Bad news for people who like hot women. Natalie Portman's figure (not to mention her vagina) is about to be ruined by the impending birth of a child. Yes, it seems the actress has been impregnated by and is now engaged to some prancing ninny she met while choreographing her ballet scenes for Black Swan. To add insult to injury, this douche nozzle is French.

His name is Benjamin Millepied. What the hell? Isn't Millepied an Atari game? I hate this guy so much, and yes, it's only because I'm jealous. After all, I've literally wanted to bang this girl since she was 13, and given the fact that we're about the same age, that's a lot less creepy than when I say the same about Emma Watson...or Daniel Radcliffe.

Editors note: My boss wants to point out that this dude better be Jewish, or the whole thing is a sham. (People)