News - Page 197

Ridley Scott Talks ‘Alien’ Prequels
Monday, June 14 by

Ridley Scott discussed plans for two Alien prequels on Sunday while closing out the first ever Los Angeles Times Hero Complex Film Festival. According to Scott, the films will take place long before the original and will focus on "The Space Jockey," otherwise known as the giant skeleton encountered by Kane (John Hurt) in the first film.The legendary director said he was upset about not being asked to participate in the original sequels, noting that he was unaware of Aliens until after James Cameron began filming. Had he been given the chance, he would have focused on the origin story of “The Space Jockey,” as he is now.While he was tight lipped with details, Scott did mention that the plot will focus on the "untold story of how 'The Space Jockey' became a legend," including his exploits fighting the French in the south of England and his involvement with the drafting of the Magna Carta. (Collider)

‘Game Of Thrones’ Trailer Nerds Up HBO
Sunday, June 13 by

Nerd alert! Nerd alert! HBO's new "Game of Thrones" trailer premiered last night, much to the delight of fanti-crap fans everywhere. Based on George Martin's A Song Of Ice and Fire novels, the story takes place in the mythical world of Westeros where a dynastic civil war is being fought, and Daenerys Targaryen, the exiled daughter of a previous king, seeks to claim her rightful throne. I'm really tired, so do me a favor and just make your "virgin" joke. Thanks.Watch the "Game of Thrones" trailer after the jump.

Photobomb Fridays: ‘The Ring’ + ‘Yo Gabba Gabba!’
Friday, June 11 by

Samara barely escaped the evil cast, but the show continues to haunt us all.Tune into these weekend links.'The Karate Kid' (1984) Best Movie Quotes (Moviefone)Young Men Take Relationship Problems Harder Than Young Women (Asylum)Jason Bateman, Will Arnett Air Their 'Dirty Shorts' (PopEater)Del Toro To Resurrect Van Helsing (FilmDrunk)Rejected Google Background Images (HolyTaco)Several Music Videos Influenced by A Clockwork Orange (Unreality)A 13 Track Summer Weekend Playlist Presented By Kelly Brook In Lingerie (BroBible)You Stole My Fish! (GIF) (TotalProSports)A Guy's Guide To The Girls Of 'Glee' (Maxim)White Tells Koscheck To Shut Up About Olympic-Style Drug Testing (CagePotato)Selena Gomez Blows John Corbett Video (CelebJihad)Jaden Smith: The Remake Kid (Smosh)The 40 Most Hottest (And Most Talented) Celebrity Women In Their 40s (Pajiba)The Finale Episode Of M'Larky (Atom)Ice Cube Alternative (MadeMan)

Star Michael Jai White Talks Weird ‘Mortal Kombat’ Video Thing
Friday, June 11 by

Just the other day, that weird Mortal Kombat thing arrived online. It sparked immediate debate whether it was for the upcoming video game or the film. We know now that the gritty video was shot by director Kevin Tanchareon as a pitch to get himself hired for the upcoming job. Michael Jai White was one of many actors working for free to appear as Jax. He tells Asylum that the vibe on set was "one of camaraderie." He's got a lot of ideas about what he can bring to the role of Jax:"Our natural take on it is to make it gritty and dark. Jax is still a hell of a fighter. He's still a super-badass, but he's just restrained by the letter of the law. We played with some ideas of building that up between him and Scorpion. There would be some great fights with Jax. There's so much I haven't had the chance to do. I've probably shown one-eighth of my martial arts ability on screen. With Jax having his metal arms, I'd use a lot of Wing Chun because it relies heavily on the arms."I really don't feel we need a "serious" take on Mortal Kombat. While Dark Knight was a meditation on the weight vengeance bears on the soul, Mortal Kombat: Rebirth is likely to be a meditation on punching someone's skull through their rectum.

Kevin Costner Solves The BP Oil Spill
Friday, June 11 by

With his greatest foe vanquished, Kevin Costner is now stepping up to the plate to save the Earth's oceans. Though they refused aid from James Cameron, BP has reportedly purchased a technology from the Waterworld star that will help clean up the tremendous spill in the Gulf.Since 1993, Costner has spent $20 million on the patent and development of a machine that seperates oil from water via a centrifuge. BP purchased 32 of the machines that will be able to clean 6 million gallons of water a day. Costner had a tough time selling the invention at first, drawing no interest from the Coast Guard or private companies. It wasn't until he helped rehabilitate the hot tub used in the taping of "Jersey Shore" that Congress took notice. (Houston Chronicle via Film Drunk)

‘Winter’s Bone’ Actress Jennifer Lawrence
Friday, June 11 by

Jennifer Lawrence is a well-fed farmgirl and actress hailing from Louisville, KY. A former childhood actor from "The Bill Engvall Show," she makes her huge leap from the small screen to the big one this Friday with indie fest favorite Winter's Bone. While she is buttoned-up for the cold Ozark winter in her performance as Ree Dolly, we can see, once summer comes, a body that will give us a bone for all seasons.A word from Jennifer: "They want you to be likable all the time, and I'm just not."Harsh truth from a Twitter-gen actress. Bloggers feel your pain.More bonerific pics after the jump.

‘Twilight: Breaking Dawn’ To Be Broken Into Two Films
Friday, June 11 by

In news that doesn't really come as a surprise, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn will be pressed against the kitchen counter and split into two parts like those popsicles that are double-popsicles (you know the ones). This move has been speculated for some time but was officially announced by Summit today, now that the contract negotiations have finalized.Bill Condon will direct the final chapters of the series back-to-back with the first seeing release in November 2011 and the second installment premiering some time in 2012. This decision is obviously cash-fueled and so typical of Hollywood. It shows a blatant disrespect to Edward and Bella and Werewolf Guy and red-haired vampire. Shameful. **logs on to eTrade and buys shares in Summit**CHECK OUT SUMMIT'S PRESS RELEASE AFTER THE JUMP…

Michael Bay Talks ‘Transformers 3′ Villian and Trilogy’s End
Friday, June 11 by

Michael Bay has followed in the footsteps of Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox, he's crapping on Michael Bay. In an interview with USA Today, Bay admits that Transformers 2 wasn't that great of a film. He's even willing to take some of the blame… sort of."I'll take some of the criticism," says Bay, standing at a set built to resemble a dilapidated nuclear reactor. "It was very hard to put (the sequel) together that quickly after the writers' strike (of 2007-08)."Are you sure this was on set? I hear Michael Bay has a bed shaped like a dilapidated nuclear reactor."One thing we're getting rid of is what I call the dorky comedy," Bay adds. So the twins, the two bumbling, slang-spewing robots? "They're basically gone,"Please bookmark this article for when something far worse than the Twins pratfalls its way throughout the movie. I'm hoping to build a court case modeled after The People Vs. Revenge of the Sith. At least we may have a more fascinating villian (like that matters in these films). Bay admits that the Fallen was kind of a "sh*t character," and reveals the next film will feature Shockwave as the blurry, jumble of robot that will scream his own name for zero discernible reason. He also notes:"As a trilogy, it really ends," he says. "It could be rebooted again, but I think it has a really killer ending."Sure. We've all heard that before.

Jennifer Garner and Nick Nolte In Talks To Join ‘Arthur’ Remake
Friday, June 11 by

Nick Nolte may take time away from his passion (rooting around through pizzeria garbage cans) to fulfill his other passion (being an actor in Hollywood movies). It's reported that both Nolte and Jennifer Garner are in negotiations to appear in the Arthur remake.Russell Brand will star as the titular drunk with Helen Mirren as his nanny and Greta Gerwig as the love interest who causes him to choose between marrying for love or money. Just like on those reality shows. If talks are successful, Garner will play the heiress that Brand is forced to marry and Nolte will play her religious father. Should negotiations fall flat, hopefully Nolte will stick around as a consultant to Brand. If you're playing a character who wakes up after a bender in the bucket of an excavator, it'd be handy to have someone on set with that kind of experience. (THR)

Angelina Jolie Wanted for ‘Cleopatra’ Biopic
Friday, June 11 by

Oscar winning producer Scott Rudin has set his sights on Angelina Jolie for an upcoming adaptation of Cleopatra: A Life. Like the book by Stacy Schiff, the film promises to be a detailed look at one of antiquity's most famous women.If the project comes together, it will not be Jolie's first foray into the ancient world. In 2004, she starred as the mother of Alexander the Great in Oliver Stone's critical and box-office flop, Alexander. Seeing as how that outing went over like a led zeppelin, why not give Angelina another shot? While we're at it, get Kevin Coster on the phone. I've got a special effects-laden post-apocalyptic love story I'd like him to direct. I hope he can keep it under budget. (First Showing)

Jonathan Liebesman May Helm ‘Clash of the Titans 2: The Search for Spanakopita’
Friday, June 11 by

Warner Bros is eying director Jonathan Liebesman (Darkness Falls, Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning) to helm the second installment of their recently rebooted Clash of the Titans franchise. The film will most likely be shot in 3D, and is tentatively scheduled to begin production in early in 2011.I'm not exactly sure why Warner Bros. is putting money behind a sequel. By almost any standard, the first film was awful. But on a side note, the original did make $487 million worldwide. I'm beginning to think the only justification for revisiting the project is that it might make money, and frankly, I'm a little dispointed in Hollywood right now. Shame on you guys for chasing the almighty dollar instead of trying to make art. (First Showing)

We Lied: ‘Voltron’ Isn’t Dead
Friday, June 11 by

On Wednesday, we reported that plans for a Voltron movie had fallen through.  But according to producers Richard Suckle and Ted Koplar, we're a bunch of no-good liars. SUCKLE: You never can tell, but I think that if we're lucky going into 2011, and in a perfect world, if we could have a "Voltron" movie sometime in the summer of 2013, that would be what I would consider a very likely timeline. I know at first glance it looks like we screwed up, but let's take a step back and consider the source: Latino Review. It's a fine publication, but I'm not going to consider this news as "solid" until I read it in Afro-Caribbean Weekly or Slavic Quarterly, the gold standards in ethnocentric Voltron news outlets.

‘Entertainment Tonight’ Visits The Set of ‘Thor’
Thursday, June 10 by

"Entertainment Tonight" visited the set of Marvel's Thor and got some facetime with Chris Hemsworth and Natalie Portman as they flirt up a storm. It's like seriously, dude. You and your c-blocking camera crew should get out of there and give those two some privacy. On second thought, leave the camera. As far as "ET" videos go, this one's kind of hard-hitting. It even shows some restraint (it takes them a full three minutes and nineteen seconds to discuss Chris Hemsworth's workout regimine). In addition; we get a glimpse of Sir Anthony Hopkins as Odin, and Hemsworth fesses up to his "Dancing With The Stars" roots. Really? He was on "Dancing With The Stars?" Suddenly this Kim Kardashian as Tomb Raider rumor doesn't sound so far-fetched.Check it out after the jump…

‘Splice’ Actress Sarah Polley
Thursday, June 10 by

One of Canada's most acclaimed actresses, Sarah Polley is also an accomplished director and a free-thinking progressive who's not afraid to make her political thoughts known. But she doesn't get all like up in your face about it, ya know? She's cool enough to have starred in Go and the Dawn of the Dead remake. If you deliver kill shots to zombies, you're alright in my book.A word from Sarah: "It takes terrible things to live well."Does it ever. **Lights a $100 bill with a $50 bill to light a Cuban. Stamps it out in a baby sealskin coaster**More pics of concerned Sarah after the jump.

Wax On, F*ck Off with Ralph Macchio
Thursday, June 10 by

Ralph "The Original Karate Kid" Macchio is 48-years-old and he looks like he's 12, or Scott Baio at 12. Back in 1984, he had girls swooning over his crane kick, and now he's married and no longer a bad-ass. The guy doesn't even have a raunchy sex tape with leather clad hookers or politicians. Wax On, F*ck Off, a new documentary that was all the rage at the Hoboken Film Festival, follows Macchio as he tries to restore his reputation and convince people he's not just another non-burnout pussy. Check out the trailer for this important fictitious film after the jump.

F. Gary Gray Tops the ‘Kane and Lynch’ Shortlist
Thursday, June 10 by

Latest Hollywood fashion trend: The Bruce Willis MaskIt looks like F. Gary Gray might be breaking Bruce Willis and Jamie Foxx out of movie jail for Kane & Lynch. Gray has topped the list of potential directors for the videogame adaptation that sees two death row inmates sprung from the klink to retrieve a stolen microchip. No official offer has been made yet but Gray has quite a bargaining chip, given the unexpected success of Law Abiding Citizen. And I can't think of better casting for this project. Look at these characters from the game:Bruce Willis and Jamie Foxx ARE these characters. Though, we'll need to break Jamie Foxx's nose for this. Line forms to the left. (THR)

12 Most Watchable Foreign Flicks
Thursday, June 10 by

It's hard for most American moviegoers to get into reading subtitles, so here are 13 movies that make reading the subtitle cards worth it. This way the masses can enjoy a film from another part of the world and feel superior to their friends. Plus, Gael Garcia Bernal deserves more recognition from people who only speak English. ? ?  CITY OF GODImagine Goodfellas in Brazil. The rapid fire editing, music, and action sequences make this almost 2 and half hour movie in the streets of Rio de Janero a sensational piece of cinema. You'll never turn your attention toward the clock while watching it. Portuguese hasn't been this engaging since your housekeeper got in a fight over the phone with her brother.

Paramount Takes ‘UNTITLED Les Grossman Project’ Way Too Far
Thursday, June 10 by

Paramount Pictures is taking its UNTITLED Les Grossman Project way too far. A press release announcing the film treated Grossman as if he was a real "mega-producer" rather than a somewhat-humorous fictional character. While I wasn't a big fan, the release does allow me to use block quotes, and I'm a big fan of that! Paramount Pictures and MTV Films announced today that they are set to develop a movie around mega-producer Les Grossman. The announcement comes on the heels of Grossman’s groundbreaking and visionary production of the soon-to-be Emmy® award-winning 2010 MTV Movie Awards Sunday night. Tom Cruise, along with Ben Stiller and Stuart Cornfeld of Red Hour Films will produce and have secured the life rights to Grossman. See what I mean?  Block quotes rule. The release goes on to say that Grossman played himself in Tropic Thunder, even though we all know it was Tom Cruise. It also claims that Tom Crusie will be portraying the real Grossman in the new movie, even though there is no real Grossman to portray! I need a map to keep up with all the ins and outs. I haven't been this god damn confused since Garth Brooks was dating the awful rocker, Chris Gaines.

‘Monsterpocalypse’ May Land Tim Burton and John August
Thursday, June 10 by

Both Tim Burton and John August are in negotiations to work on the film adaptation of Monsterpocalypse. The film is based on a strategy board game created by Matt Wilson in which Japanese movie monsters do battle.If the negotiations are successful, this would mark the fourth time the director/screenwriting team has collaborated. Previously, the pair worked together on Big Fish, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and The Corpse Bride.I haven't been this excited for a repeat collaboration since I heard that Bruce Willis was re-teaming with Matthew Perry on The Whole 10 Yards. Maybe it was the brain tumor talking, but that movie was funny as hell!  Don't worry. I'm in remission.Hey, did I ever tell you about the time I was diagnosed with a brain tumor? It was right about the time The Whole 10 Yards came out. Great movie.What, they're making a movie adaptation of Monsterpocalypse!  Awesome! (Dread Central)

Screenwriter Tony Gilroy Onboard for ‘Bourne 4′
Thursday, June 10 by

Tony Gilroy, the screenwriter for the original Bourne trilogy, has signed on to write the treatment for The Bourne Legacy, the planned fourth installment of the franchise. Gilroy joins Frank Marshall and Pat Crowley, who have returned to produce.Despite the positive momentum, not all of the original pieces are in place. Actor Matt Damon and director Paul Greengrass have yet to sign on to the project, and Damon has stated that he will only participate if Greengrass directs. Then again, people say a lot of things. My old girlfriend said we'd be together forever, but as soon as she got the starring role in Precious, she dropped me like an empty Taco Bell wrapper. Be careful, Greengrass. It could happen to you! (Deadline)

Mr. Nicholson, Could You Sign This?
Wednesday, June 9 by

Why so serious, Jack?Don't piss off these links.Comedy Central To Roast 'The Hoff' (TVSquad)Butt Fighting, Is It Porn? (Asylum)Salema Hayek Is Really Scared Of Snakes (PopEater)Briefcase Baby FTW (FilmDrunk)25 Pictures of Shiny Sexy Things (HolyTaco)Batman Finally Finds Waldo (Unreality)10 Ways To Increase Your Chances Of Not Getting Her Pregnant (BroBible)1000 Ib Squat And Puke (TotalProSports)The Ex-Files (Maxim)Tea Time With Mike Tyson (CagePotato)Emma Watson Shows Off A Little Leg Action (CelebJihad)Banksy: The World's Most Famous Graffiti Artist (Smosh)The 10 Most Inexplicably Inspirational '80s Soundtrack Anthems (Pajiba)Team Tiger Awesome, With Baby Browning and Sexual Control (Atom)World's Most Expensive Tattoo (MadeMan)

Japanese ‘Ghost’ Remake Seems Overdue
Wednesday, June 9 by

I apologize for all the penis-shaped objects this week.In order to make up for the lack of box office success of American movies with Japanese audiences, Paramount is planning a Japanese remake of Ghost. Why Ghost when they could remake something other than Ghost? Because of the pottery wheel scene, dummy! It's sexy, and dirty, and raw, and scored with Righteous Brothers music. The Japanese go apesh*t for that combo.The new version of Ghost will star Nanako Matsushima in the Demi Moore role and Song Seung Heon as the ghost of Patrick Swayze. Well not the ghost of Patrick Swayze, but the ghost of his character Sam in the movie. India's already remade the film twice (because once wasn't enough?), so who's to say it won't have the same kind of success in Japan. Wet clay is universal. That's why my apartment is full of my own head casts. Company doesn't find them at all disturbing. (/Film)

‘My Idiot Brother’ Has Stupid Hot Sisters
Wednesday, June 9 by

Paul Rudd has assembled his past movie girlfriends and a few indie darlings to form a Voltron of hotitude.. hoticity… umm… attractiveness. Elizabeth Banks, Zooey Deschanel, Emily Mortimer, and Rashida Jones have all joined his upcoming Jesse Peretz project My Idiot Brother.In the film, Banks, Deschanel, and Mortimer will play Rudd's put-upon sisters whom he totally You, Me, and Duprees. Mortimer is a Park Slope mom with a failing marriage, Banks is a career girl, and Deschanel is a flaky bisexual who can't commit to girlfriend Rashida Jones. Hopefully Paul Rudd can help those mixed up lovebirds see the error of their ways and they live happily ever after in boob-touching bliss. Expect that news to swell a lot of pants at ironic yacht parties this weekend. (THR)

‘Splice’ Actress Delphine Chanéac
Wednesday, June 9 by

Delphine Chanéac is a French model and actress whose last American film appearance was in The Pink Panther remake as "The Ticket Checker." She landed a meatier role as Dren in Splice, but unfortunately she has a shaved, cleft head like the lunch lady we all used to make fun of in elementary school. A word from Delphine: "I had to wear blue socks over high heels, my hands became my feet and my tail was wrapped in blue."Worst. First. Date. EVER. More pics of Delphine without a tail after the jump.

‘Final Destination 5′ To Be (Directed By Cameron’s) Number Two
Wednesday, June 9 by

"Derp! Why did I drive into this log?"Still no word on what totally retarded plot contrivances will make their way into Final Destination 5, but today we have news that a director has been hired. Avatar's 2nd HMFIC, Steven Quale, will be in charge of impaling sexy teens for the fifth go-round. Really though, who builds a javelin manufactory next to batting cages? That's an accident waiting to happen.Quale has a lot of experience with 3D, having co-directed the underwater documentary Aliens of the Abyss with James Cameron as well as serving as 2nd Unit Director on Avatar, so perhaps this movie won't be a complete wash-out. No details from Eric Heisserer's script have been released, so we don't know what narrowly-avoided cataclysmic event will serve as a catalyst for the plot. The fourth entry was based around a NASCAR race gone horribly awry, and seeing how these movies get progressively dumber, I'm going to say this one opens with an Insane Clown Posse concert fire. R.I.P. Juggalos. C U in Shangri-La. (THR)

Notable Geeks Mintz-Plasse and David Tennant Join ‘Fright Night’
Wednesday, June 9 by

Take notes, boys. THIS is how you peacock.In news that is sure to make you say, "Hrrmm, yeah. That's okay. I guess," Christopher Mintz-Plasse and David Tennant have joined Craig Gillespie's Fright Night remake. The pair will use their soft joke-fingers to comically-relieve and tug the laughter out of audiences. Gently at first, but then harder and faster as the film approaches its climax.Tennant will play Peter Vincent, a character who in the original movie was played by Roddy McDowall as the host of a late-night horror show. In the remake, he’s a Las Vegas magician whose show revolves around horror-movie imagery. Vincent claims to be a vampire expert, but when the teen turns to him for assistance, he’s less than helpful. Mintz-Plasse is playing Evil Ed, Yelchin’s friend who feels slighted that Charlie has left his nerdy past behind and thus joins the vampire’s coven. In my experience you need to be careful when a middle-aged man dresses in a cape and claims to be a vampire expert. Last time I did that, the chubby teens at the Hot Topic turned me in to mall security. (THR)

Happy Birthday Jesus: I Got You a Muppet Movie (Christmas 2011)
Wednesday, June 9 by

When it comes to gifts, what do you get the man who has everything? The answer: a new Muppet movie!Disney has announced the latest installment from Kermit and the gang will hit theaters on Christmas Day, 2011, just in time for the Christ child's birthday.Writen by Jason Segel and directed by "Flight of the Conchords" co-creator James Bobin, the project is aimed at introducing the Muppets to a whole new generation of fans.According to Variety, the film will be up against Steven Spielberg's Adventures of Tintin and Cameron Crowe's We Bought a Zoo, both of which can kiss my ass. It's Muppet time, bitches! Wakka Wakka Wakka!

Pornstar Belladonna Moving Toward Mainstream Movies
Wednesday, June 9 by

Eat your heart out, Sasha Grey. And since you're here, eat your fart out, as well. Tee-hee!Pornstar Belladonna has landed her first role in a mainstream movie. The adult starlet is set to appear in Stripped, a new horror film which follows three young boys "trapped in a house with a 'family' of malevolent women." We can only assume that Belladonna will play the part of Nelson Mandela.For those of you unfamiliar with Belladonna's work (like myself), she is the Steve Buscemi of the porn industry. What she lacks in the looks department she makes up for with raw talent and determination. And just like Steve, she's not afraid to take a fist in her "ying-ling" or her "who-ha." Wait, does Steve even have a "who-ha?" And what's a "ying-ling?" Oh….oh god!You're a filthy whore, Steve Buscemi. A filthy, filthy whore. (Cinema Blend)

Voorhees Family Photo
Tuesday, June 8 by

Reunited and it feels so good.Check out these links with your homicidal mother. 'The Karate Kid': Where Are They Now?  (Moviefone)'Twin T*tties' Bar Event Celebrates Boobies (Asylum)Stephen Baldwin Talks Oil Spill, Palin, and Obama (PopEater)Sword-Wielding Porn Actor Dies (FilmDrunk)5 Rules of Strip Club Etiquette (HolyTaco)'Die Hard' Is Far More Hilarious in Japan (Unreality)11 Sickest Chill and Banger Songs Vol. One (BroBible)12-Year-Old Grabs Bull By The Horns (TotalProSports) Hollywood's Hottest Rides (Maxim)Fighters Union Needs To Unite (CagePotato)Rob Pats Cancels Appearance Due to Hemorrhoids (CelebJihad)40 Motivational Speeches in Two Minutes (Smosh)15 Most Popular Cult Movies Of The Last 5 Years (Pajiba)Loman's Deathmobiles (Atom)How To Know Not To Get Married (MadeMan)31 Of The Most Unusally Labeled Engery Drinks (RegretfulMorning)

Jamie Bell Will Most Likely Be Spider-Man Maybe
Tuesday, June 8 by

He'll be like this but older and with web stuff. Bleeding Cool is at it again with the Spider-Man reboot casting rumors. They're reporting that the role is pretty much Jamie Bell's (Billy Elliot's), as long as he passes the studio's turn and cough tests:I’m told that Jamie Bell was scheduled to fly into California this week. The plan is that he will be undergoing a few weeks of camera tests while simultaneously working with a personal trainer to ensure he is able to perform some of the more spider-like stunts that will be required of him. However this is being considered a formality.Frank Dillane is still being considered for the role, but he appears to be Sony’s back up plan. Unless something goes very wrong, I understand that Bell will be playing the Spider-Man role. To the extent that  Jamie has been heard referred to as Spider Man in casual conversation around Sony.I'd like to think those casual conversations go a little something like this:Studio Exec: I bet the new Spider-Man Jamie Bell doesn't have as tight of an ass as you.Attractive Assistant: My parents keep telling me I should quit this job.Studio Exec checks email on Blackberry. End scene.