Sasha Butterface joins the news team.Here are your weekend links.'Childrens Hospital' Set Visit With The Hilarious Cast (TVSquad)'Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World' In Order To Get A Girl (Asylum)The Slushee Cup Contest Winner (HolyTaco)Jamon, Jamon: A Film Where Women Eat Men & Men Eat Ham (FilmDrunk)Maxim's Movie Title Translator (Maxim)Dude Gets Knocked Out With A 7 Pound Dildo (BarStoolSports)32 Jaw-Dropping Sports Injuries (EgoTV)You Can't Resist Her, She's In Your Bones (Pajiba)Green Lantern Costume Is Unreal In A Bad Way(Unreality)Athlete Loses His Pants While Gambling (TotalProSports)Sex-Ed In Kindergarten (Smosh)Top 10 White Trash Movie Girls (BroBible)Jennifer Lopez Shows Her Big Butt For Attention (CelebJihad)Hot Russian Girls In Bikinis Invade Ring Girl Casting Shoot (CagePotato)Writer Sees Parallels In Life And 'The Kids Are All Right' (PopEater)Man Drives A Volvo 3 Million Miles (MadeMan)
"My ice cream melted." Will Smith is remixing the Bible with his new project. Smith is now attached to star in and produce The Legend Of Cain, a retelling of the story of Cain and Abel. The script, co-written by Jada's brother Caleeb Pinkett, adds a vampiric twist to the tale of sibling rivalry. I know that adding monsters to classic works is the rage nowadays, but this is borderline insulting and sure to drum up controversy. Everybody knows there weren't any vampires in the Bible. Unless, of course, you read Mel Gibson's version. (Deadline)
Wyck Godrey, producer of the Twilight Saga, spoke with Fearnet the other day and confirmed that Amy Adams will indeed be playing the subject of the Janis Joplin biopic, should it ever actually happen. Fernando Meirelles (City of God) is attached to direct, but no studio has signed on and it doesn't seem there's even a completed script. So basically they've secured an actress and a director for a movie with no money or story. Hey, it hasn't stopped the porn industry from thriving.Speaking of sex, is Amy Adams the best actress to portray a drug-addled nymphomaniac such as Joplin? I look at Adams and assume she's never even seen a penis or hypodermic needle, let alone had both inside of her at the same time. She's really going to have to step outside her comfort level to fully embrace the role, or take a boatload of drugs to get through the ordeal. Hey, it hasn't stopped the porn industry from thriving. (Deadline)
I realize that you've probably had it up to here **places hand above crotch** with Mel Gibson mashups, but a fellow who goes by the name Oliver Noble **places hand above crotch** edited one for FilmDrunk that's pretty damn funny. It imagines a world where Mel Gibson is a script doctor whose contribution to material on the cusp of greatness is adding felatio punch-ups. Some people get paid good money for such work, and here ol' Mel is spewing genius out for free. Let's secure the man a literary agent, and yesterday!
More news ripped from the pages of this week's Entertainment Weekly. Here's a first look at the girls of Zack Snyder's Sucker Punch. I'll be frank for a minute and you be Shirley — I was expecting a sexier crew of ass-kicking females. The group consists of Abbie Cornish, Vanessa Hudgens, Emily Browning, Jena Malone, and Jamie Chung, all individually super hot actresses, yet when put together they look like they're shuffling to a nearby cot for a nap. Scott Glenn even fits right in, which should never be the case.Maybe it's the grim landscape that's bringing everyone down. I vote that the next batch of stills be set at the beach or a car wash. I realize that the movie takes place in a mental institution, but there's gotta be a way to work a car wash in. Take a left past the schizo wing and tell the man at the desk what air freshener you'd like. (ComingSoon)
Great googley-moogley. Sofia Vergara has a sister. And she's hot. And judging from the picture above, that sister has a friend who is a photographer/dentist. But wait, there's more! She's also an actress, and has just been cast in Craig Gillespie's Fright Night remake. Sandra Vergara will play the girlfriend and assistant to David Tennant's magician turned reluctant vampire hunter. F*cking magicians, man. Always pulling top-notch ass. No matter how fugly/creepy/gropey they are as people. Never thought I'd rue the day that I didn't learn to juggle. (THR)
Miss New England 2008 Attractive women in New England are few and far between, so when you meet one you had better jump on it. It doesn't matter where you meet. The bar, the Market Basket, and the bank that you are currently robbing are all perfectly acceptable places to pick up a comely, young lass. And that's exactly what Ben Affleck does in the trailer for his second directorial effort The Town. In this daring sequel, Jeremy Renner plays Will Hunting and Affleck reprises his role as Chuckie, who are now bank robbers inexplicably (note to self: fact check this later). Chuckie meets Rebecca Hall during a robbery and develops an attraction to her, even though he's got Blake Lively at home in denim cut-offs. Then Don Draper shows up and is all Mr. FBI Guy and there are a few shoot-outs and Slipknot masks. All in all, it looks really good! I'll see it. WATCH A MOODY MEDITATION ON WHAT DRIVES ONE TO STEAL, AND ALSO BLAKE LIVELY IN DENIM CUT-OFFS AFTER THE JUMP…
World War IV is barely underway, but Warner Bros. just can’t help itself from jumping the gun. The studio is already planning the launch of World War X, a film "centered on a man recruited by a team of government agents to stop a terrorist from the future who is using time travel to reshape history." As my colleague Wookie Johnson pointed out, this film smells an awful lot like Time Cop, which actually smells a lot like a Belgian hooker's dirty panties, which smells a lot like overused cologne. I think there’s a Van Damme joke in there somewhere. (Coming Soon)
For those of you who have been praying for another Ghostbusters sequel, you obviously need to pray more clearly. Unfortunately, it seems god misunderstood your pleas, and has mistakenly provided you with another Ghost Rider sequel. This is assuming that Nicolas Cage is telling the truth, and not simply tripping balls on shrooms he took with his cat. On tonight’s episode of "The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson", Cage revealed he had just signed the deal to return to star in Ghost Rider 2. The actor also confirmed that Neveldine/Taylor (Crank) will direct. I’ve been told to be more positive when I write, so here goes nothing. Considering the original Ghost Rider has a 25% favorable rating at Rotten Tomatoes, the sequel has nowhere to go but up. That wasn’t so hard! (Collider)
I hope you like movies about assholes, because Aaron Sorkin is working on one. The famed writer will make his directorial début with The Politician, a film about John Edwards, arguably one of the greatest assholes in American history. The film will chronicle Edwards' meteoric rise as a politician, and his hilarious fall from grace. I can't wait to see the part where Edwards cheats on his cancer ridden wife and accidentally knocks up his idiot, new-age mistress. That part always makes me chuckle. (Empire)
Well someone's certainly got a potty mouth.
Hot Girls Reenact Predator – Watch more Funny VideosIf I have one complaint about the original Predator, it's that it's a bit of a sausage fest. Problem solved. (ToplessRobot)These links weren't made on a shoestring budget.Dos And Don'ts of Facebook Dating (ModernMan) Sons, League, Philly, and More:FX New Fall Season (TVSquad) Horned Man Caught After Trying To Kill Landlord With Minivan (Asylum) 25 Chick Fight Videos (HolyTaco) Another Day, Another Mel Gibson Phone Call (FilmDrunk) Best Pissed-Off Police Chiefs (Maxim) 'Temperature Rising' Video Made My Dick Explode (BarStoolSports) One-Armed Man Charged With Unarmed Robbery (EgoTV) Netflix's Most Rented Movies Of All Time (Pajiba) Four Properties Of Movie Vampires (Unreality) Bike Rider Turned Roadkill (TotalProSports) Lilo Goes Topless Before Going To Jail (Smosh) 10 Rules About Pregnant Fight Club (BroBible) The Jonas Brothers Aren't That Innocent Looking After All (CelebJihad) The 7 Worst Predictions In CagePotato History (CagePotato) Alyssa Milano Throws Down A Challenge To The Old Spice Guy (PopEater) Take Your First Flight Lesson (MadeMan)
In case you're too poor to buy or too chicken to steal this week's issue of Entertainment Weekly featuring Green Lantern photos, I've got five more of them here for you. I gave you the cover this morning, but you just don't let up. Question: If Peter Sarsgaard had a five-head before donning the Hector Hammond prosthetic, then what do you call his new look? You call it a missed opportunity to show more pics of Blake Lively. I'm totally digging her as a brunette. Unhand her, Ryan Reynolds! Blake's mole belongs to me now!Check out the scanned images (because SOMEONE doesn't have an issue breaking the law) after the jump…
**SPOILER ALERT** The crackpot team of Steven Spielberg and Michael Bay have done it again. They've come up with a beginning for their movie. All good filmmakers know a film needs a beginning, and Transformers 3 will be no exception. I don't want to ruin it for those who didn't lose interest in the franchise after Bay introduced racist robots, so I'll just say upfront that it involves the moon, which we already knew. It does not, however, involve E.T., which my hilariously misleading above picture suggests. That's photoshopped, by the way.If you want to ruin the opening scene of Transformers 3 for yourself, check out CHUD's scoop after the jump…
What the hell is she holding?Early reports that Amber Heard would play Mystique in Matthew Vaughn's X-Men: First Class were sexy… but wrong. That role is actually going to Winter's Bone star Jennifer Lawrence. The rising star will be coated in blue bodypaint to play the shapeshifter after she wraps the horror film The House at the End of the Street.With this announcement, also comes the news that Kevin Bacon will in fact play the film's villian. Which means, if you see him beating up any schoolchildren in England in the next few months, just keep walking. Just making a movie. Nothing to see there. (THR)
Depp and Burton are the next Sad Keanus.The days of nobody knowing what the hell Tim Burton is directing next have come to an end. Dark Shadows starring Johnny Depp (and probably Helena Bonham Carter) will be inked in next to sketches of mawkish bats in the director's day planner. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter author Seth Grahame-Smith is taking over scripting duties from long-time Burton collaborater John August, to adapt the spooky 1960's soap opera. Filming begins in February with Johnny Depp playing the vampire Barnabas Collins. We'll keep you updated on which goofy wig he'll end up in this time. (Deadline)
Depp and Burton are the next Sad Keanus.
Fabrice Fabrice Interviews Steve Carell from Steve CarellNick Kroll is one funny motherf*cker. You may best know him as Bobby Bottleservice from the Ed Hardy Boyz Funny or Die videos, or Ruxin on FX's "The League," but he's also an amazing stand-up comedian with several characters in his repertoire.Fabrice Fabrice is Nick's extremely flamboyant, homosexual alter ego who dabbles in craft services. Fabrice Fabrice caught up with Dinner for Schmucks star Steve Carell at one of his snack tables and asked him a few professional and rather personal questions. It results in rosy cheeks and the improper enjoyment of fresh fruit.
Odette Yusman starred as Schwarzenegger's young student, Rosa, in Kindergarten Cop, where I'm sure she gave him a lot of grief. A few modeling and odd jobs later, she landed the lead role, that wasn't the monster, in Cloverfield. You can now catch her kicking some serious ass in Operation: Endgame alongside Zach Galifianakis. A word from Odette: "I can now say I have mastered the scream. I should probably stick that on my resumé."Put the kibosh on that idea. The addition of my screaming skills to the ol' resy has done me no favors in the job market. More pics of Odette out of kindergarten after the jump.
EW has just turned doctors' waiting rooms into Geek Heaven by adorning their cover with the first picture of Ryan Reynolds suited up as Green Lantern (and apparently there's a New Buffy as well).As previously discussed in comic shops and secondhand Toyotas, the Lantern's suit is 100% computer-generated. Much like the girlfriend you met online but have never seen face-to-face because of her numerous modeling commitments. Do you guys like it? To me, it looks a little too Photoshop-y. To illustrate that point, I present Exhibit B.Not that far off, right?
You may cringe at the term ‘bromance’, but if someone asks if you like bromance movies, you will absolutely say yes. Quite unlike romantic comedies — which focus on the…
"You serious, bro?"A little backstory: Joaquin Phoenix went crazy, grew a beard, quit acting, started rapping, and Casey Affleck was there with a camera to capture it all. Online speculation has been that the entire breakdown is fake (and crazy). Now, we will have the opportunity to judge for ourselves this September.Deadline reports that Magnolia has bought the distribution rights to Casey Affleck's I'm Still Here: The Lost Year of Joaquin Phoenix. Or, as it should be called I Get Pooped On: That Time Somebody Pooped On Joaquin Phoenix. That's right. The film is said to include cocaine use, hookers, oral sex with a publicist, loads of full frontal male nudity, and somebody poops on Joaquin as he sleeps. We're not naming any names, but c'mon.
Riots flare in Greece as Ratner is considered for 'Hercules'.Director Brett Ratner is in talks to ruin the legend of Hercules, The LA Times is reporting. Millennium/Nu Image has been developing the project for three years, and apparently just decided to say "f*ck it, I don't care any more, it's gonna suck no matter what we do." Shortly thereafter, Ratner was brought in for negotiations. At any rate, I'm hopeful we'll get to hear the line "Don't ever touch a Greek man's radio" sometime soon. I know it's pretty lazy for a hack like me to make fun of Ratner, but in all fairness to Brett…actually, I don't really have anything more to add to that statement.
What if Cameron from Ferris Bueller's Day Off was insane, and Ferris was nothing more than a figment of his sick imagination? According to /Film, this question, known as the Ferris Bueller Fight Club Theory, has been plaguing the the Internet for over a year (I wouldn't know, since I just got online for the first time in March). But thanks to the fine people at Classy Hands, the question now has an answer. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Ferris Club, a re-edit of FBDO in the style of Fight Club. It's pretty spot on, except I didn't catch any shots of Principal Rooney, as played by Jeffery Jones. He's a sex offender, don't ya know. See Ferris Bueller channel Tyler Durden after the jump.
She played a slut in The 40-Year-Old Virgin. She played an amateur pornstar in Zach and Miri. Now, actress Elizabeth Banks is taking the next logical step: a live-action version of Tinkerbell, the magical pixie from Walt Disney's Peter Pan.Banks is developing and will star in Tink, a film that “plays with the mischievous nature" of the famous character. Hopefully, "mischievous nature" is code for topless breast play. Besides, a little female nudity will help postpone the inevitable gay-porn parody, Twink. (/Film)
His gift may cause drowsiness and impaired judgement. Enjoy with caution. (Heeb)Surprise! Links!DiCaprio And Page Talk About Their Dreams For 'Inception' (Moviefone)Pants-Less Man Holds Celebrity Shoppers Hostage (Asylum)A Review Of Ace Of Base's New Song 'In Forever' (HolyTaco)Film Drunk Frotcast Episode 5- Predators, Birdemic (FilmDrunk)21 Awesome Toilet Papering Pictures (Maxim)Chick With The World's Biggest Tits Fights For Her Life (BarStoolSports)Cars Of The Future (EgoTV)26 Contemporary Directors With The Lowest Average Box-Office Gross (Pajiba)What Movies Are Left That Can Save This Terrible Summer? (Unreality)Two Dead, Over 100 Injured After World Cup Celebrations (TotalProSports)8 Ridiculous Foods That Are Coming To A Fast Food Place Near You (Smosh)40 Of The Greatest Movies About The Summer (BroBible)Taylor Swift Rudely Photobombs Daniel Craig (CelebJihad)Butterbean Is Back And Setting The Stage For A Fight (CagePotato)U2's Bono Ready To Rock And Roll After Back Surgery (PopEater)The Best Inflatable Hot Tub (MadeMan)
Yeah YOU, dude.Mark Ruffalo is in late-stage talks to smash things as The Hulk in The Avengers. Marvel told Edward Norton to eff off and has been on a search to find his replacement. The name Joaquin Phoenix was even floating around in Stupid Rumor Land.Mark Ruffalo is one actor who never came to mind when I spent last night brainstorming possible Hulk replacements. I don't remember Bruce Banner laughing nervously and growing spotty facial hair in the comics. Perhaps casting agents should turn their attention to a certain phone call Mel Gibson made not too long ago. If that wasn't a expemplary audition and lesson in transformation from human to beast, then I'll eat my hat. My cake hat. (Deadline)
Today we have our first official look at Sir Anthony Hopkins as Odin in Marvel's Thor. Oof. One minute you're turning in thoughtful, Oscar-worthy performances. The next, you're threatening to retire because the movie where you pretended to be a feral, chimp man didn't connect with audiences. Then all of a sudden, you're in some weird, muscley armor walking through a Roman sewer with a piece of foil double-sticked to your eye. Thus, is the life of the thespian.The LA Times debuted this photo along with the news that both Thor and Captain America will undergo a 3D post conversion process before hitting theaters. Marvel and the filmmakers are well aware of the challenges this decision creates, and that is why they will spend "an unprecedented amount of time" on the conversion. What do you expect them to do? They've already shot too much footage of hammers and shields being thrown at the camera to turn back now.
There is absolutely no question that Paramount wants Tom Cruise to return as Ethan Hunt in Mission: Impossible 4. THR has proof:"We absolutely are excited about having Tom Cruise star in this movie," is how Paramount vice chairman Rob Moore put it Tuesday. But the studio also is monitoring the overseas performance of Cruise's latest film, Knight and Day to see whether the star retains his longtime hold over foreign audiences. If that film should gross less than $200 million overseas, some industry observers think Paramount will consider recasting the Ethan Hunt role.Wait, what? They want him unless they don't want him? Get your sh*t together, Paramount. Tom Cruise needs to eat, and if you aren't going to feed him that carrot you're dangling than cut the man loose. Which brings me to the mechanical bull movie:Cruise attended a table read this week at the Saddle Ranch eatery in West Hollywood for a Sony project to be produced by Will Smith's production company, Overbrook Entertainment. The film in question, "Paper Wings," is set in urban cowboy world, and Saddle Ranch had the right ambience for the read because it features a mechanical bull.Let's not forget about the kitschy longhorn skulls on the walls and the melty cookie pie dessert. It's just like you're wrangling steer in the Montana mountains! Basically, everything depends on if foreign people like Tom Cruise or not. Mission: Impossible is a brand, and a sequel will likely succeed with or without him. In fact, if foreigners hate Cruise, it might be worth injecting the project with some fresh blood. The actor could probably help Paramount out with that. He must have a locker of it next to the room he keeps Katie chained up in.
There's a new Dinner For Schmucks trailer that shows a few funny clips we haven't seen yet. Mostly it highlights Rudd and Carell's chemistry, but also introduces Lucy Punch, who plays Paul Rudd's spear-wielding stalker. The more I see of this movie, the more I like. Not only do they shine a light on beastiality and puppet sex, but now the filmmaker's have trained their sights on diluted, pyschotic women. Makes me want to find a dangerous stalker of my very own. If anyone's looking for me, I'll be at that abandoned semi-trailer they turned into a strip club.HAVE A LOOK AT RUDD'S STRANGE AFTER THE JUMP…