Mark Wahlberg Would Have Stopped The 9/11 Hijackers Because He’s So Awesome

Wednesday, January 18 by
Even this picture makes me feel safer from terrorists.  

In a recent interview with Men’s Journal, Mark Wahlberg claimed that things would have gone much differently on September 11th had he been travelling on one of the doomed planes with his children. Namely, that there would be “a lot of blood in the first-class cabin” and he would eventually announce to the cabin “Ok we’re going to land somewhere safely. Don’t worry.” 

The fictitious passengers in Wahlberg’s mind would stop worrying, put on a brave face, then, after collecting Cinnabon and neck pillows from the emergency airport, they would continue on to their final destination while watching The Happening and Four Brothers, unaware that the war on terror was over before it began.

Kudos to Men’s Journal for their interview tactics. Let this be a lesson to aspiring journalists – if you ever want to make national news with your dumb little interview, ask the famous subject what he or she would have done differently to save the country from 9/11. Gold, Men’s Journal. Gold.

UPDATE: It would appear that Wahlberg realized his comments may have offended pretty much everyone, so he issued this apology. That was issued quickly. Probably as quickly as he would have taken down those terrorists on that plane.

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