25 Best Action Movies (Moviefone)Hot Women of Religious Movies (Maxim)The Abriged Avatar Script (FilmDrunk)15 Celebrity Yodas (SuperTremendous)Best Foreign Language Films of 2009 (Pajiba)Confirmed: Steven Spielberg is a Jew (CelebJihad)Busters. Myth Busters. (Unreality)10 Most Mantastic Moments in Black History (Asylum)29 Pictures of Hot Babes in Star Wars Outfits (RegretfulMorning)Inside the Mind of Motocross's Larry Linkogle (MadeMan)Danica Patrick Mega-Gallery (AllLeftTurns)Fat People Fight! (NothingToxic)Best if Chicago Sketchfest (Atom)
You know it's a slow news day when I've got to break out Whiplash the Monkey Cowboy. The news today is all last night's Golden Globes, Christina Hendricks's globes, and vague tabloid rumors. Here's a round-up of everything that probably isn't going to happen in the world of entertainment.Tobey Maguire is Bilbo Baggins – He's denied the rumor before but now that Spidey 4 is dead, some say that Tobey Maguire will be cast in The Hobbit. But those people are British, therefore liars. (The Sun)Robert Pattinson is Spider-man – Robert Pattinson (or R-Patz as I refuse to call him) is tabloid fodder created merely to give young girls and Adam Shankman something to talk about. The studio-controlled Spider-man reboot will be undoubtedly mishandled but I doubt it's going the Tiger Beat route. (Star Pulse)Wes Craven Might Not Direct 'Scream 4' – Come on, Wes. David Arquette NEEDS you. (MTV)Sigourney Weaver Hints at 'Avatar' Sequel Involvement – After all the crap she's put out there about Ghostbusters 3, you need a PKE-style Bullsh*t Meter to corroborate her stories. (MTV)
The attractiveness of castmembers for Martin Campbell's upcoming Green Lantern is no longer in jeopardy. Reports last week that Jackie Earle Haley was the front-runner for the role of Sinestro have been debunked by the director. MTV asked Campbell about the Haley casting rumor and he responded,"What? No. That ugly old thing?? No way. I'd sooner cast that hulk from Precious."Well, he didn't exactly say that. But he totally wanted to. You can tell. Check it out."No. That's completely wrong. In fact, we're in negotiations with Mark Strong to play Sinestro. He's not only a wonderful actor, but he looks like Sinestro. If you look up old pictures of Sinestro, he's very like him. The Jackie Earle Haley thing, somebody told me about it this morning; I had never heard it before in my life."Mark Strong is on a hot streak. Between Sherlock Holmes, Kick-Ass, and Green Lantern (and rumored sequels), he'll be Hollywood's official villian (behind Jeff Zucker). Somewhere, Andy Garcia weeps. (MTV)
Leo DiCaprio is on the hunt for Salvador Dali in this new pic from Christopher Nolan's Inception. I don't know if that's what's officially happening, but since Inception and LOST both choose to give us NOTHING before their premieres I only have my ridiculous assumptions to go on. In an interview with the L.A. Times, Christopher Nolan said that Inception was a larger endeavor than The Dark Knight, filming in no less than six countries. I'm guessing the above pic was taken in China, because I've never been there and I like to imagine China looks like a melted oil painting. Christopher Nolan went on to say, "I think we've put a lot of different things into the pot with this one. I grew up watching James Bond films and loving those and watching spy movies with their globe-trotting sensibility." The L.A. Times describes the film's premise as corporate espionage by way of dream invasion. Sweet. It's like John Grisham rewriting The Firm totally baked. Now if only he'd rewrite A Time to Kill while under the influence. Matthew McCaughnehey's character would be TOTALLY the same.
"Maybe swinging by Taco Bell before the show was a mistake on my part."Last night at the 2010 Golden Globe Awards, host Ricky Gervais talked about his penis and helped hand out some statues. Avatar won for Best Motion Picture Drama and Best Director. Michael C. Hall and John Lithgow dominated for their work on Dexter. The Hurt Locker walked away empty-handed. Maybe the film will have better luck at The Academy Awards where the winners are based on merit, not studio checkbooks. *almost keeps a straight face*CHECK OUT THE FULL LIST OF WINNERS AFTER THE JUMP…
Somehow streams of daylight make Predators look…less horrifying. Here are a few shots from the Robert Rodriquez written and produced sequel Predators. The film is directed by Nimrod Antal, and stars Adrien Brody, Laurence Fishburne, Topher Grace, Danny Trejo, and Walton Goggins. I hope once the sun slips behind the horizon the Predators above take on a more if-I-ever-came-face-to-face-with-one-of-these-things-I'd-sh*t-my-pants-instantly look.Predators hits theaters July 7th, 2010. Check out more pics after the jump.
Real cute, squirrel. Prepare to get f*cked. 25 Crazy Pizzas That I'd Eat (HolyTaco)Girl Flashes Hockey Players, Boosts Morale (TotalProSports)Hot Girls with Hot Tattoos (TheChive)A Skateboard Movie for People Who Like Drugs (FilmDrunk)The Golden Globes Drinking Game (Moviefone)20 Politicians Making Fart Noises (Manofest)Denzel Washington Career Assessment (Pajiba)Alessandra Ambrosia and Miranda Kerr in Lingerie (CelebJihad)The Straight Facts on Video Games (Unreality)The 'Bitch Slap' Girls Talk About Their Boobs (Asylum)Girls are Bad at Sound Effects (RegretfulMorning)Beer Tour: New York (MadeMan)Shaved-Back NASCAR Guy Update (AllLeftTurns)Criminal vs. Cops in Prison (NothingToxic)Tiger's Transgressions Game (Atom)
Somebody on the Nobel Committee please rush an award to this picture.While discussing the unnecessary DVD release of Smoking Aces 2, Joe Carnahan hinted to UGO that Mr. T may indeed appear in his upcoming The A-Team. This is, of course, contrary to earlier reports.UGO: Why isn’t Mr. T. doing a cameo? Joe Carnahan: I don’t know that he’s not, brutha, I don’t know that he’s not! That book is not yet closed. Benedict and Schultz are in it, the thing with T is that he’s very vocal that he didn’t want to play anyone other than B.A..This leaves us wondering what roles the cast of the television series will play in the film. Will Mr. T play B.A. Baracus's hyperactive, feather-earring wearing father? Or perhaps they'll go the Star Trek route and he'll play the future version of B.A. that Face meets in an ice cave after nearly being eaten by a bizarre, vagina-faced ice monster. Either one makes sense. (UGO)
There's a batch of new photos for The A-Team online. Here's a list of things peculiar/wrong with the picture above:1.) Rampage's eyeline.2.) Green-screen FAIL.3.) Videogame tanks.4.) This was filmed on the set of MacGruber.5.) Rampage's eyeline.This does not bode well for Rampage's acting skills. He can't even look at the same sh*t everyone else is looking at. The craft services guy must be carrying around a tray of mini quiches. (via Coming Soon)CHECK OUT THE REST OF THE PICS AFTER THE JUMP.
Katherine Boecher has made a few guest appearances on TV shows, most notably playing Lilith on two episodes of Supernatural. She's one of those hot actresses you see pop up every now and again, and then fade away into a see of day-players.A word from Katherine: "Who wakes up and thinks, 'Next week I'm going to be fighting Jackie Chan.'"I do every day, Katherine. Every. Day.Wake up and think about the pics after the jump instead.
"Don't look like much." Truer words were never spoken.Ah, it wouldn't be winter without a crappy video-game adaptation. From Dwight H. Little, the director who brought you Halloween 4 and Anacondas, and Alan B. McElroy, the writer of Spawn and The Marine, comes TEKKEN! Why'd they hire those guys? Is it supposed to be intentionally bad so that nerds will attend monthly Tekken midnight screenings and throw things at the screen? If so, why are they trying to round up all the nerds?? And who's going to clean up all those chop sticks off the theater floor? (Teaser-Trailer)Witness the opus after the jump…
Can you believe it’s already 2010? When we used to think about that number, it seemed like a year far off in the future. So did a lot of other years when sci-fi writers and filmmakers set their stories in the future. Here are some of the best sci-fi years that didn’t turn out as planned, and looking ahead some speculation about where we’re going.1984 (Set in 1984)
Last week we reported that the Farrelly Brothers would bang out a quick Owen Wilson comedy while waiting for their Three Stooges project to work out its kinks over at MGM. Hall Pass tells the story of a man in a dull marriage who is granted a one-week furlough by his wife to sleep with as many women as he wants. Today comes news that underrated hot chick The Office's Jenna Fischer will play Wilson's wife. Things get complicated in the relationship when Fischer begins to exercise her own "hall pass" priveleges. The movie begins production Feb. 23 in Atlanta, which will substitute for New England. Because if there's one thing that New England is known for, it's their Coca-Cola plant and black people. (THR)
House and Tron Legacy star Olivia Wilde, like many celebrities, has taken to Twitter to drum up support for the earthquake-ravaged Haiti. Olivia has pledged to send a personalized 'thank you' video to anyone generous enough to donate $200 or more to Artists for Peace and Justice's Haiti campaign. Wilde tweets:"Its worse every minute guys, so we are raising the stakes. Those who give $200 or more will get a personal thank you video… THANK YOU for your donation, OF ANY AMOUNT. they are all crucial. “I swear to you that every dollar is going directly to the Haitians who need it most. THANK YOU.”Other celebrities such as Wyclef Jean, Tiger Woods, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Ben Stiller, Jessica Alba, and Heroes' Jimmy Jean-Louis and Zachary Quinto, have urged fans to donate via Twitter and their own charity programs.See?! That's how you do it, Sarah McLachlan. You don't need to bum us out with suicidal animals to get your point across. Just be frank and to the point and send us videos of Olivia Wilde.You can donate to the Artists for Peace and Justice here. Or you can pledge $10 to the Red Cross by texting "HAITI" to 90999.
Jennifer Beals is best known for moving her feet really quickly in Flashdance to that Michael Sembello song. She's also the only cast member in Showtime's the The L Word who won't get naked for her lesbian love scenes. Boooo! Do it for the art!A word from Jennifer: "Making sure that when my child went to school people were enlightened enough not to torture them, you know?"They're just enlightened enough to scare your kid into telling you they're not torturing him. Kids these days are a whole new breed of monster.Enlighten yourself with more pics after the jump.
This cast is really shaping up.Earlier this week, Blake Lively was cast as the 22-year old aerospace executive / love interest to Ryan Reynold's Green Lantern. Then Peter Saarsgard was cast as the film's villian. Today comes a report that Jackie Earle Haley will be off-setting the attractiveness of castmembers ratio significantly by signing on as another villian named Sinestro. From HitFix: "Don't expect him to be onscreen for the entire movie. But unless something drastically changes, he is in the film. And I'm hearing that based on the relationship they have with him from "Watchmen" and "A Nightmare On Elm Street," Jackie Earle Haley is the only choice for Sinestro by the studio." Haley is an okay choice for this even though he looks nothing like the character from the books. Both Daniel Day Lewis and Bradley Whitford would fit the mold better. Problem is, Day Lewis would never do it, and Brad Whitford… Brad Whitford just wants it too badly. (HitFix)
Matt Damon has a knack for delivering a convincing death blow to the face, chest, elbow, or balls, and it looks like he's maintained his Bourne skills in the new film Green Zone. In the below featurette, Damon and director Paul Greengrass, BFFs forever, give us some details in to the storyline, and discuss what makes a good thriller thrilling. Clearly it's an abundance of ass-kicking and broken necks, but wouldn't you know it, direction and pacing has a big part to do with it too. Someone get McG on the phone! I need to sit him down and show him something…
Breaking Bad's meth cooking schoolteacher Bryan Cranston has joined the cast of Andrew Stanton's foray into live-action, John Carter of Mars. Taylor Kitsch stars as the Civil War veteran John Carter, who is mysteriously transported to Mars and joins the Martian people in their own war. Cranston will play a Civil War colonel who comes into conflict with Carter. Also on board for the Pixar film are Lynn Collins, Willem Dafoe, Mark Strong, and Thomas Haden Church. All are playing giant, green warrior-like aliens. I know. I know. You already want to compare this to Avatar. But that comparison really doesn't hold up. First of all, this is based off a book series by Edgar Rice Burroughs. Cameron stole his story from a novella. Plus, the Na'vi are blue not green. Do your research, guys. (THR)
Come back, Jeff Gowdbwum! I want to pway more!In a recent interview with Boxoffice Magazine, Joe Johnston, director of The Wolfman, confirmed that Jurassic Park IV is definitely happening, and will most likely be the beginning of a new trilogy of Jurassic Park films:Well, there is going to be a Jurassic Park IV. And it's going to be unlike anything you've seen. It breaks away from the first three—it's essentially the beginning of the second Jurassic Park trilogy. It's going to be done in a completely different way. He went on to say:If you think of the first three as a trilogy, number four would be the beginning of a second trilogy. If they keep working—and if audiences keep going to them—there's no reason why there wouldn't be. We just want to make them justified in their own right. We don't want to make sequel after sequel just because there's a market for it. We want to tell different, interesting stories. You don't want to just sell hamburger.The island dinosaurs are going to terrorize three more groups of people?! You know evolution has failed when humans continue going back to a defunct theme park thats most popular ride is being eaten alive by prehistoric beasts. Nonetheless, if Jurassic Park IV can bring the series back to level of the first film I'll stand in line just like I did in 1993.
Um. The first trailer for Ironclad is online and it… um, yeah. I mean, I don't get it. It has real actors in it like Richard Attenborough, Robert Carlyle, Bob Hoskins, James Purefoy, Brian Cox, and Pete Poselthwaite. At least one of those guys is an actual lord! How is this so bad looking? Is it performance art?? If so, where's James Franco??? It honestly looks like footage from a Ren Faire. Paul Giamatti has reportedly joined the cast since this trailer was filmed. He'll be disappointed to find out it's not an actual Ren Faire. Therefore, no deep-fried Oreos. Have a look for yourself. Just kidding. The actual Ironclad trailer is after the jump but it's no better than what you just saw. (via Cinematical)
Cameras are still set to roll in March for Matthijs van Heijningen Jr.'s prequel to The Thing. Plot details are beginning to surface as the date approaches. Spoiler TV published the casting breakdown which helps fill in some of the gaps on the story.News of note is that the film has a female lead and early rumors about MacReady's brother appearing in the film were wrong. I've posted the casting specs after the jump with the spoilers removed for those who have never seen a movie before and can't guess who will and will not survive. I can say that after reading through the spoilers and character descriptions, it seems that the movie borrows from Aliens, Lethal Weapon, and The Mist. In other words, we've got another Deep Blue Sea on our hands. LL Cool J should be expecting a call any day now. (Spoiler TV)CHECK OUT THE CASTING BREAKDOWN AFTER THE JUMP…
I'm a little late to the party with Mila Kunis, but it's better than never showing up at all. Would ya look at that face?! I thought she was great in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and personally can't wait to see her kick some ass in The Book of Eli. Is that one of those post-apocalyptic movies where people walk around naked all the time? A word from Mila: "Blondes definitely do not have more fun. Trust me."I'm sorry, but I'm gonna need some proof, Mila. One wild night out on the town with you will help convince me. More examples of Mila having fun after the jump.
Moon director Duncan Jones will be following up his debut with another sci-fi entry. Source Code stars Jake Gyllenhaal as a soldier investigating a terrorist bombing of a train. Using an experimental technology, Gyllenhaal enters the body of an unknown commuter and must relive the bombing over and over again until he finds who is responsible for the act (Could it be him? What are the twist-ending chances??). Vera Farmiga and Michelle Monaghan have just joined the time-travel mystery. Farmiga will play the communications officer controlling Gyllenhaal and Monaghan will play a love interest he encounters while travelling. Time to come clean a little bit. I originally planned to group the above pictures of the actresses together in the hopes that one thing may lead to another and that they would start to kiss a little bit. Then that baby had to show up and spoil my genius plot. I'll get you for this baby! Just as soon as I can pull my pants back up. (THR)
Zach Galifianakis and Paul Rudd are teaming up once again. The Dinner for Schmucks stars are ready to piss off the Bible Belt with the comedy Will. From THR:The story follows an ordinary guy (Rudd) who lives in a world where people's lives and destinies are being written by scribes in Heaven. The man wakes up one day to find that his heavenly writer (Galifianakis) has decided to no longer draft his life, and he must go about his day unscripted, ending up on a journey to fulfill his hidden potential.A talented group of funny people are working behind the camera as well. Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris (Little Miss Sunshine, Smashing Pumpkins videos, one video for The Offspring) will direct the Demetri Martin-penned script with Will Ferrell and Adam McKay producing. Wow. That's quite the roster. The craft services guy had better be HILARIOUS if he wants to stand out in that crowd. (THR)
James Gunn is going to break the Internet if he keeps casting so many geek-friendly actors in his upcoming Super. The superhero dark comedy stars Rainn Wilson as a man who up and decides to be a superhero after his wife leaves him despite his lack of powers. LOTR's Liv Tyler is the wife who leaves his ass for Kevin Bacon's charming drug dealer. Now, Nathan Fillion (Dr. Horrible), Ellen Page (Inception), Linda Cardellini (Freaks and Geeks), Michael Rooker (Mallrats), Andre Royo (The Wire), Sean Gunn (Gilmore Girls), and Steve Agee (The Sarah Silverman Program) are all aboard the project. The nerdgasmic film is currently filming in Louisiana with no confirmed release date. Rest assured, whatever opening day is decided upon will be the day that me and the other cool kids go rob the nerd houses. Those Star Wars figures will be mine! (GeekWeek)
Right before Christmas, I shared with you the final poster for Breck Eisner's The Crazies. It was so popular that we now have three more FINAL posters. They're really FINAL this time, we promise.* This new batch features Ogden Marsh community members Farmer Bill, Horst the Plumber, and Amy Fisher, respectively.The Crazies goes batsh*t in theaters on February 26th, 2010. (Dread Central)Check out the larger versions after the jump.