King of Cannes Jacques d’Azur Missing

Friday, March 26 by

Have You Seen This Dapper Man?

Cannes 1962. Jacques d’Azur gives some lucky lady the bedroom eyes.

Legend of Cannes and a god among men Jacques d’Azur is missing and your help is desperately needed. The French film producer/director/actor/tennis player/chess master/backgammon champion/waterskiing pioneer and full time bon-vivant known for his work on the red carpets, swimming pools, and silk sheets of the French Riviera hasn’t been seen since last week. Needless to say, his extremely wealthy family is distraught.

Multi-tasking is Jacques Multi-Tasking d’Azur’s middle name.

Jacques has been hobnobbing and elbow rubbing with international film stars and musicians since he was knee-high to a beret wearing tadpole. By the age of 15 he was fluent in eight languages and could play five instruments better than you can speak your singular native tongue and toot a kazoo.

Baby Jacques enjoys creamed frog’s legs.

Jacques first made his leap into "the business" when he was lounging by the Carlton hotel’s pool and ended up in the background of a film being shot there. His charisma and Speedo were so extraordinary that his role as "swimming pool lounging extra" landed him a nomination for best supporting actor at the following year’s Cannes Film Festival. And the rest, as they say, c’est de l’histoire.

Raw, masculine power takes a poolside stroll.

Jacques set sail on his kinkly named yacht ‘Bridgette et Anna’ from his Tahiti home, and the last reported radio contact from him was the message, "I have come across an undiscovered land. Amazingly all the inhabitants are beautiful women." No further contact was made with him and the extensive search found no sign of Jacques or his yacht. An island populated entirely by gorgeous women is no place for a man with such an insatiable appetite. If Jacques isn’t found soon every one of those could fall madly in love with him, and with no escape, the King of Cannes will be doomed.

Who will obstruct the film festival’s entrance if Jacques isn’t there?

If you have seen Jacques d’Azur or know anything regarding his whereabouts, please contact Screen Junkies immediately. We’ve been told there’s a handsome reward for any information, and we’d like to collect it. Don’t worry, we’ll cut you in too. Pinky swear. Check out Jacques’s Facebook page HERE for more about the man, the myth, the legend.

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