The producers of "Two and a Half Men" and executives at Warner Bros. and CBS can sleep easy, as Charlie Sheen has let it be known that he has chosen a successor. Speaking to yet another radio station (K-Earth 101, anyone?), Sheen said about Rob Lowe, "he's a buddy of mine, he's a beautiful man, he's a brilliant actor, and I hope he does it and kicks its ass because I still get pa-zaid."

What does this mean? Well, it's newsworthy in that Sheen referred to Lowe as a "beautiful man," which is pretty funny, but other than that, it means nothing. The only people who can get fired and still choose their successor seem to exist in Aaron Sorkin shows, and this happens to be a Chuck Lorre production, so no dice, Charlie. Everyone following at home, please update your scorecards to reflect this change:

People Charlie Sheen Likes: Rob Lowe

People Charlie Sheen Hates with Every Fiber of His Being: Every Other Living Human

Charlie also took the opportunity during this rare interview to offer an apology to John Cryer for calling him a troll and a traitor. Sort of. His exact words?
"It's kind of a half apology," he said. "It's an apol."

Half an apology for half a man. A nagging feeling tells me this won't be the last Charlie Sheen story we ever do...(The Wrap)