In general, when it’s time to kick some ass, it’s time to kick some ass. Forget what you’re wearing and get ready to rumble. This philosophy has been adopted throughout the entire history of cinema, the most recent example being seen in last weekend’s #1 film, The Hangover.
Above: Mr Chow (Ken Jeong) makes a balls-out attack on Phil (Bradley Cooper). Chow’s balls are fully out in the theatrical release.
But what about other scenes, guys who find themselve fighting in outfits that strike us today as either ridiculous or insanely awesome, or most likely, both? Superheroes, of course, would be cheating, because we all know they almost always look nuts cleaning up the city in their plastic nipples and oversized codpieces.
We’re here today to talk about dudes in fight scenes who throw caution – and sometimes fashion – to the wind by choosing to fight in some pretty unorthodox, but nonetheless awesome ensembles. 90% cotton, 10% rayon and 150% guts. That makes 250% – an impossible number unless you’re one of these guys or a basketball coach giving a halftime speech when your team is getting sodomized.
Alright, enough talk. Let’s get it on! In whatever we happen to be wearing right now.
Sometime in your life you’ll think the rich fat kid next door stole your bike. Sometimes, when that rich fat kid is lounging in his indoor pool, you’ll have to sneak into his house and beat it out of him. Sometimes you might be wearing a dress suit that’s a little too small for you. But will that stop you from jumping in the pool and trying to drown the fat rich kid you think stole your bike? If you are one P.W. Herman, it most certainly will not. (The buildup begins around 1:45 of the clip below)
Sometimes you find a pair of sunglasses that really really work for you. Perhaps they just compliment the shape of your face perfectly, or perhaps they let you see a hidden world that aliens have designed to keep us humans in bondage. It’s usually either/or but sometimes both. And what if the dude you want to help you just won’t try on the sunglasses to literally save his life? Well, if you’re Roddy Piper, you just have to try and kick his ass. [Editor’s Note: Screenjunkies contributor Ross Conkey recommends never crossing Keith David in real life, even if it’s to save his life. Keith David can take care of himself.]
People always make a big deal that in creating Cap’n Jack Sparrow, Johnny Depp aped Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones, and how cool it was since piracy back in the day was sort of like rock n’ roll. But nobody ever complimented Depp on his choice of wardrobe. All those weird braids and bandanas and buckles clink and bang around when he’s in a serious sword fight. He’s like a one-man John Bonham.
So maybe you thought the only man who could pull of the denim on denim look was Jay Leno. But let’s say you are on of the best bouncers in the business. All sorts of people are going to try and test you, especially guys in really tight jeans with matching shirts. But even after you kick the first guy’s ass, the buttons on your shirt keep getting unbuttoned lower. In this first example, Swayze keeps the top two button of his shirt open.
Later, we see him throw down with three, possibly four buttons un-buttoned.
And finally, as the movie culminates, Swayze considers applying his death claw to the man who has tormented him, a mere one button keeps his shirt intact at all. It’s a rare nexus of movie magic and excellent continuity. Kudos to Road House script supervisor, whose name should be listed on imdb but is not.
This is mostly a film about an a girl befriending her neighbor, an autistic kid who, it turns out, can fly. But in a riveting subplot, her little brother, played by a pre-"Wonder Years" Fred Savage, has to fight some bullies. And to gear up, (starting at 0:41) he dresses up in all camouflage, puts on a hat with neck flaps, fills his water gun with piss, loads up his hot wheels with jellybeans and raw steak, and goes to war.
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