Your story checks out, James. Let's hope you were wrong about Skynet.
If there's one thing I love in this world, it's eating a nice big meal and then heading home to drop a deuce. If there's a second thing I love, it's Avatar. That's why my head almost exploded when I saw this picture. It manages to combine my love of Avatar and my love of defecation in a humorous and timely manner.
For those of you who don't know, the photo is from Uncle John's Bathroom Reader, the Rolls-Royce of bathroom periodicals. This particular page from back in 1999 confirms James Cameron's long held assertion that he had to wait so long to make Avatar because technology had to catch up to his vision. I guess he isn't a pompous windbag after all, at least not in this instance.
Although, as someone on a comment board pointed out, this is James Cameron. He could have easily sent one of his robots back in time to add that page. (Film Drunk)
Someone added the Inception score to this video of a guy getting nailed by an ice cream truck. I'm hoping it was the kick he needed to snap him back to reality so he quits acting like an idiot and dancing in traffic.
Don't get blindsided by these links.
'At The Movies' Hosts On Show's Final Week (Moviefone)
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Meet Joseph Gordon-Levitt's Fire-Spinnin' Brother, Dan (PopEater)
Win The Wedding Party Dance Off (MadeMen)
Countdown To 'The Expendables', Day 3: 'Nighthawks' (MovieHopping)
That's not going to put it out, you guys.
What up with Zach Galifianakis's face in this new poster for Due Date? I don't think I've ever seen the man smile. It doesn't even look like he willingly smiled for this picture. The artist must have turned his frown upside down with the "Smile" Photoshop pluggin. You should totally download it.
The best part of the poster is the friggin' adorable French Bulldog. Look at that g.d. thing. I want to smoosh its precious little face until it's mush, which is the main reason I'm on PETA's sh*tlist. (Yahoo)
Paramount has scooped up the rights to the not-yet-published young adult novel Au Revoir, Crazy European Chick. The story follows a high school student who gets stuck with a homely and boring European exchange student who turns out to be secretly hot. And also an assassin.
If that sounds like "Chuck" to you, then you have a promising future in Hollywood. "Chuck" creator Josh Schwartz has been attached to develop the concept. Speaking of Chuck, this sounds a lot like Palahniuk's novel Pygmy. So imagine Pygmy meets I Love You, Beth Cooper, minus the social commentary. And Hayden Panettiere. (Deadline)
Know for lightning quick reflexes and amazing acrobatic stunts, Jet Li is one Expendable not to mess with. While stateside we've seen Li play more of the standard stone cold killer types in War, Romeo Must Die, and Lethal Weapon 4, over in his native China, Li is far more badass. Just check out his amazing work in Once Upon a Time in China, Hero, or Fist of Legend for a good action smack in the teeth.
Highly Debatable Best Role: Wong Fei-hung in Once Upon a Time in China trilogy
Weird Fact: When he was 11-years-old he won a trip to Washington D.C. to meet President Richard Nixon after becoming the Chinese National Champion in Wushu martial arts.
MORE AFTER THE JUMP…
Claudia Jordan, a former "The Price is Right" and "Deal or No Deal" model, shows off her east coast beauty in this month's Middle Men. Her blink or miss it performance doesn't do her justice but you can bet on all your Plinko chips that she'll be showing off her stuff with more projects in the future.
A word from Claudia: "I am the queen head doctor."
I'm going to assume you're referring to psychology and not felatio, only because we're not allowed to discuss the latter in detail on this site.
More pics of Claudia after the jump…
Today the Internet has lovingly delivered us this trailer for HALKa, the Bangladeshi attempt at capturing the legend of the Incredible Hulk. I don't believe that, "Say whaaaaaaaaa?!," begins to cover it.
This trailer tells the classic story of the Hulk's origin: being publicly sodomized with a pick-axe by bullies to the point that Bruce Banner invents an Incredible Hulk potion using beakers and Doogie Howser's computer. He then goes on to fight his greatest enemy, Guy With Bicycle With Guns On It. Whatever, the trailer looks amazing. It's even more trippy than Enter The Void.
Just see for yourself after the jump…
It was rumored last week that Blake Lively was making a play for the role of sexy astronaut in Alfonso Cuaron's Gravity. However, it's been expected that role was Scarlett Johansson's for the taking. Well, now it's official that both ladies are pushing for the part, with reports that they both have tested for the role.
Will this create a rift between the two? Will that rift involve wrestling?? Hopefully. We'll let you know if and when Pay-Per-View tickets for the event go on sale. Gravity is said to be a really ambitious, experimental film that would require a lot from whichever actress lands the part. Neither Johansson or Lively have carried a film of this magnitude to date, but both are ready to step up. Personally, I'm really torn. Either would be super-convincing as an astronaut. (THR)
The Playlist has alerted us to an interview with Mike Tyson that is as candid as you'd expect from the man who once threatened to "f*ck you until you love him." It all came about when Mike wandered into a Las Vegas radio station unexpectedly after a trip to the dentist. If you're familiar with David After The Dentist, you know that you're in for a treat. Here are some of my favorite parts.
On The Hangover:
“I was doing that to supply my drug habit. I’m sorry I’m coming at you guys like this… I said, ‘Wow, This is going to be really good. We’re going to sell this stuff on 42nd street on bootleg and make a lot of money.’ This is my best thinking on drugs… It wasn’t that way. It was an international success."
On becoming a Vegan:
“I became a Vegan. Vegan is where no animal products. No livestock products. Nothing."
On his slow-transformation to vampirism:
"My personal life is so isolated right now. I don’t go anywhere unless I’m invited." (except for when he wanders into radio stations of course. – Ed.)
And on the arduous task of wiping one's butt when weighing 350 lbs:
“It was hard to wipe my butt… I was sweating like some kind of guy from a moon project or something."
Awesome. MTV needs to find a way to get him into the "Jersey Shore" house. (ESPN Radio)
Who says Hollywood is out of ideas? Obviously they haven't seen this picture of Helen Mirren giving Russell Brand the old "rub & tug" on the set of Arthur. In fact, seeing a geriatric Mirren giving Brand a bathtub HJ is the most original thing I've seen in weeks, and mind you, I watch Bravo daily.
The only question is how is Hollywood going to top this? Chances are we'll see Betty White giving an "Asian massage" to the wolf-boy from Twilight sometime soon. "Team Jacob" indeed! (Cinema Blend)
Promos for Conan O'Brien's new show are now airing on TBS, and for hardcore comedy dorks, things are looking up. That's because the ad is very reminiscent of "Monty Python's Flying Circus," specifically, the animated shorts of director Terry Gilliam.
Whether or not the style was intentional is irrelevant. The result is the same either way. Monty Python fans are with Coco. Although that was probably true before the ad, as well. (Cinema Blend)
Watch O'Brien's Pythonesque ad after the jump…
Fooled ya! This clip from MTV's "Undressed" features a Christina Hendricks circa 1999, but she doesn't get naked. Still, it's Christina Hendricks at age 24. Niiiiiiiiice. (BuzzFeed)
These links will cool you down.
'The Avengers' Fan-Made 1952 Trailer (BreakHorror)
Countdown To 'The Expendables', Day 2: 'Tango & Cash' (MovieHopping)
Celebrate Lazy Day With 7 Of The Laziest TV Characters Ever (TVSquad)
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Lady Gaga Does Coke (Smosh)
Girl Quits Her Job Via Dry Ease Board Messages (BroBible)
Montana Fishburne Sex Tape Video (CelebJihad)
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Michael Moore: Hollywood Has Dried Up (PopEater)
Madden NFL 2011 Review (MadeMen)
Eyes up, Brody!
Adrien Brody has signed on for cuckoo bird director Tony Kaye's Detached. Brody will star as a substitute teacher who becomes attached to a teenage prostitute while working at a troubled school. He later gets in trouble when he shows a gay film in class in an attempt to teach tolerance. I'm going out on a limb here and guessing it was Victor Salva's Clownhouse.
Christina Hendricks also stars as a teacher and potential love interest who encourages Brody's sub to go full-time. Brody has proven talented in a number of complex roles but this may be his greatest challenge yet. Can you imagine trying not to look at Christina Hendricks's boobs all day, every day? That's a test of endurance even David Blaine wouldn't be able to pass. (The Playlist)
It seems a little convenient that Michael Cera and Jason Schwartzman have a movie coming out this weekend and they just so happen to be reporting the weather on Atlanta's Fox 5 News. Unless this whole thing was an ingenius plan… The two actors, in an effort to promote Scott Pilgrim vs. the World screw around for two minutes in front of an animated green screen. The best part comes right in the beginning when Cera is trampled by a poorly rendered school bus. What would make the clip even better is if the local morning news anchors would shut the hell up. Let the comedians be funny, news anchors. The producer will let you know when there's an update on those human remains found at the Carvels.
Check out the zany forecast after the jump…
Mickey Rourke is the most accomplished dramatist of the rock'em sock'em team in The Expendables. An 80s icon who after pulling off a series of great performances in Diner, Rumble Fish, The Pope Of Greenwich Village, Angel Heart, and Barfly fell off the map and didnt re-surface until 20 years later with his award winning performance in The Wrestler. Now he's back and kicking major acting chop ass. Just remember don't get between him and his chihuahuas or they'll be hell to pay.
Highly Debatable Best Role: Henry Chinaski in Barfly
Weird Fact: Walked off the set of a movie because the producers wouldn't let him use his pet chihuahua.
MORE AFTER THE JUMP…
Mary Elizabeth Winstead, the girl next door, gets a punk rock make over in this week in Scott Pilgram VS. The World. A distant cousin to sexy 1940s screen siren Ava Gardner, Mary has inhabited the female heroine roles in previous installments to the Die Hard and Final Destination franchises.
A word from Mary: "You have to believe that it is what you want to do with your life and you have to be dedicated to it."
Like being hot. She has fully committed herself to that challenge.
More pics of Mary after the jump…
This weekend, Scott Pilgrim will be bus fighting "the world," who in this instance are the seven evil ex-boyfriends of Ramona V. Flowers. He’ll be going through all this just…
Elvis's hot granddaughter Riley Keough is in talks to join Mad Max: Fury Road. Should she end up in the role, she'll play one of the "Five Wives," a convoy of women that Tom Hardy must protect. Polygamy is sooo hot right now. Joining Keough in the spouse pile are Zoe Kravitz, Teresa Palmer, and Adelaide Clemens. No word yet on who will say I do to playing the fifth wifey.
Hey, it's a good thing Mel Gibson isn't part of this sequel, right? Because he and wives? You know? That whole thing that's happening. You know what I'm talking about. (THR)
He missed Comic Con, but it seems any large gathering will do. Even at the risk of being curbed. The Sturgis Motorcycle Rally was overtaken by nuuuurds yesterday when Pee-wee Herman appeared at the Buffalo Chip campground. Pee-wee shared the bill with Ozzy, Kid Rock, ZZ Top, and Bob Dylan, and also led the world's largest Tequila Dance in honor of National Tequila Day (which I missed so I'll start celebrating immediatshillayly arriba arriba!!!).
"Bob Dylan is here because people like him and Pee-wee is here for the same reason," said Buffalo Chip owner Rod Woodruff. "They are both American icons." Oooooo, I can't wait to see what Cate Blanchett will do with the porn theater scene in Herman's inevitable biopic. (Huffington Post)
Good news, John Carter Of Mars fans (both of you).
Disney has set a release date for the film. Now the two of you can plan ahead and drive together. What, you don't even live in the same state? Well, considering the film won't be coming out until June 8th, 2012, you've got plenty of time to coordinate.
For those of you who aren't in "the know," the film is based on the sci-fi books of Edgar Rice Burroughs, and will be shown in 3D. Considering the likelihood of scantly-clad Martian women, this is one 3D production I think we can all agree on.
See dad, I'm not gay. Why would I want to look at boobs in 3D if I was gay? ANSWER ME! (Hollywood Reporter)
He's still alive, you sick bastard!
Experiment with these links.
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'Mad Men' Moment: Don Says Goodbye (TVSquad)
Times Square's Pop-Tarts World Is What's For Breakfast (Asylum)
Alien 5; De-Resurrection The Unseen Script (HolyTaco)
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Women Don't Hate You, Sam Rockwell (Pajiba)
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Cop Busts 7-Year-Old's Lemonade Stand (Smosh)
The Top 10 Pot-Smoking Follies (BroBible)
Ashley Greene Bikini Pictures (CelebJihad)
Justin Bieber Struck By Errant Water Bottle In Concert (PopEater)
Humorous Hotties (MadeMen)
Looks like someone is finally willing to make a movie about Abraham Lincoln. The unspell-checkable Timur Bekmambetov has signed on to direct Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Here he explains his plans with a dry, Tontoesque delivery:
"I'm prepping to direct myself. It is not a comedy at all – it is a very entertaining, epic history lesson for millions and millions of teenagers. If you remember 'Nightwatch,' it is maybe in the vein of that kind of movie. We are keeping the traditional look of Lincoln – the big hat and the beard. He has to be historically correct, but with a few special weapons. There is only one book, but there will be many opportunities to develop and explore this world if we get to do sequels. I hope we will start this winter. We are shooting in America."
I am excite to see this movie. No word yet casting of role of Abraham Lincoln. Actor will be tall. (Empire)
Warner Bros is moving ahead with plans for a second Green Lantern film by hiring Michael Goldenberg to handle scripting duties (as indicated by the hastily-Photoshopped typewriter above). Goldenberg has previously written Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix and Contact, as well as a rewrite on the first Green Lantern film. This move shows a lot of faith from the studio that the franchise will be a big hit. So prepare yourselves for the onslaught of marketing materials, because everywhere you look next summer you'll see little kids wearing novelty rings, eating green Whoppers, and suffering from skull gigantism caused by exposure to space radiation. (Variety)
Who wouldn't want to be Bruce Willis for a day? The man both on screen and off kicks ass, takes names, beds beautiful women, and even plays the harmonica. Ok, I'm willing to look past his Bruno days because he has us given such cool mofos over the years, from John McClane, Corbin Dallas, Joe Hallenback, and yes, even Hudson Hawk is a true favorite of mine.
Highly Debatable Best Role: John McClane in Die Hard
Appointed by President George W. Bush as national spokesman for Children in Foster Care.
MORE AFTER THE JUMP…
Giselle Itie may be unknown in the states unless you flip through Telemondo channels late one night, but she is quite the popular novella star in Mexico and Brazil. Now she's spicing things up in the testosterone-packed The Expendables this week. Thank you Sly for adding some boobs to go with all the guns.
A word from Giselle: "For me it's not the looks in the man; it's his brains."
More pics of Giselle after the jump…
Some people are sick of Michael Cera's schtick. Then again, some people are sick of Will Ferrell's schtick and The Other Guys still banked 35 million bones this weekend. Obviously quirky character traits grow weary with time (just ask my girlfriend), but I'm not yet bothered by Cera's repeat bumbling everyman performances. If you're on the fence about seeing Scott Pilgrim vs. the World because you don't think you can stand Cera anymore, you should know he gets the sh*t beaten out of him in it. And now there's a fan-made ad that emphasizes that point.
Watch Michael Cera get punched in the face after the jump…
Gay-mannequin-faced actor Cillian Murphy (pictured above commiting a hate crime) is close to taking a role in Andrew Niccol's upcoming dumbly-titled science fiction drama I'm.mortal. Murphy will join the pretty young cast of Amanda Seyfried and possibly Justin Timberlake, as a future cop known as a Timekeeper. He's said to be "precise as the time he keeps." Essentially, he hunts down those whose time has expired to ensure that everyone stays young and beautiful forever. Just imagine a world governed by the E! Network. (THR)
Maybe you've noticed it before, maybe you haven't, but the Quality Cafe in downtown Los Angeles is one of the most popular eateries in movies. I brought this fact to the attention of our talented editor Matthew Freund and he put together an awesome mash-up of the most memorable scenes. Unfortunately the diner is only used for film shoots, but Morgan Freeman appears to be a regular. I hear he likes his eggs over easy.
Check out the Quality Cafe Mash-Up below.
Scott Bakula recently told a room full of nerds that a big screen version of "Quantum Leap" is in the works. Series creator Donald P. Bellisario is currently working on the script, which sadly will not star original stars Bakula and Dean Stockwell due to their age. Though, they are expected to appear in some kind of role.
For those too young to remember and too busy to watch Syfy on weekdays between noon and six, "Quantum Leap" tells the story of a brilliant scientist whose consciousness "leaps" into different bodies throughout history, and must help them right a wrong before travelling on to the next, and hoping that his next leap will be the leap home. I'm pretty excited to see this. It may be our only chance of seeing Hugh Jackman singing back-up for Elvis while wearing a sequin gown. Well, in a non-Rob Marshall directed film, I mean. (Blastr)