Say hello to my little friend, indeed…Here are your weekend links.Win a Tim Burton Signed Alice in Wonderland Prop (Moviefone)If the Oscars Were Honest (Asylum)What if Burton Never Met Depp? (FlickSided)Brett Favre Talks Retirement, Hannah Montana (PopEater)FilmDrunk's Guide to the Oscars (FilmDrunk)Star Wars in the Real World Gallery (Unreality)Who Knew Golfing Could Be So Painful (TotalProSports)Sex: Have Your Cake and Eat It Too (Maxim)10 Fatass Oscar Winners (CelebJihad)WEC 47 Weigh-Ins Go Smoothly, Now Comes Violence (CagePotato)10 Best Quotes of 2009 (Pajiba)Giant Robots Fighting Monsters! (Atom)Female Pickup Artists (MadeMan)2011 Shelby Mustang Pace Car (AllLeftTurns)
Here lies Warts.Paramount is eager to dig up the remains of the Pet Sematary franchise. Producer Lorenzo di Bonaventura has picked up the cautionary tale about the dangers of Indian burial grounds with 1408's Matthew Greenberg taking over scripting duties from Mike Werb and Michael Colleary.The film, based on Stephen King's novel, tells the story of a family from the city who moves to ideallic Maine. They soon discover a cursed pet cemetary that resurrects household pets as demons. Things take a hellish turn when they bury their murdered toddler on the plot. Is it even legal to bury your dead on your own? Aren't there laws?? Please forward all research to me for reasons that are none of your concern. (THR)
Ellen Barkin is one foxy older woman. The squinty-eyed blond is best known for rollin' around in the sheets with Pacino in Sea of Love, but some of you younger folks might recognize her from Ocean's Thirteen. Did someone just yell MILF? Pipe down. A word from Ellen: "What the hell was I thinking? Marry a rich guy? Was I crazy?"Completely insane. Put your arms in to this straight jacket and come with me. More MILF after the jump.
We already know that Steve Guttenberg feels another Police Academy would be good for the world. The healing power of nut shots and superglue pranks should not be underestimated. But do we really need another sequel? Or a reboot for that matter?? New Line Cinema and Warner Bros think so.The studios announced that they will be returning to the series with an all-new relaunch of the series. Though no writer or director are attached at this time, producer Paul Maslansky wants to start with a new cast. This news will make sound effects maestro and series star Michael Winslow cry like a baby. And I don't mean that he will imitate the sound a crying baby makes. The man has bills! (THR)
And that's how Cherie Currie died. A full trailer for The Runaways has been released, and don't worry, there's plenty of leather. After seeing the teaser, I wasn't very amped for this film, but the trailer I kinda likey. Kristen Stewart looks like she's just being her regular angsty self, but Dakota Fanning turns it up a notch or five. She must have been practicing her seductive looks in the mirror for weeks. It's hard to get those AND face painting down all before the movie goes in to production. Learning how to go down on Kristen Stewart is a whole different beast altogether. Check out the full trailer for The Runaways below.
This album promo will melt both your face and assumption that Christopher Lee is of sound mind. Lee tells the tale of Charlemagne, the first Holy Roman Emperor, via maximum wailage. His album, "Charlemagne: By the Sword and the Cross" is available now.Bang your head to these links. The Language of Johnny Depp (Moviefone)Attractive Women Cause Injuries (Asylum)Heidi Montag's Plastic Surgeon Has Cut Her Off (PopEater)25 Well-Trimmed Bushes (HolyTaco)Al Pacino is a Creepy Old Perv (FilmDrunk)Steve Nash Wants You To Stay Vitaminized (TotalProSports)Memorable Knife-Wielders from Movies (Unreality)Foxiest Fairy Tale Ladies (Maxim)Taylor Swift Sex Toy Controversy (CelebJihad)Naked Chuck Liddell is in Good Company (CagePotato)15 Best Heist Films (Pajiba)If Memes Had Big Budget Campaigns (Atom)Clubs Hate Jersey Shore (MadeMan)Jimmie Johnson Car Fails (AllLeftTurns)25 Funny Reaction Faces (RegretfulMorning)
Zombies getting killed by hot dogs now? The walking dead are getting weak as sh*t. Next thing you know our pees-pees will do the trick, they'll be an outbreak of zombie murder-rape, and then legal types will start talking about "equal rights." It's never worked before and it certainly won't work after an apocalypse.On that note, the red band teaser for George Romero's Survival of the Dead hit the Internetz today. What are the zombies doing in this one, you ask? On an island off the coast of North America, local residents simultaneously fight a zombie epidemic while hoping for a cure to return their un-dead relatives back to their human state. Amazing! How do they keep breathing new life into this dead concept?! Hey, if you don't like my schtick my mom will reimburse you. Salivate at the sight of the red band trailer after the jump.
fap fap fap fap fapWhat a week it's turning out to be for men attracted to holograms. On Monday came news that Amber Heard would be popping out above moviegoers when Drive Angry hits the screen in 3D, and today we got the word that the Warner Brosefs will present Martin Campbell's Green Lantern stereoscopically. That means we'll all be one step closer to the highly-desired Blake Lively motorboat. The science is almost there!!Though filming has yet to begin, it's unknown whether or not the production will shoot with 3D-outfitted cameras or if that look will be added in post. What I do know is if this trend persists, masturbation in the future will be bad for your eyes for two reasons. (Box Office Mojo)
Shannon Kane is best known for playing Natalia Fowler on the soap All My Children. If you don't watch daytime television because you're too busy contributing to society or looking for a job (touching yourself), then you're probably not aware of her. Look, ain't she pretty?! A word from Shannon: "I'm currently in flirtation with fellow rookie cop, Brot." Lalala, I can't hear you! I'm too busy working for a living! Shut up, it IS work! Don't drown out the pics after the jump.
Rejected early concept art.It's refreshing to see an animated film about anthropomorphic animals where poop-eating is not involved. Though this one may contain vomiting up mouse skeletons, which you gotta admit is pretty metal (poop-eating is more GG Allin).USA Today has pics from Zack Snyder's Legend of the Guardians, based on the children's book series The Guardians of Ga'Hoole, before the trailer premieres in front of Alice in Wonderland. The film is based on the first three installments of the book series: The Capture, The Journey, and The Rescue. The story follows a young barn owl who is captured and brainwashed to fight in the ongoing owl war that you probably didn't know about. He escapes along with other kidnapped owlets, and heads to the island of Ga’Hoole, to assist its noble, wise owls in fighting the army being created by the wicked rulers of St. Aggie’s. The producers describe the film as being more Harry Potter than Happy Feet. Which is why the voice cast features smart-sounding foreign people as opposed to actors from the Apatow camp. Which really is an outrage. Jonah Hill has a bacon habit to support. (USA Today)CHECK OUT HOW THE DESIGN HAS EVOLVED AFTER THE JUMP…
The long-gestating Smurfs film project is gaining traction now that the animation tests are finished. Popular song and dance man, Neil Patrick Harris has been cast in an unspecified live-action role in the upcoming film. Thus he joins the illustrious ranks of Jason Lee, Breckin Meyer, Matthew Lillard, and Jerry O'Connell before him.The openly gay star is beloved for his talented turns in How I Met Your Mother, Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, Doogie Howser M.D., the Harold and Kumar films and as host of the Emmys. Though it is unclear whether he will play a human who encounters the Smurfs or the fugly wizard Gargamel, I'm sure he will ably class up this project.Going forward all Richard Gere/Gerbil jokes should be replaced with NPH/Smurf jokes. Homophobes everywhere, please update your dogmatic joke books accordingly. (Deadline Hollywood)
"i'm a real tyrant without my morning cup of joe."After his breakthough as a scarred-up badass in Avatar, Stephen Lang is carving his niche as Hollywood's go-to son of a bitch. Colonel Quaritch has been offered the role of head bad guy in Marcus Nispel's Conan remake. The character, Khalar Singh, is a cruel warlord and former comrade to Conan's miniature dog-loving dad.This sounds like an exciting bit of casting in an otherwise unexciting film. Although it could be dangerous to the plot as I'll probably root for Lang over Jason Momoa. But only because I'll always root against white guys with dreads. Just make my coffee, Smelly.Lang was terrific in Avatar and I'm glad that's leading to more work. And before you rush to comment that he's essentially playing the same role, allow me to point out that this time he'll have a sword. It's a subtle difference. (Latino Review)
Video game movies are relatively cheap to make and they come with a built-in fanbase. Also, Milla Jovovich needs the work. I understand that logic. But there are some games that really do not deserve the Hollywood treatment yet they get picked up anyway. Missile Command is one. Asteroids is another. And now Space Invaders is joining the club. From the LA Times:Warner Bros. is negotiating to acquire feature rights to the landmark shooter from Taito, the Japanese company that originally manufactured the game. If the rights issues all work out, the project would bring on Hollywood fixtures Mark Gordon, Jason Blum and Guymon Casady as producers.I'm excited for the day when I don't have to be negative about movie news. A day when the ideas that are presented are original, cool film ideas. But that day is not today. I'm not saying that I'm immune to making bad decisions. For instance, me creating a ketchup and Honeycomb cereal sandwich didn't turn out so well. But I learned a valuable lesson. Also, burned my penis pretty badly on the panini press in doing so. (LA Times)
No one makes pale dead skin work quite like Christina Ricci. Then pop a red dress on her and you've got yourself a corpse not even Liam Neeson can resist. In After.Life, the Kraken-owning Neeson plays a mortician who communicates with the dead to help them transition to…wait for it…the afterlife. Justin Long is also running around like he usually does trying to figure out what's going on and how he can stop it with a few well-placed quips. Is she dead? Is she alive? Who sees her? Who doesn't? Why isn't Haley Joel Osment in anything anymore? Is it because puberty messed his face up? All of the answers in the After.Life trailer after the jump.
In March of 2008, The History Channel shortened its name to History. It would have made more sense if it had shortened its name to The Channel. Over the past few years, the network has stopped pretending to give a damn about history and now traffics mainly in crappy reality television. Sure, it can be entertaining, but history it ain’t! Remember when The History Channel used to enlighten its viewers with quality historical documentaries and relevant original programming? Yeah, neither do we. The network has always been a sad mix of poor-quality World War II stock footage and shoddy battle reenactments. But for all its faults, at least it used to take its name somewhat seriously. Sure, “UFO Hunters: Nazi UFOs” wasn’t the most historically accurate documentary, but at least it had Hitler as opposed to some hillbilly running around in a swamp. With those simpler times in mind, here are eight History Channel shows that have nothing to do with history.
Charles Roven and Atlas Entertainment have just dropped anchor on their next project, a big-screen adaptation of Gilligan's Island. The producer of Batman Begins and The Dark Knight has picked up a script by Yogi Bear's Brad Copeland to bring the iconic castaways to theaters. There's no word yet whether the film will veer toward hacky, slapstick comedy or if it will take a gritty, more serious approach to Gilligan's first year as a bumbling, accident-prone crewman.Series producer Sherwood Schwartz is also onboard as executive producer and, though no cast or director are in place, feels that terminally typecast actor Michael Cera is a shoe-in for the role of Gilligan. Expect Avatar's Joel David Moore's aggressive campaigning for the role to begin in 5… 4… 3… 2…(Variety)
For God's sake, someone help him! There's going to be a lot of whispering on the set of Bad Teacher now that Justin Timberlake has joined the fold. Mr. Dick In A Box himself signed on to star opposite his ex-girlfriend Cameron Diaz in the romantic comedy. What makes matters even more cringe-worthy is Diaz plays a middle-school teacher who's dumped and sets her sights on a colleague that's dating Timberlake's character. Ooooooh sh******t. Things are gonna get ROWDY. The film's other stars, Jason Segel, Molly Shannon, Lucy Punch, and Modern Family's Eric Stonestreet, will have to tread lightly around the couple with the rocky past. Director Jake Kasdan, the likely referee, may have signed on for more than he bargained for. He should take a meeting about coping with on-set deaths with Jon Landis, who knows a thing or two from The Twilight Zone movie. Timberlake blood could haunt him for years. (Variety)
Joe Letteri has served as visual effects supervisor at both Industrial Light & Magic and Weta Digital. In doing so, he's had a hand in creating the most innovative and creative visual effects in film history. His career spans from The Abyss to the Oscar-nominated Avatar. Screen Junkies caught up with him at the VES Awards to discuss Steven Spielberg's first entry in the Tintin trilogy he's tackling with Peter Jackson.First up, he discusses what we can expect Tintin to look like:"We’re experimenting with a number of different looks. When you do 3D you have a range of options to go with, slightly sort of cartoony. You go more Pixar style where there’s realism but still exaggeration. The problem with going completely photoreal with human characters is you want to honor the comicness of it. So we’re still feeling our way around it."MORE FROM JOE AFTER THE JUMP.
Stella Maeve has had small roles in several TV shows, but now she's making her way in to movies. You can catch her in Brooklyn's Finest this Friday, and soon as Sandy West in The Runaways. I think we'll all take pleasure in watching her star rise. A word from Stella: "Eating organic is one of the best things a person can do for themselves." Uh oh, fellas, we've got a hippie in our midst. Get out your microwavable meals and canned goods. We're going to make her love preservatives if it kills us. More fresh pics of Stella after the jump.
"Gemma, it's just that I think we work better as friends. But, like, really really awesome friends. Y'know?" The second trailer for Jerry Bruckheimer's sand-in-the-crevasse epic Prince of Persia has dirt-tornadoed its way to them Internets to show off the film's story and awkward attempts at sexual tension. It's pretty much the same trailer as before but this time the events are shown in a slightly different order. I'm on to you, Jerry. The plot sounds very similar to Lord of the Rings. An appointed protector must transport a magical item to certain location without it falling into the clutches of evil. Though Frodo's flirtations with Samwise were a lot less wooden than Jake Gyllenhaal's with Gemma Arterton. Enjoy the sand karate after the jump…
Yes, that's right. Martin Lawrence will don a suit of fat for a third time. The actor is set to star in Big Momma's House 3 and Tropic Thunder's Alpha Chino has somehow been convinced to co-star. Brandon T Jackson will play Trent, the nephew to Lawrence's character who witnesses a murder. In order to protect Trent and track down the killer, the two must logically dress up like sassy, overweight black women and hide out at an all-girls performing art school. This sounds a lot like Precious. Only with fewer laugh out loud moments.These films really get a lot of mileage out of the ol' guy dressed as a woman takes a shower with hot babe set-up. But when I do it, it's considered "gross" and "in violation of multiple restraining orders." (Variety)
She must have made so many fat girls eat their feelings. These links want you in their clique. Leaked Version of James Cameron's Oscar Speech (Moviefone) Intelligent Men Are More Sexually (Asylum) 25 Awesome Mustaches (HolyTaco) David Caruso On Canada's Hockey Gold Win (TotalProSports) When a Spartan Loves a Stormtrooper (Unreality) 2010 Hometown Hotties Has Begun! (Maxim) Some Weird Facts About the TUF 11 Fighters (CagePotato) Justin Bieber Defecates on American Flag (CelebJihad) 5 Directors Who Need A Career Reboot (Pajiba) Film Roles Close Calls (Atom) Documentary on Epic Beard Man (MadeMan) Time For NASCAR to Get It Together (AllLeftTurns)
Last week the news of a Zoolander sequel sent waves of excitement through the TBS watching community. Ben Stiller is currently working on the script with director Justin Theroux and now, he has revealed a few details about the plot. "We have a new story idea that we feel excited about and we're going to try to go forward. The beginning of the movie is [set]… 10 years later, and Derek & Hansel are literally forgotten. Nobody even knows who they are, so they have to re-invent themselves." He goes on to add: "My wife really needs the work." Okay. So I went on to add that. He did, however, weigh in on Will Ferrell's inclusion: "If Will says yes, he definitely has to be a part of it. [pause] My dad really needs the work." Lies again. Screen Junkies really needs to rethink their policy of paying me by the word. *Editor's Note: We pay him in Monopoly money* (MTV)
Normally I don't put too much stock in books that lack tabs to pull and pop-ups to giggle at, but if Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is half as good as the trailer for it than I may have to give this "reading" thing a shot. The author of the historical horror novel, Seth Grahame-Smith (sounds like a Count), also wrote the New York Time's Bestselling Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I have a copy sitting under a pile of Highlights magazines.If only there was a way to condense the entire novel of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter into visual form… An "adaptation" if you will. Spielberg could direct and Liam Neeson could star. That one's for free, Hollywood. Send my fee directly to some organization that teaches kids to read. No one should have to grow up and blog for a living.Read the trailer with your eyes after the jump.
National hero Amber Heard will be stretching her acting abilities to the brink of snapping by pretending to be attracted to Nicolas Cage in the upcoming Drive Angry. Cage plays a crazy, road-ragin' grandpa on the hunt for those who murdered his daughter and kidnapped his grandbaby. Heard will play a diner employee who joins Cage during the high octane rampage. The splatterfest is being directed by My Bloody Valentine 3D's Patrick Lussier and, yes, it will be in ass-puckering 3D.This 3D craze is really pushing itself too far. Nicolas Cage popping off-screen is terrifying enough to clear a theater. It would be like showing Encino Man a documentary about the railroads. (THR)
DIRECTOR: Patrick LussierCAST: Nicolas Cage; Amber Heard; William Fichtner; David Morse; Charlotte RossSYNOPSIS: A road-ragin' grandpa turns his daughter's killers and his grandbabby's kidnappers to road kill.
Lara Croft and Slave Leia Snowball Fight – Watch more Funny VideosApparently I need to go to Sundance next year. Forget the films and the free swag, Lara Croft and Princess Leia are throwing snow at each other! What two actresses of that caliber are doing in a completely random duel is beyond me, but Angelina totally pwns Carrie. I guess now we know where tomb raiders stand among members of royalty. Quick, to the presses! There are history books that need sexy revisions! (BuzzFeed)
Angelina Jolie can't decide which movie-I'll-never-see to do next. First there were reports that she dropped out of Wanted 2 in favor of Alfonso Cuaron's stranded on a spacestation drama Gravity. Word today is that she's not part of Gravity and is circling a project with Darren Aronofsky.The director and star are both looking to join an adaptation of Serena: A Novel. If the project does come to fruition, Serena: A Movie would star Jolie as the wife of a timber magnate in the woods of 1929 North Carolina. She would use the awesome powers of her vagina to convince him to commit increasingly ruthless acts. Later when she learns that she cannot conceive a child she decides that adoption is sooo 2002 and that murdering her husband's illegitimate son is the new hotness.Both Jolie and Aronofsky are waiting for a new script and budget before signing on to the evil vagina movie. I just wish that Angelina would learn to use that thing for good. Think of all the wars she could stop. (THR)
Taylor Lautner has too many toys in his sandbox. After yanking both Mattel's Max Steel and Hasbro's Stretch Armstrong away from his peers while screaming, "Mine!", his Hollywood parents told him to make a decision. Lautner decided on Stretch, throwing Max back to the less fortunate, uglier, smellier kids to fight over. An insider who carries Lautner's bag of wet wipes and binkies told Vulture, "When you sign on to make a movie with Hasbro, you know it will be in theaters a year later." Well said, overbearing Hollywood stagemother. I would assume Lautner would want to play a sweet futuristic character like Max Steel over a man with skin issues, but maybe he has opposing thoughts about what is cool. Or daddy demanded he abide by his decision or get the belt again.
Photo taken right before the prisoners ran a train on "the funny guy." Here are your weekend links.First Look at 'Iron Man 2' Action Figures (Moviefone)Naked New Yorkers Paint The Town Red (Asylum)25 Amazing Snow Sculptures (HolyTaco)Vancouver in Need of a Condom Refill (TotalProSports)Chat Roulette: The Movie (Unreality)Jones vs. Vera Fight Hype (CagePotato)Kate French is Ooh La La (Maxim)Candice Swanepoel Lingerie Megapost (CelebJihad)Bruce Willis Career Assessment (Pajiba)ManBear Part 2 (Atom)The Five Women You Meet in Bars (MadeMan)Shelby American Odds (AllLeftTurns)