This film demeans us all, Papa Smurf.Sony has released the first photo from its upcoming movie, The Smurfs, and all I can say is hold on to your white, slightly phallic-looking hats! The picture depicts Grouchy, Papa and Clumsy Smurf in…get this…NEW YORK CITY!Magically transporting a fictional character into the real world can only be described as wildly original. But to go the extra mile and place them in such an obscure location goes above and beyond. I didn't even know you could film movies in New York! Of all the places for the Smurfs to end up, NYC has to be the craziest! That town moves a mile a minute! Talk about a fish-out-of-water story!The trailer for the film comes out this Thursday, but I don't need to wait until then to declare this movie an instant classic.* The only thing that could make it any better would be if they got George Lopez to do a voice. That would be tits! (First Showing)*I'm trying really hard to be less of a sarcastic prick, but holy crap, Sony! What choice do I have? Did you learn nothing from Space Jam!
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Back in college, we played so much Goldeneye that my friend instinctively ran off the basketball court during a big game because he noticed a blue backpack that resembled the game's body armor in the bleachers. Now, a new version of the game is making its way to the Wii and it looks amazing, and Daniel Craig-y. My college friends have all scattered, so I'll need to round up three willing competitors. I think I'll ask my building's security guard. I bet he's good with a gun, and at spying on people in the bathroom. There will definitely be a "No Oddjob" rule in effect. He always aims for the kneecaps and that's just bullsh*t. CHECK OUT THE MOVIE-RELATED GAME TRAILER AFTER THE JUMP…
Can't get enough of vampires, even the sparkly kind? Does high-fructose corn syrup mixed with red food coloring really get you amped? Feverishly writing your own script for Troll 3? Then you might want to check out Break's newly-risen Horror Channel, the internet's latest resting place for all things creepy, scary and at least partially undead.Not only will you find trailers for all of the latest horror flicks, you'll find the best in short videos, extras for films & TV shows and web-based horror series. Or, if you just want to browse by your particular horror fetish — er, genre — you can do that, as well. Think of the Horror Channel as Screen Junkies's ugly, disfigured cousin we keep in the cellar and feed fish heads. He's too disturbing to play in our sandbox, so we made him one of his very own. God only knows what it's filled with though.Stalk on over to the Horror Channel HERE.
It's like the fish is his boner.The Incredible Mr. Limpet is a movie that was made nearly 50 years ago about a cartoon fish that fights Nazis. No wait, don't stop me. Seriously, Don Knotts played a man who transformed into a fish and left his old life behind to take on German U-boats in the ocean. Don't look at me like that, it's a real thing! Anyway, now Warner Bros. wants Zack Galifianakis to star as Mr. Limpet in the remake to be directed by Kevin Lima (Enchanted).The LA Times points out that "The Incredible Mr. Limpet has always seemed like one of those Hollywood remake projects that actually makes sense." Really, Steven Zeitchik of the LA Times? The movie didn't make sense back when it was originally conceived, and now you think in this post-post-post WWII era audiences are hungry for a Nazi fighting flounder? Granted, Inglourious Basterds did well, but that concept was easier to go along with, even if they did killer Hitler in the end **Retroactive Spoiler Alert!** But okay, let's make Galifianakis a fish. Whatever. I give up.
Sofia Coppola is up to her old tricks again, pointing a camera at people bored by hotel stays. Somewhere stars Stephen Dorff as a lazy bones actor laying around all the time at Hollywood's Chateau Marmont Hotel who's life is reinvigorated by the unexpected presence of his daughter. I guess I should point out that she's played by Elle Fanning, but I won't because I hate when children are more successful than I am. So unread that last sentence. Coppola wants you to think she's making a point with the plaster mold drying shot (aren't we all just waiting around for our own soul plaster to harden?), but I see the bigger picture. The laying around. The kitty-cat awards show. Stephen Dorff is obviously channeling Garfield. This will become obvious once you see the scene where he kicks Robert Schwartzman off a table. Check out Stephen Dorff's rich man problems after the jump…
It turns out that along with David Yates (Harry Potter films) and David Dobkin (Fred Claus), Brett Ratner has also been considered to direct The Hobbit. I don't want to tell a studio on the brink of bankruptcy how to run their business, but bitch is you crazy? I thought MGM needed a hit. Is this some kind of Brewster's Millions situation where they need to intentionally lose all their money in order to win a larger fortune?? Does Robocop have something to do with this???? Luckily Peter Jackson won't let that happen.He's gone on record before to say, "If [directing the films is] what I have to do to protect Warner Bros’ investment, then obviously that’s one angle which I’ll explore…The other studios may not let me out of the contracts." Thank you, Peter Jackson. You're the only one preventing us from having to endure Miley Cyrus speaking Elvish. Or worse, singing auto-tuned Elvish. (Deadline)
Director: Paul W.S. AndersonCast: Milla Jovovich, Ali Larter, Wentworth MillerSynopsis: In a world ravaged by a virus infection, turning its victims into the Undead, Alice (Jovovich), continues on her journey to find survivors and lead them to safety.
It's tough being a movie star. When actors find success or make it big they tend to stick to the same projects and stories that have made them a houshold name. Yes, I'm shooting you the stink-eye, Eddie Murphy, with all your Nutty Professors, Doctor Doolittles, and Daddy Day Cares. But then an actor will go and do something out of nowhere. Murphy in Harlem Nights and Dreamgirls showed his dramatic range even if the movies were not complete successes. So here are a few suggestions on meatier roles certain actors should consider before diving into that next dashing lead or crusading hero part. Mel Gibson – SS Nazi Officer
Have you ever watched an episode of "Fraggle Rock" and thought, "Hey, this shit needs to be more f**king edgy and gritty, like I am, beotch!" If so, you're in luck.Director/Screenwriter Corey Edwards has taken to the interwebs to complain that the Weinsteins are squeezing him out of the 'Fraggle' script because his version is “not edgy enough.” I enjoy working with other writers and have no doubt that the RIGHT person could help make any script better. But to not even ask me? Adding insult to injury, the search is basically an open assignment. This means the net has been cast wide, virtually posting in the “classifieds” of the movie business. The Fraggles do not deserve such treatment. Now, I like "Fraggle Rock" as much as the next unoriginal retro-addicted douche bag, but I'm not exactly sure what type of treatment Fraggles "deserve." It's not like we're talking about the regular Muppets, here. If the Weinsteins was to remake Bad Lieutenant with the "Fraggle Rock" gang, I say let 'em. They're animals anyway, so let them lose their souls. (SlashFilm)
It's official: Sam Raimi is on board to direct Disney's Wizard of Oz prequel. Robert Downey Jr. has also been confirmed, and will play the titular Wizard. The film will explore the character's rise from a circus wrangler in Kansas to a great and powerful sorcerer in the land of Oz.Based on the success of Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland, Disney has high hopes for the prequel. Like Alice, Oz is a new spin on a classic children's tale and will be shot in 3D. But unlike Alice, Oz will not be eerily similar to every other film Tim Burton has ever made. (Deadline)
Filming began yesterday on Hugh Jackman's robo-pugilism adventure Real Steel and we have the first set photos courtesy of USA Today. In the film, Jackman plays a washed up boxer who, along with his son, promotes and coaches a robotic fighter to win a boxing championship. We get a good glimpse at the robot, Noisy Boy, in the first pic and note that this is not a CG character. That's an honest-to-goodness robot pictured with Jackman. Sure, there is always the danger that it might go haywire and attack the crew, but it's still far safer than working with "Rampage" Jackson. Once his cold eyes are upon you, you're already dry-humped. You just don't know it yet.CHECK OUT THE PHOTOS AFTER THE JUMP…
In the HBO comedy "Bored to Death," Jason Schwartzman plays a struggling writer who is trying his hand at detective work. As a struggling writer myself, the show inspired me to do a little detective work of my own. And as luck would have it, my keen detective skills helped me find this "Bored to Death" Season 2 trailer featuring Ted Danson and Zach Galifianakis. I also found a Helen Keller Simulator and some "Night Court" fanfiction, but I figured you'd be more impressed with the trailer. Watch the "Bored to Death" Season 2 trailer after the jump.
Off-camera: a giant sandwich.Keep an eye out for Guillermo del Toro at this year's San Diego Comic-Con because he has big news. He shouldn't be that difficult to find. Just look for the heavyset guy with glasses and an unshaven neck. Ask a Convention Center employee if you have trouble. Guillermo's official site has this message from the director:Van Helsing (writing and producing) is still in talks and not quite certain. Even then, I would like to share my plans only at COMICON. I am taking it slowly and marking very, very carefully the calendar of projects that I will be involved as producer, writer, etc I will not announce the project I intend to direct until then . I am very happy to say that all the projects and partnerships being considered are both quite surprising and, I hope, powerful. Much as I want, I cannot say much more at this time but I anxiously await to share these with you. I will be shopping on the floor in San Diego for several days. See you there!!So what could this "quite surprising" news be? Is he going to play Magneto? I bet he'd make a great Magneto. He's already quite adept at bending metal chairs.
Chuck Norris always has the right of way.
With production slated to begin soon for X-Men: First Class, Matthew Vaughn had better start convincing some attractive people to wear silly costumes. If this rumor is to be believed, he's doing exactly that. The Playlist picked up on a story in Production Weekly that 20th Century Fox has "strong interest" in bringing Amber Heard on to play a younger Mystique and former Bond Girl Rosamund Pike to play Moira MacTaggert. At this point consider this news merely a rumor. But to be certain someone had better check Amber's crevices for residual blue bodypaint. Then and only then, can we be certain she tested for the part. I nominate myself.And speaking of camera tests, the same article reports that Magneto shoe-in Michael Fassbender is not interested in testing for the role. What's his problem? Fear of helmet hair? They have CGI to correct that, Michael.
Marisa Tomei is an actress we all know and want, despite those never ending Academy Award rumors. During her more than 30 year span as an actress of the stage and screen, she has aged like a fine wine in hotness. Both Before The Devil Knows Your Dead and The Wrestler can a test to that (nakey scenes). With this week's Cyrus opening up, she puts her smokin' hot talents to good use by playing the ultimate MILF role to Jonah Hill and John C. Reily.A word from Marisa: "I'm not that big a fan of marriage as an institution, and I don't know why women need to have children to be seen as complete human beings."It's like she was sculpted and programmed by a man and then sent out into the world to enchant us. Whoever is responsible deserves The Noble Peace Prize. See more pics of perfect Tomei after the jump.
Before the lesbian-haired Scott Pilgrim can live happily ever after with Ramona Flowers, he must pound the crap out of every ridiculously-clothed evildoer who has plowed her fine ass previously. Below the jump, we have a look at the character posters for each evil ex that you'll see while waiting in a snaking, mile-long line at the multiplex before being seated for your second viewing of The Karate Kid. After viewing each of her eclectic exes, I can say with all certainty that Ramona Flowers rrrrrreally hates her dad.CHECK OUT THE EXES AND THE APPROPRIATELY-NUMBERED CHRIS EVANS AFTER THE JUMP…
The Karate Kid raked in 56 million dollars at the domestic box office this weekend, pretty much guaranteeing that Hollywood is about to go apesh*t with family-friendly 80s remakes. No one's certain if it's Jaden Smith's charisma, Jackie Chan's broken English, or the subject matter that attracted audiences, but one thing's for certain: Jackie Chan seriously hates karate kids. You'd assume he'd have more patience with them considering he's a master of the art form they're learning, but no, he just wants to jam his foot in their faces. Don't take my word for it though. Watch the manipulative/cleverly edited video below.
"HIGH-FIIIIIVE!!!"Sam Mendes and Adam Shankman may lay down their gladii and exit the battle arena, Disney has offered Oz, the Great and Powerful to director Sam Raimi. There's no word yet whether Raimi will take the gig, and a few details may need to be worked out before he comes on-board.Robert Downey Jr. was once attached to this project to play the titular Oz, a Kansas carnie who carves a niche for himself in the magical land, but his name hasn't come up in recent reports. Another potential issue is Mitchell Kapner's script. Though it's probably due for revision, early reviews say it is pretty dumb (although it involves flying monkeys). And finally, and this will certainly be a sticking point for Raimi, where does Bruce Campbell fit into this? Can he be a snarky palace guard or can he appear Dorf-style as a rebellious Munchkin with a take-charge attitude? You know, the type that other Munchkins want to be and women want to change. These are the types of questions you need to ask studios before you sign sh*t. (Vulture)
Ridley Scott discussed plans for two Alien prequels on Sunday while closing out the first ever Los Angeles Times Hero Complex Film Festival. According to Scott, the films will take place long before the original and will focus on "The Space Jockey," otherwise known as the giant skeleton encountered by Kane (John Hurt) in the first film.The legendary director said he was upset about not being asked to participate in the original sequels, noting that he was unaware of Aliens until after James Cameron began filming. Had he been given the chance, he would have focused on the origin story of “The Space Jockey,” as he is now.While he was tight lipped with details, Scott did mention that the plot will focus on the "untold story of how 'The Space Jockey' became a legend," including his exploits fighting the French in the south of England and his involvement with the drafting of the Magna Carta. (Collider)
Nerd alert! Nerd alert! HBO's new "Game of Thrones" trailer premiered last night, much to the delight of fanti-crap fans everywhere. Based on George Martin's A Song Of Ice and Fire novels, the story takes place in the mythical world of Westeros where a dynastic civil war is being fought, and Daenerys Targaryen, the exiled daughter of a previous king, seeks to claim her rightful throne. I'm really tired, so do me a favor and just make your "virgin" joke. Thanks.Watch the "Game of Thrones" trailer after the jump.
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Just the other day, that weird Mortal Kombat thing arrived online. It sparked immediate debate whether it was for the upcoming video game or the film. We know now that the gritty video was shot by director Kevin Tanchareon as a pitch to get himself hired for the upcoming job. Michael Jai White was one of many actors working for free to appear as Jax. He tells Asylum that the vibe on set was "one of camaraderie." He's got a lot of ideas about what he can bring to the role of Jax:"Our natural take on it is to make it gritty and dark. Jax is still a hell of a fighter. He's still a super-badass, but he's just restrained by the letter of the law. We played with some ideas of building that up between him and Scorpion. There would be some great fights with Jax. There's so much I haven't had the chance to do. I've probably shown one-eighth of my martial arts ability on screen. With Jax having his metal arms, I'd use a lot of Wing Chun because it relies heavily on the arms."I really don't feel we need a "serious" take on Mortal Kombat. While Dark Knight was a meditation on the weight vengeance bears on the soul, Mortal Kombat: Rebirth is likely to be a meditation on punching someone's skull through their rectum.
With his greatest foe vanquished, Kevin Costner is now stepping up to the plate to save the Earth's oceans. Though they refused aid from James Cameron, BP has reportedly purchased a technology from the Waterworld star that will help clean up the tremendous spill in the Gulf.Since 1993, Costner has spent $20 million on the patent and development of a machine that seperates oil from water via a centrifuge. BP purchased 32 of the machines that will be able to clean 6 million gallons of water a day. Costner had a tough time selling the invention at first, drawing no interest from the Coast Guard or private companies. It wasn't until he helped rehabilitate the hot tub used in the taping of "Jersey Shore" that Congress took notice. (Houston Chronicle via Film Drunk)
Jennifer Lawrence is a well-fed farmgirl and actress hailing from Louisville, KY. A former childhood actor from "The Bill Engvall Show," she makes her huge leap from the small screen to the big one this Friday with indie fest favorite Winter's Bone. While she is buttoned-up for the cold Ozark winter in her performance as Ree Dolly, we can see, once summer comes, a body that will give us a bone for all seasons.A word from Jennifer: "They want you to be likable all the time, and I'm just not."Harsh truth from a Twitter-gen actress. Bloggers feel your pain.More bonerific pics after the jump.
In news that doesn't really come as a surprise, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn will be pressed against the kitchen counter and split into two parts like those popsicles that are double-popsicles (you know the ones). This move has been speculated for some time but was officially announced by Summit today, now that the contract negotiations have finalized.Bill Condon will direct the final chapters of the series back-to-back with the first seeing release in November 2011 and the second installment premiering some time in 2012. This decision is obviously cash-fueled and so typical of Hollywood. It shows a blatant disrespect to Edward and Bella and Werewolf Guy and red-haired vampire. Shameful. **logs on to eTrade and buys shares in Summit**CHECK OUT SUMMIT'S PRESS RELEASE AFTER THE JUMP…
Michael Bay has followed in the footsteps of Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox, he's crapping on Michael Bay. In an interview with USA Today, Bay admits that Transformers 2 wasn't that great of a film. He's even willing to take some of the blame… sort of."I'll take some of the criticism," says Bay, standing at a set built to resemble a dilapidated nuclear reactor. "It was very hard to put (the sequel) together that quickly after the writers' strike (of 2007-08)."Are you sure this was on set? I hear Michael Bay has a bed shaped like a dilapidated nuclear reactor."One thing we're getting rid of is what I call the dorky comedy," Bay adds. So the twins, the two bumbling, slang-spewing robots? "They're basically gone,"Please bookmark this article for when something far worse than the Twins pratfalls its way throughout the movie. I'm hoping to build a court case modeled after The People Vs. Revenge of the Sith. At least we may have a more fascinating villian (like that matters in these films). Bay admits that the Fallen was kind of a "sh*t character," and reveals the next film will feature Shockwave as the blurry, jumble of robot that will scream his own name for zero discernible reason. He also notes:"As a trilogy, it really ends," he says. "It could be rebooted again, but I think it has a really killer ending."Sure. We've all heard that before.
Nick Nolte may take time away from his passion (rooting around through pizzeria garbage cans) to fulfill his other passion (being an actor in Hollywood movies). It's reported that both Nolte and Jennifer Garner are in negotiations to appear in the Arthur remake.Russell Brand will star as the titular drunk with Helen Mirren as his nanny and Greta Gerwig as the love interest who causes him to choose between marrying for love or money. Just like on those reality shows. If talks are successful, Garner will play the heiress that Brand is forced to marry and Nolte will play her religious father. Should negotiations fall flat, hopefully Nolte will stick around as a consultant to Brand. If you're playing a character who wakes up after a bender in the bucket of an excavator, it'd be handy to have someone on set with that kind of experience. (THR)
Oscar winning producer Scott Rudin has set his sights on Angelina Jolie for an upcoming adaptation of Cleopatra: A Life. Like the book by Stacy Schiff, the film promises to be a detailed look at one of antiquity's most famous women.If the project comes together, it will not be Jolie's first foray into the ancient world. In 2004, she starred as the mother of Alexander the Great in Oliver Stone's critical and box-office flop, Alexander. Seeing as how that outing went over like a led zeppelin, why not give Angelina another shot? While we're at it, get Kevin Coster on the phone. I've got a special effects-laden post-apocalyptic love story I'd like him to direct. I hope he can keep it under budget. (First Showing)