Official.We've got official coming out of our asses today. So much official I decided to compile it all into one officially official post. Wookie, cue the official music! **Cue Salt n' Pepa**Kick-Ass director Matthew Vaughn is officially directing X-Men: First Class and 20th Century Fox has officially set a June 3rd, 2011 release date. The film will center on Charles Xavier and Erik Lensherr before they took the names Professor X and Magneto, and they were just two young men discovering their powers for the first time. And chillin'. Breaking Dawn, the final (yaaay!) film in the The Twilight Saga, has nabbed the official release date of November 18, 2011. It's recommended that Twi-Hards starting lining up at theaters after band practice and their orthodontist appointments today. A favorite film at Sundance this year, Cyrus, will officially open in select theaters on June 18, 2010. Jonah Hill will face off against himself, as Get Him to the Greek also opens that same day. Can theaters safely contain that much Jonah?Whew. Now THAT'S official, yo. (/Film,/Film,/Film)
It looks like John McClane won't retire from the murdering people in ridiculous ways business anytime soon. The super cop, who was last seen surfing on a jet, is being given another go-'round by 20th Century Fox. The studio is in talks with A-Team screenwriter Skip Woods to pen a fifth adventure for Bruce Willis's iconic ass-kicker.Woods is the only appropriate choice to write this film. McClane has already killed terrorists with icicles, giant fans, and gravity on a few occasions. Not to mention the time he killed a helicopter by launching a car at it. Who better to team him with than the writer responsible for a tank fighting a jet miles above the earth? I'm going to be sorely disappointed if this film doesn't have Bruce Willis tie the muzzle of a rifle into a bow so that it explodes in the gunman's hands. That's clearly the direction Fox wants to go in. (THR)
For Cinco de Mayo, Robert Rodriguez dropped a package off at the home of his AICN homies, and it turned out to be the "illegal" trailer for Machete hidden underneath a pound of tamales. Alright, I'm not certain about the tamales, but it's how I deliver all of MY packages.
Peter and Michael Spierig, the directors of Daybreakers and Unwatchable Undead, have been hired for a sequel to 1982's most child-brain-scarring puppet film The Dark Crystal. A press release from The Henson Company announced that the film will stay true to its puppetry roots and resist the overuse of CGI. But don't worry. It will be presented in price-gouging 3D. Which scares the crap out of me.I saw this film over 25 years ago and I still can't socialize properly or sleep through the night. I'm still haunted by nightmares where monsters pull their eyeballs out and attack elves that look like Julian Lennon. Now that Power of the Dark Crystal is on its way, I'll more than likely go full-on shed-living recluse. Guess I'd better start getting use to the taste of squirrel and other rodents. **dials Zen Chinese Kitchen** (Henson)
On-set romances always end badly.James Van Der Beek will soon have another poster to add to his fictitous wall. For his next project, Steven Spielberg will send a horse to war. The Saving Private Ryan director optioned Michael Morpurgo's novel War Horse, a story about a horse on the front lines of World War I as he inspires his platoon and longs to return to the farm on which he was raised.I'm really looking forward to the inevitable scene where the horse shows the other soldiers a photograph of the philly he's gonna marry back home. Movies like this always have those. (Variety)
Perfect. Lindsay Lohan is officially set to play 70s porn star icon/oral pleasure pioneer Linda Lovelace in the biopic Inferno. The film's producer Walid Razaqi confirmed that Lohan secured the part, and that they'll be an official announcement at the Cannes Film Festival. Razaqi stated, "For at least a year, the director and I have gone back and forth imagining how awesome of a performance she could give if she was in the movie." Please be more specific, Walid. Were you guys hangin' down in the basement, passing the Sunny D and discussing Lohan's depth and range as an actor, or did one of you casually hold up a banana and say, "I bet Lindsay Lohan could take all of this."This isn't the first racy project Lohan has taken on since she entered Phase 2 of career suicide. She attempted to get asses in the seats again by playing a stripper in I Know Who Killed Me, and she'll appear topless in Machete just for the hay of it. Deep Throat seemed like a sensible next step. (LATimes)
Anya Monzikova is a textbook example of why Russian chicks are so ungodly hot. Growing up in Florida, she got her start modeling for various lingerie magazines until finally making her way into television modeling in shows such as "Deal or No Deal."A word from Anya: "I just stayed home watching TV and learning english by watching Sesame Street!"Only downside, no dirty talk during sex. Unless you're willing to learn a few new words, yes? Brush up on your Russian with more pics after the jump.
I'm only writing about this because I REALLY wanted to put together the above photoshop. Patrick Dempsey and Jamie Kennedy are maybe going to be a part of Transformers 3. Random much? Michael Bay must just be shouting out the names of people he sees on TV now. I'm sure Can't Buy Me Love and Scream were playing back-to-back on some network this past weekend.Depending on where you translate the interview that Dempsey gave to Brazilian website BOH it either says:“I start filming later this month in “Transformers 3″, which I play a character who is far more “dark” than others.”or:"Chicken patty sandwich."Don't ask me, I don't speak Portuguese.Jamie Kennedy told 8KUPD Arizona (he got interviewed by a license plate?) that he “had an interesting interview with the people behind the new Transformers movie and I may have a role in the movie.”More Transformers 3 casting news to come, but I really don't see it getting anymore exciting than this, people. (/Film)
It's been roughly a year since J.J. Abrams teased us mercilessly, so I'd say we're about due. It's being reported that Hollywood's sneakiest man is attaching a secret trailer for Super 8 to prints of Iron Man 2 this weekend. You might ask, what is Super 8? You being me, of course. What is Super 8?Hit Fix is saying that it's the rumoured sequel to Cloverfield. Or it could be the other secret J.J. Abrams project 500 Rads. Or it could be some dusty, old super 8 footage that Abrams found at a swapmeet. If anyone could make someone's unwanted home movie a hit, it would be Abrams.At any rate, now we all have a good reason to go see this "Iron Guy" movie that we've heard so little about.
Over the years, movies have given us a trippy cornucopia of moments of drug use on screen. Most of it is used to amplify your mind in an another world or dream-like sequence, and this experience can be scary, hilarious, or even both at times. Yet which movies out of the thousands have done the most damage to our psyche? Like an acid flashback that won't abate, today we are going to 11 and listing the best drug scenes movies have to deal. TRAINSPOTTING The floor has officially trapped you while ODing from a dirty batch of smack.
Pew. Pew. Pew Pew. Pew.John Favreau has rebounded since his man-crush, Robert Downey Jr., was forced to drop out of Cowboys & Aliens. His solution, of course, was to bring in his vice man-crush. Sam Rockwell will join the already cast Daniel Craig, Olivia Wilde, and Harrison Ford as Doc, a bar owner who joins the fight against the alien threat.The role was originally tailored for a heavyset man but when Vince Vaughn became unavailable, it was rewritten for Rockwell. (THR)
Someone created a Tumblr called ViolentJIsJohnGoodman. Makes sense. I bet he at least knows how magnets work.F*ckin' links, how do they work?Remembering Lynn Redgrave (Moviefone)10 Things You Should Never Say to a Lesbian (Asylum)Obama Had Help from 'Daily Show' Writers (PopEater)25 Sweet Food Sculptures (HolyTaco)Roman Polanski Is Terrible at PR (FilmDrunk)5 Classic Non-Regular Character Seinfeld Moments (Unreality)Now This Is One Excited Fan! (TotalProSports)Horse Name or Sex Act? (Maxim)Thiago Silva to Face Tim Boetsch at UFC 117 (CagePotato)Hayden Panettiere and Her BF (CelebJihad)Teletubbies Gone Wild (Smosh)A Downey Jr. Backlash? Inconceivable! (Pajiba)Cinco de Mayo: Arizona-Style (Atom)Best Theme Hotels on the Planet (MadeMan)Richmond Brings NASCAR Back to Par (AllLeftTurns)
Hollywood seems to have an obsession with assassins, and this teaser trailer for The American only further proves that point. George Clooney plays a soul-searching gun-for-hire hiding out in Italy for one last job. A last job he's of course being coerced into completing. There are pretty women (who can't be trusted), a priest (who can't help ease Clooney's suffering), and surprisingly a lack of alcohol. C'mon, an assassin who's NOT an alcoholic? I don't buy it, Hollywood. I bet we're going to see a bottle of Jim Beam in the full trailer or the pistol in my desk drawer isn't stained with orphan blood. The film is directed by Anton Corbijn, whose last film Control profiled Ian Curtis, the lead singer of Joy Division, who commited suicide. Soooo he does bummer movies. Check out the trailer after the jump. The American hits theaters September 7, 2010.
This is Matthew Vaughn's Johnny Vaughan's excited face.X-Men: First Class is a dream project for most up-and-coming directors working nowadays. Matthew Vaughn was in talks to take the gig but those talks broke down, causing Hollywood's hottest to pig pile on the property. But now it turns out their writhing and hair-pulling was all for naught, as Matthew Vaughn has sauntered in and taken back the crown. Too bad too. Samuel Bayer ended up getting a pretty bad finger jammy in the melee.The man who McLovin described as a "dick" is in final talks to close the deal. If this all comes together, expect to see Ice Man bang out the chalkboard erasers later this fall. (Deadline)
Scarlett Johansson is known for her curvy physique, unique film choices, and popularity with celebrity men. She's hooked up with Benecio Del Toro, Jared Leto, Derek Jeter, and Josh Hartnett. I guess husband Ryan Reynolds isn't bothered by these transgressions. Yes, even Josh Hartnett. A word from Scarlett: "One of the best things for a woman to hear is that she's sexy."You're sexy! You're sexy! You're sexy! You're sexy! Now what do I win?I suppose the pics after the jump will have to suffice.
Get ready to go further behind the music of popular VH1 "Behind the Music" subjects N.W.A (aka That-word-my-friend-Tariq-asked-me-to-stop-saying With Attitude). New Line has tapped (not as in "tapped that ass") Andrea Berloff (World Trade Center) to write Straight Outta Compton, a biopic dramatizing the rise and fall of seminal gangsta rappers and police f*ckers: Ice Cube, Eazy-E, Dr. Dre, MC Ren, and DJ Yella.Biopics always clean up come award season and I don't see why this one should be any different. One might argue that the subject matter is too aggressive but the same could once be said for Johnny Cash. I'm interested to see how far this can go. In fact, I'd like to go ahead and nominate it right now for the Screen Junkies' Theater-Going Experience Most Likely to Get You Shot Award. (THR)
Don't freak on me but I forgot to update you guys that Hank Azaria is playing the fugly-ass wizard Gargamel in Sony/Columbia's very important Smurfs adaptation. Today we have our first look at the "Simpsons" star in full costume and I've gotta say, he looks the part. With these grotesque features, he could easily get work at Smurf Land Theme Park. If not as Gargamel, definitely as the groundskeeper who isn't allowed legally to be alone with children. Or livestock. The film's voice cast for the live-action/CGI blend consists of the Laugh-A-Minute All-Stars: Jonathan Winters, George Lopez, Kenan Thompson, Jeff Foxworthy, and renowned funny lady Katy Perry. Combine that knowledge with the fact that this film is directed by Beverly Hills Chihuahua's Raja Gosnell, and you're all but guaranteed to be made uncomfortable. Either by an awkward and confusing Smurf musical sequence or Smurfette's faux-lesbian posturing. (Coming Soon)
There's a new reason (besides interacting with pretty girls) to fear Spring Break this year: dying a fish-related death. That's why I've elected to stay on campus to get a jump on my courseload. I ran that plan by Mother and Mother agrees that's the best use of my time. The once-3D, then not 3D, then 3D again Piranha 3D has a full-length trailer that gives us a better look at the massacre at Lake Victoria. And it also gives us a better look at Ving Rhames ridiculously fighting a school of piranha with an outboard motor. That's the reason 3D was invented. Sh******t, that's the reason eyeballs were invented. Boobs, blood, and people dying unlikely deaths after the jump….
No stranger to being up to his neck in starlets and superhero movie offers, Ryan Reynolds is calling upon that practice for his role in Buried. The film, directed by Rodrigo Cortés, stars Reynolds as an American kidnapped by terrorists and buried alive with a 90 minute supply of oxygen. And a cell phone that works underground. Because they have those. The new teaser captures the excitement of "Rescue 9-1-1" and combines it with the ignorance of accidentally leaving the lens cap on. Buried was picked up for wide release at Sundance and opens in theaters September 24th, 2010. Though I feel like if they really want the experience to be immersive, it should be screened in state-of-the-art theater coffins. This post sponsored by FlickCrypts™. Dig into the trailer after the break…
Wax on this, Danielson. Here are your weekend links. Three Clubs from 'Swingers' (Moviefone) Best Video Game Bars in America (Asylum)Website Raises Money for Stephen Baldwin (PopEater)Interview With Shit My Dad Says (HolyTaco)'Furry Vengeance Recreated Through Scathing Reviews (FilmDrunk)10 Disturbingly Realistic Zombie Costumes (Unreality)Kentucky Derby Hotties (Maxim)Silva vs. Sonnen Fan-Made Promo (CagePotato)Rihanna Gets Dirty On Stage (CelebJihad)15 More Bad Thongs (Smosh)Jim Carrey Career Assessment (Pajiba)Iron Man 2 Parody (Atom)Try a Different Sex Move Tonight (MadeMan)Heath Calhoun 400 Odds (AllLeftTurns)
You see that, Batman? That's a release date for your next film. How does July 20, 2012 sound? (Warner Bros. forcefully shakes his head yes)Batman 3 hasn't even gone into production yet, as Christopher Nolan just completed Inception and wants to close his eyes for a minute, but little bro Jonathan Nolan is diligently working away on the script based off a story by himself and David Goyer. Since the film is going to be in 3D I hope they add a lot of "Bats fly at the screen!" in the action. You can never get enough bats flying at the screen. It's like they're gonna get caught in your hair! Eeeeeeee! (Deadline)
"You ain't got nothin', Mendes."The glittered gloves are off and the jazz hands are flyin'! "You Think You Can Dance" judge and Hairspray director Adam Shankman wants the job of making Oz, the Great and Powerful faaaaaaaaaabulous. Sam Mendes is currently circling the project, but Shankman brought his slap and tickle fight to Twitter. He's retweeting the tweets of his fans, who I have just dubbed "Shankmaniacs!" (exclamation point necessary), and building up a strong front. Good Charlotte singer Joel Madden is one impressionable tweeter on Team Shankman. That guy loves Chicken Nuggets, so Shankman probably has the gig on lock.(Vulture)
Those who have tackled their own home-made adaptations of Stephen King's The Dark Tower are about to be upstaged twice over. Universal is in talks to condense the seven books by the creepy author (I said it) into a film trilogy directed by Ron Howard. Not only that, but they'll also produce a far crappier television version for shut-ins and Nielsen families.I'm not really sure how the story of the last gunslinger Roland Deschain will divide across film and television wthout confusing the chronology, and thinking about it has given me another one of my murder headaches. Well, time to chain myself up for the night again I suppose. (Deadline)
No stranger to making a sissy, Kevin James is now slated to go boom. Sony and Columbia have signed James to star in the action movie Here Comes the Boom. Salma Hayek is in talks for the female lead. If she is to sign on, this will be the second time her mammeries have starred opposite James's.The script is written by James and The Zookeeper scribe Rock Reuben, who is also a veteran of "The King of Queens." Though the log-line is being kept under wraps, the title conjurs up an image for me of the portly star slo-mo diving away from an explosion or toward a wedding cake. Maybe both. One way or the other, a cake is totally screwed in this movie. (Variety)
Go on, soak it up. Here's the first image of Chris Hemsworth as Marvel's next blockbuster busting character Thor. I'm diggin' the snake skin sleeve. It's like a Hot Topic superhero version of UnderArmor. That material soaks up sweat and brings it to the outside layer so it can dry faster, yo.My guess is the marketing bigwigs are revealing elements of Thor slowly and methodically. As you'll notice, there's no helmet or hammer in the above pic. Also, it's a close-up, so we don't get a good idea of what Thor is brooding over. My first inclination was he's taking a crap, but then I thought it's ridiculous to take a crap with your cape still on. Now if you'll excuse me, my morning coffee is taking effect. **Unbuttons cape, waddles to bathroom** (Yahoo)
Dianna Agron, best known for her cheerleader roles on "Glee" and "Heroes," has joined the cast of I Am Number Four to play a… cheerleader. In the DJ Caruso-directed film, Agron will dump her jock boyfriend to cozy up to alien refugee Alex Pettyfer. Also on board are Sharlto Copley as Pettyfer's guardian and Teresa Palmer as Number Six.The movie based on a novel co-authored by James Frey, tells the story of nine alien children who escape to Earth after being hunted by a hostile race. There they hide in Middle America where they shift nervously in their seats whenever Syfy shows reruns of "Roswell." (THR)
As previously reported, Adam McKay has a serious case of the frownies today. After severely cutting the budget, Anchorman 2 is still a no-go with Paramount. There was a glimmer of hope earlier this week when the original cast agreed to cut their prices, but Paramount decided to pass all the same.I imagine it went something like this:ADAM McKAY: So there you have it, The Further Legends of Ron Burgundy!!PARAMOUNT EXEC: Very funny. But I'll need to consult with my adviser.SLAMS MAGIC 8 BALL DOWN ON DESK.PARMOUNT EXEC: Oooh. It is decidely not so. MWUHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!!!MAGIC 8 BALL: MWUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!A TEAM OF BAYWATCH WRITERS CLOSES DOOR ON McKAY'S FACE.(via /Film)
Shia LaBeouf has signed on to star in The Necessary Death of Charlie Countryman in commercial director Dante Ariola's feature debut. Quick question about Dante Ariola, is that his real name or the one he uses when performing burlesque? I guess that doesn't matter right now.In the film, LaBeouf stars as Charlie Countryman. Just a normal dude who likes to hang and chill and maybe kick around the hack. Then he meets Gabi, but sadly she's already claimed by a violent crime boss. Charlie must take several sh*t-kickings to woo her. This sounds like Dante's Peak to Scott Pilgrim's Volcano. Those two movies somehow found a way to make lava boring, let's hope Countryman doesn't do the same for sh*t-kickings. (/Film)
A Malkovich handshake. We get it. He's got an ugly face. But the Jonah Hex trailer wants to make sure you fully understand that fact. Josh Brolin plays a scarred bounty hunter charged with hunting down his oldest enemy (John Malkovich, unfortunately not playing himself) who is preparing to unleash Hell. Megan Fox shows off her heaving bosom in a corset as another sexy dame that can shoot a gun with the greatest of ease. Also, Daniels from "The Wire" provides Jonah with weapons, and Will Arnett has a mustache and a word of advice. The only thing that's missing is Kenneth Branagh operating a mechanical spider. I'd like to see Jonah come up with a quippy one-liner for that. One that Will Smith doesn't already own. Check out the trailer after the jump. Jonah Hex saddles up in theaters June 18, 2010.
Just in time for the Oaks Celebration of the 136th Kentucky Derby, we have the trailer for Secretariat. Directed by Randall Wallace, it stars Diane Lane as a horse owner with a vagina (GASP!), that attempts to lead her thoroughbred to Triple Crown glory. John Malkovich co-stars as the horse's trainer and personal stylist. Here that swelling score? That means you can lump this one into Disney's growing catalogue of "Animals Who Defy the Odds to Blow Your F*cking Mind." To differentiate it from Seabiscuit, the filmmakers could have taken a few liberties with the material. My suggestion: the true story of a horse who ate too much, and lounged around like he was in the Caribbean. Here's an artist's interpretation of what that may look like. Check out the trailer after the jump. Secretariat charges into theaters October 8, 2010.