Gru and his yellow, midget cyclops minions strut to The George Baker Selection's "Little Green Bag" in the new international teaser for Despicable Me. Much like the first trailer, it sticks by its name and teases you like some prude high school cheerleader who loves having a slut rep. Only thing is, I'm not saluting, much like I would a sexy president (Got that President's Day mention in there! Boom!) The movie is about diabolical Gru trying to steal the moon, and his mushy-brained slug children helping him in that quest. Their odd appearance and funny dialect is most likely a result of inbreeding. I'm sure if they assimilated themselves in the U.K. they'd blend right in. That's right, I'm an ignorant American today. It's President's Day. These colors don't run! Check out the teaser after the jump. Despicable Me hits theaters July 9, 2010.
Masturbating rap-rock pirate really speaks to the kids.The success of Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes has led Ecosse Films to snatch the rights to another classic. The U.K.-based production company is planning to bring Treasure Island back to the screen with a cooler Long John Silver. From Variety:Silver's character will be hipper, in the style of Robert Downey Jr's interpretation of Sherlock Holmes.Though details are slim, this means we will most likely see Colin Farrell-type kickboxing Somalian pirates and cannonball surfing on theater screens in the next few years. Meanwhile, your confused mom will accidentally rent the Asylum version, Treasures Island. Y'know, the version that will inexplicably have ninjas and Debra Gibson. (Variety)
Total nag-hag.I've got a bit of good news for those of you who hate your eyeballs. Soon you'll be able to point them at a new film directed by crazy momenteer Madonna. The movie, titled W.E., will be the diva/box office poisoner's second directorial gig and of course it's about British people. It tells the true story of the love affair between King Edward VIII and Wallis Simpson that led to the British royal abdicating from the throne to marry his divorcee lover. Midget-prostitute-battler and Oscar nominee Vera Farmiga is said to be interested to star.Madonna helming a lavish, period piece sounds like a recipe for disaster. Just like these mustard pancakes I just made. I didn't add nearly enough Clamato. (Variety)
It's no secret that we here at Screen Junkies have an infinity for mustaches. This featurette for Clash of the Titans shows a lot of cool new footage, but it's Liam Neeson's facial hair that really takes the spotlight. Deep down I knew that if Neeson grew a mustache it would be an exemplary one, I just had no idea how exemplary. If acting doesn't work out, the man should sell mustaches at the store I'll be opening soon that will surely be denied a business loan. The featurette also contains new Medusa footage and unicorns, so you're going to want to check it out after the jump.
REAL mad black women prefer sledehammers to diaries. Here are your weekend links.Full Calendar of Movies Named After Holidays (Moviefone)25 Hot Bartenders (HolyTaco)25 Hot Female Winter Olympians (TotalProSports)Porn Stars Name Their Favorite Presidents (Asylum)Laser Kills Mosquito in Slo-Mo (FilmDrunk)Nine-Second Knockout of the Day (CagePotato)Extremely Disturbing Cosplay Photo (Unreality)What Your Valentine's Gift Really Says About You (Maxim)Megan Fox's Body Double (CelebJihad)Best Films Set in the Olympics (Pajiba)Playboy Mansion Red Carpet Footage (Atom)How to Start a Brewery (MadeMan)Daytona 500 Late Odds (AllLeftTurns)
Upskirt!!The Vin Diesel sequel train continues to chugga, chugga. In recent months he's announced xXx: The Return of Xander Cage and Fast Five, both follow-ups to films that somehow made him a star. Now he's adding another Riddick film to the pile. Riddick is the character he played in Pitch Black and its completely unconnected spin-off, The Chronicles of Riddick.Nobody is talking plot yet, but director David Twohy states that the tone of the new movie falls closer to Pitch Black than it does Chronicles. Though I wish it fell more in the laugh-track sitcom realm as the simple title Riddick would imply. All they would have to do is add an exclamation point and have him move in with his nerdlinger brother (played by Jason Biggs) and they'd be good to go. (Variety)
Gimme Back Ma Son – Watch more Funny VideosAngry dad Mel Gibson wants his son back so bad. I can feel it in my face.(Genius remix by Swede Mason)
Uber spicy redhead Kata Mara, and that girl who dies in the beginning of The Ring (Amber Tamblyn), are in talks to co-star alongside James Franco in 127 Hours, Danny Boyle's follow-up to Slumdog Millionaire. The film tells the story of Aron Ralston, a cautionary tale for anyone who plans to go out in the unforgiving wilderness alone and refuses to entertain the possibility they might have to cut their arm off after a boulder claims it for five hours straight. Mara and Tamblyn would play two hikers Aron meets before the antagonist (a large rock) has his way with the adventurer. If only Aron's quest involved finding his way home to Mara. Hell, I'd give my right arm to run the fingers of my left hand through her flowing locks. I think she'd find my insensitivity extremely attractive. (/Film)
The 117 AD prequel to SNL's "The Ladies Man" Neil Marshall's epic Centurion clobbered us with a trailer today and it looks badass. The movie, starring Michael Fassbender, McNulty, and Bond babe Olga Kurylenko, tells the story of 7 Roman soldiers trapped behind enemy lines after their army is massacred. In the film, the Descent director follows the soldiers as they fight for survival while being stalked and killed by a gang of sexy French chicks. It's like a PBS version of The Warriors. Except in this case the Lizzies are far more likely to decapitate their enemies with hatchets. (IGN) Witness the massacre after the jump. The film opens April 23rd in the UK with no set US release date at this time.
It's going to be really awkward when Robocop and his date transition to the intimate part of the evening. (i09)Dead or alive, you're getting these links.Sean Penn and Penelope Cruz to Hand Out Oscars (Moviefone)Gallery: What Your Toys Are Doing Now (HolyTaco)Hot Chick Bounces Around in Celebration of Whatever (TotalProSports)Christian Bale Killed a Guy or Something (FilmDrunk)This Day in Fighting History: Tyson vs. Douglas (CagePotato)5 Examples of When Celebs Age (Unreality)A Lamp for Jason Voorhees (Asylum)Spicy Pics of Big Bang Theory's Kelly Cuoco (Maxim)Alec Baldwin Rushed to Hospital (CelebJihad)Passive-Aggressive Break-Ups (Pajiba)A Video Jam Packed Full of Skits (Atom)How You Can Tell If She's Good in Bed (MadeMan)Daytona 500 Early Odds (AllLeftTurns)8 Hilariously Awful PSAs (RegretfulMorning)
The first trailer for Get Him To The Greek just hit the Interwebz, and I'll be damned if Nicholas Stoller hasn't done it again. The director and writer of the highly enjoyable Forgetting Sarah Marshall brings back eccentric, hyper-sexual rocker Aldous Snow for a whimsical romp across the pond from Foggy London Town to sunny Los Angeles. Jonah Hill plays record label intern Aaron Green who gets the assignment from big boss P. Diddy to escort Aldous Snow (Russell Brand) to the Greek Theater in L.A. for the first-stop of his comeback tour. Wackiness ensues, with a plethora of sex, drugs, rock & roll, and crusty vomit on The Today Show with Meredith Vieira. Stoller delivered a perfect mix of laughs and heart in Sarah Marshall, and I have no doubt he'll add the same touch to this one. And vomit, of course. Check out the trailer after the jump. Get Him To The Greek blows the roof off theaters June 4, 2010.
Bring on the whores!Universal has hired the screenwriting duo of Karen McCullah Lutz and Kirsten Smith to write a remake of The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. The original starred Burt Reynolds and cleavage-afficionado Dolly Parton in the film adapted from Broadway. The update will have musical numbers though it is not known at this time if they will be new, or musty and old like Burt's nutsack.No word yet on casting, but it seems rude to open a whorehouse in Hollywood and not invite Tom Sizemore. (Variety)
The trailer for Killers follows the beats of any other Katherine Heigl movie trailer. We're introduced to her. We learn quickly that she's successful in every aspect of her life except love. Cue the man of her dreams, in this instance, Ashton Kutcher and his abs. Kutcher stalks Heigl around Nice, France while unnecessarily shirtless like NY's Naked Cowboy or He-Man or Los Angeles's David Hasselhoff. The two hook up and it seems like the perfect relationship. Until it turns into Knight & Day or Mr. and Mrs. Smith. It looks like a fun, light film (centered around murder) despite the positioning of the leads on the National Choad Index. I should dislike this but I don't. It must be the presence of Selleck. Damn that mustache. Maybe enjoy the trailer after the jump….
Chelan Simmons is an actress who doesn't mind taking her clothes off in her movies, and we here at SJ fully support that. If you can stand it, check out Good Luck Chuck and Final Destination 3 for two perky examples. Or is that four perky examples?A word from Chelan: "A smile is way more beautiful than a frown."Not in some social sex circles. But I get what you mean. Check out more pics of Chelan's pearly whites after the jump.
The toys happily welcome Pervert the Octopus to the group. Nothing makes me giddy like a Pixar trailer. Those (evil?) geniuses always knock it out of the park, and Toy Story 3 looks like no exception. All of our favorite toys are back, and they're mixing it up with a new batch of playthings when they're donated to a day care center. You'd think the rest of the movie would follow Woody and Buzz as tiny tots jam them into various orifices, but instead it appears they're loving their new home. In The Closet Ken, voiced by Michael Keaton, convinces himself he has feelings for Barbie inspite of the new cowboy arrival, and Pervert the Octopus offers up massages (with happy endings, no doubt). Everything's right as rain until the toys find out their abandoner, Andy, is looking for them. They decide to break out and go in search for the owner who cast them aside like yesterday's garbage when he decided to go better himself at college. What a selfish prick. You don't deserve these special toys, Andy! They're too good for you! You hear me, Dad?! Oops… That's an issue I need to take elsewhere. Check out the trailer after the jump. Toy Story 3 hits theaters June 18th.
Tyrese Gibson calmed all of our fears by getting the word out there that he will in fact return for Transformers 3. Though he's coy about when filming will begin. He tweeted sexilly:TRANSFORMERS 3: Is Full Throttle Full Steam Ahead….. Michael Bay gave me the start date.. And I can't share…Thank GOODNESS. I was really concerned this film wouldn't appeal to my inner-black receptionist. (Tyrese4Real)
Pack the kids and the dog urine-soaked sandwiches into the family truckster. It looks like New Line and David Dobkin (Wedding Crashers) are moving forward with their reboot of National Lampoon's Vacation. However, this time they're wisely dropping the National Lampoon's moniker. The goof-tards who made Van Wilder: Freshman Year spilled bong water on it and now it's ruined.News today is that screenwriting duo Jonathan Goldstein and John Francis Daley (Sam from Freaks and Geeks) have been hired to write the disastrous family outing. As previously reported, the new film will focus on Rusty Griswold as the hapless dad of his own family. Chevy Chase is expected to tag along as Grandpa Clark. No word yet whether Beverly D'Angelo or Randy Quaid will return or not. Though if Quaid is not welcomed back, Dobkin can expect a threatening, unpunctuated letter from his nutbar wife. (Variety)
From Paris with Love – Exclusive Clip – Watch more Movie Trailers
IN MIND-BONING 3D!!!!!!!!!Sony seems to be having a good time pushing Marc Webb around as he develops their Spider-Man reboot. Sony Marketing Chairman Jeff Blake announced today that the movie will be forcing its way into theaters on July 3rd, 2012 in sure-to-be-dull-by-then 3D. Great. Now I have to risk pink-eye to see this studio-directed bastardization? From Blake:“Spider-Man is the ultimate summer movie-going experience, and we’re thrilled the filmmakers are presenting the next installment in 3D. They resisted at first but we tightened the vice on their testicles and convinced them to see things our way. We find that groin pain can be quite the motivator. Spider-Man is one of the most popular characters in the world, and we know audiences are eager and excited to discover Marc’s fantastic vision (stiffles laughter) for Peter Parker and the franchise. Now let's cram this baby full of villians and give Spidey a jive-talking sidekick. Maybe a flying squirrel voiced by Eddie Murphy or something. And tits. I'm told teenage boys like tits.”No word yet on the film's title or which little jerk will star as Peter Parker. (Deadline Hollywood)
That's a mighty fine pokin' stick you got yourself there, Mr. Airbender. Oh sorry, it's called M. Night Shyamalan's The Last Airbender. My whoopsie on purpose. The trailer for The Happening director's latest film has been released, and damn if it doesn't look like Night is trying to make us forget he directed The Happening. I've never seen the Airbender cartoons on Nickelodeon because I haven't watched Nick since I discovered my penis, but word is they're pretty bad ass. My excitement toward this film has been minimal to nonexistent and the trailer doesn't do much to perk up my nipples — except maybe for the constant chilly drafts of wind in it. This Airbender guy is worse than sitting next to the door in a busy coffee shop! Am I right or am I right or am I right?! The action looks aight, but I'm kind of getting used to seeing Krakens in my trailers, and the absence of one gives me the frownies. Check out the trailer after the jump and let me know your thoughts. Will this movie vanish from theaters like a fart in the wind?
Disney-Pixar are slowly dumping out Toy Story 3's toy chest to reveal 14 new characters from the upcoming sequel. Today we meet Ken. He combines the masculinity of Dirk Benedict with the fashion sense of Jim Jay Bullock. It looks like Barbie's finally found real love after G.I. Joe's crippling PTS drove a wedge down the middle of their happy union. Good for her. I can't see anything wrong here. From Disney-Pixar:Grab your binoculars and join Ken on a safari! A swinging bachelor who’s always on the lookout for fun, Ken sports the perfect outfit for his eco-adventure: light blue shorts and a leopard-print shirt with short sleeves sure to keep him cool in the hot sun. And after his exciting expedition, Ken will be ready to hit the dance floor in style. His accessories include matching scarf, sensible loafers and a fashion-forward gold belt. Dozens of additional Ken outfits sold separately.You're gonna have to keep a leash on this one Barbie. One that matches the chaps preferably. (HeyUGuys)
Serinda Swan, who was named after a Tibetan flute, is a Canadian actress and model. She is perhaps best known for being the spokeswoman for AbsolutePoker.net. She also has a Megan Fox thing going on, and dare I say, is hotter than the Transformers "actress?" I dare. Unhand me!A word from Serinda: "I had to listen to a really gross story and go, “ohhhhhh.” Then I got to dance with Ted Danson."Hmmm. Did this occur in the fires of hell or at a dinner party? If it's a dinner party, it sounds exactly like a reoccuring nightmare of mine.Ted Danson would want to dance with the pics after the jump.
Tron: Legacy director Joseph Kosinski is looking to bang out another popular science-fiction film and he's spilled a load of details about how he intends to fill The Black Hole. The film won't be a sequel a la Tron or an exact do-over either. Kosinski is looking to re-imagine the film by keeping the iconic moments that come to mind but also wants to jam this Hole full of hard science. And he promises not to blow it out. Says Kosinski:"I saw The Black Hole as a little kid. What sticks out most is the robot Maximilian. The blades and the vicious killing of Anthony Perkins. That freaked me out and that's definitely going to be an element that will be preserved. From a conceptual point of view, we know so much more about black holes now, the crazy things that go on as you approach them due to the intense gravitational pull and the effects on time and space. All that could provide us with some really cool film if we embrace it in a hard science way."This sounds like one of those pornos that will be informative as well. And I'm ready to learn. **unfastens pants** (MTV)
It was probably close to three in the morning in your living room. You were six sodas and three gorditas deep with the volume turned way down on the set, anxiously awaiting some practical knowledge regarding the mysterious act of sex. From the scenes that put wisdom in your brain and a strain in your shorts, these were the moments that taught you more about getting laid than anything else. Here are some of the lessons you learned. Porky's
Sucker Punch's Emily Browning's star is on the rise and it looks like she's not afraid to shed her child star image. She's just signed on for The Perfect Woman Sleeping Beauty, an erotic thriller about "a student who drifts into prostitution and finds her niche as a woman who sleeps, drugged while men do to her what she can‘t remember the next morning." I don't know about you guys but I'd totally take photos of her where it looks like she's picking her nose. But I'm an animal like that.The film is a 2008 Black Listed script from Australian author Julia Leigh, who will be making her directorial debut with this project. Alice in Wonderland's Mia Wasikowska was originally set to fill the role but opted out in the 11th hour. Keep that in mind if you ever have a chance to date either of these actresses. If life imitates art, Emily Browning > Mia Wasikowska. (The Playlist)
McClane needs to get back in there and kill some henchmen on the middle floors. There's probably a centrally located dentist's office that could provide good fodder.Don't neglect the middle links.25 Worst Romantic Comedies Ever (Moviefone)25 Pics of Verne Troyer with Hot Chicks (HolyTaco)2010 SI's Bodypainting Soccer WAGS (TotalProSports)Precious's Mom Sings in a Subway (FilmDrunk)Mark Coleman's 5 Greatest MMA Moments (CagePotato)Behold The Tonight Show's Rotting Corpse (Unreality)A New App to Lead You to Nookie (Asylum)12 Hottest Swimsuit Videos (Maxim)Blake Lively in a Bikini Being a Perv (CelebJihad)6 Most Successful Career Redefining Roles (Pajiba) CariDee English Caught Cheating (Atom)Anti-Valentine's Gift Guide (MadeMan)Danica Finally Races (AllLeftTurns)10 Sexual Euphemisms You've Used By Accident (RegretfulMorning)
The bidding war over the rights to the Terminator franchise is over and the winner is… Pacificor? I'm sorry but I'm not familiar with their films. From Deadline Hollywood: “Sony and Lionsgate dropped out at just under $29.5 million when it became clear that Santa Barbara-based hedge fund Pacificor was willing to pay almost any amount of money for Terminator.” Oh. That's why I didn't know them. Pacificor is the debtholder that pushed Halcyon into bankruptcy in the first place. Now they've swooped in and traded that debt for the once lucrative franchise. I think it would be awesome if James Cameron bought them. Not so he could make another Terminator but so he could take a dump on Terminator 3 in front of director Jonathan Mostow's house.No one knows what Pacificor plans to do with the rights but let's hope it's not to steal the technology and build their own army of machines. If robots become self-aware, there's no telling what kind of damage they may cause. (Deadline Hollywood)
Here's an obligatory Jessica Biel post. I haven't done her yet as the girl of the day, and no I didn't mean it THAT way. If you don't know who Jessica is by now you must be living under a rock that doesn't get internet access because even being barricaded in your parent's basement wouldn't be an excuse.A word from Jessica: "It’s nice to have a little meat on you, and I hope I inspire women to appreciate their muscular calves."I don't know if women appreciate them, but men certainly do. Namely YOUR muscular calves, which can look gross on many less attractive, fatter females. Oh no, did I just ruin your inspirational message?The pics after the jump will heal all wounds.
Superman rescues Mini Nolan. It doesn't matter why. Warner Bros. must be supplying Christopher Nolan with an endless supply of whores, drugs, or fish and chips. The director of The Dark Knight and the upcoming WB film Inception has decided to nurture the new Superman movie that's in development and let it suck from the voluptuous teet of his creativity. Nolan is not writing or directing the film, but instead has taken on the role of "godfather," a title I hope appears in the credits. Developing Superman Returns was such a quagmire for WB it's no wonder they're turning to their golden boy for advice, insight, scribbles he wasn't planning on using for future projects. An insider at the studio said, "We know what we don't want to do. But we don't know what we want to do." That sounds like every Friday night conversation I had with my friends in high school. Result: we all decided to stay home, much like the audience will for this film. Shut up, I had friends! Nolan is also actively working on the Batman 3 script with brother Jonathan Nolan and blood brother David Goyer. Nolan came up with a story idea, probably while clipping his nails whilst dropping a deuce, and the team hopes to finish a draft during post-production on Inception. It looks like SJ writer Wookie Johnson has some egg on his face this morning. The proverbial and the scrambled. The former for saying yesterday that Batman 3 scripts rumors were bull hockey, the latter for sticking his face in a plate of scrambled eggs. The man's a barbarian, folks. (Deadline)
Today we pit our top contenders for the Best Actress Oscar in the metaphorical pudding pool for a bikini-clad, chocolate-treat-slathered Battle Royale from which only one shall emerge the victor. …