We don’t always agree on the happenings in the entertainment community, and we like to make our beefs public. This week it was announced that Anne Hathaway will play Selena Kyle/Catwoman in Christopher Nolan’s upcoming The Dark Knight Rises, but was she the best actress for the job? Fight!
She’ll Do Great
I didn’t make the above photo, I found it on glorious Tumblr, but it’s a good way to kick off my defense, as it’s a smokin’ hot depiction of what Anne Hathaway might look like as Catwoman. Let’s start with the physical characteristics that the role demands. They don’t mean everything, but when you’re wearing pleather, they mean a lot. Hathaway has the perfect build for the Catwoman attire. She’s curvy in all the right areas, and would fill out the suit like a dream. Again, reference the above pic. She’s going to have to suck in if she wants to disappear into the night instead of being a quick moving flash of cleavage. The Catwoman mask will also accentuate her larger facial features. I’ve always thought Hathaway has eyes like a Disney cartoon character, or a cat wall clock. They’re off-putting when her entire face is exposed, but put them behind a mask and they become wildly expressive. Then there are those lips that stretch from ear to ear. Apply some crimson red lipstick to those puppies and the audience won’t be able to stop watching her form her words.
Like I said, looks aren’t everything. Hathaway is also a talented actress, when she picks the right projects. Bride Wars, not so much, but she received critical praise and an Oscar nomination for her role in Rachel Getting Married. She also managed to hold her own against Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada, not an easy feat by any means. The gee-schucks I’m an innocent assistant schtick is tired, but Hathaway owned it. And then when she started assimilating into the fashion world, she played the bitchiness with a believable subtly. Yeah, so I like The Devil Wears Prada. If you pretend like you don’t then you’re only attempting to mask your blatant male insecurities. Everyone loves an underdog story, so take the machismo attitude to a highway rest stop, buddy!
Finally, Christopher Nolan, one the most talented film directors of our time, thought Hathaway was a good choice for Catwoman, so who the hell are you to say any different? He chose Heath Ledger to play The Joker in The Dark Knight, a decision that also caused a rift among fanboys, and how did that turn out? Oh yeah, he was AWESOME. Some would argue he was a better Joker than Jack Nicholson. He even won an Oscar for his performance, and he was dead. That means no campaigning or P.R. bullsh*t. The award was based solely on his acting chops. And don’t pull the sympathy card on me either. Plenty of actors have been nominated posthumously and lost. This isn’t a Halle Berry/Catwoman scenario. Nolan knows what he’s doing. He proved it with The Dark Knight and he’ll prove it again with the The Dark Knight Rises with Anne Hathaway as Selena Kyle/Catwoman.
She’ll Do Shitty
Anne Hathaway playing Catwoman makes about as much sense as Gabourey Sidibe playing Littl Red Riding Hood, which is to say it doesn’t make any god damn sense at all. I know a lot of people freaked out when Christopher Nolan chose Heath Ledger to play the Joker, and we all know how wrong the naysayers were. And regardless of who Nolan chose for the role, there was a chorus of fan boys just waiting to complain. After all, as the bible says, “haters gonna hate.” But even so, this is ridiculous.
Let’s look at the character of Catwoman. She’s a devious femme fatale who uses cunning and sex appeal to get what she wants. Even Batman can’t help but be attracted to her, despite her criminal ways. She’s dangerous, and that’s what makes her intriguing. Well, that and a skintight black suit.
Now let’s look at Anne Hathaway, a doe-eyed girl-next-door type best known for The Princess Diaries. She has a kind, friendly look about her, and a radiant, yet goofy, smile. In fact, her smile is so big, it looks like you can park a truck in her mouth. With that grin, it would make more sense if she was up for a role as the Joker. Too be clear, I’m not mocking the way she looks. She’s an extremely beautiful woman. I feel honored to have seen her breasts on film, and if her housekeeper were to steal her hairbrush and put it on eBay, I would considering bidding on it just to smell her hair. But perky tits and nice-smelling hair does not a Catwoman make. The role requires a dark edge that Hathaway is going to have a hard time pulling off.
I’m not saying she’s not a great actress. I know she’s moved well beyond The Princess Diaries. Unfortunately, she’s moved on to Bride Wars, The Devil Wears Prada and Love and Other Drugs. I’m not knocking those roles, I’m just pointing out that they aren’t exactly dark. Of course, she did play a drug addict in Rachel Getting Married. But again, she played the least edgy drug addict in the world. Her character was a spoiled, attention craving East Coast rich girl whose self-absorbed attitude almost ruined her sisters pretentious Indian-themed wedding. It’s not like she was a character in Trainspotting. She wasn’t sucking dick for money like in Requiem for a Dream. She was arguing with her family while on “break” from a fancy rehab center.
Again, Anne Hathaway is a talented, beautiful woman, but she’s completely miscast in this film. Catwoman is a character that seems like she could either screw your brains out or cut your balls off, depending on her mood. Anne Hathaway seems nice enough to give a dork like me a pitty f*ck and then afterward, cut me a nice piece of apple pie. I like both her and the Batman franchise, so I hope she proves me wrong. But if I were Anne, I’d just be happy that Halle Berry set the bar so low.