J.K. Rowling Will Write A Harry Potter Film Without Harry Potter, Because Screw Him

Thursday, September 12 by
Ugh. Summer reading.  

J.K. Rowling, who had gone from making over $100 million a year with her Harry Potter books to now only like, I don’t know, $25 million a year with her Harry Potter books, perhaps realized that people out there still really like Harry Potter.

So, she will begin a screenplay for Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, which is the name of a textbook the Hogwarts kids read in the first year, or probably just skimmed and asked kids who took an earlier period of the class if there was going to be a quiz that day.

The book exists in a largely separate universe (My headline was misleading to get you to read this far. Welcome to journalism on the Internet), taking place in New York seventy years before the events of Potter, and follows Newt Scamander, the textbook’s author.

This film will gross $400 million domestically.