Square jaws, impeccable scruff, squinty eyes, and mussed hair. It's a David Cronenberg film come to life.
"She's anatomically perfect and she's all mine."Modern Family's Ty Burrell is in final negotiations to star in Butter, a satire about the cut-throat world of competitive butter sculpting. The movie, which also stars Jennifer Garner as his glory-seeking wife, is actually an allegory for the 2008 Presidential primaries with Burrell appearing as a Bill Clinton parody who is forced to step down from his position of butter sculpting champ.Wait. A movie that makes you look smart while you secretly daydream about the creamy taste of fresh butter? Brett Ratner is going to get soooo laid on date night. (Variety)
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It looks like Jerry Bruckheimer has found a kinship with writers Carlo Bernard and Doug Miro. The pair wrote his next two blockbusters, Prince of Persia and The Sorcerer's Apprentice, and now he has them on the hook to write a third National Treasure film for director Jon Turteltaub.When reached for fictional comment, not-real Jerry Bruckheimer had this to say:"The National Treasure films have always displayed a reckless abandon for all semblance of reality. After seeing how Carlo and Doug laughed in the face of physics and history with their other works, Jon and I knew they were the d-bags for the job. It also helps that they can't capture the way people actually talk."No plot specifics have been released yet but we'll keep you posted on Nicolas Cage's hunt for William Henry Harrison's gold or whatever it turns out to be.In the interest of full disclosure, I made that earlier quote up. (Coming Soon)
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Because this turned out so well. An official sanction from LucasFilms has made it okay to laugh at Star Wars. Not the films though. You must remain stone-faced while Hayden Christiansen delivers dialogue and when rubber puppets pop up during the pod race. That is law. What you can laugh at is a new animated series being developed by LucasFilms themselves to presumably cash in on the recent franchise-skewering made popular by "Robot Chicken" and "Family Guy." And the best way to do that is to hire Seth Green and Matthew Seinreich from "Robot Chicken." I posit, however, that the best way to ensure hilarity is to farm it out to France. (Variety)
It made sense to produce a porn parody of box office juggernaut Avatar and television sensations "Dexter" and "The Jersey Shore", but I can't say that The Big Lebowski deserves the same NSFW treatment. Never ever never not even once during a viewing of the Cohen Brothers film have I thought a cut to rough penetration was mysteriously absent. But hell, give the people what they want, and apparently the people want The Dude naked. I just thank my lucky stars they found someone to replace Tara Reid. No one needs to see that Frankenstein body floppin' around.
Melissa Ordway modeled in various campaigns including Sketchers, Old Navy, and David's Bridal and has acted in 17 Again and on the television series "Privileged." She also looks good half-naked on the beach during sunset. A word from Melissa: "She expresses her hurt through being very mean and vengeful to Ronnie." I'm sure Ronnie deserved it. He always makes fun of the slow kid who works at the grocery store. No, I don't care if we're talking about the same Ronnie. More pics of Melissa after the jump.
Isaiah Mustafa the deodorant-shilling equestrian du jour, has been cast in Tyler Perry's next project. The former NFL player turned weird guy on a horse will appear in Perry's adaptation of his play Tyler Perry's Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When The Rainbow Is Enuf. Pfft, whatever hippie.Mustafa appeared on Oprah's talk show to discuss his newfound fame when Perry himself showed up to offer him the role. It's unclear where Mustafa will fit in with the all-star cast made up of Janet Jackson, Mariah Carey, Whoopi Goldberg, Phylicia Rashad and Anika Noni Rose, which originally featured no male roles. I'm sure he will fit right in though. As long as he doesn't cause Madea to have to take off her earrings. God forbid any man suffer that fate. Elsewhere, Orlando Jones has been cast in real-life as "Who?" (Cinema Blend)
Anna Friel had to wash the smell of Land of the Lost out of her hair by doing theater in London's West End, but she's now returning to Hollywood with a role in Dark Fields. In the film, Bradley Cooper plays a washed-up writer who comes across a drug that makes him more intelligentier smarter. After reaping the rewards of being a know-it-all and schooling his peers at Cranium, he finds the drug has lethal consequences.Friel will play his ex-wife. Robert De Niro and Abbie Cornish are also on board to star in the thriller by Neil Burger. (THR)
I hate reporting on stuff that ISN'T happening, but it's a slow news weekend and I thought you could use a picture of some stellar cleavage. Emily Blunt has officially passed on the role of Peggy Carter in Captain America. Most likely she prefers money in exchange for her services, and Marvel is notorious for hating to give up theirs. If they could pay their actors with t-shirts from the swag room they'd jump at the opportunity.Now that Emily is out, Kiera Knightley and Alice Eve are the top contenders. Isn't everyone like sooooo over Knightley yet? I want my Peggy Carter to have some meet on her bones. If Kiera gets any skinner she's going to have to develop a coke habit. Not because she should do drugs, she just needs a cooler explanation than genetics. (/Film)
Back in 1776 they had zero tolerance for street musicians. Here are your weekend links.The 'Inglourious Basterds' Clapper Board (Moviefone)8 Randomly Encountered Chatroulette Hotties (Asylum)Charlie Sheen Leaving 'Two and a Half Men'? (PopEater)25 Funny Crucifixes (HolyTaco)Tron Party in San Francisco! (FilmDrunk)Cool Gallery of Futurama Cosplay (Unreality)Cheerleading at its Finest (TotalProSports)Release the Crack-en a.k.a Booties! (Maxim)5 Pairs of Boobies You Have to See (Smosh)New Avatar 2 Trailer (CelebJihad)Thiago Alves's Brain Surgery Video-Blog (CagePotato)Miley Cyrus Career Assessment (Pajiba)Gay Ray, The Reggae Gay (Atom)How to Join the Mafia (MadeMan)NASCAR Prop Bets, Version Two (AllLeftTurns)
She'll grow out of it. There's finally a trailer for Vincenzo Natali's eery sci-fi/horror Splice, that movie with Adrien Brody and the hot, bald chick with the mouth in her scalp (still kinda hot though). The movie impressed at Sundance and will see wide release on June 4th as a result. The film warns against the dangers of queefing in the face of God and law by creating your own monstrous human-animal hybrid. So seriously, guys. Don't do that kind of thing. Did Species teach you nothing? Check out the trailer after the jump.
Director: Vincenzo NataliCast: Adrian Brody, Sarah PolleySynopsis: Elsa and Clive, two young rebellious scientists, defy legal and ethical boundaries and forge ahead with a dangerous experiment: splicing together human and animal DNA to create a new organism.Release Date: June 5, 2010
Time for his 3pm apple sauce.Do you hear that sound? It's the sound of Godsmack warming up their instruments. What could possibly have the ridiculously goateed rockers half-heartedly tuning and making that "jukka jukka jukka" noise? The return of Vin Diesel as Xander Cage, that's what.Of course, that's all old news. Today we have an extreme update. All the die-hard Xander fans who ripped their neck tatts off in solidarity, should be prepared to sew them back on. Not only will director Rob Cohen return to the franchise but he'll be bringing James Cameron's fancy 3D cameras with him. Probably uses a pretty cool truck to carry them too."I feel what we did in the beginning of the decade was bring a different attitude to the action movie and a different kind of hero. With the new 3D instrument and the techniques I can apply, we can create a different kind of cutting-edge experience in 3D by shooting it that way from the beginning the way James Cameron did 'Avatar.' This won't be fantasy characters, it takes place on Earth in real time. That's a new dimension to be explored, and I'm excited."That's right earthlings. You're about to be groin-punched in the face by a non-fantasy character that can surf on speeding missiles. You have until late 2011 to vacate the planet. (ComingSoon)
Their recent strokes have only made them funnier. Harlold & Kumar creators Hayden Schlossberg and Jon Kurwitz are moving from hamburgers to baked goods. The duo is mounting American Pie 4 as both writers and directors. That leaves directing duties on A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas to newcomer Todd Strauss Schulson.The story for the latest Pie sequel is being kept under wraps, though I'm sure embarrassment, bizarre sexual fetishes, and Jim's Dad will remain major components. None of the original cast has officially signed on yet, but extreme interest has been voiced. You don't say? Should I go with a Jason Biggs, Chris Klein, Thomas Ian Nicholas, Tara Reid, Shannon Elizabeth, or Natasha Lyonne joke here… You know what, I'm gonna let it be. I'm sure the fact that the band camp girl is more prosperous than any of them is shameful enough. (THR)
Alexa Davalos is a ballerina who decided to try acting on for size, and it's turned out pretty well for her. She's starred in the films The Chronicles of Riddick, The Mist, and Defiance. Take it easy, Whedon fans! I was getting to her three episode arc on Angel. A word from Alexa: "I would never close any doors to anything and if it were a character that I loved regardless, I would definitely give it thought but that is my first love, film."Yeah, who goes to the theater anymore besides nerds. And yes, intellectuals count as totaly nerds to me.More of Alexa's free spirit after the jump.
Ryan Reynolds is going to die. It's a fact of life that we all need to be prepared for. I feel like you're at an age where you're mature enough to handle that news. I'm talking about in the movies only of course. The real Ryan Reynolds will never die. He will be around forever. You hear me God?Producer Neal Moritz announced that Reynolds will follow Change-Up with a starring role in the upcoming adaptation of the graphic novel R.I.P.D.. In the film, he will play a recently-deceased cop who joins the Rest In Peace Department – which is the police department for the dead, naturally. Reynold's dead partner in the buddy cop film is described as a gunslinger who's been dead for hundreds of years. I take that to mean he wasn't that good of a gunslinger. (Collider)
In all the commotion surrounding just who the frig would be playing The First Avenger: Captain America, we all neglected to needlessly stress out over who would play his plucky sidekick. Today comes word that Gossip Girl's Sebastian Stan will squeeze into Bucky's red tights and strike an arms akimbo pose. He is to Captain America what Robin is to Batman, what Ernie is to Bert, what Samwise is to Frodo, what Bernie Taupin is to Elton John.There have been a few different versions of Bucky in the comic and there is no word yet on how he will be portrayed in the film. You know, except for ridiculously. (THR)
Mark Pellegrino, the guy who plays Jacob on LOST and who dunked Richard's head in the ocean last week, is also the thug from The Big Lebowski who dunks The Dude's head in his own toilet. Someone put those scenes together in video form. (WarmingGlow) "Where're the links, Lebowski?!" David Fincher Inks Deal for 'Dragon Tattoo' (Moviefone) Girl Plays Xbox in a Thong (Asylum) Gabourey Sidibe Hosting SNL (PopEater) 25 Cute Babies and Kitties (HolyTaco) 11 Pointless Uses of Modern Technology (Uproxx) 8 Most Absurd Schwarzenegger Videos (Unreality) 18 Demoralized Animals Wearing Bunny Ears (Maxim) 5 Pranks Not to Pull on Your Girlfriend (Smosh) Megan Fox Sexily Kills a Cat (CelebJihad) Rich Attonito's Guest Blog (CagePotato) Pajiba April Fool's (Pajiba) Sex Offender Shuffle (Atom) Dream Job: Bomb Squad (MadeMan) What do NASCAR Crews do During the Week? (AllLeftTurns) The 7 Different Kinds of Hot (RegretfulMorning)
Izabella Miko grew up in Warsaw, where she studied to be a ballerina. An American choreographer invited her to study in New York City on a scholarship, and she traveled there with her mother on her 15th birthday. Then she danced on top of a bar in Coyote Ugly. Talk about a step back…A word from Izabella: "It always makes me sick when I see hundreds of plastic bottles in huge trash bins."I'll get some bums over there right away, Ms. Miko. We'll take care of your recycling, no problem.More pics of eco-conscious Izabella after the jump.
Last we heard, Darren Aronofsky had decided to walk from the troubled Robocop remake due to his unwillingness to present the film in gimmicky 3D. It appears that he and the cash-strapped MGM have worked something out and he's ready to create the future of law enforcement according to our source. An insider at Digital Dimension has confirmed their company has been conducting visual effects tests and have received a great deal of feedback from Aronofsky. Word is that he "just loves the stuff." Our tipster also made mention that Sam Worthington is very likely to fill the role of Officer Murphy. It's his role to lose from what we've been told. Of course, Worthington's schedule is jam-packed with the adaptations of Dan Dare and The Last Days of American Crime and there's no official word when Robocop will ramp up. Though it is expected that Aronofsky is deciding between that or Serena with hot mom Angelina Jolie as his next project. We'll keep you posted. We realize this news sounds dodgy so to sweeten the pot we have an EXCLUSIVE look at early composite from Digital Dimension AFTER THE JUMP…
Everyone's favorite stoners (besides Cheech & Chong; Spiccoli; the guys in Half-Baked; Chris Tucker's Smokey; The Dude; Method Man and Redman; the Pineapple Expressers; Jay and Silent Bob; the guy with the hat in Dazed and Confused; Kristen Stewart; Tenacious D; Snoop Dogg; Doug Benson; and Brenda Blethyn in Saving Grace) Harold & Kumar are gearing up for another big screen adventure. The sequel will be Christmas-themed and marks the return of Kal Penn to Hollywood, after he joined forces with Obama as the associate director of Made-Up Position.Producers are seriously considering releasing the film in 3D, because if there's one thing their target audience (guys who work the night-shift at Carvel) have, it's $25 for a movie ticket. (Deadline)
Russell Brand will be added in post.Up until last week, Goldie Hawn comedy remakes were an untapped Goldie-mine (slaps self, faxes resume to Leno). Then came news that Jennifer Lopez would focus her being a B-word energies toward a remake of Overboard. And this morning comes casting that makes more sense. Anna Faris is strapping on Hawn's combat boots for a remake of Private Benjamin. From THR:“Private Benjamin” is being called up to duty again. New Line is remaking the seminal 1980 comedy, reconfiguring it for the new century as a starring vehicle for Anna Faris.“Benjamin” starred Goldie Hawn in a star-making turn as a spoiled woman who joins the Army after her husband dies during sex on their wedding night.The new take will set the story in contemporary times with modern wars as the backdrop. Insiders say the studio doesn’t want to poke fun at the men and women in the service or take political potshots, but rather focus on the empowerment elements and build on the fish-out-of-water comedy.Her character's husband dies during sex on their wedding night? Maybe a more suitable casting choice would have been Tara Reid. I figure any healthy man has about 40 or 45 seconds to live once her saliva absorbs into his bloodstream.
Kelly Preston, a.k.a. Mrs. Jon Travolta, first caught my attention when she was banging Tom Cruise's brains out against a bookcase in Jerry Maguire. Then later she clocked him smack in the mouth and my heart went aflutter. Is a Scientologist allowed to strike another Scientologist, even if it's make-believe? On second thought, I guess make-believe is a huge part of their beliefs. A word from Kelly: "I got caught playing doctor in my grandma's garage, but, you know, it was very minor, just like sticking things in the heinie." What was minor to you could have been a turning point in your patient's life. Check out more pics of Dr. Preston after the jump.
Paramount seems very serious about actually making a Baywatch movie. So serious in fact, that they've now brought on five writers to capture the elusive tone of the master work. Brian Gatewood and Alessandro Tanaka (who wrote Jonah Hill's The Sitter) have been brought in to polish drafts from The Break-Up's Jeremy Garlick and National Security writers Jay Scherick and David Ronn. It's said the film is to be in the vain of the Charlie's Angels revamp with more of a focus on female action (read: jiggliness).Though no director or castmembers have been hired, we already know where this thing is going. Heidi Montag to star and Zack Snyder to direct. Both are masterful at capturing slow-motion running for different reasons. I'd imagine David Hasslehoff would make some kind of appearance as no actor alive can perform mouth to mouth on a cheeseburger as well as he can. Well, maybe Vince Vaughn could. (THR)
Russell Brand will be added in post. Before you start salivating, this movie isn't about a tall stack smothered in maple syrup with a side of hash browns and sausage. Kaley Cuoco, Sheldon's dreamy tall stack on The Big Bang Theory, has joined the Easter Bunny comedy (is that a thing?) I, Hop. Russell Brand and James Marsden are already set to star in the film that I'm sure will do for Easter what Adam Sandler's Eight Crazy Nights did for Hanukkah. Cuoco will play Marsden's character's sister, "who allows Marsden to live with her when he gets kicked out by his parents because he injures a big f*cking bunny rabbit and brings it home to live with him." Talk about a bad house guest! I just hope there's a gag with him in a mailbox. That joke gets me every time. (THR)
Warner Bros never expected The Hangover to become successful enough to lead to a sequel so they didn't sign the actors up for additional films. Though it's been expected that Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, and Zach Galifianakis would return for another day of delirium tremens, nothing was confirmed until today.Deadline reports that each actor will be paid in the $5 million range. That's a huge step upward considered they didn't earn $1 million collectively for the original film. I'm terrified/delighted to see what Zach Galifianakis will spend that money on. If anyone sees someone driving a hovercraft on the freeway, it's probably him. Director Todd Phillips will be cashing in as well, though his gamble to receive 15% of the original's gross has already made him a very rich man.No plot specifics for the sequel have been released yet, though I have a sinking suspicion it involves drinking and trying to remember what Galifianakis stuck his penis into the previous night.
Though Tom Petty lyrics would lead you to believe Reseda to be a haven for vampires, Hot Tub Time Machine director Steve Pink is aiming to set the record straight with Werewolves of Reseda. The story, which is about a group of guys gradually turning into werewolves, is being described as The Hangover with a horror twist. Wouldn't that just be The Hangover with more Carrot Top footage?At any rate, it's getting all kinds of werewolf-y in here. Off the top of my head I can think of six or seven werewolf-centric projects already released or in production. Between all that Twilight stuff, The Wolfman, MTV's "Teen Wolf" series, MMA Werewolves, The Monster Squad, David Hayter's Wolves, and Alec Baldwin hosting the Oscars, there's never been an easier time for really hairy dudes to get work. (/Film)
Back in the good-old days, the elderly were revered as a valuable source of knowledge. Their vast life experiences were respected not only as a link to the past, but also as guide for the future. Yes, old people were once a cherished commodity. Just kidding! I assume old people have always been considered lame, but I don’t know for sure because I never learned history. History is for old people, and I hate old people. But I will say this; in the world of Hollywood make-believe, there are a few old dudes that I would not want to piss off. Luckily we live in the real world where old dudes can barely walk. But all the same, here’s a list of eight movie geezers you don’t want to mess with.